millarworld.tv Comics Creators

Write Off 4: Unlikely Team Up - Pick a winner


#1

Hi folks,

Welcome to the Write Off. This month the subject is Unlikely Team Up.

Please read through and vote for the one they like most. Comments and critiques are welcome. I’ll leave this poll up for 2-3 weeks to give everyone plenty of time to read all the entries.

To the winner: if you end up with the most popular story you get two rewards. 1) the good feelings that people read your work and loved it and 2) you get to pick the subject for the next Write Off!!! And if you don’t win don’t be discouraged, this is just a bit of fun to help would be writers get some exercise. Stay tuned for the next one, it might be just right for you! We’ll probably run the next one in the New Year as we’re being buried in entries for the annual.

Ok folks, below are the entries. Vote here for your favorite.

[poll]

  • Afternoon Delight Or Ego X The Marvel Universe
  • Enemy of my Enemy
  • Nightmare. Where Madness Grows
  • Nightmare on Elm Street Adventures: Pokémon GO||||RE
  • Alan Moore v Grant Morrison: Dawn of Comics!!!
  • Darth Pool
  • Fawlty Hulks
  • Frontiers
  • DOCTOR STRANGE meets SWAMP THING[/poll]

#2

Title: Afternoon Delight Or Ego X The Marvel Universe

Page 1-5 Panels

Panel 1-Deadpool is sitting with his feet in the water on a dock. It’s night time.With what appears to be the moon huge in sky, beaming light over everything. Deadpool is looking especially down. Not depressed, woe is me down, but like the first time the person you really liked didn’t like you back down. Okay, that is depressing, but it’s more of a, you’ll get over it depressing than actual clinical mental problems.

DEADPOOL:
Sigh.

Panel 2-Deadpool’s hand resting on his chin as he’s looking at the sky. It should only be his hand in his chin in this panel, nothing else beside the back drop.

DEADPOOL:
Double sigh.

DEADPOOL:
I’m gonna sigh all alone.

Panel 3-The Moon high in the sky begins showing cracks for eyes and a facial features. It’s not the moon, but Ego The Living planet. White hot from its own needs wanting to be full filled. It has to find a mate or else it will explode. The reader cannot see that is Ego, at this time, it should appear as nothing more than your normal man in the moon face.

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
Even the moon’s got better skin than I do.

Panel 4-Facial features showing to Reveal Ego, floating right beside the actual moon.

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
And a babe to boot. Would you look at the orbit on that one!!

Panel 5-Ego with his eyes open wide, yelling the only way ego can from the night’s sky above the ocean, floating alongside the moon.

EGO:
I am EGO THE LIVING PLANET!

EGO:
I have come to earth in search of love!

Page 2-5 Panels

Panel 1-Ego with its eyes off to side, cheeks of his planet face blushing red. He’s appearing like a shy school boy with a crush.

EGO:
I am unsure how to introduce myself without being too forward.

Panel 2-Deadpool standing on the dock, holding a megaphone up to his face. The side of the megaphone has, CAN BE HEARD BY SENTIENT PLANETS written on it. Just to let the reader know the leaps of logic Deadpool is capable of.

DEADPOOL:
It’s so sweet of you to moon over the Earth.

DEADPOOL:
Our planet’s gonna love you.

Panel 3-Ego starting to smile as Deadpool is talking back. Streaking just in front of Deadpool are the Fantastic Four in their Fantasticar, coming into the scene to prevent what they know Ego intends to do.

EGO:
Really? I was just planning on saying hi and then we could take it from there.

DEADPOOL:
Hi? Hi? That’s your best introduction?

DEADPOOL:
No. The way you get the Earth’s attention is by making a threat.

Panel 4-We’re looking down the Megaphone to Deadpool’s face as he screams into it at Ego. He’s upset with the living planet’s lack of ideas.

DEADPOOL:
I wanna hear you tell the people of Earth that they’ve got 24.

DEADPOOL:
No–12 hours to find all your idiosyncrasies cute or else…

Panel 5-The FF are near the face of Ego, they should be small in the panel, but featured with the backdrop of Ego. All of the FF are wearing glasses to shield off the glow from Ego. And space suits, cause they’re in space… It’s Johnny Storm. Sue Storm. Ben Grim and Reed Richards in the Fantasticar. No kids. No extra members.

EGO:
Or else what?

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
Exactly!

Page 3-5 Panels

Panel 1-All four members of the FF have a small square in their hands. They’ve exited the car and are on the surface of Ego. Reed has create a timed teleporter to be rid of threats to the Earth in a moment.

JOHNNY:
Man, this place stinks worse than that Aunt of Ben’s—

Panel 2-Ben grabbing Johnny by the collar. Johnny looking pissed and using his hand to fight off Ben’s.

BEN:
Don’t you dare say it, Matchstick.

DEADPOOL:(off-Panel)
Cat?

Panel 3-Deadpool standing on the surface of the planet, waving to the FF as they all look at him. Reed is stretching his brain, attempting to think of any solution he can make to be rid of Deadpool before he messes this up. Sue is turning Invisible, hoping to avoid his crude sense of humor, style and personality. Ben and Johnny are still locked in their struggle, staring at Deadpool.

DEADPOOL:
How’s my favorite Four letter team doing?

REED:
Wade, What a surprise to see you here.

DEADPOOL:
Not that surprising.

DEADPOOL:
Me and Ego are involved in a little squish so I can help him get over the hump and get on with humping Earth.

