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Write Off 5: Death - Pick a winner


#1

Hello everyone,

Welcome to the Write off. This Write off’s subject was Death. I’m going to take some parts of what Jim said from the last Write Off.

Please read through and vote for the one they like most. Comments and critiques are welcome. I’ll leave this poll up for 2 weeks to give everyone plenty of time to read all the entries.

To the winner: if you end up with the most popular story you get two rewards. 1) the good feelings that people read your work and loved it and 2) you get to pick the subject for the next Write Off!!! And if you don’t win don’t be discouraged, this is just a bit of fun to help would be writers get some exercise. Stay tuned for the next one, it might be just right for you!

Ok everyone, below are the entries. Vote here for your favorite. If I missed someone either through the polling or script copy/paste, let me know.

  • Born From Above
  • LIFE’S TRUE FACE IS THE SKULL.
  • Death of Thanos
  • THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN
  • The Black Terror: Axis in America!
  • The Shape of Things to Come
  • Last Meal
  • All the private feellings

0 voters


Write Off 5: Death
Write Off 5: Death
#2

Hi Shawn, how do we read those scripts?


#3

"Born From Above"
Written by Michael T Gonzalez

PAGE ONE (1 panel)

Panel 1: Day. An open plain near a mountain range. The nefarious DOCTOR EMPERIOUS (a Doctor Doom/Darth Vader analog, minus the helmet) stands triumphantly over a bloody and beaten BLUE LOTUS – a golden-age type superhero who carries a glowing sword and a breastplate with a blue lotus design.

CAPTION: THE PAST.

EMPERIOUS: I’VE DONE IT! I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED THE GREAT BLUE LOTUS! NOW NOTHING CAN STOP DOCTOR EMPERIOUS FROM RULING THE WORLD!

PAGE TWO (2 panels)

Panel 1: Night. Junkyard. Close-up of NERO. He’s a young, stoic Mad Max-type with goggles perched on his forehead. In the reflection of his goggles, we can see an unkempt DEALER holding out an upturned palm.

CAPTION: THE PRESENT.

DEALER: YOU KNOW, THIS HERE MACHINE WASN’T EASY TO PROCURE, FELLA.

Panel 2: Wide shot. Among the teetering stacks of scrapped cars, Nero and the Dealer stand near a rusted tunnel boring machine drone. Nero flips a coin towards the Dealer.

Artist note: The machine is a smaller version of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_boring_machine

NERO: HERE’S AN EXTRA BIT FOR YOUR TROUBLES. AND TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

DEALER: MUCH ABLIGED. I HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR.

NERO (to himself): YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.

PAGE THREE (3 panels)

Panel 1: Near the mountain range. Emperious uses rockets in his boots to fly up to a giant airship as Blue Lotus lays incapacitated on the ground.

CAPTION: THE PAST.

EMPERIOUS: YOU HAVE BEEN A THORN IN MY SIDE FOR TOO LONG, LOTUS.

Panel 2: Several tunnel boring machine drones launch out of the airship. These drones are the same as the one Nero purchased from the Dealer on page two.

EMPERIOUS (O.P.): ALWAYS RISING FROM THE ASHES OF DEFEAT AT THE LAST MOMENT TO WRENCH VICTORY FROM MY GRASP.

Panel 3: The drones all fly in formation towards a nearby mountain.

EMPERIOUS (O.P.): I MUST ENSURE THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN THIS TIME.

PAGE FOUR (4 panels)

Panel 1: Inside a subterranean tunnel. Nero is holding a remote control with a video screen as the drone bores through the earth. In the video screen (which is an x-ray scan of the area ahead of the drone), we can make out a fuzzy image that appears to be of a human skeleton near a small, oblong object.

CAPTION: THE PRESENT.

NERO (to himself): HOLY HANNAH.

Panel 2: Nero has backed-off the boring machine and is using its headlights to dig through the dirt with his bare hands.

NERO (to himself): THIS HAS TO BE IT. PLEASE BE IT.

Panel 3: Nero’s POV. He uncovers part of a human femur adjacent to something glowing under the dirt.

NERO (to himself): PLEASE BE…

Panel 4: Low-angle close-up of Nero. He looks down in awe at something glowing in his hands off-panel.

PAGE FIVE (5 panels)

Panel 1: Near the mountain range. Viewfinder of a video camera. Emperious hovers in the sky, striking a stately posture as he speaks directly to the camera.

CAPTION: THE PAST.

EMPERIOUS: PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, GIVE HEED TO YOUR NEW LORD AND MASTER, DOCTOR EMPERIOUS.

Panel 2: The drones drill into the earth around the base of the mountain.

EMPERIOUS (O.P.): JOIN ME ON THIS MOST AUSPICIOUS OCCASSION AS WE WELCOME THE LIMITLESS FUTURE AHEAD.

Panel 3: A loud rumble fills the air as the earth fractures around the mountain.

EMPERIOUS (O.P.): AND BID ADIEU TO THE IGNOBLE PAST.

Panel 4: The drones, using a laser grid between them as a type of net, lift the mountain in one piece into the air.

Artist note: This would be something similar to what happened to Sokovia in Avengers 2.

EMPERIOUS (O.P.): A TRADITIONAL CEREMONY, IF YOU WILL, IN WHICH WE TAKE THE OLD…

Panel 5: Viewfinder of video camera. Close-up of Emperious’ sinister visage basking in the glory of his wickedness.

EMPERIOUS: …AND BURY IT.

PAGE SIX (6 panels)

Panel 1: Day. Wide shot. Throne room of an opulent palace. Emperious, now adorned with advanced armor and a gilded crown, sits on his towering throne. Flying MICRO-DRONES, carrying a luxurious robe between them, follow a servant ANDROID walking towards Emperious.

CAPTION: THE FUTURE.

ANDROID: MASTER, YOUR PEOPLE ARE GATHERED AND ANXIOUSLY AWAITING YOUR ADDRESS.

Panel 2: Full shot of Emperious to reveal his ostentatious throne and armor. He’s grown slow and vainglorious in his old age.

EMPERIOUS: AS THEY SHOULD BE.

Panel 3: Behind the back shot of Emperious framed by a balcony doorway. The bright light from outside casts him in silhouette as the micro-drones place the robe onto his shoulders.

Panel 4: Palace balcony. Emperious steps out onto the balcony with his hand extended in a commanding gesture.

EMPERIOUS: MY LOYAL CHILDREN.

Panel 5: A large, open square just below the balcony. Thousand of CITIZENS are packed like cattle into the square – men and women with dour expressions. They all have shaved heads and wear prisoner-type clothing bearing unique serial numbers. They are surrounded on all sides by android soldiers, tanks and mecha.

EMPERIOUS: ON THIS DAY, THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY –

EMPERIOUS: – OUR –

EMPERIOUS: – GREATEST TRIUMPH, WE MUST BE RESOLUTE TO NEVER FORGET THE ONE GREAT TRUTH.

Panel 6: Closer shot of the citizens with blank, lifeless expressions and the intimidating weapons pointed at them.

EMPERIOUS: THE PRESCIENT WORDS THAT HAVE SUSTAINED US ALL THESE MANY YEARS.

PAGE SEVEN (7 panels)

Panel 1: Low-angle. The drones hold the mountain above Blue Lotus and block out the sun. Emperious can be seen hovering in the air in the distance.

CAPTION: THE PAST.

EMPERIOUS: GOODBYE, OLD FRIEND.

Panel 2: Low-angle shot of Emperious as he confidently pushes a button on his chest.

EMPERIOUS: MAY YOU REST IN PEACE.

SFX: BEEP

Panel 3: The laser grid netting begins to fade, letting chunks of earth fall.

SFX: FZZT

Panel 4: Bird’s-eye-view. Blue Lotus defensively holds out his arms as chunks of earth fall around him.

