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Write Off 7: Altered Egos - pick a winner


#1

All right, folks! It’s time to pick a winner, who’ll receive laurels from his peers and the chance to pick the topic for the next Write Off. Comments on scripts aren’t necessary, but generally encouraged.

(A side note to @MarcElmo: I noticed when I was putting this together that your script seems to be missing part of the first page from the script. If you have a complete version you’d like to see represented here, feel free to PM me.)

Voting will stay open long enough for a definite winner to emerge.

  • April Fools
  • The Brave and the Dense
  • A Case of Mistaken Identity
  • The Dark Knight Abides
  • Driv
  • Fear Himself

0 voters


#2

TITLE: “April Fools”
WRITER: Bruce Norris (@BruceNorris)

NOTE: This story is a riff on the 2011 movie “THE GREEN HORNET” staring Seth Rogen.

PG.1 (5 PANELS)

1/ DREAM SEQUENCE
Angle on bedroom of nine year old BRITT REID. Pajama clad and grinning like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary, Britt sits perched on his bed.

NARRATION: (BRITT) All I ever wanted was to bond with my dad. You know, have a father son relationship…

2/ Angle on Britt as he calls out for his father.

BRITT: Dad!!

3/Angle on JAMES REID, sharply dressed for a charity event as he bursts through the half opened door.

JAMES: (annoyed) Now what - - -?!

4/ Instantly, a bucket of water drops down on him, drenching him from head to toe.

NARRATION: BRITT(cont.) …Somehow, I thought playing pranks on April Fools’ day was a way to do that…

5/ Reacting like Homer Simpson mad at his son Bart, James lunges for Britt while simultaneously trying to remove his belt.

JAMES: Why you little…!

PG. 2 (5 PANELS)

1/ END DREAM SEQUENCE
An adult Britt sits up in bed. Hand on head, he’s relieved it was all a dream.

NOTE: A digital calendar on his nightstand reads April 1st.

BRITT: Whew, I almost got my ass beat.

2/ KITCHEN - SOME TIME LATER
Angle on Britt standing at the kitchen counter, a cappuccino in one hand and a scone in the other.

NARRATION: BRITT (cont.) …In some ways, I guess I still do. Negative attention was always better than none at all.

KATO: BRITT!!

3/ KATO storms into the kitchen. He’s fresh from the shower, dripping wet with a towel around his waist.
Held in his free hand is a bar of soap shaped like a PENIS, lather bubbling at the tip.

KATO: DO NOT make me part of your VULGAR prank!

4/ Kato does one of his “Swiss army tricks” and hurls the soap at Britt.

5/Britt dives to the floor like his life depends on it, soap ricocheting off the cappuccino machine and around the room damaging everything it strikes.

PG. 3 (5 PANELS)

1/ After a moment, convinced he’s “cheated death”, Britt hazards a peek.

BRITT: Come on, Kato. It was just a joke! We’re partners and you can’t take a JOCK!?!- - -

2/ As if on cue, the bar of soap ricochets and lodges in his mouth.

3/ Before things can come to a head, the phone RINGS.

4/Instantly, Britt is on it, spitting out the soap.

BRITT: Hello? …LENORE.

5/Instantly, Kato is there listening with Britt.

BRITT: …A meeting with DON GLIST…In an hour?..We’re there!

PG. 4 (5 PANELS)

1/ EXT. MANSION - LATER
Angle on BLACK BEAUTY as it powers through the secret gate and speeds away.

2/ INT. BLACK BEAUTY
BITT/GREEN HORNET sits in the back seat while Kato drives.

3/ Anxious, Hornet leans forward in the seat.

HORNET: Hey, you still mad at me?

4/ Stoic, Kato ignores him and continues to drive to their destination.

HORNET: Fine.

5/ Pouting, Hornet opts to peer out the tinted passenger window.

PG. 5 (5 PANELS)

1/ Three KIDS, no more than nine or twelve, speed down an adjacent street on their bicycles and skateboard.

NOTE: They’re headed straight for the Black Beauty.

KID#1[12]: (standing up on bike) Hey, you!

KID#2[9]: (popping a wheelie) Dumb ass!

KID#3[11]: (posing on skateboard) Prick!

2/ Knee-jerk reaction, Hornet “flips them the bird”.

HORNET: "Did you see that?! Did you see that, Kato? Those kids have no respect for their elders. None.

3/ Glancing back, Kato remarks.

KATO: You know the windows are tinted.

4/ Hornet reacts sheepishly.

HORNET: Oh!

5/ Rolling down the window, he “flips them the bird”.

PG. 6 (5 PANELS)

1/ The kids reactions are instantaneous. Collectively they shout.

KIDS: Get him!

2/ Hornet spots them out the back window.

HORNET: Oh shit, I pissed them off. Go, Kato, Go!

3/ Casually, Kato turns the Black Beauty around the corner and parks out front of an abandoned apartment complex.

HORNET: What are you doing?! Those kids are after us!

4/ Kato removes the key from the ignition, showing it to Hornet.

KATO: We’re here.

5/ Kato exits the car. Reluctantly, Hornet does the same.

HORNET: You go ahead…

PG. 7 (5 PANELS)

1/ Angle on kids lounging in the grass across the street.

HORNET: (cont) I think these kids want to do something to the car after we leave.

KATO: You know the car is armored? They can’t do anything to it.

HORNET: It’s the principle of the thing. “Street cred” is everything. They need to FEAR the Hornet.

2/ With a shrug, Kato walks away.

3/ Hornet leans against the car, “mean mugging” the kids in an attempt to scare them away.

4/ CUT TO: KATO
Angle on Kato as he enters an abandoned garage.

DON GLIST: (v.o.) In case you didn’t know, this was a trap.

5/ Kato assumes a fighting stance as the doors shut behind him.

PG. 8 (5PANELS)

1/ CUT TO: HORNET
Green Hornet observes Kid#1 holding a cell phone at him, as if about to take a picture,…CLICK!

2/ Kid#1 shows it to the others and together they LAUGH.

3/ Temper boiling, Hornet storms over.

HORNET: Hey, no pictures!

4/ Hornet’s version of “Kato-Vision” kicks in (Things slow down and turn green). Assessing the situation, he slaps the phone from Kid#1’s hand.

5/ In slow motion, Kid#1 bends over to pick it up. Hornet casually kicks him in the butt.

HORNET: You punk!

PG. 9 (5 PANELS)

1/ “Hornet-vision” still active, Hornet attempts to mush the face of Kid#2 and misses horribly. “Battle royal” as all three kids pile on Hornet.

HORNET: Ahhh, not fair!

2/ CUT TO: KATO
Kato, in the thick of fighting off several thugs (His “Kato-vision” working perfectly), removes his nunchaku from under his jacket with a flourish.

3/ Spinning fluidly, he bounces one end off a nearby thug’s cranium.

4/ FWAP!! Bending comically, the weapon bounces off as if made of Styrofoam.

5/ All involved are surprised…except Kato, he’s pissed.

NOTE: An image of Britt, looking stupid, appears in Kato’s mind.

KATO: (under his breath) April…fool!

PG. 10 (5 PANELS)

1/ CUT TO: GREEN HORNET
Hornet, still struggling with the kids.

NOTE: All three have him pinned down on his back. Kid#2 is in his face.

KID#2: Eewww, your breath! Aren’t you an adult? You can’t fight kids.

2/ Angle on Hornet.

HORNET: Uhh, right. I hope you now understand that violence solved nothing. Let me show you the way.

KID#3: No, she means you can’t even beat a kid.

3/CUT TO: KATO
He’s barely conscious as he hangs from a chain in the ceiling.

DON GLIST stands ready with a blowtorch and a can of gasoline, his HENCHMEN around them.

DON GLIST: This is gonna hurt…a lot. When I’m done with you, you will serve as a warning to all. DON GLISTENING IS THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO SHINE!

4/ Tight shots of Kato and Don Glist’s henchmen. Their faces say it all…That line was terrible.

HENCHMEN#3: (face in hand) …Eckh.

NOTE: To do the above, the panel should be cut into sections.

5/ EXT. GARAGE - SIMULTANEOUS
Green Hornet and the kids peer through several windows, covertly observing the situation.

HORNET: (whispering) That WAS terrible. Come on, you can help me rescue my partner.

KID#2: How?

HORNET: By doing what you do best…

PG. 11 (5 PANELS)

1/ INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER

NARRATION: HORNET (cont.) …by being annoying.

Multiple KRASH!! as rocks burst through several of the windows, pelting Glist and his men.

HENCHMEN#1: What the?!..Go check it out!

2/ EXT. GARAGE - SECONDS LATER Guns drawn, henchmen spill out the garage to find the three kids standing heroically.

KID#1: My squad is lit, now drop it!

3/ VWOOP, CLICK! A sound draws their attention. Hornet sits gripping the front suicide door gun of the Black Beauty.

HORNET: Unless,…YOU want to get lit.

4/ CUT TO: INT. GARAGE
BOOM!! The nearly indestructible Black Beauty slams through the garage, headlights illuminating the scene.

5/ Hornet jumps out firing his gas gun, kids spilling out behind him.

HORNET: Call the police, children. I got this.

PG. 12 (5 PANELS)

1/ EXT. APARTMENTS - LATER
Angle on Kids waving goodbye as the Black Beauty pulls off.

NOTE: One of the kids has the Hornet calling card.

2/CUT TO: INTERIOR CAR
Britt removes his hat and mask before addressing Kato.

BRITT: Man,…I just want you to know I’m sorry for the nunchaku gag, Kato. Those kid made me realize that- - -

KATO: A mission is no time for games. You almost got me killed. This is a partnership. I CAN NOT TRUST YOU. As of today, I’M OUT.

3/ BRITT is struck stupid by Kato’s statement.

BRITT: What, no! Kato, I said I was sorry. I don’t want this. There’s gotta be a way to fix it. We’re a team. I can’t do this without you.

4/ Unable to keep a straight face, Kato bursts out laughing.

KATO: April fool!

5/ Angle on tail end of the Black Beauty as it speeds off into the distance.

KATO: (v.o.) …Were you crying?

BRITT: (v.o) SNIF, no…Truthfully, you just made my irritable bowel syndrome act up. I almost had an accident.

END


#3

TITLE: “The Brave and Dense”
WRITER: Jason Bonine (@Hazardpay)

PAGE 1

PANEL 1
Security monitor screen, depicting three bank robbers. There is one in the center of the frame flanked by two more robbers, each brandishing a Kirby-esque sci-fi gun. The leader is holding two guns high above his head. All three are wearing faceless, zentai style body suits. Each robber accessorizes with tactical gear I.E. Bullet proof vests, Jackboots, Side-arms, knife strapped to the leg, etc. etc.

*The captions are depicted as text messages. That’s why it reads Cap: Lois L:

CAP: LOIS L: IT ALL STARTED NORMAL ENOUGH…IT WAS YOUR STANDARD ‘FREAKY FRIDAY’ TYPE SCENERO. KAL-EL AND BIZARRO SWITCHED BODIES.

PANEL 2
The same shot, EXCEPT there is a red laser beam emitting from the far left hand side. The two flanking robbers have ducked out of the way, but their leader was hit full on. He is standing in the same position: Both arms raised, however, he is literally melting. Skin, bone, everything dissolving into a puddle of goo.

FX: FWIIIIISSSHHH! (HEAT VISION FIRING)

CAP: LOIS L: ORDINARILY, NO ONE GETS HURT. WE ALL HAVE A FEW LAUGHS, AND EVERYTHING IS RESOLVED IN AN AFTERNOON …BUT THAT WAS A WEEK AGO…

PANEL 3
Superman (Bizarro in Superman’s body) has smashed through the wall, leaving a giant hole in his wake. His fists, torso, are covered in white plaster. He is clumsily still making his way through the hole he punched. I.E. still pulling one leg through the hole; Standing on one leg, but still trying to do a heroic pose: chest out, flexing his arms. He is facing us, his eyes glowing red.

SUPERMAN: DON’T DO THE CRIME IF YOU AM CAN’T BE REDUCED TO SLIME!

CAP: LOIS L: …AND THE BEST MINDS ON THE PLANET HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO SWITCH THEM BACK.

PAGE 2

PANEL 1
Outside the bank. Two SWAT team tactical officers are struggling to haul out the two remaining bank robbers. The two robbers have been fused together at the head. (Think of conjoined twins.) Robbers are unmasked, (male, 40s) we can see their flesh seared together and the panic is evident in both of their faces. Lois Lane sits on a bus bench in the background, composing a text on her phone. She is every bit the well-dressed, confident reporter she was back in the day.

COP: MY GOD! THEY’RE FUSED TOGETHER! DO WE READ ‘EM THEIR RIGHTS ONCE? OR TWICE?

COP: OW! THEY’RE HOT TO THE TOUCH!

CAP: LOIS L: NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE PUBLIC LOVES THIS NEW SUPERMAN.

PANEL 2
Lois sits on the bench, typing out her comments on her cell phone.

CAP: LOIS L: HE’S BRASH, HYPER-VIOLENT, AND HE TALKS IN SOUND BYTES.

INTERVIEWER (OS): SUPERMAN! HEY! BIG GUY!

PANEL 3
Superman grins like an idiot, talks into a young 20ish girl reporter’s microphone. Camera man standing behind her.

INTERVIEWER: LINDA LOWEN! CLICKBAITNEWS.COM! WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND AS YOU FOUGHT THESE WOULD-BE BANK ROBBERS?

SUPERMAN: IF THEY AM WOULD-BE BANK ROBBERS, SUPERMAN SAY: GUIDENCE COUNCILERS MUST ALERT POLICE IF THEY STUDENTS ASPIRE TO ROB BANKS! ME ENCOURAGE PRESIDENT TO APPOINT NOT-SO-SPECIAL COMITEE TO DRAFT NEW LAW FOR CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL!

JIMMY O: AND HE’S DUMBER THAN ALL GET OUT.

PANEL 4
Superman waves as he slowly floats up into the sky. Camera man following him with his camera trained upward.

SUPERMAN: MORE RESPONSIBLE GUIDENCE COUNCILERS IN 2018! CLEAN UP OUR STREETS! SHAKE DOWN OUR SCHOOLS!

PANEL 5
Lois Lane sits on her bus bench, head up, watching the new Superman fly away.

CAP: LOIS L: I’M TEMTED TO HIDE BEHIND MY REPORTER’S OBJECTIVITY AND NOT GET INVOLVED. RIDE IT OUT, SEE WHERE IT GOES. AND THEN LMAO WHEN IT GOES NUCLEAR.

CAP: JIMMY O: YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, LANEY.

CAP: LOIS L: I KNOW, I KNOW!

PAGE 3

PANEL 1 (largest panel)
Bizarro Superman (Kal-el in Bizarro’s body) kneeling down, a patching trowel in his hand. A stack of bricks lay within reach, along with an industrial barrel full of wet cement. His back is to us. In the foreground, we see the silhouette of a police man’s gun.

POLICE OFFICER (OS): HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!

PANEL 2
Close up Bizarro Superman’s face in profile. He looks straight ahead, not looking at the office.

SUPERMAN: I’M FIXING A WALL. THERE’S NO LAW AGAINST IT.

PANEL 3
Cop’s head is tilted to the side, talking into a shoulder microphone. Young, rookie cop in his mid- twenties. We can see how he has tried to hide the markings of youth. I.E. Hair in a traditional buzz cut, but also has septum piercing hole, closed ear gauge hole, dragon tattoo on his neck, throat, etc.etc.

POLICE OFFICER: IF Y’ALL SUPER DUDES COULD TELL US WHENEVER YOU DO A BODY SWAP, OR FIGHT A SHAPE-SHIFTER, WE LOWLEY PUBLIC SERVANTS WOULD BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. CUT DOWN ON THE CONFUSION, JUST A LIL’ BIT.

POLICE OFFICER: UNIT 412. REQUESTING BACK-UP. BIZARRO SPOTTED AT FIRST METRO BANK. REPEAT: BIZARRO.

PANEL 4
Close up of Superman’s chalk white hands. Advanced, 21st century cuffs slapped on his wrists.

Panel 5
A shot of the clear, mid-day sky above. Sun shining, birds flying freely.

CAP: LOIS L: I CAN’T SIT THIS ONE OUT. I GOTTA DO SOMETHING. I’M JUST NOT SURE WHAT, EXACTLY.

CAP: JIMMY O: I LOVE YOU. HE DOESN’T DESREVE YOU.

Panel 6
Close-up of Superman’s hands effortlessly breaking the cuffs apart.

CAP: LOIS L: I KNOW IT. AND HE KNOWS IT TOO.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1
Lois sitting on the bus bench, typing on her phone. Her expression is surprised, her train of thought derailed by a new, incoming message.

FX: BING! (Incoming text)

PANEL 2
Close-up of the Cell phone screen, a text blocks her blog post. TEXT READS: LOIS, I’M ON THE RUN. A FUGITIVE FROM JUSTICE. DON’T WAIT UP.

PANEL 3
Lois stands outside the HALL OF JUSTICE. (From the Super Friends) She is frantically texting, tweeting, and emailing all at the same time. A halo of different screens surrounds her head. (A screen shot of twitter exchange, text dialogue balloons, email, etc.)

Tweet reads: NEED HELP CURING SUPERMAN ASAP. #freakyfriday #Helpsuperman
EMAIL EXERPT READS: …In conclusion, I’m offering you the use of my Lazarus pits, in exchange for big blue’s aid in seizing control of a small country…just a little one…

CAP: LOIS L: I’M A FAMOUS JOURNALIST, BUT I CAN’T GET ANYONE TO CALL ME BACK.