BLUE LOTUS: EMPERIOUS! YOU CAN’T WIN! YOU WON’T WIN!

Panel 5: Ground-level shot of Blue Lotus. The piles of earth begin to bury Blue Lotus, as if he were about to disappear below the surface of the ocean.

BLUE LOTUS: DO YOU HEAR ME, EMPERIOUS?! THE BLUE LOTUS WILL RETURN!

Panel 6: Close-up of Emperious. He wears a devilish smile.

EMPERIOUS (softly): YES, MY FRIEND. RAGE.

EMPERIOUS (softly): RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT.

Panel 7: Extreme close-up of Blue Lotus. He spits out blood and screams defiantly.

BLUE LOTUS (scream): HEROES…

BLUE LOTUS (scream): …NEVER…

PAGE EIGHT (1 panel)

Panel 1: On the balcony, Doctor Emperious looks up in shock. Nero, now adorned with Blue Lotus’ breastplate over his usual garb, leaps from the flying boring machine drone and dives straight for Emperious like a human missile, the glowing sword aimed directly at his heart.

CAPTION: THE FUTURE.

BLUE LOTUS (caption): …DIE!

THE END


#4

Also, you forgot my script ‘All the private feellings’, I’ve sent it to you via e-mail long ago. Maybe isn’t worthy of being right there with the others, but I woul love some feedback from everybody.


#5

Please send me your script again through messenger on here.


#6

Will do once I get home. Thanks, man.


#7

“LIFE’S TRUE FACE IS THE SKULL.”
craigsawyertalent@yahoo.com
Art by to be determined
10 pages
Final Draft

PAGE 1:

1/ Exterior establishing shot: TRUST-CITY BANK – UPPER MANHATTAN

CAPTION: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. - Confucius

SOUND F/X: RINNNGG

2/ We are now CLOSER on the bank’s doors. We see masked ROBBER #1 with a gun with a female hostage in mid-scream. Two more masked robbers are in the bank. ROBBER #2 and ROBBER #3 are both armed as well.

*ROBBER #2 ( is later revealed as MESSIAH) is Japanese.

No dialogue

3/ Cut to side-alley beside the bank. A nondescript van is parked there. We can somewhat make out that Frank Castle in the drivers seat. Rain is pouring.

4/ The image of a smiling Frank of the past with his wife and two children appear in a large puddle beside the driver’s side.

CAPTION: No matter how many I KILL.

4/ The van door opens. We see the chest and lower half of Castle holding a large assault rifle. Some of the skull, but not a complete picture.

5/ We see the distorted reflection of a grim FRANK CASTLE as the Punisher. He is dressed in tactical gear with a modified M16A1 with a mounted M203 grenade launcher, a Gerber Mk2 knife and Grenades dangling from his chest. On his chest is the SKULL.

The ghostly image of Frank’s dead family is superimposed in the puddle along with his own…

CAPTION: It’s NEVER going to enough.

PAGE TWO

1/ Castle’s boot stepping in the center of the puddle obliterating the happy family.

CAPTION: Frank Castle DIED the day I put on the SKULL.

2/ A shadowy Castle standing at the glass front doors of the bank as the rain is pouring. The only thing that is clear image is the SKULL on his tactical vest.

3/ Close of Frank taking a FLASHBANG off his belt.

4/ He opens the door and tosses it inside.

5/ The grenade rolls into the center of the confused robbers.

PAGE THREE:

1/ Medium of the Robbers looking caught off guard. Bank Robber # 2 (Messiah) is smiling.

BANK ROBBER #1: What the…COPS?

BANK ROBBER #2: No…It’s the PUNISHER.

BANK ROBBER #3: Whaa? You didn’t tell us that we’d be facing the FREAKING SKULL!

BANK #2: Control your fear and EARN your money.

BANK ROBBER #1: You can’t spend MONEY if you’re DEAD.

2/ From the POV of the robbers, The Punisher (wearing a protective head-set) bursts through the front door surrounded by a blinding flash of light.

SOUND F/X: BAANG!

CAPTION: A FLASHBANG grenade emits ONE-HUNDRED EIGHTY-DECIBELS.

CAPTION: A MOTORHEAD concert was about ONE-THIRTY and a jumbo jet about ONE-FORTY.

3/ The criminals, along with the hostages, all drop their weapons and cover their ears.

4/ Castle moves like an elemental force through the smoke. It’s like a choreographed dance of death. His rifle is slung over his shoulder.

5/ He slams his fist into to the chin of Robber #3.

SFX: UGHH.

6/ He sticks a knife in the stomach of Robber #1

SFX: ACKKK.

PAGE FOUR:

1/ In the back alley-way. Robber #2 has escaped is running down the alley.

2/ He is stopped in his tracks by the Punisher’s gun barrel being stick into his mouth, knocking out his false front teeth.

SFX: Crunnch!

3/ The Punisher’s boot is on the robbers throat. Loose teeth litter the alley around Robber #2’s face.

CASTLE: I think you dropped your TEETH.

BANK ROBBER #: FINALLY It’s YOU.

CASTLE: If you been looking to DIE…your WAIT is OVER.

BANK ROBBER #2: Today is the ANNIVERSARY of your family’s murder.

4/ Close on a seething Frank Castle.

CASTLE: WHAT did you just SAY?

5/ The bloody, masked man smiling.

BANK ROBBER #2: I know EVERYTHING about you MR. FRANK CASTLE.

BANK ROBBER #2 CONT’D: You were a DECORATED SOLIDER that decided to wage a WAR against crime after your WIFE and TWO CHILDREN were gunned down.

CASTLE: Mention them again…I will GUT you…SLOWLY

BANK ROBBER #1: I apologize Mr. Castle…I am just EXCITED to have some FACE TIME.

CASTLE: You are a FREAKING nutcase.

PAGE FIVE:

1/ Frank pulls off the man’s mask to revel the face of a pale Japanese man TAKEDA HIROSHI (35) AKA THE MESSIAH. His skin is pale and flawless…almost too flawless.

BANK ROBBER #1: I am VERY sane. I became SANE after LOSING my own family.

CASTLE: Who the HELL are you?

THE MESSIAH: My name is TAKEDA HIROSHI.

MESSIAH CONT’D: Our PATHS did cross many years ago. This BANK was once a restaurant called the RED KYūSEISHU.

2/ A very clean cut and scar-less Hiroshi stepping out of a car with his twelve year old son and beautiful smiling wife in front of a building in downtown Manhattan.

CAPTION: I had a BEAUTIFUL wife. A CLEVER son. And I was rich…very RICH.

3/ Hiroshi sitting around a table in a board room. Sitting beside him are industrialists, financiers, ex-military, movie stars, journalists.

CAPTION: I worshiped the man I thought you were. The man who sought to regain HONOR from the men who had killed his family.

CAPTION: I had come to NEW YORK to meet with like-minded people who sought to go above the law to FIGHT CRIME in their own way…THE TRUST.

4/ Hiroshi’s wife and son seen through the window of a nearby restaurant. Two men armed with Uzi’s are just outside the restaurant running with a bag of jewels.

5/ A sniper rifle pointed out of a abandoned building across the street is seen firing a shot. We can see the profile of Frank Castle.

6/ The bullet going through one of the robbers as he is falling back his UZI is firing. Behind the robber we can see Hiroshi’s wife and son eating.

7/ The window of the restaurant now riddled with bullet holes. The wife and son are now slumped forward on the table.

PAGE SIX:

1/ Establishing of Hospital

CAPTION: NEW YORK-PRESBYTERIAN HOSPITAL – LOWER MANHATTEN

2/ A frantic Hiroshi rushing into the front doors of hospital.

2/ At the front desk he is asking receptionist where his family is.

3/ The women behind the desk looks grim as she delivers the news.