CAP: JIMMY O: YOU DID GET A FRIEND REQUEST FROM MISTER TERRIFIC. I GUESS THAT’S SOMETHING…

CAP: LOIS L: AM I GOING TO DO?

BATMAN (OS): YOU LOOK DISTRESSED, MISS LANE.

PANEL 4
BATMAN peers down at Lois Lane on a giant monitor placed in-between the words OF and JUSTICE on the front of the building. LOIS walking through the front entry way.

BATMAN: STEP INSIDE AND WE’LL DISCUSS IT.

LOIS: WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD…THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF ODD…

PAGE 5

PANEL 1
Inside the Hall of Justice. Long hallway, big open room. There are marble pillars everywhere, each depicting a member of the super-friends carved into them. We see carvings of Superman, Batman, and yes, Wendy, Marvin and Wonder Dog. BATMAN, FLASH, GREEN LANTERN (Hal Jordan) and GREEN ARROW are standing before Lois. Her phone is now down by her side, her back is to us. All eyes on her, everyone is listening to her very intently.

LOIS: FINALLY! I’M HERE TO HELP SUPERMAN GET HIS OLD BODY BACK! ANY SUGGESTIONS?

PANEL 2
Batman and Lois stand side by side, watching a super computer run a program. Computer should be enormous, giant screen, hopelessly outdated looking. On the screen: A satellite that emits a powerful green laser beam.

BATMAN: SINCE THERE IS NO CURE, WE’VE CHANGED TATICS. WE HAVE A REMOTE SATILITE THAT IS CAPABLE OF HITTING A MOVING TARGET WITH A KRYPTONITE ENERGY BLAST.

LOIS: YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM?

BATMAN: NOT EXACTLY, BUT I’M OPEN TO THE IDEA.

LOIS: YOU USUALLY ARE, FOR WHATEVER REASON…

PANEL 3
Flash hands her a laminated card containing the different types of kryptonite, and its effects. The clipable fact file card appearing right alongside Lois. It has a dotted line around it, indicating the reader should clip n’ save. THE CARD READS:

GREEN KRYPTONITE: WEAKENS HIS POWERS, POTENTALLY FATAL.

RED KRYPTONITE: LOWERS INHIBITIONS, BRINGS OUT AN EVIL SIDE OF HIS PERSONALITY.

BLUE KRYPTONITE: GREEN KRYPTONITE, BUT FOR BIZARROS.

BLACK KRYPTONITE: SPLITS HIM INTO TWO SEPARATE ENTITIES. ONE GOOD. ONE BAD.

RED-GREEN-GOLD KRYPTONITE: REMOVES HIS POWERS AND INFLICTS HIM WITH AMNESIA.

PAGE 6

PANEL 1
Close-up of Lois’ face. The kryptonite card obscures the bottom of her face, her big inquisitive eyes peering out over the top of the card.

LOIS: SO, WHAT COLOR KRYPTONITE ARE WE GOING TO USE?

PANEL 2
The four super-heroes argue amongst themselves. They mimic the body language of apes instead of humans. Bared fangs, both arms raised up high, etc, etc. GREEN ARROW does not speak, merely bares his teeth and hisses.

BATMAN: GREEN! KILL HIM!

FLASH: RED! MAKE HIM MORE DEVIOUS!

GREEN LANTERN: BLACK! SPLIT HIM IN TWO AND LOCK UP THE BAD ONE!

PANEL 3
Lois with her head in her hands. NO DIALOUGE.

PANEL 4
All four heroes stand shoulder to shoulder in a line, looking sheepish/ashamed of their behavior.

BATMAN: FULL DISCLOSURE, LOIS. WE WERE FIGHTING DOCTOR LIGHT AND BIZARRO ALONGSIDE SUPERMAN…

FLASH: …AND WE’VE ALL BEEN BODY-SWITCHED WITH ONE ANOTHER…

GREEN LANTERN: …BUT BECAUSE WE’RE ALL STRAIGHT, WHITE MEN… AND WE HAVE SIMILAR LIFE EXPERIENCES…

GREEN ARROW: … IT’S BEEN A SEEMLESS TRANSITION FOR US. SORRY. WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SOONER.

PANEL 5
Mid-shot of Lois’ reaction. She looks at the super-heroes (at us) in complete horror. Slowly backing away. Hands up by her face.

BATMAN (OS): SHOULD’VE TOLD HER SOONER.

FLASH (OS): SHUT UP.

GREEN LANTERN (OS): DON’T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!

PAGE 7

PANEL 1 SPLASH PAGE
FLASH has BATMAN in a headlock. GREEN LANTERN is using his ring to blast GREEN ARROW through a wall. A bunch of his arrows have spilled onto the marble floor. Boxing glove arrow, Buzzsaw arrow, Handcuff arrow, etc.etc. Lois is cowering behind the super-computer.

FLASH: OK, BARRY! QUIT BEING A NUTSAC! YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF THE HOT GIRL!

BATMAN: HANDS OFF, BRUISED WANG! SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THE PATERNITY SUITS!

GREEN LANTERN: HAL, I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND MY GIRL!

GREEN ARROW: SHE LOVES A MAN IN A GREEN UNITARD! HOW COULD I SAY NO?

GREEN LANTERN: YOU’RE GOING TO BE S***ING OUT THAT RING, HAL!

PAGE 8

PANEL 1
Over the shoulder POV shot. Lois is in the foreground, looking out a window. Outside the window, we see SIMON BAZ in GL costume walking towards us.

LOIS: IDIOTS!

PANEL 2
Overhead shot of SIMON and LOIS standing on the front lawn, talking. Simon stands straight, listening intently, while Lois points excitedly at the Hall of Justice behind at her. Lois is doing a lot of urgent gesticulating. NO DIALOUGE.

PANEL 3
SIMON AND LOIS FLYING INTO SPACE. They have already broken the stratosphere, surrounded by the blackness of outer space. They are doing the classic SUPERMAN MOVIE pose. Simon holding her close, his arm outstretched. They are surrounded by his green force field.

LOIS: HOW MANY WHITE MEN DOES IT TAKE TO SAVE THE WORLD?

SIMON: ZERO.

LOIS: DAMN STRAIGHT!

PANEL 4
SIMON’S POV. GL’s illuminated fist is in the foreground. We are closing in on the satellite.

PANEL 5
INSIDE the satellite. It looks exactly like the fire control room in the DEATH STAR. NOT a reference guide, it is an exact duplicate. So, Imperial gunners, complicated control panel, lots of railings and a massive tunnel for the firing gun. Some of the Imperial gunners are falling backwards, as the roof is being smashed open by a giant green fist.

NO DIALOUGE.

PAGE 9

PANEL 1
Simon and Lois work back to back. Lois mans the controls. Simon holds his arms out, holding up the green energy bubble surrounding them, protecting them. Laser blasts deflect off its surface.

PANEL 2
Close up of the control panel, six buttons, each representing the different types of Kryptonite she can use. They are as follows: GREEN, RED, BLUE, WHITE, BLACK, and RED-GREEN-GOLD.

PANEL 3
Exterior satellite as it fires a massive bolt of green kryptonite energy across the depths of space.

PANEL 4
SUPERMAN (Bizarro in Superman’s body) has been struck by the ray in mid-flight. He is in agony, but there is no escape. He is seconds away from crashing into the ground.

SUPERMAN: HELLO, CRUEL WORLD.

PANEL 5
Close up of Lois’ fingers lingering over the control panel and its six different colored buttons.

SIMON (OS): AND WHAT ABOUT SUPERMAN?

LOIS (OS): I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW!

SIMON (OS): HURRY UP!

PAGE 10

PANEL 1
Superman (Kal-el in Bizarro’s body) is standing on a street corner when he is hit by a Red-Green-Gold colored ray. Hands raised, he’s trying to instinctively protect the face/head, but it is too late. He is in a lot of pain, but it’s not nearly as debilitating as a shot of Green kryptonite would be.

PANEL 2
Bizarro Superman is laying flat on his face, on a dirty city sidewalk.

PANEL 3
Bizarro Superman picks himself up off the street. He is badly shaken, and doesn’t know where he is at the moment. Looks confused.

LOIS L: AND JUST LIKE THAT…

PANEL 4
Bizarro Superman walking away from us. His back is to us.

LOIS L: I TOOK AWAY HIS POWERS AND GAVE HIM AMNESIA WITH JUST ONE SHOT.

PANEL 5
Similar, but Bizarro Superman is further away from us.

CAP: JIMMY O: YOU COULDN’T CURE HIM, SO YOU DID THE NEXT BEST THING.

PANEL 6
Bizarro Superman is a tiny dot in the distance.

CAP: LOIS L: I SET HIM FREE.

GASPER SALADINO STYLE LETTERING ON THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE PAGE: COMING NEXT: A BOLD NEW DIRECTION! HE’S LOST EVERYTHING! FINALLY, KAL-EL-EX-MORTIS WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE! THE HERO METROPOLIS DESERVES! JOIN US IN 30 DAYS!


#4

TITLE: “A Case of Mistaken Identity”
WRITER: Tony Laplume (@YoungDuke)

PAGE ONE

Panel 1
Deadpool is walking across the panel, but turning to look directly at the reader. The background behind him is featureless.

DEADPOOL: Oh, hi! Almost didn’t see you there!

CAPTION: That’s a lie. I saw you. I’m a character in a comic book. I was written that way.

Panel 2
Deadpool has stopped walking and is removing his mask. Beneath it we can see the familiar scarred face of Wade Wilson.

DEADPOOL: Mind if I make myself at home?

CAPTION: As if I care what you think, right?

Panel 3
Deadpool has produced a chimichanga from somewhere. It’s dripping all over his hang and he’s preparing to eat it. Also important to note that the mask has been totally removed at this point.

DEADPOOL: Yummy!

CAPTION: You think you know what’s going to happen, but just wait and see.

Panel 4
Deadpool is suddenly seated at a dinner table at what looks like a fancy restaurant. He’s removing the scarred Wade Wilson face, with a perfectly normal face underneath.

DEADPOOL: Hate to break it to you, but everything you know about me is a lie.

CAPTION: The preceding statement, however, is entirely true.

Panel 5
Deadpool is now removing his costume, with a full tux beneath it.

DEADPOOL: I’m actually an urban sophisticate. If you don’t believe me, just start reading the captions already, okay?

CAPTION: These things are telling the absolute truth.

PAGE TWO

Panel 1
Deadpool is casually dining on his chimichanga with silverware.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: Just ignore the word bubbles, okay? I’ll make it easy and X them out. Today you are going to experience the real me.

Panel 2
Deadpool continues to dine on his chimichanga. Meanwhile, in the background you can see mayhem break out at the restaurant. Other patrons have begun fighting each other. It’s Deadpool’s madness finding release.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: It’s true. I enjoy chimichangas. But I eat them like a gentleman. You would be disappointed to learn I urinate sitting down, too. I’m sorry if the latter revelation sounds crass. I don’t mean to offend. All that’s just an act. It gets me attention.

Panel 3
Deadpool continues to dine. Mayhem continues to ensue around him.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: It’s tough to stand out in the spandex crowd. You’ve seen one masked vigilante you’ve seen them all. My mask looks like Spider-Man’s, for crying out loud. I admit it.

Panel 4
Deadpool continues to dine. Mayhem continues to ensue around him.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: I pull chairs out for ladies. I hold doors open in public. I help the elderly cross the road. It’s just, sometimes it’s boring, being a saint.

PAGE THREE

Panel 1
Deadpool is welcoming a guest to his table. It’s Ryan Reynolds. The whited out background has temporarily returned.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

RYAN: Thanks, Wade, but I’ll thank you to leave that where you found it.

CAPTION: I believe you know Ryan Reynolds. Remember how horribly Ryan bombed the first time he played me?

Panel 2
A waiter is bringing plates of chimichangas to both Deadpool and Ryan Reynolds. He’s removing Deadpool’s empty plate, too.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

RYAN: Let’s not even go there!

CAPTION: If you know anything about Ryan’s career, you’ll know how hard it’s been for him to find sustained success. It’s been hard to take him seriously. So naturally his big success is making the most irreverent superhero movie yet, starring me, Deadpool.

Panel 3
Ryan casually punches a patron who’s gotten too close. Here we can see that the mayhem has continued in the background.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

RYAN: Need I remind you why they’re trying to kill Deadpool? Do I have to give you a guided tour of the parking lot? Really?

CAPTION: I’m just sorry that his big hit came at the expense of his credibility. No one’s going to believe that Deadpool is really like that once they read this comic. They’ll know the truth. They’ll know that Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool is really an extension of Ryan Reynolds’ damaged psyche.

Panel 4
Ryan is grabbing at Deadpool’s chimichanga. With his bare hands.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

RYAN: They think I’m Deadpool! Because you currently don’t look like Deadpool! Because they saw me play you in a movie! That’s why!

CAPTION: As you can see, Ryan Reynolds has rage issues.

PAGE FOUR

Panel 1
Starting with this page, the art switches to the style of Rob Guillory (CHEW). Ryan Reynolds is now playing the part of Buddy Baker, Animal Man. You can tell because he’s in the classic Animal Man costume. He’s still eating. This time it’s a big plate full of meat. He looks incredibly guilty eating it, hunched over, looking around, trying to hide the plate.

CAPTION: Ryan Reynolds convinced his agent to cast him as Buddy Baker. Because of his massive success as Deadpool, he could suddenly call all his shots. He got what he wanted.

Panel 2
Ryan-as-Buddy continues to eat.

CAPTION: The movie was called ANIMAL MAN: THE CARNIVORE’S DILEMMA.

Panel 3
Ryan-as-Buddy continues to eat.

CAPTION: Its convoluted plot involves Buddy having to solve a mystery by consuming meat. Lots and lots of it. Don’t ask me to explain why. There’s absolutely no good reason and Ryan knows it. He just wants to mock superheroes in general.

Panel 4
Ryan-as-Buddy continues to eat.

CAPTION: He got the idea reading a comic called CHEW, but John Layman wouldn’t agree to prostitute his comic to Ryan Reynolds’ teat, so instead Ryan took the next best option. At least according to his sick, twisted logic.

Panel 5
Ryan-as-Buddy continues to eat.

CAPTION: In the script, Buddy’s family begs him to reconsider, but he leaves them. Just like that. He ends up with Morena Baccarin. Because, hey, wouldn’t you cast her as the love interest in all your superhero movies, too?

PAGE FIVE

Panel 1
The art returns to normal, and now Deadpool is knocking out Ryan Reynolds, holding out his fists like a Victorian boxer, out in front of him. The background is once again blanked out.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: Anyway, Ryan Reynolds is a jerk.

Panel 2
Deadpool is signaling for the waiter.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: Trust me, he doesn’t reflect the real Deadpool.

Panel 3
Deadpool walks out of the panel.

DEADPOOL: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CAPTION: If you will excuse me for just a moment.

Panel 4
Blank panel.

PAGE SIX

Panel 1 (SPLASH)
Deadpool, back in costume, is back, and he’s throwing himself into the mayhem, gleefully decapitating and shooting everyone in sight.

DEADPOOL: Don’t believe everything you hear, you idiots!


#5

TITLE: “The Dark Knight Abides”
WRITER: Marc Elmo (@MarcElmo)

EXT. Gotham - NIGHT - SPLASH
Ground-level shot of a group of SWAT tactical vehicles and Gotham City police cars which have formed a barricade in the street. Above them, a half-crushed police cruiser flies upside-down, sending debris and whatnot everywhere. Heavily armed police and SWAT team members fire their weapons from their cover toward an unseen foe.

FX: RRRAAGGHHH

** PAGE 2 **

Panel 1
A CAR WHEEL bounces into frame, hitting a SWAT COMMAND VEHICLE, and bouncing off.

Panel 2
An interior shot of a command and communications vehicle. COMMISSIONER GORDON and SWAT CAPTAIN MURPHY watch the carnage on a bank of monitors.

MURPHY: This ain’t going so good, sir.

GORDON: Yes, I see that, Captain.

MURPHY: You want I should make the call?

GORDON: Let’s give it a couple more minutes. Maybe it’s getting tired.

Panel 3
Back outside. Total chaos. Bodies bounce off of the cars in the barricade, bloody and broken. Piles of debris and body parts blanket the street. An officer shouts into his body mic.

OFFICER: It’s a slaughter out here! We need more backup or bigger guns or something!

Panel 4
Back in the truck. Half the screens are filled with static. GORDON holds the comms microphone as he leans on the table, watching the action.

GORDON: Do we have any bigger guns?

MURPHY: Nothing I can think of, sir. No.

COMMS MIC (V.O.): Behind you! Oh my God, watch ou-STATIC

MURPHY: Son of a-

Panel 5
Close up of GORDON’S face, serious and lit all dramatically.

GORDON: Make the call. God help us.

Panel 6
MURPHY’s hand, slamming down on a large red button. Above the button, a handwritten message on tape: USE AT OWN RISK - C.G.

** PAGE 3 **

Panel 1
An exterior shot of the Comms truck. In the background, more chaos as bodies and machinery are flung about. A panel on the top of the truck swings open and a spotlight swings up and out.

Panel 2
Behind a smashed and overturned SWAT van, two injured SWAT OFFICERS watch the comms vehicle in the background.

SWAT ONE (pointing): Is that what I think it is?

SWAT TWO: Yeah.

SWAT ONE: Well, shi-

Panel 3
A FLASH and a beam of light lances up into the sky. A giant yellow oval can be seen covering a good portion of the cloud cover. Inside the oval a black symbol of The Bat.