4/ Close of a expressionless Hiroshi.

5/ A shocked, stoned face Hiroshi walking away from the desk. Behind him the receptionist is calling for him.

6/ A emotionless Hiroshi bumping past people as he walks out the front door and past a shady looking man.

SHADY MAN: Whut you WANT? I got drugs…women…a gun.

7/ Hiroshi looks up with wide eyes.

HIROSHI: Yes. I would very much like a GUN.

PAGE SEVEN:

1/ Establishing shot of expensive hotel in upper Manhattan.

2/ Inside hotel room we see several pictures of Hiroshi’s family surrounded by candles.

3/ We move back to see Hiroshi holding the barrel of a sawed off shotgun up to his chin.

4/ A maid in the hallway just outside the room gasping in fear as she hears the gun blast.

SFX: KATOON!

5/ Close of the blood-splattered pictures of Hiroshi’s family.

PAGE EIGHT:

1/ We are back in the alley-way with Punisher’s boot still on Messiah’s throat.

MESSIAH: I had the best maxillofacial prosthedontists flown in that were almost as good as me.My connections with the TRUST also helped make the world think I was dead.

MESSIAH CONT’D: Ironically, I had been a world class surgeon and become incredibly rich from creating a HI-TEC SYNTHETIC SKIN.

2/ Close on Castle speaking.

CASTLE: I didn’t mean to KILL your family.

3/ Messiah sitting up and spraying some sort of mist from his wrist.

MESSIAH: I WORSHIPED YOU

4/ Messiah sweeps Castle off of his feet.

MESSIAH: You can take off your SKULL. I ALWAYS wear MINE.

5/ Frank hitting the pavement hard.

6/ Castle’s POV of a blurry MESSIAH taking his face off and showing his true face is more skull than flesh.

MESSIAH: Now the PUNISHER must be PUNISHED.

7/ Close of the skull- faced Messiah laughing.

MESSIAH: I am life’s TRUE FACE! I am MESSIAH!

PAGE NINE:

1/Close of a groggy Castle waking up inside the sanctuary of an abandoned catholic church tied up and sitting on a front pew. Surgical cut guide lines are drawn on his face.

2/ We zoom out to show the podium is decorated like a funeral with one open casket sitting vertical on the stage with a person who has a bag-like skull mask over their face. Messiah stands at the pulpit like some demented televangelist. There is also a medical cart with surgery equipment on it.

3/ Messiah placing a synthetic face on himself that looks like Frank Castle.

MESSIAH: I have STUDIED all there is to know about you. I might as well be YOU.

4/ Close of a wild-eyed Messiah wearing a Frank Castle face.

MESSIAH: Now…I AM.

5/ Close on Castle speaking and struggling to get out of his restraints.

CASTLE: Where are we?

6/ Messiah pulling off the skull hood from the person in the casket.

MESSIAH: You don’t recognize it? This is the CHURCH you and your wife MARIA were married in.

7/ Close on the person in the casket. It looks like Frank’s wife MARIA (28). It should be a little obvious that she is wearing one of Messiah’s synthetic faces. It is drooping a little from the top.

8/ Close on a surprised Castle as he sees his wife for the first time in years. The way she looked on the day she died.

CASTLE: Maria?

PAGE TEN:

1/ Messiah adjusting the FAKE MARIA’S Maria mask who is actually the vigilante LYNN MICHAELS. He holds a sawed off shotgun in his other hand.

LYNN: Frank? It’s me…Lynn…Lynn Michaels…help me.

MESSIAH: You RUINED the SURPRISE!

MESSIAH CONT’D: Remember her Frank? She patterned herself after YOU. I just finished revealing this vigilante’s TRUE FACE.

2/ Frank managing to pull a hidden knife from his belt.

CASTLE: I’m SORRY about what HAPPENED to your family.

3/ Close of Frank cutting through the rope that binds his wrist.

CASTLE: I don’t know if the PATH I took was the RIGHT ONE…but I killed as many EVIL SCUMBAGS as I could.

CASTLE CONT’D: I truly believe I did some GOOD…

4/ Messiah is now pointing the gun and is closer to Castle.

MESSIAH: There is nothing GOOD about my family being DEAD. I will show you LIFE’S TRUE FACE…Like I was shown.

MESSIAH: I am this city’s MESSIAH.

5/ Frank plunging the knife into Messiah’s chest.

CASTLE: You’re no MESSIAH…Neither am I.

SFX: UGHHH.

6/ Messiah firing his gun into Castle’s stomach.

SFX: KATOON!

7/ Overhead shot of both Frank Castle’s laying side by side. A stream of blood runs between them.

CAPTION: When it’s all said and done…ALL are PUNISHED.


#8

I’ve found a copy on my e-mail and sent it to you. Thanks again.


#9

TITLE: “Death of Thanos”
WRITER: Tony Laplume (YoungDuke)

PAGE 1

Panel 1
Establishing shot of Uncle Murray’s Orphanage (there’s signage to indicate that name), a rather nondescript building nestled in between more impressive structures. It’s wintertime, at night, and we see this landscape covered in snow, with Christmas lights on every other building except the orphanage’s. The lights are on in every window. We see a boy, Barry, in one of the windows looking down at the street. He’s looking depressed. He’s approximately seven years old.

Panel 2
We pan in and see Barry more directly.

Panel 3
We’ve gotten so close we can see past him now. There are other orphans playing and generally celebrating Christmas behind him. We see a man approximately in his fifties, balding, overweight. This is Uncle Murray himself.

Panel 4
Uncle Murray has noticed that Barry is not participating.

UNCLE MURRAY: Poor kid.

PAGE 2

Panel 1
Uncle Murray brings a present over to Barry. It isn’t wrapped. It’s not even in its original packaging. You can tell it’s been in general circulation for a while (painting chipped, that sort of thing, maybe even having been gnawed on by a dog at some point). But it’s an action figure of Thanos.

UNCLE MURRAY: I know it’s not much, but…

UNCLE MURRAY: Merry Christmas, kid.

Panel 2
Barry, accepting the gift, looks up at Uncle Murray with doubt.

UNCLE MURRAY: Thanos, kid. You heard all about him, remember?

UNCLE MURRAY: Mad Titan?

Panel 3
It’s Uncle Murray’s turn to frown. He’s just remembered what Thanos is most famous for.

UNCLE MURRAY: Obsessed with…

UNCLE MURRAY: Never mind, kid.

UNCLE MURRAY: He’s a powerful dude. That’s all.

Panel 4
Uncle Murray walks away, his hand on the back of his neck. He’s not sure if he’s just made a big mistake or not. Barry is looking at the action figure doubtfully now.

Panel 5
Barry places the action figure on the floor, so that it is standing up.

Panel 6
The action figure topples over.

PAGE 3

Panel 1
Barry rights the action figure again.

BARRY: Well.

Panel 2
Barry begins talking directly to the action figure.

BARRY: I guess it’s you and me, Thanos.

Panel 3
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: I guess I should give you a story or something.

Panel 4
Barry snatches up the action figure and he’s on the run.

Panel 5
The other kids, and Uncle Murray, watch as Barry trots past them.

UNCLE MURRAY: Sweet Christmas, what did I just do?

PAGE 4

Panel 1
Barry runs down some stairs.

Panel 2
He enters the big room where everyone sleeps. Because everyone else is at the Christmas party, it is completely deserted.

Panel 3
Barry hops into bed, still clutching the action figure.

Panel 4
Barry pulls his sheets over them, so that he’s created a fort.

Panel 5
He fishes out a flashlight from under his pillow. (Clearly this is not the first time he’s done this.

Panel 6
He flicks it on. Thanos looks especially stark in this lighting.

PAGE 5

Panel 1
Barry begins to speak to the action figure again.

BARRY: This is it. This is the story that ends all your stories, Thanos.

Panel 2
Barry continues to speak to the action figure.

BARRY: The Death of Thanos!

Panel 3
Barry continues to speak to the action figure.

BARRY: I know you’ve died before, and that you’re kind of obsessed with Death.

BARRY: But still. This is the real, last, ultimate death!

Panel 4
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: This story doesn’t involve any fights with superheroes. Nothing like that.

BARRY: Turns out, all that time you spent with the Infinity Stones, it gave you cancer.

Panel 5
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: Uncle Murray would call that “irunny.” Whatever that means.

BARRY: He let me borrow a book one time, about the Death of Captain Marvel.

BARRY: Captain Marvel died of cancer in that one, too.

PAGE 6

Panel 1
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: So this is a story about your final moments. You’re lying in bed. Nothing too dramatic.

BARRY: (Like Mom.)

Panel 2
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: You can no longer quite tell what’s real and what isn’t.

BARRY: You even have a conversation with Captain Marvel, your old enemy.

BARRY: You’re not sure if it really happens or not.

Panel 3
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: I mean, Captain Marvel’s dead, right?

Panel 4
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: Not that it matters, I guess.

BARRY: You know exactly what’s happening, right?

BARRY: There’s no more pretending for Thanos.

PAGE 7

Panel 1
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: Then something funny happens.

Panel 2
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: You meet Death.

Panel 3
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: I mean, you’ve met her before, but not like this.

Panel 4
Barry continues to talk to the action figure.

BARRY: You realize that right away.

BARRY: Because she’s never looked like this before.

BARRY: She’s happy to see you. Just imagine!

Panel 5
Barry stops talking for a moment, letting what he’s just said sink in.

PAGE 8

Panel 1
Barry flicks off the flashlight. He’s still silent.

Panel 2
Totally black panel except for Barry’s word balloon.

BARRY: It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

BARRY: You’re happy for the first time in your life.

Panel 3
Barry flicks back the covers, revealing light back into the story.

BARRY: Pretty strange, huh?

Panel 4
We pan out a little and realize that Uncle Murray is standing near the bed, but Barry hasn’t noticed. Murray looks crushed.

Panel 5
Uncle Murray is giving Barry a hug. Barry is crying.

UNCLE MURRAY: It’s okay, kid.


#10

THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN (REMIX) - PARKER MCCOMBE [I’ve used remix there because it’s important to note this uses Superman issue 75 as a jumping off point for how I felt that story should have ended and therefore contains some elements of it. Also, because I am a dork.]

Page 1

Panel 1: Splash page. Superman and Doomsday punch each other with a joint, devastating, final blow.

Cap: LIKE WEARY BOXERS WHO HAVE GONE THE DISTANCE, THE COMBATANTS COLLIDE IN ONE LAST, EXPLOSIVE EFFORT.

Cap: IN THE YEARS TO COME A FEW WITNESSES WILL TELL OF THE POWER OF THESE FINAL PUNCHES… THAT THEY COULD LITERALLY FEEL THE SHOCKWAVES.

Cap: OTHERS WILL REMEMBER THE ENORMOUS CRATER THAT RESULTED FROM THE SHEER FORCE OF THE BLOWS.

Page 2

Panel 1
Close up of Jimmy Olson and Lois Lane, shocked faces behind Jimmy’s camera. The reflection in Jimmy’s camera lens is of Superman and Doomsday reeling from their final punches

Lois: NO.

Cap: BUT MOST WILL REMEMBER THIS SAD DAY –

Panel 2
Wide shot as we see smoke clearing over the two broken bodies of Superman and Doomsday.

Cap: --AS THE DAY THE PROUDEST AND MOST NOBLE MAN THEY EVER KNEW–

Panel 3
Close up of Doomsday’s hand as it twitches.

Panel 4
The same close up of Doomsday’s hand, but this time as it falls dead.

Cap: --DEFEATED DOOMSDAY–

Page 3

Panel 1
Close up of Superman’s hand. It’s hanging lifeless.

Panel 2
Close up of Superman’s hand again, only this time gripping a piece of rubble.

Panel 3
Superman in silhouette, standing up, we can see from his posture it’s not easy, but he’s managing it.

Cap: --AROSE IN VICTORY–

Panel 4
Shot of Superman from below - battered - his costume torn, but standing up straight now, statuesque and noble as we see smoke clearing to reveal the sun above him as it shines down.

Panel 5
Wide shot as Superman walks forward, victorious, towards a cheering crowd.

Page 4

Panel 1
Close up of Superman, head and shoulders, as he winces, showing sharp pain in his face.

Panel 2
Slightly wider shot showing Superman as his legs give way and he falls to his knees.

Cap: --AND THEN FINALLY FELL.

Panel 3
Medium shot. Lois, still beside Jimmy, screams out, running towards him.

Lois: SUPERMAN!!

Panel 4
Splash panel taking up bottom half of the page showing Lois holding Superman, Jimmy beside her, both distraught.

Lois: HELP!

Jimmy: SOMEONE CALL THE PARAMEDICS.

Page 5

Panel 1
Shot of an ambulance rushing through the streets of Metropolis.

SFX: EEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEE

Panel 2
Jonathan and Martha Kent, putting on their coats as we see them in their hall, about to leave their house.

Panel 3
Close up of a heart monitor showing a heartbeat, Superman, still alive, but weakening.

SFX: BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP

Panel 4
We see Superman lying on operating table as doctors work on him. Lois is being pulled away and told to leave.

Surgeon #1: WE HAVE MULTIPLE INTERNAL CONTUSIONS.

Surgeon #2: HE’S HEMMORAGING. WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO OPERATE RIGHT NOW TO STOP THE BLEEDING.

Nurse (to Lois): YOU CAN’T BE HERE, MS. LANE, YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

Page 6

Panel 1
Close up of an operating scalpel about to cut into Superman’s skin.

Panel 2
Second, similar close up, only this time we see the Scalpel snapping instead of breaking Superman’s skin.

SFX: TINKK

Panel 3
Surgeon #1 looks towards Surgeon #2, eyes widened.

Surgeon #1: THAT’S THE THIRD ONE WE’VE BROKEN.

Surgeon #1: THAT ONE WAS DIAMOND TIPPED.

Panel 2
Shot of surgeon #2 looking out of operating theatre window, shaking his head. In the foreground we see he’s shaking his head at a man in a suit, a chief consultant for the hospital.

Panel 3
We see this chief consultant (he can be wearing a name badge explaining who he is, for clarity) in a medium shot standing beside Lois, looking down at her now sitting in a chair with her head in her hands.

Chief Consultant: MS. LANE, I WOULDN’T ASK THIS UNLESS IT WAS VITALLY IMPORTANT. IS THERE A WAY TO DEPOWER SUPERMAN? IS THERE A WAY WE CAN CUT THROUGH SUPERMAN’S SKIN?

Panel 4
Close up of Lois looking up at the consultant, tears in her eyes, still.

Cap: THE TERRIBLE IRONY OF THE MAN OF STEEL’S IMPENETRABLE SKIN –

Cap: --HIS GREATEST POWER, ONE THAT ALLOWED BULLETS TO BOUNCE OFF HIM, NOW BECOMING HIS GREATEST WEAKNESS, PREVENTING HIM FROM GETTING THE LIFE SAVING MEDICAL ATTENTION ANY NORMAL HUMAN MAN COULD EXPECT–

Page 7

Panel 1
Wide shot of The Flash speeding across country terrain.

Cap: --THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUPERMAN’S SALVATION NOW RESTED WITH HIS FELLOW HEROES–

Panel 2
Medium shot. From behind, The Flash passes a sign saying ‘Welcome to Gotham.’

Cap: --MEN WHO WOULD GLADLY GIVE THERE LIFE FOR HIS, IF THEY COULD.