** PAGE 4 **

Panel 1
Back inside the truck. GORDON and MURPHY sit slumped in chairs in front of the comm bank.

GORDON: I almost hope he doesn’t show up. No offense, but I can always get more recruits.

MURPHY: No, I totally understand. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll get bored killing all of our men and go back down -

FX: Knock, knock, ka-knock-knock, knock, knock

GORDON: (muttering) Here we go…Come on in!

Panel 2
The door bangs a few times, shaking in its hinges.

GORDON & MURPHY: PUSH, NOT PULL!

Panel 3
The door CRASHES open. Silhouetted against the night sky stands The Bat-Man. He’s got his Bat-phone in front of his Bat-face.

BAT-MAN: Whaazzzzzaaaapppp…So, what’s the dilly-yo?

Panel 4
The Bat-Man swishes his cape dramatically and oblivously, knocking over a bunch of stuff off the comms desk.

GORDON: Did you not review the scene on the way in?

Panel 5
BAT-MAN (waggles phone): Dude… Bat-Phone. I am totes addicted to Facebook quizzes…What species of dog are you? I’m a schnauzer!

GORDON: I’ll find out later. Take a look at this.

** PAGE 5 **

Panel 1
The BAT-MAN leans on the table with the bank of monitors. His gaze is steely, his brow probably furrowed in all likelihood.

BAT-MAN: Oh, yeahhh…Bummer. Ew, that cop’s legs are like, all broken and stuff…Damn, son! There’s dead dudes eeerywherre!

GORDON: Yes, that’s why -

Panel 2
BAT-MAN (taking picture with phone): Awww, no way! That guy’s head is like completely off! Amazeballs…I totally need a shot of that.

MURPHY: Look…

GORDON: Can you put that thing away?

Panel 3
GORDON facepalms. The pose is identical to the seminal Captain Picard facepalm meme.

BAT-MAN: Totes, brah! Seriously, there’s like, at least ten dead cops out there! How did that happen?

MURPHY: Killer croc. Brah.

BAT-MAN: Whoah. Not cool. Where?

MURPHY: Out there.

BAT-MAN: No way.

MURPHY: Way.

BAT-MAN: I oughta, like, bounce.

MURPHY: Totes.

GORDON: Dude.

Panel 4
BAT-MAN opens the door. He gives them a thumbs up.

BAT-MAN: So, like, I’ma take care of this, then just email you my bill. QuickBooks, for the win!

GORDON (O.S.): Yes that’s fine, can you get going already?

BAT-MAN: Right on! Okay, B-dog out!

Panel 5
Bat-Man races off.

GORDON:I swear to God, one of these days I’m going to shoot him.

MURPHY: Promises, promises…

PAGE 6

Panel 1
Inside the comms truck. The door swings open again.

Panel 2
The two men inside whirl, Murphy reaching for his gun, GORDON has his out already.

Panel 3
BAT-MAN glides in, oblivous, reaching for his PHONE on the comms table.

BAT-MAN: Sorry, yo! Almost forgot my phone…

Panel 4
Exterior shot of the comms van. BAT-MAN has paused on the steps to take a selfie with the carnage in the background, huge smile on his face, tongue wagging.

Panel 5
BAT-MAN heads off towards the carnage, fiddling with his phone as he goes.

BAT-MAN: Comms van has a new mayor, bitches!

** PAGE 6 **

SPLASH
BAT-MAN and KILLER CROC battle in the middle of the street, surrounded by what looks like a war zone, if the war was between Seal Team Six and a kindergarten class dressed up in police uniforms.

KILLER CROC: RRRAAGGGHHH!

BAT-MAN: POW! WHAM! KA-BLOOEY!

** PAGE 7 **

Panel 1
KILLER CROC and BAT-MAN sit on top of a large pile of rubble. BAT-MAN is showing CROC something on his phone.

BAT-MAN: Duudde…you are a Monica!

CROC: Grrarrh?

Panel 2
Inside the comms van, GORDON slumps over the table in his chair, his head in his arms. MURPHY sits next to him, his face impassive, his hand on Gordon’s back in a demonstration of sympathy.

Panel 3
The two injured SWAT guys from earlier peek around either side of the van.

SWAT ONE: Is it over?

SWAT TWO: I think so…

SWAT ONE: Well that was anti-climactic.


#6

TITLE: “Drīv”
WRITER: Jason Bonine (@Hazardpay)

PAGE 1

PANEL 1 (LARGEST PANEL)
A human skull looking straight at us. The top of the skull has been removed, exposing the brain. Several dissecting pins are stuck in different parts of this brain. There are little labels adhered to the pins, labeling the different things that are stored there. (I’m sure IRL, those pins would all be IN THE SAME section of the brain, but please allow me a little creative freedom here…it looks more impressive all spread out!) AND because it’s Matt’s skull, there’s a pair of sunglasses placed over the empty eye sockets.

The pins are as follows: LEGAL STRATEGIES, CHRISTIAN DOCTRINE, PRO-BOXING STATS FROM THE 1960S, FAVORITE PASSAGE FROM THE MUHAMMAD ALI AUTOBIOGRAPHY, NINJUTSU, AIKIDO, KUNG-FU, KARATE, BRUCE LEE FILMOGRAPHY.

CAP 1: I present the wealth of knowledge I have at my fingertips. (Humble brag.)

CAP 2: I don’t go to sleep at night, so much as I pass out. I’m either reading over my brail law library, or refining my fighting techniques. I don’t have the luxury of passing out in front of the T.V.

CAP 3: Thanks to my double-life, it’s usually the physical exhaustion that does it. But lately, it’s been mental exhaustion. Everybody needs a break, and I’m no exception.

PANEL 2
Close-up of Matt’s hand reaching for the Mike Murdock hat. It is a White hat, with a feather sticking out of the headband.

Panel 3
EXT. MURDOCK AND NELSON LAW-FIRM. Matt walks out the door, facing us. Wearing the MM hat, a snake skin jacket and matching tie. Black jeans and matching snake skin boots. In the foreground is a waiting Uber car.

DRIVER (OS): YOU MATT MURDOCK?

PANEL 4
INT. Backseat of UBER CAR. Black leather seats, but it is NOT A limo. No extra frills save the leather upholstery.

MATT MURDOCK: NO.

PANEL 5
ECU Matt’s face. We only see the brim of his hat, and one darkened sunglass lens.

MATT MURDOCK: I’M MIKE MURDOCK.
PAGE 2

PANEL 1
MIKE MURDOCK emerges from the Uber car, one hand holding onto the car door, surveying the lay of the land.

UBER DRIVER (OS): VERY GENEROUS TIP, SIR. YOU HAVE A GREAT NIGHT!

CAP: YOU KNOW HOW ‘NORMAL’ PEOPLE USE HALLOWEEN AS AN EXCUSE TO DRESS UP? ACT LIKE SOMEONE ELSE FOR A NIGHT?

PANEL 2
MIKE is in the foreground, his back is to us. In the background is a min-golf course. DANTE’S NINTH HOLE is etched into a large bolder near the entrance. Surrounding the property (and inside) are men and women in various stages of transforming into trees. http://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Italian/DantInf8to14.htm#InfCantoXIII109

ELEKTRA (OS): MATT?
CAP: WELL, IN THE SUPER HERO BIZ, EVERYDAY IS HALLOWEEN. IT GETS OLD FAST.

PANEL 3
ELEKTRA and THE PUNISHER wait for Matt by the entrance, near some vending machines. HOWEVER, they too, are dressed like normal people. (And go by fake names.) Elektra is dressed like a soccer mom. Hair in a ponytail, unflattering t-shirt with a bra-strap showing, mom jeans. Punisher wears a pencil thin John Waters style mustache, torn jeans and a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

ELEKTRA: I’M SORRY. IT’S MIKE, ISN’T IT? GOOD TO SEE YOU.

MIKE MURDOCK (OS): LIKEWISE…?

ELEKTRA: PAGET. PAGET BRUISER. PUNISHER. JOHN DOE.

CAP: OUR SOLUTION? DRESS LIKE ‘REGULAR’ PEOPLE AND LET GO OF OUR PRE-ASSIGNED ROLES.

PANEL 4
MIKE and ELEKTRA hug. Punisher leans up against one of the machines, trying to look cool. He is not successful. His hands are tucked into his armpits, thumbs out. It looks dorky, not intimidating.

MIKE MURDOCK: SO, WHERE’S THE COMPETITION?

PANEL 5
From left to right, we see BULLSEYE, KINGPIN, and FOGGY NELSON standing at the edge of the parking lot, several cars parked behind them. Bullseye is dressed like an old man. Salt and pepper hair, bi-focals, and a cardigan sweater. KINGPIN wears an I HEART NY t-shirt and unflattering shorts. FOGGY dresses like he normally dresses i.e. sweater vest, tie, and pressed pants. Both Bullseye and Kingpin emit a steely confidence, Foggy looks uncomfortable/frightened.