Panel 3
And again from behind as we see him run through the gates of Wayne Manor

Panel 4
Cut to Alfred quickly walking down steps into Batcave with The Flash.

Alfred: MASTER BRUCE HAS TOLD ME TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE SO I’VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF TAKING WHAT YOU NEED FROM THE VAULT.

Alfred: HE WILL FOLLOW AS SOON AS HE CAN.

Panel 5
Medium shot again as, from behind the two men, in shadow in the foreground, we see a chunk of Kryptonite sitting waiting for The Flash to collect.

Panel 6
A close up of their both Alfred and The Flash, their faces bathed a little in the green glow of the alien rock.

Alfred: IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING, NO DOUBT, THAT THIS MUST BE CAREFULLY LOOKED AFTER UNTIL MASTER BRUCE ARRIVES.

Page 8

Panel 1
Medium shot. The Flash, from behind, running past a ‘You Are Now Leaving Gotham’ sign.

Panel2
Small panel overlay. Superman’s heartbeat from heart monitor.

SFX: BLEEP

Panel 3
Close up of surgical staff.

Surgeon #2: TRY 10CCS OF ADRENALINE.

Panel 4
Wide shot. Red streak of the Flash running along a country lane.

Panel 5
Small panel overlay. Superman’s heart beat again, weakening now.

SFX: BLEEP

Panel 6
Close up. A hypodermic needle breaks on Superman’s skin.

SFX: TSSSHHH

Panel 7
Close up of The Flash’s face. We can seem the agony and determination of how hard he is running.

Panel 8
Small Panel Overlay. Superman’s heartbeat, slightly weaker again.

SFX: BLEEP

Panel 10
Medium shot. Lois and the Kent’s, having now arrived in the hospital, standing along side one another, looking in through the window of the operating theatre. In the foreground we see the silhouette of the medical staff working on Superman.

Panel 11
Close up of Martha taking Lois’ hand.

Panel 12
Close up - head and shoulders - as Lois looks around at Martha, the feeling of being accepted as a daughter and as important in Clark’s life showing in her face, Martha looking on, not noticing or realising how much this means, making the moment even more heartfelt and poignant for Lois and our readers.

SFX: BLEEP

Page 9

Panel 1
Close up of Surgeon #1, eyes distraught, operating mask falling away as he desperately tries to fill another needle with epinephrine.

Surgeon #1: WE’RE LOSING HIM.

Panel 2
Close up of heart monitor as heartbeat turns into a flat line.

SFX: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–

Panel 3
Medium shot of The Flash from behind, entering the outskirts of Metropolis.

Panel 4
Medium shot as the medical team attempt to shock Superman’s heart into life again.

Surgeon #2: CLEAR.

SFX: --EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* SHUNKK

Panel 5
Close up of Lois’ face as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Panel 6
Close up overlay panel. Heartbeat monitor starts again but heartbeat still in flat line.

SFX: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–

Panel 7
Medium shot as medics make another attempt to shock Superman back to life. The silhouette of his body is jerking upwards and convulses under the blast of electric.

Surgeon #2: FULL POWER. CLEAR.

SFX: --EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* SHUNKK

Panel 8
Medium shot of The Flash as he runs up to the doors of, and into, Metropolis City Hospital.

Page 10

Panel 1
Medium shot as The Flash comes to a stop beside a distraught looking Jimmy Olson.

Cap: FOR THOSE WHO LOVED HIM–

Cap: --ONE WHO WOULD BE HIS PAL–

Panel 2
Another medium shot, this time from The Flash’s point of view, him and Jimmy’s shadows in the foreground as we see the Kents and Lois Lane in a solemn group hug.

Cap: --ONE WHO WOULD CALL HIM HUSBAND–

Cap: --OR THOSE WHO WOULD CALL HIM SON–

Cap: --THIS IS THE DARKEST DAY THEY COULD EVER IMAGINE.

Panel 3
Close up double head-shot as Jimmy turns to The Flash letting him know he’s arrived too late. The look of absolute devastation on The Flash’s face should hopefully mirror exactly what the audience is feeling while reading.

Cap: AND FOR THOSE WHO SERVED ALONGSIDE SUPERMAN IN THE PROTECTION OF LIFE–

Jimmy Olson: HE’S GONE.

Panel 4
Close up, small overlay panel as we see the Kryptonite fall from Wally’s hand.

Cap: --COMES THE SHOCK OF FAILURE–

Panel 5
Similar small overlay panel showing close up of the green rock as it lands and rolls onto the floor.

Cap: --AND THE WEIGHT OF BEING TOO LATE TO HELP.

Panel 6
Half page panel shows Superman’s now lifeless body on the operating table from the neck down. We don’t show his face, focusing on the ripped Superman symbol of his costume and his cape hanging over the side and onto the floor.

Cap: FOR THIS IS THE DAY–

Panel 7
A final overlay panel across the bottom of the page showing the heartbeat flat line, just to underline both the above panel and the moment itself.

Cap: --THAT A SUPERMAN DIED.


#11

The
Black Terror:
Axis In America!

Script by Shawn Milazzo

5 Script Pages

Page One
1/ Comic pages 1-3 are printed on simulated war-torn, or burnt paper. Comic pages 1-3 are lit with a dismal radioactive hue from the sun. The whole comic is day. The comic coloring is dark and dirty, until said otherwise. A slight aerial shot of Black Terror walking the streets of a city destroyed by atomic bombs and war. His costume is damaged. Black Terror is slightly hunched over, walks with a limp, holding his side from injuries.
CAPTION #1: World War Two-
CAPTION #2: United States, 1952:
TITLE #1: THE
TITLE #2: BLACK TERROR:
TITLE #3: AXIS IN AMERICA!
CAPTION #3: The Allies were locked in a stalemate on D-Day.
CAPTION #4: The Soviets invaded Canada and now here.
2/ We see Black Terror closer at ground level. His body language has not changed. He might be somewhat bleeding, if he is, it is black blood from the formic ethers.
CAPTION #1: They dropped the Atomic Bomb on us.
CAPTION #2: America is now fighting a war on all fronts.

Page Two
1/ Black Terror walks towards the audience in the destroyed city.
CAPTION #1: This was the first time that my formic ethers came in contact with something of this magnitude.
CAPTION #2: I’m afraid I won’t last.
2/ A side shot of Black Terror walking down the street. He is walking towards the right of the page. Behind him we see colorful Ben-Day dots of a bustling city filled with smiling civilians. They’re going on with their happy early 1950’s lives before any war reached the USA. From Black Terror and below, we see the effects of war.
CAPTION: I continue my search for life.
3/ Same as panel 2, but now we see what the world really looks like behind him.
CAPTION #1: I will sacrifice mine, to sustain it.
CAPTION #2: I must find it.
CAPTION #3: Somewhere.
4/ Black Terror faces the audience/reader, removing building debris out of his way. Behind him, we see a colorful memory in Ben-Day dots of him and Tim Roland, as the Terror Twins, fighting organized crime in three different scenarios.
CAPTION #1: I was never ready for this.
CAPTION #2: I thought I would only be fighting small time crooks.
CAPTION #3: The true terror is this damn war.