BULLSEYE: RIGHT ****ING HERE.

KINGPIN: HELLO, MR. NELSON. HOW’S THE WIFE AND KIDS?

FOGGY: I DON’T HAVE ANY. I LIVE A LONELY, CELIBATE LIFE FOR FEAR OF YOU TORTURING AND MURDERING THEM, KINGSLY.

KINGPIN: OH, YEAH. THAT. I FORGOT.

PAGE 3

PANEL 1
MIKE MURDOCK and ELEKTRA stand in line to obtain clubs/golf balls. We only see their profiles while they talk to one another.

ELEKTRA: MIKE, ISN’T IT A BIT STRANGE TO PLAY MINI-GOLF WITH YOUR MORTAL ENEMY?

MIKE: HMMM. FISK AND I TEND TO SWITCH ROLES EVERY DECADE OR SO.

PANEL 2
Medium shot of Mike Murdock talking, pontificating.

MIKE: I’VE WORKED FOR HIM. HE’S WORKED FOR ME. SOONER OR LATER, HE’LL BE THE HERO AND I’LL BE THE VILLAIN!

MIKE: WAIT, DID WE DO THAT ONCE? IT’S HARD TO REMEMBER…

PANEL 3
Over-head shot of Mike and Elektra standing at the counter. Two Golf clubs lying flat on the counter. A bucket of golf balls in-between them.

MIKE: LOOK AT US. WE WERE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND ONCE…AND THEN HERO AND VILLAIN. WHAT’S NEXT? WE START DATING AGAIN?

ELEKTRA: AOU!*

CAP: *Greek exclamation of pain. -Editor.

ELEKTRA: PICK A COLOR.

MIKE: I CAN’T.

PANEL 4
MIKE’S POV. Medium shot of the bucket of balls, as filtered by his radar sense. All the balls “look” the same. No way to differentiate between them.

MIKE (OS): I SERIOUSLY CAN’T. I’M GOING TO NEED SOME HELP!

PANEL 5
Close up of Elektra’s painted lips kissing a golf ball.

PANEL 6
Mike’s POV. Radar senses showing a single golf ball with a lipstick kiss on it.

ELEKTRA (OS): READY TO PLAY?

MIKE (0S): READY AS I’LL EVER BE.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1
BULLSEYE is in the foreground, putting. Head down, concentrating. The golf course obstacle is a statue of a naked man, on all fours in agony. (The ball looks like it will fit in the space between his elbows and his stomach, but it won’t.) The other characters hang out in the background watching him putt. Mike grins, Foggy looks like he’s having a panic attack.

KINGPIN: WHAT’S YOUR COLLATERAL THIS YEAR, MURDOCK? PUTTING UP THE LAW-FIRM AGAIN?

MIKE: NO. SOMETHING MUCH BETTER. SPIDER-MAN’S SECRET IDENTITY.

FOGGY: MATT!

MIKE: MATT’S NOT HERE, MAN!

CAP: HIGH STAKES MINI-GOLF! DO THE TRUMPS AND KARDASHIANS DO THIS OFTEN? THE ADRENALINE RUSH ALONE IS WORTH IT.

PANEL 2
Bullseye swings his club. He hits harder most, so, the club is up by his hips.

KINGPIN (OS): AND IF YOU WIN?

MIKE (OS): WE GET THE KEYS TO YOUR LIMOUSINE. WHAT’S IN THE CHILLED COMPARTMENT? CRISTAL?

CAP: IT’LL BE AN INTERESTING AFTERNOON, TO SAY THE LEAST. SO MANY FACTORS AT PLAY. MY RADAR SENSE. ELEKTRA’S LASER-LIKE FOCUS. BULLSEYE’S ‘PERFECT AIM’. WHO’S GOING TO WIN? AND HOW? SUPER-POWERS? MYSTICISM? OR LUCK?

PANEL 3
The camera is now on the other side of the naked man statute. The ball lands effortlessly in the hole.

FX: KERPLUNK!

PANEL 4
Bullseye back is to us. The golf club up on his shoulder. Mike, Elektra, and Foggy standing together. Elektra is shooting daggers at Mike, Foggy has his head in his hands. Mike smiles, exuding false confidence.

BULLSEYE: YOU’RE F***ED!

CAP: WE’RE F***ED!

PAGE 5

PANEL 1 SPLASH PAGE
Further inside the hellish mini-golf course. They are surrounded by grotesque tortured souls guarding the green and the human trees on the edge of the property. MIKE stands in the foreground, mostly in shadow of a person-tree. He is using his radar sense, so we have an outline of what we’d normally see. There are only three EKGs present. They are labeled to indicate which heart we’re hearing. (Kingpin’s is slow and steady. Bullseye’s is elevated. Foggy’s is also elevated, but not for the same reasons.) ELKETRA and PUNISHER stand near Mike. Further in the background, are FOGGY, BULLSEYE and KINGPIN. We just see their outlines, which are very distinctive from one another.

Artist’s note: there is an electric shaver in Mike’s snakeskin jacket pocket. I don’t want people to be able to identify it right away. We just see the handle poking out, give it a distinctive shape/outline so nobody thinks it’s a gun.

CAP: IT’S A CLOSE GAME, BUT ON THE FOURTEENTH HOLE, TEAM KINGPIN LEADS BY FIVE POINTS.

CAP: IT OCCURS TO ME THAT I DON’T KNOW, EXACTLY, HOW BULLSEYE’S ‘PERFECT AIM’ WORKS…

CAP:… AND THAT COULD COST ME EVERYTHING.

CAP: I LISTEN INTENTLY FOR ANYTHING THAT CAN SAVE THE DAY. AS PER USUAL, THE WORLD GIVES ME A BEVY OF SOUNDS, BUT NO ADVANTAGES.

CAP: A BLESSING? CHECK. AND A CURSE? DOUBLE CHECK.

PAGE 6

PANEL 1
In the center of the frame, Mike is putting. Head up, tapping the ball lightly. Immediately to his left, is the image of Bullseye’s face. He is still wearing bi-focals, but even through them, we get a view of his crazy stare.

CAP: IS IT LIKE THE BLACK CAT’S BAD LUCK POWER? CAN BULLSEYE AFFECT PROBABILITY?

PANEL 2
Mike has made his shot, but still standing there. Scratching his chin with one hand. Leaning on his putter. BULLSEYE’S image still lingering in the air.

CAP: I’VE SEEN HIM THROW A TOOTHPICK WITH THE VELOCITY OF A BULLET. FLY A PAPER AIRPLANE BETWEEN TWO BUILDINGS AND KILL A MAN WITH THE PAPER TIP…THAT SUGGESTS CONTROL OVER GRAVITY, SPEED…DENSITY…

PANEL 3
Bullseye stands next to Mike, yelling at him to move. Mike continues to stand.

BULLSEYE: EARTH TO BLIND ASS****! MOVE!

CAP: BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE! WHY WOULDN’T HE USE THOSE POWERS TO FLY? OR INCREASE THE GRAVITY TO LITERALLY CRUSH HIS ENEMIES? UNLESS…

PANEL 4
BULLSEYE putting. Mike has moved off center, staring at Bullseye while he putts. Bullseye has mathematic equations floating around his head.

CAP: IS HE MORE LIKE THAT AMADEUS CHO KID? CAN HE DO COMPLEX EQUASIONS IN HIS HEAD? HAVE I MISJUDGED HIS INTELLIGENCE ALL THESE YEARS?

PANEL 5
Overhead shot of the green. Mike’s lipstick kissed ball lays on the very edge of the hole. Bullseye’s golf ball is touching Mike’s golf ball.

CAP: HE MISSED! HE DIDN’T SEE ELEKTRA KISS MY BALL! THAT LIPSTICK ADDED ONLY A FRACTION OF A GRAM TO ITS WEIGHT…BUT…IT MIGHT BE ENOUGH!

PAGE 7

PANEL 1
Mike (left) is ducking slightly, an enraged Bullseye (right) has the golf club raised high over his head, ready to smash Mike’s skull.

BULLSEYE: PANEL 2 M******-F***ER!

PANEL 2
Close-up of Mike’s hand catching the club by the neck.

FX: FUP! (Metal striking his hand.)

PANEL 3
Mike has turned, and the club is now safely tucked under his arm. Mike and Bullseye are arguing face to face.

BULLSEYE: YOU CHEATED! I NEVER MISS! WHAT, YOU GOT P*** ANT-MAN DOWN THERE? CONTROLLING WHERE THE BALL GOES?!

MIKE: ANT-MAN. IT’S JUST ANT-MAN. NO P***. AND NO, HE ISN’T HERE.

PANEL 4
Profile of Mike’s face, as he talks slowly, calmly. No emotion showing on his face.

MIKE: WE DIDN’T CHEAT. TAKE THE ONE POINT LOSS, OR FOREFIT. IT’S YOUR CHOICE.

PAGE 8

PANEL 1
Close-up of Bullsye’s head. A 9mm gun pressed against the side of his face, coming from the right.

PUNISHER (OS): YOU DON’T MISS, HUH? THAT’S FUNNY…

PANEL 2
Bullseye’s POV. Punisher pointing a gun at us.

PUNISHER: …I DON’T MISS EITHER. NOT AT THIS RANGE.

PANEL 3
Wider shot of the group. Frank and Bullseye are center. Foggy, on the left. His hands out, trying to talk everyone down. Mike is lurking behind Frank.

FOGGY: C’MON, FRANK. YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.

PUNISHER: THE HELL I DON’T!

PANEL 4
ECU of Frank’s face, angry/shouting.

PUNISHER: I’M GOING TO ICE THIS GUY! AND THEN I’M GOING TO ICE THE FAT MAN! THE NINJA CHICK! AND FINALLY, THE TWO SLIMY LAWYERS, FOR FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY!

PANEL 5
ECU of Frank’s face. His eyes are wide open in surprise, like he’s been attacked.

FX: BZZZT! (electric clippers.)

PAGE 9

PANEL 1
Punisher stands in the center of the group. He has a clean line shaved through the center of his hair. Grasps bits of his shaved hair in his fists. His mouth open, aghast at what has just been done with him. Everyone around him laughs uproariously.

PANEL 2
Punisher stands in the foreground, people still laughing at him in the background. His dialogue is all lowercase letters, indicating he is muttering to himself.

PUNISHER: I will inflict great bodily harm on all of you.

PANEL 3
Wideshot of the group dispersing. Punisher, Bullseye and Kingpin in the background, Mike, Elektra, and Foggy watching them walk away in the foreground. Everyone’s back is to the reader.

PANEL 4
Close up of Elektra’s hand, dangling a set a limo keys from her fingers.

MIKE (OS): ELECTRIC NACHOS FOR THE WIN!

PAGE 10

PANEL 1
Inside the limo. Back seat. From left to right: Foggy sits, laughing, holding an open beer can. Dead center is Mike Murdock, holding an enormous black tome in his lap. The book is opened to a random passage in the middle. He is using his left hand to ‘read’ the book, and holding a martini glass in his right hand. On the right is Elektra, also holding a martini glass, laughing uproariously.

MIKE: “ War journal entry 9,889. Did the ol’ gut n’ dump in Brooklyn this morning. Exit: The Scardina brothers, and fifteen assorted Goombas. I fill an oil drum with the blood of my enemies… I was going to paint a big skull on the wall…but police presence prevented me from doing that.”

Panel 2
Matt sips his martini and reads from the book.

MIKE: “Which left me wondering: What do I do with the blood?”

Panel 3
Foggy has a bag of peanuts in one hand, can of beer in the other. Obviously enjoying himself.

MIKE: “I drag that oil drum up three flights of stairs. Either I’m getting older, or Goomba blood is getting heavier. I’m not sure which. I put the stopper in the tub, and start to pour. If it’s good enough for that Bathory lady, it’s good enough for me, right?”

Panel 4
Elektra laughing, spilling her Martini on the seat.

MIKE: “UGH. I’m in and out of the tub in 30 seconds. I have sticky, coagulated blood in all my crevices. It’s been a week, and I’m still finding new hiding spots. I”ll never do it again. Bragging rights or no, it’s just not worth the agita.”

ELEKTRA: Who’s driving the limo?

PANEL 5
Driver’s seat of the limo. The Purple man is driving, simultaneously looking in the rearview mirror. The partition glass is sliding up, and in that space, we see Elektra waving goodbye.

PURPLE MAN: ELEKTRA! FALL IN LOVE WITH ME! KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT I’M THE ONLY MAN YOU’LL EVER LOVE! WE’LL KILL FISK! WE’LL KILL MURDOCK! STICK! STILT MAN! MISTER FISH! NO MORE ROMANTIC RIVALS! LOOK AT ME! I’M TALKING TO YOU! Aw, dammit all to hell!


#7

TITLE: “Fear Himself”
WRITER: Tim Mays (@ender0284)

Page 1
1/ A top-down shot of a young Sinestro lying in a bed. His covers are pulled up to his chin and clinched in his hands as he stares at the ceiling in terror.

CAPTION (Sinestro): I’ve been afraid my whole life.

2/ Eye-level shot of three Korugarians (Sinestro’s father, mother, and Sinestro himself as a child) sitting at a large dinner table. The three appear to be laughing and enjoying themselves as they eat dinner. Around them, Korugarians in chains act as servers or are cleaning.

CAPTION (Sinestro): My father was the king of Korugar. He didn’t care about his people. He took everything from them to ensure that my mother and I had everything we could ever want.

3/ Ground level back shot. A Green Lantern stands in the foreground. He should only be visible from the waist down. His hands are at fists by his side with his ring visibly glowing. In front of him are Sinestro’s mother and father on their knees with green construct chains around their wrists.

CAPTION (Sinestro): The Galactic Peace Force, The Green Lanterns, found out about my father’s crimes and removed him from power.

4/ An eye-level shot of young Sinestro running down an alley and looking over his shoulder in fear.

CAPTION (Sinestro): That ring, and the man who wore it, were terrifying. I ran. I ran away and left my parents behind. I know they wanted to capture me too. I’ve been running ever since.

Page 2
1/ A shot of Sinestro wearing rough, construction-type clothing. He is on a desert planet with nothing but sand and rocks as far as the eye can see. He is holding a pickaxe above his head to swing down against a pile of rocks on the ground.

Foreman (out of panel): Thaal! Get over here.

2/ Side shot of Sinestro standing in front of a Korugarian Foreman. The Foreman looks angry and is pointing his finger in Sinestro’s face. Sinestro has his head and eyes down in fear.

Foreman: Thaal, I told you to have the ground here cleared in two days. Construction can’t start until this excavation is complete. I’ll have your head if it’s not done by tomorrow.

Sinestro: Yes sir. I’m so sorry sir. Please don’t do that. I’ll have it done.

3/ Side shot of Sinestro bending down to retrieve his pickaxe.

CAPTION (Sinestro): I knew the Foreman would hurt me. He had done it before. If I drew any more attention to myself I would have to leave again. This was the fifth job I’d had in three years.

4/ Close-up shot of a pickaxe hitting a rock and cracking it open. A bright yellow glow can be seen coming from inside.

CAPTION (Sinestro): I never could have imagined that my running and hiding could be made more efficient.

Page 3

1/ A side shot of Sinestro from the waist up. He is holding a small yellow stone in his hand in front of him. The stone is about the size of a baseball and is glowing.

The Stone (Parallax): Thaal Sinestro, I sense great fear in you.

Sinestro: Yes.

Parallax: That fear can be used. Pledge your life to me and we will spread fear.

Sinestro: Please. I’m so afraid. I pledge whatever you want. Just don’t hurt me.

2/ Close-up of Sinestro’s hand holding the stone. The stone looks as though it is melting into his hand.
NO TEXT

3/ Same close up of Sinestro’s hand. The stone has now formed a rough ring around Sinestro’s middle finger.
NO TEXT

4/ Same close up of Sinestro’s hand. The stone has now formed itself into the ring of the Yellow Lantern’s.

5/ Middle-distant side shot of Sinestro on the right with the foreman walking into the frame on the left. Sinestro is looking at his hand with a startled expression on his face. The foreman is walking towards him with determination and a look of anger on his face.

Foreman: THAAL! What do you think you’re doing? I told you to stop messing around and get this job done.

Parallax: Show this fool what fear can do!

Page 4

1/ Middle distant side shot of Sinestro on the right and the foreman on the left. Sinestro has his hands held out with his palms towards the foreman as if trying to keep him away. He looks scared. A yellow construct of two hands in the same position as Sinestro’s has formed between the two of them and is holding the foreman off. The foreman looks angry and is trying to push through the construct.

Sinestro: NO! Please don’t hurt me again. I’m sorry. I’ll get back to work.

Parallax: This isn’t what I meant. Crush this insect!

2/ Same positions as the previous panel. The hand construct is now pushing upwards and throwing the foreman through the air.

Sinestro: I’ll leave. You don’t have to hurt me anymore. I’m sorry for wasting your time.

Parallax: Get back there and show them what it means to be afraid.

Sinestro: I am!

3/ Distant shot of Sinestro running away from the construction site. The foreman can be seen on the ground behind him with his hand on his head as if in confusion.
NO TEXT

Page 5

1/ Close shot of Sinestro sitting against a rock with his knees up to his chest and his head in his hands.

Sinestro: What have I done? I might have just hurt that man and now they’ll come looking for me.

Parallax: You didn’t hurt him enough. You are supposed to show him what real fear is.

Sinestro: I’m pretty sure he got the idea as I was running away.