Page Three
1/ Exhausted, Black Terror falls to his knees. In front of him, about a foot away, is a pile of rubble that he/we cannot see the other side to.
CAPTION #1: A Golden Age gone.
CAPTION #2: There will be no Silver Age.
2/ Black Terror collapses to the ground. He is about to die.
CAPTION: Only an Atomic one.
3/ We see the formic ethers seep through the ground.
CAPTION #1: I tried, Tim.
CAPTION #2: I tried.
4/ We now see behind the pile of rubble from panel 1, from the opposite angle. Somehow a plant survived the bombings of the city.
NO DIALOGUE

Page Four
1/ First person perspective of the Black Terror, (Bob Benton’s) eyes. This panel is black as his eyes are closed.
TIM ROLAND: Hey, Bob…
2/ Bob Benton slightly opens his eyes. This comic page is full of color, as if he was waking up from a dream, and WW2 never happened. The sky is a healthy blue, and we see an ethereal Tim Roland standing over Bob. Tim is not wearing his costume. He has normal clothes on, is smiling, and has a baseball bat over his shoulder. It looks like Tim is ready to play ball.
TIM ROLAND: Get up.
3/ Still in first person, Bob’s hand reaches out for Tim’s. We see that Bob is wearing normal clothes from his arm. He is not in costume. Bob is also see-through.
TIM ROLAND: You still owe me a game.
4/ The only panel on this page that is 3rd person. We see over the shoulder of Tim while he helps Bob Benton get up. The surroundings of the city are intact.
TIM ROLAND: Come on, it’s time to go home.

Page Five
1/ A slight aerial shot of where the Black Terror died. Snow covers the destroyed city.
CAPTION: Years Later-
2/ A little bit zoomed up, dropping the camera vertically. The sun is off-panel behind us, melting the snow. We can see some wildlife coming out, ready for Spring.
NO DIALOGUE
3/ A little more zoomed in, panned up a bit. It is full-blown Spring. Floral expands from where the Black Terror once lay.
NO DIALOGUE
4/ Summer. A long-shot. We see the city completely overran by overgrowth. Animal life flourishes.
NO DIALOGUE
5/ The camera is panned up to the healthy sky. We see the ghostly Terror Twins waist up, smiling and waving at the audience/reader. I’m half-tempted to say put a Nazi Blimp or Soviet Blimp in there…
NO DIALOGUE
COMIC END


#12

Michael E. Nichols
Millarworld username: menichols
Write Off #5: Death

The Shape of Things to Come

Page one

1/ Flashback splash panel. Brainiac’s skull ship looms high in the panel’s rear ground facing reader. The eyes of the skull ship flash brilliantly as they discharge a blast of radiation. Cast in silhouette at the panel’s bottom foreground are various figures/outlines of the JLA (Batman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter) who prepare to receive the brunt of the weapon’s impact. Superman’s shadow stands front and center in an effort to shield his teammates. The Atom (Voice Over) currently reflects on what has previously happened.

CAPTION (bottom of page): Five weeks ago…

CAPTION/V.O./ATOM (Ray Palmer): I don’t want you to worry.

Page two (pages two through four should mirror one another)

1/ Exterior shot of the JLA satellite floating in space.

CAPTION: Four weeks ago…

CAPTION/V.O./ATOM: It’s true we’ve yet to categorize Brainiac’s weapon and why your system’s reacting this way; still I’m confident we’ll figure it out and neutralize its effect.

2/ The Atom addresses the reader standing in his lab aboard the satellite.

ATOM: I know waiting’s difficult but I’d ask that you bear with us and have faith we’ll find a solution.

ATOM: In the meantime, my only advice for you is to try your best to recoup and

Page three

CAPTION Three weeks ago…

1/ Exterior shot of the JSA headquarters. Mister Terrific (Voice Over) finishes the Atom’s previous sentence.

CAPTION/V.O./MISTER TERRIFIC (Michael Holt): …Relax. My T-spheres will do all the work. The Atom is only looking for a second set of eyes here.

2/ Mister Terrific stands over and looking downward towards reader. Circling above him is three of his T-spheres, each emitting individual, conical-shaped, light-projected scans, which are also aimed towards reader.

MISTER TERRIFIC: Hmm… my readings would seem to corroborate with those of Ray’s.

MISTER TERRIFIC: The radiation you received during Brainiac’s assault registers as a beta variant emitted from a fissile material of unfamiliar origin.

MISTER TERRIFIC: While unquestionably lethal to normal carbon-based tissue, it would appear your unique biology as durable as it is, has experienced different but no less deadly

Page four

CAPTION: Two weeks ago…

1/ Exterior of S.T.A.R labs. Firestorm (Voice Over) finishes Mr.Terrific’s previous sentence.

CAPTION/V.O./FIRESTORM: …Results? You want ‘em? We got ‘em.

CAPTION/SFX (Firestorm’s nuclear manipulation blast): FWASSSH!

2/ Firestorm stands in the center of the panel facing reader; his individual form transparent and fading as he splits into the two distinct forms of Ronnie Raymond and Professor Martin Stein. Martin looking grim and wearing a lab coat pivots his head towards the reader while standing at a computer display off to one side. Ronnie in a lettermen jacket leans forward facing reader, his hands on his knees with an exuberant, as-of-yet, uninformed smile splayed across his face.

RONNIE: What’s the good word Prof?

PROFESSOR STEIN: Your chemical makeup is unaltered.

PROFESSOR STEIN: Your cells appear to be undergoing a type of apoptosis but rather than dying it’s like they’re freezing or turning to rock… and it’s aggressive.

PROFESSOR STEIN: I was hoping as Firestorm we could reverse its progress but I’m sorry to say son, Ronnie’s and my efforts have both unfortunately and unequivocally been a

Page five

1/ Close-up on Batman’s gloved fist slamming down. Batman (Off Panel) finishes the Professor Stein’s previous sentence.

CAPTION: 72 hours ago…

BATMAN (O.P./LOUD): …Failure!!

2/ The panel pulls back to show Batman in the Bat Cave sitting at a lab table. In front of him is an electron microscope and an impressive array of sophisticated, diagnostic equipment. His cowl is pulled back and his irritable, exhausted expression reveals evidence of several unshaven days. Alfred stands calmly nearby.

BATMAN: I’d hoped one of these agents would slow the condition’s rate… at least buy us some more time but I’ve failed again. There has to be an answer.

BATMAN: I-- I just need to think…

3/ Viewed from overhead Alfred directed downward. Alfred places his hand on Batman’s shoulder.

ALFRED: What you “need” Master Bruce, is to rest… You’ve been at this for days.

4/ Batman rubs his worn eyes.

BATMAN: He saved us Alfred… He saved me.

ALFRED: Yes Sir and I know despite all evidence to the contrary, you are not infallible. You’ve done everything within your ability to heal your friend. No one can claim otherwise.

5/ Batman swivels his tired face up towards Alfred.

BATMAN: There must be something left I can do.

ALFRED: There is Master Bruce.

Page six

1/ Picture of a green, pastoral space. In the panel foreground is the trunk of an elm tree off to one side. Shown next to it in the foreground center is the back of a moderately sized gravestone shadowed by the lower leaves and branches of the tree. The panel stretches away and at an angle to give the illusion of distance into the panel’s background. The verdant swath of grass meets the horizon and disappears over a hill.

CAPTION/V.O./ALFRED: You can go and say goodbye.

2/ Same as previous panel only now a parade of distant, vague figures are seen cresting the hill.

3/ Same as previous panel. The figures have come into view. Batman leads a group of JLA members past and present. Foremost in the panel are, The Flash, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Zatanna, and Green Lantern. Superman is notably absent. Each walking member wears a red memorial/remembrance band around their upper, left arm.

4/ The group stands facing reader in front of the gravestone.

5/ Same as previous panel only now the JLA members lift their heads upwards looking towards the sky.

Page seven

1/ POV from the ground up as Superman floats down, also wearing the same red armband.

2/ Superman lands in front of the gravestone as he addresses his comrades.

SUPERMAN: Joseph Campbell once wrote “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself”.

3/ Closeup on Superman’s somber face.

SUPERMAN: I believe I speak for those who stand here alive today as the result of just such a sacrifice, when I say without a shred of doubt…

Page eight

1/ Splash page. Reader returns to Page one. The shot is pulled back and off at an angle. We witness Brainiac’s skull ship unleash it’s previous lethal blast towards the league which is quickly intercepted by the figure of “Plastic Man” who has assumed the shape of a giant, red and yellow colored umbrella protecting his fellow teammates including Superman.

CAPTION/V.O./SUPERMAN: Patrick “Eel” O’Brian was every bit a hero.

Page nine

1/ Superman in foreground with his back to the reader continues his address to the assemblage of heroes.

SUPERMAN: I’d ask that we bow our heads in a moment of silence for our fallen friend and teammate.

2/ Same as previous panel only with all the heroes bowing their heads.

3/ Same as previous panel only now Batman’s raised face contains a smirk and he utters a short laugh. Superman has also raised his head to address it.

BATMAN: heh

SUPERMAN: Something to add Bruce?

BATMAN: Plastic Man’s epitaph…

Page ten

1/ Shot of the gravestone’s front that the heroes have gathered before. Next to the tree Plastic Man has assumed a final, frozen form in the shape of his own grave marker with his face warped into a large cheesy grin. He has created raised letters around the perimeter of his headstone transforming Julius Caesar’ famed, translated Latin quote (“Veni Vendi Vici”, “I came. I saw. I conquered”) into the bastardization of “I came. I saw. I cong-Eel-ed.”

BATMAN (O.P.): Bit of a “stretch” wouldn’t you say?

2/ Same as previous panel only the view starts to rise so just the top of the headstone is and more branches of the tree are visible. Off-panel Batman’s uncharacteristic joke starts to infect others, leading them in a slowly building laughter that grows louder with each successive panel.

LAUGHTER-HEROES (low): heh-heh, ha, hah-hah ha

3/ Higher still the view has risen so now only the top of the tree and the blue horizon are in sight.

LAUGHTER-HEROES (louder): Ha Ha! Haw-Haw! Ha!

4/ Shot of the sky and a particular cloud that has assumed the ethereal form of Eel O’Brian aka Plastic Man. His giant mouth splits into a smile as he gazes down on his friends, happy in death that his final joke is so well received.

LAUGHTER-HEROES (loudest): HA HA! HAW! HA-HA-HA!

End


#13

Last Meal - by Jacob Halton (jacobhalton@gmail.com / http://volatilestud.io)

PAGE 1

Panel 1: Close up of a package of grocery store sushi. It looks typical, plain; like every other sushi like it.
Caption: Grocery store sushi.
Caption: The kind you only get because you’re in a hurry, and need food.

Panel 2: THE HITMAN scarfs a piece down.
Caption: Cheap. Gets the job done.

Panel 3: Close up of THE HITMAN’s face, bloody in a dark room.
Caption: Disposable.

PAGE 2

Panel 1: THE HITMAN is chained up in a dungeon-like room, blood streaming down his face and multiple stab wounds in his abdomen.
Caption: Most of us have no way of knowing what our last meal will be.
Caption: That’s an important thing, y’know?
Caption: The last thing you eat should be something good.
Caption: You could say death row inmates are lucky in that regard

Panel 2: THE HITMAN has blood dripping down his face and from his mouth. He looks like he’s at the end of his rope.
Caption: In the same regard, you might say I’m lucky too.
Caption: It’s likely each job could be my last.
Caption: So the meal I eat before should be a good one.
Panel 3: THE HITMAN’s arm chained to the wall
Caption: By the way
Panel 4: THE HITMAN wearing a suit, revealing a gun from his jacket.
Caption: I’m a hitman.

PAGE 3

Panel 1: THE HITMAN is barrelling through a crowd of people in a restaurant, wielding a gun in each hand. People getting shot are flying backwards and knocking tables and chairs over.
Caption: I’m pretty good at it too.
Caption: Some people don’t last long in this business.
Caption: Can’t handle the guilt, and get out.

Panel 2: Fire exploding from a pistol, we see the source of the chaos he is causing.
Caption: Worse, they start craving blood and get sloppy.

Panel 3: Close up of THE HITMAN’s eyes. Cold, unexcited.
Caption: As for my hits, I don’t care.
Caption: No, not “my victims”, like I said, it’s nothing personal.

Panel 4: THE HITMAN’s mouth, expressionless, blood splattering on his face.
Caption: I’m just doing a job someone needs done.
Caption: Business is business.

PAGE 4

Panel 1: Medium shot of THE HITMAN back in the dungeon, contemplating his impending doom.
Caption: Sometimes business isn’t so good.

Panel 2: THE HITMAN’s abdomen area, blood pouring out of him at a deadly rate.
Caption: And right now I wish I had eaten something better earlier.
Caption: Good food gives you energy, focus.

Panel 3: THE HITMAN is going about his business as usual, today is different than others, as he doesn’t notice the figure running up behind him ready to strike.
Caption: Cheap food will ruin you.

Panel 4: Close up of THE HITMAN’s face, with the shadow of a pole about to deliver a knockout blow.

Panel 5: THE HITMAN is knocked out, laying in the midst of the chaos he’s caused, with the woman who knocked him out standing over him ready to strike if he gets back up.
Caption: You are what you eat.

PAGE 5

Panel 1: In the dungeon, a shadowy figure opens a door at the end of the room.
Caption: Hitmen don’t have anyone they’re attached to.

Panel 2: THE HITMAN sitting in a convenience store, at the bar, eating his crappy sushi.
Caption: Some just aren’t the type. then this biz is a natural fit.
Caption: If you do when you get into it, you won’t after too long anyway.
Caption: And whether you did or didn’t before, it won’t matter in the end.

Panel 3: THE HITMAN back in the dungeon, looking towards the figure approaching him, as the room becomes lighter.
Caption: That’s something we all learn after doing this for a short time.

PAGE 6

Panel 1: Close up of a gun cocking.
Caption: I’m not angry.

Panel 2: THE HITMAN, cracking a cynical smile.
Caption: We all know what to expect in this line of work.

Panel 3: The shadowy figure from before, close up shot pointing a gun directly at the camera, what THE HITMAN is seeing from his point of view.
Caption: We’re disposable.
Caption: Replaceable.

Panel 4: Overhead shot of the other hitman pointing his gun at THE HITMAN, long shadows stretch past their figures.
Caption: After a while, indistinguishable from each other.
Caption: But we fulfill a need someone has in exchange for quick money.
Caption: Kinda wish I ate something better earlier.

PAGE 7

Panel 1: Gun pointing right at THE HITMAN’s forehead, he’s smiling at it, knowing he has no way out of what’s coming.
Caption: But it’s okay.
Caption: Food is food.
Caption: Business is business.

Panel 2: Shot of the sushi, almost completely eaten, but a few pieces left as if it’s not worth eating all of.
Caption: BOOM

Panel 3: Silhouette of THE HITMAN, blood dripping from his face. He’s clearly dead.
Caption: We’ve all gotta eat.


#14

Millarworld Write-Off 5 - Facundo Wilgenhoff
All the private feellings _ 4 pages

Page 1 (five panels) –noon, interior of the main hall of a building. It’s a modern building, but not fancy. The decoration is minimalist.-
Panel 1
From the entrance of the building, we see the focus on the most distant background, where an elevator reaches the base floor, wich we notice because of the panel above it shows on which floor currently is.
CAPTION - Lois Lane: “Dear ‘whatever-your-fake-name-is-now’—“
Panel 2
Similar to previous panel, with a slightly zoom-in. The focus remains on the elevator, wich opens its doors. Inside, we see the figure of an old woman and a teenage girl. The old woman looks filled with life. Her clothes are stark but at the same time gives her a certain air of refinement. The teen is 15. She’s very tall and wears the clothes that a boy of her age would. Both are dressed for a hot day. Both are laughing, showing us what a great time they’re having.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “–I believe you know why, after so many years of silence, I’m now writing this to you.”
Panel 3
Similar to previous panel. Now the focus is on the pair we saw coming out from the elevator. They are heading toward us, to the front entrance of the building.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “’Writing’! How ancient of me! I should record a video or something like that—“
Panel 4
The point of view now changes to the one of the receptionist, who is at one side of the main hall, under a desk. The POV is a little up-and-right over his right shoulder, letting us see a teen boy entering the building while the pair of ladies plan to get out. The boy is 17. He’s dressed like Clark would be: a pair of snickers, a jean and a t-shirt.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “—but I guess I’m a nostalgic old woman and writing was how we met. So, it fits.”
Panel 5
Same POV as previous panel. The boy holds the door open in chivalry so the ladies can get out, while looking at the girl, who blushes and smiles. The old woman also smiles and shows happinness before such a gesture.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “Those days… I remember them as if they were yesterday. Do you?”
Boy: “ladies… have a good day.”
Lois: “look at this! Maybe the world isn’t lost after all!”