2/ Middle shot of Sinestro, still sitting with his knees tucked against himself. His and his held out in front of him and he is looking at the ring.

Parallax: You are supposed to be the harbinger of fear. Your mission is to make others quake in terror at your presence.

Sinestro: Why? I’ve been scared my whole life and it’s horrible. Why would I want to make anyone else feel afraid?

Parallax: To remove your fear. Use it to make yourself stronger.

Sinestro: No. I’m afraid I can’t use you like that. If others are afraid of me then they might try to hurt me. I don’t want to get hurt.

3/ Sinestro, still sitting against the rock. He is now looking upwards with an expression of absolute terror. A green glow can be seen coming from out of the frame.

Green Lantern (Out of Frame): Excuse me, my name is Karda Luun of the Green Lantern Corps. My ring read an anomaly in this area and I was wondering if you had seen anything unusual.

4/ Eye-level middle shot of Sinestro scrambling and trying to get away from the Green Lantern. Part of the Lantern’s back and his right hand with the ring can be seen.

Sinestro: No, stay away. I won’t let you take me like you did my parents.

Karda Luun: Parents? What are you talking about?

Page 6

1/ Distant side shot of Sinestro rapidly backing away from the Karda with his hands out. A large yellow construct of a wall stands between Karda and Sinestro.

Karda Luun: That looks like a ring construct. How are you doing that?

Sinestro: This yellow stone told me it would help me be afraid. It turned into a ring and now these things keep appearing.

Parallax: That’s not what I said.

2/ Shot from behind of Sinestro. The Karda can be seen flying over the wall. His hand is extended and a green cage has appeared around Sinestro who is backed up against the bars.

Sinestro: I know you’ve been looking for me all these years. Please don’t take me like you did them?

Karda Luun: Who?

Sinestro: My parents. The king and queen of Korugar.

3/ Side shot of Karda standing next to the cage construct with his hands at his sides. Sinestro is still backed against the cage as if to stay as far away as possible.

Karda Luun: You’re Thaal Sinestro? The missing prince?

Sinestro: Yes. I ran away when you took my parents because I was afraid. I knew you would take me too.

Karda Luun: I had no plans to take you? You were just a child.

Sinestro: Don’t lie to me. I know what you do.

4/ Front shot of Sinestro within the cage. He is hunched over and a yellow light is exploding out of him, shattering the green cage construct.

Sinestro: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Page 7

1/ Mid-distant back shot. Karda is in the foreground facing away from the viewer with his hand outstretched as though reaching for Sinestro. Sinestro has his back turned from Karda and is running away. A yellow glow has formed around Sinestro.

Karda Luun: Wait! Get back here.

Sinestro: No! I don’t want you to hurt me.

2/ Mid-distant shot of Sinestro. The yellow glow still surrounds him and his feet are lifting off the ground as he continues to try and run. He looks confused and frightened.

Sinestro: Wh…why am I flying?

Parallax: If the Green Lantern catches us he will kill you and capture me. You want to escape so I am facilitating.

Sinestro: But I don’t want to fly. I’m afraid of heights.

Parallax: Good. That fear is keeping you in the air.

3/ Side shot of Karda, now flying as well, behind Sinestro. A green hand construct is wrapped around Sinestro like a fist.

Karda Luun: Thaal Sinestro, I cannot allow you to leave with that ring. It must be taken back to Oa and given to the Guardians.

Sinestro: I won’t go with you. Please don’t take me. Stay away.

Karda Luun: I don’t want you. That ring is controlling you. Just…

4/ Shot from behind, and slightly above Sinestro. The green hand construct is still wrapped around him, but his hand with the right is sticking about below it. A blast of yellow light is coming from the ring and smashing into Karda who is visibly shocked and unprepared.

Sinestro: I WON’T GO WITH YOU!

Page 8

1/ Top down shot of Sinestro hovering in the air and looking down. Below him, Karda’s body lies on the ground with blood flowing out around him.

Parallax: You’ve done it. You actually defeated a Green Lantern.

Sinestro: I didn’t want to defeat anyone. Now more will come. I won’t be able to stop them.

Parallax: You will. I will give you the power to create your own Corps.

2/ Front shot of Sinestro holding his hand in front of him in a fist. His clothing is in the process of being changed into the familiar uniform of the Sinestro Corps.

Sinestro: Yes. I will find others that are afraid like me.

Parallax: No…

Sinestro: We can help each other hide.

Parallax: I didn’t mean…

Sinestro: We can all be afraid together!

Parallax: Take me off!

Page 9

1/ Full page shot of Sinestro, now wearing the Sinestro Corps uniform flying away from the desert planet and towards the viewer.

CAPTION: In blackest day, in brightest night
Beware your fears, don’t dare to fight.
Don’t imagine your terror’s trite.
Hide with me behind yellow light.

CAPTION: I am Thaal Sinestro, and still afraid.


#8

Hm. Six entries and i wrote two of them…what’s up with that?

To avoid the idiotic thing I did last time (not reading close enough and missing a crucial plot point.) I’m doing a minium of three re-reads per story. Since there are fewer entries…I’m hoping to have it all done by mid-week next week. Fingers crossed.

Quality musings about the entries vs quanity of musings, that’s my strategy this time. I’m enjoying what I’ve read so far. See ya soon. Jason.


#9

That’s why I was holding out for more entries.

And that sounds like an excellent reading strategy.


#10

Yeah, these are pretty funny. I’m impressed.


#11

I skipped the first one, “APRIL FOOLS” was not worth my time. I’m FOUR STORIES DEEP… and that was in one sitting. These stories are good :smiley:


#12

Good we were able to please the dude who chose the topic.


#13

“A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY” and “DRIV” were a fight to the death. I just chose the path I felt “less traveled”.


#14

“April fools” bruce Norris.
Bruce,

I love film. I was a film minor in college, read a few screen writing books etc etc but I couldn’t remember the term “Angle on”. So I googled it, and general consensus being: “Moving from one shot within a scene, to another.” So. two seperate images in the same setting. (Int. Crowded cafe. Close up of french press. Angle on barista. Just as an example…)

But you open with it. Page one. Panel one. There’s nothing to angle away from! I’ve come to the realization it’s more or less synomous with ‘focus on’ or ‘tight on’. Here’s a link to a forum where they argue about it’s proper use endlessly.

http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/archive/index.php/index.php?t-68435.html

I know I’m leaning heavily on format. It’s not wrong. It’s a perfectly acceptable artistic choice…I just worry it sacrifices clarity. I’m sure BMB or someone writes like that all the time…"Jason, please stop being a buzzing mosquito in my ear…":anguished: ( I’m exhausting I know.)

I am curious as to why you went the route you did. You’re not breaking any new ground here. Rogan was cast against type, his Green Hornet is played for laughs, etc etc Isn’t the humor derived from the shock of the new? Why cut so close to the 2011 movie?

Page 11/panel 3 you have a sound effect mixed in with your panel description. I can’t help but think they should be seperate so the letterer doesn’t skip over it when reading the scipt.

In terms of story, the April fools/dad connection is a strong motivation for Green Hornet’s prank war with Kato. Seeing them fight is fun.

there are a lot of laughs to be had. The fight with the kids was very funny. The reaction to Don Glist thing made me laugh. You’ve got a great sense of comedic timing. Staging. I merely think your choice of character was odd.

Good stuff. I know I got hung up on format. It’s a reoccuring thing in my critiques. I’m hoping it starts an interesting conversation in the forum.
Thanks, Jason.


#15

Goodbye 100% of the votes. I took a screenshot so I will always remember it. :sneezing_face:


#16

You could still win!


#17

First off, thank you for reading and giving feedback, always constructive.

This was supposed to be a Batman & Robin story. Problem was, I couldn’t get it done in time (comedy can be hard). Rather than not participate, I decided to pick a piece of " low hanging fruit" and adjust it. The characters from “GREEN HORNET” fit my needs and I drastically altered the story, so as to get it in (bit of a rush job).

In addition, the original idea was, like Spider-Man, moving into 17(+) pages. I felt it good practice to restrict myself…and exercise some of your previous advice.

As far as the specifics of the writing go, I fancy myself more a STORYTELLER than a writer, thus the “loose” form I use. That’s why it’s good to work with others. We can utilize one another’s knowledge/strengths to collectively better ourselves - Thank you for being particular :blush:

My first love is screenwriting and I have a tendency to use those tools, modified, to ply my craft. In addition, since trying my hand at comics, I have worked extensively with one artist and have a tendency to write for that audience alone - again, the “loose” writing.

Thanks again for your review. We help each other grow :smiley:


#18

Bruce, i always worry I come across as dickish. Always asking people to explain things or defend their choices. …I can only hope it’s helpful. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Jason


#19

I’m glad to see hard-hitting reviews, and those reviews being respected.


#20

Hey, we’re all here for a reason. We want to become better writers/storytellers. We can’t get there unless we’re honest with our opinions, questions and debates. No worries.