Millarworld Write-Off 5 - Facundo Wilgenhoff
All the private feellings

Page 2 (three panels) –on the outside. It’s a sunny day and people is fighting against heat.-
Panel 1
The pair of ladies leaving the building. The girl is looking back at the boy over her left shoulder while the old woman is staring at her, smiling.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “Of course you do… We were paired by that old grouch to help each other.”
Lois: “He likes you.”
Girl: “GrandMa!”
Panel 2
Close on the two ladies while they get apart walking from the building’s entrance. The old woman looks at the skies while the girl gives her a look of disbelief.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “And you did. And while I also tried to, I learned from the start…since Evelyn Curry’s case…that you didn’t need any help to understand how journalism worked—“
Girl: He’s not–
Lois: --but he’s, darling.
Lois: That gentle boy holds that door for me every time he can—
Panel 3
Close on the old woman, who’s still, staring at the skies. We can see her emerald green eyes.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “—the one thing you needed was acceptance.”
Lois: --but when he looks at me, he does at my eyes.
Lois: Today, he looked straight to your lips.
Lois: He likes you.

Millarworld Write-Off 5 - Facundo Wilgenhoff
All the private feellings

Page 3 (five panels) -on the outside. It’s a sunny day and people is fighting against heat.-
Panel 1
Same as previous panel.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “And I accepted you.”
Girl: “Granny?”
Panel 2
Medium two-shot of the pair of ladies. The girl is holding the arm of the old woman from her elbow. The old woman looks at the girl with resignation.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “I did it. And then I met all your other personalities and I accepted you again.”
Girl: “Granny…”
Lois: “I’m sorry, Ella.”
Lois: “It’s something beutiful to see… a man looking at a woman in such way–”
Panel 3
Eagle view of the whole street. The people looks defeated against the heat. A group of kids plays with water on the other side of the street. The pair of ladies walking from one block to another through the street.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “What I want to say is that I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made–”
Lois: “—but the real deal…what’s really a strange thing today is a man who selflessly holds a door to an old woman…”
Girl: “GrandMa…you’re the most famous woman on the city–some would say the world–most men would hold the door for you…”
Panel 4
Street level view. We can see the pair of ladies passing right in-front of the children who are playing with water. Both women are seen from a middle shot that takes them from below the neck to below the hip. The old woman makes a gesture with her left hand pointing to the kids, who doesn’t even realize the women are passing through.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “–we made of each other a better person by being together—“
Lois: “You’ve a point there, honey…but see these kids…they don’t know who I am—“
Girl: “GrandMa! Why are you trying to convince me that boy likes me? And besides…he’s much older than those kids!”
Lois: “He is, but he doesn’t know who I’m either. The only thing that boy knows about me is that I’m your grandmother.”
(CONTINUES ON NEXT PAGE)

Millarworld Write-Off 5 - Facundo Wilgenhoff
All the private feellings

(CONTINUED) Page 3 (five panels) -on the outside. It’s a sunny day and people is fighting against heat.-
Panel 5
Two-shot of the pair of ladies who stop walking. The old woman stares at the floor while the girl, worried, bends to see if she is alright.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “—and we did the same by taking separate roads.”
Girl: “Granny… are you okay?”
Lois: “Uff… this heat!”
Lois: “In all my life…I’d met only two men who were as gentle and polite as that boy…the two of them are now up there in the skies…”

Millarworld Write-Off 5 - Facundo Wilgenhoff
All the private feellings

Page 4 (three panels) - on the outside. It’s a sunny day and people is fighting against heat.-
Panel 1
Middle shot of the two ladies. The old woman is bend and has a gesture of discomfort on her face. The girl is very worried and crouches to help her while takes an envelope from the rear pocket of her jean.
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “We loved each other—“
Lois: “The letter… have you…”
Ella: “I have it with me, Granny…”
Panel 2
Similar to previous panel, but turnt 180 degrees so we can see how Ella shows the envelope to her grandmother. The old woman starts to feel much worse and commence to totter.
Ella: “It’s right here.”
Lois (weak): “ahh… give it to him…”
CAPTION – Lois Lane: “—and I bet we still do.”
Panel 3
Full-body-three- shot of Ella, Lois and Superman. Ella in the same pose as before, showing the envelope, with the little difference that she has pushed back her body a bit. She has a mixed reaction of despair and wonder when she sees that Superman has appeared and got her grandmother between his arms. Superman is crying. Do your best on Lois resting in peace.
END


#15

Giving this a bump, as no activity has taken place since the last time I checked in (a day ago). I won’t be offering comments right away, but I’m always curious to see what others are thinking.


#16

Also bumping, gonna read all of these this weekend. I’m excited to dig in. Great theme this round.


#17

Thanks!


#18

I was completely torn between who I wanted to vote for. My top favorite scripts were (in no specific order) Life’s True Face is the Skull, Death of Thanos, The Death of Superman. Dare I say, my own? lol.

Now, this is not to say that the others weren’t good. These were the characters that I was most familiar with. I ultimately chose Life’s True Face of Skull, because I think it kicked ass. And the sad fact is, heroes, can die in any way, it wasn’t that much of an epic battle but it’s extremely likely that this is how someone like the Punisher would die. I REALLY loved the dialogue, and story for this one. I think A LOT of good decisions were put into that script.

Death of Thanos was a tear jerker for me personally and was very difficult not to vote for. It was good.

I didn’t vote for the Death of Superman because I couldn’t remember what differentiated this from the original one. Sorry, I read that arc a looooong time ago. I’m not a huge fan of Superman, he just seems too overpowered to me. I am a fan of him dying, though, lol. I do like the irony of his skin in this one. Good stuff. Just couldn’t vote on it.


#19

That’s understandable, thank you for all the positive comments. When doing this it was really more of a case of exorcising demons for me as the story has been in my head since I was twelve. I felt the original story (Supes and Doomsday ending in a draw where they both died from a that simultaneous double punch) was such a crappy way for a character like Superman to go, not using the irony of his biggest strength being his biggest weakness has annoyed me for 25 years. Not voting for it based on me using elements of the original story as a jump-off point is completely fine with me, I’m just glad to get it out of my system. :slight_smile:

If anyone’s counting, the first page and first panel of page 2 is from the original story, as are the captions (albeit abridged, added to and juggled slightly), from those, I told the tale of how I felt it should have went.

I’ll get a read of all the other scripts over the next few days over a few nice hot cups of tea.

Edit: Arrragh I’ve just realised - spoilers. First time I’ve had to do that for my own work ha.


#20

I’ve read all the scripts and I’m leaning towards voting for Death of Thanos. It has its problems but, with some refinement, I think it could make for the most compelling story.

Also, I would like to offer up my script – Born From Above – as a sacrifice to anyone that wants to tear into it. To me, getting specific feedback about what worked, what didn’t work, etc, is more important than votes. And I’m willing to offer my critiques for any other writers that want it.

Michael