Panel 4-Sue is invisible, walking behind Reed and taking his piece of the timed teleporter from him. She intends on sneaking away and planting the square while they distract Deadpool.

REED:
Is that so…

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
Yeah, it’s so. Did you not read the first page?
Panel 5-Sue doing the same and taking Johnny and Ben’s pieces of the Timed Teleporter from them.

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
Do off-panel remarks count the same as off the record?

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
I remember now. They’re used for stuff like this…

Page 4-5 Panels

Panel 1-We’re looking at the backs of the FF. With all four of their hands on their heads or, making uncomfortable, unbelieving faces at Deadpool. Sue has gone from Invisible to visible again, as she’s embarrassed. This is all a lead on for the reader to think something gross has happened.

BEN:
I never…

JOHNNY:
And I’m supposed to be the reckless one!

REED:
Wade. This is not the time, nor the place for that.

SUE:
You should have let me encase his brain in a bubble and remove it from his body.

Panel 2-Deadpool is holding his cell phone, out, he’s on speaker phone with Galactus, whose picture is prominent on his screen.

DEADPOOL:
Galactus, Baby. Have I got the planet for you.

BEN:
What provider do you use to get signal here?

SUE:
BEN!

Panel 3-Ego again, floating with no one else, except the moon floating beside him.

EGO:
Deadpool! I have transported you to the surface.

EGO:
How are my abs coming along?

Panel 4-Deadpool speaking into the phone, the FF looking perplexed at what they’ve just heard Ego ask Deadpool.

DEADPOOL:
I’m gonna put you on hold for just one second, Big G.

Panel 5-Deadpool, speaking into the same megaphone he did earlier, pointing it into the sky.

DEADPOOL:
You’re gonna need to cut out the soda and fatty food if you wanna trim your coastline.

DEADPOOL:
You’re never gonna attract a planet like Earth looking like this.

EGO:
Ego loves to snack.

DEADPOOL
Yeah, well Ego’s gonna be crying alone pumping insulin into his body if he don’t shape up.

Page 5-5 Panels

Panel 1 -Deadpool’s phone, with a picture of Galactus on the screen. Wade is holding the phone and it should be all that’s featured in the panel. Wade is clicking silent off on his phone’s screen.

GALACTUS:(Phone)
Hello? What was that about a planet?

Panel 2-Deadpool holding the megaphone down on side, while speaks into the phone with his other. The FF look on, Sue is turning back to invisible.

REED: (Whispering)
Now, Sue. Go.

DEADPOOL:
I’ve got a living planet. Goes by the name of Ego.

DEADPOOL:
He’s floating just outside Earth’s orbit. Not sure how it isn’t affecting the Earth…

Panel 3-Galactus in the driver’s seat of his ship, looking furious at the name.

GALACTUS:
EGO!

DEADPOOL:(Phone)
Say it don’t spray it, Donald Duck.

Panel 4-Deadpool smiling, while the male members of the FF stand around nervously. Knowing what Deadpool should know, that Galactus means serious business. Galactus has left in a hurry hanging up without saying good by, forcing the quick dial tone sounds to play.

GALACTUS:(Phone)
Dee…Dee…dee

REED:
It never ends with you, Deadpool. Galactus is on his way here now!

DEADPOOL:
Judging by his last words he might be showing up on the short bus.

Panel 5-Sue placing one of the four charges for the Timed Teleporter.

Page 6-5 Panels

Panel 1-Sue has finished planting the second charge and is being spoken to by Reed through their communicator. She appears scared at hearing the reason why they must abort the plan.

REED:(Comms)
Galactus is on his way. We’re heading back to prepare the Earth.

SUE:
Deadpool!

Panel 2-Deadpool, sticking his hands up, like what did I do? Doing his best to look cute.

DEADPOOL:
Did I do that?

Panel 3-The Fantasticar taking off with Deadpool jumping and waving.

DEADPOOL:
Y’all guest star again, y’hear!

Panel 4-Reed and Sue talking inside the Fantasticar.

REED:
Where did you put the charges, honey?

SUE:
Aren’t they okay on the surface?

Panel 5-Galactus chugging into the picture in the square ship he used to confront Ego in Thor 160-161. It’s a much smaller version of his ship and should like he’s arriving in the short bus, as Deadpool said. Ego is doing his best to win over the Earth.

EGO:
Do you like pets? I’ve got over 200 different living organisms on my body.

EGO:
Of course you like pets. You’re a nice planet who cares about their enviorment.

EGO:
You’re so beautiful…

Page 7-5 Panels

Panel 1-Fantasticar heading back to Earth in front of Ego. Sue and Reed are arguing in the car, with Ben looking annoyed driving.

SUE:
How was I supposed to know that?

REED:
You were in there when I built it. I told you it had a timer.

Panels 2 and 3-The two locations where sue placed the charges are blinking red.

REED:(off-Panel)
You did at least turn them off, right?

Panel 4-Sue holding the two flashing squares she has left in her hand. The other three members look scared.

SUE:
Yeah, cause I had so much time.

SUE:
Sue do this. Sue do that. If you want something done do it yourself, smart guy!

Panel 5-Galactus Standing on the perch in front of his smaller ship, hand lifted yelling out to Ego.

GALACTUS:
EGO! I have come to finish what I started.

EGO:
I know only one entity who owns a voice such as that…

Page 8-5 Panels

Panel 1-Galactus scratching his head at the confusion from Ego about who he really is.

EGO:
Mogo! I thought I’d escaped the Green Lanterns when I returned to my–

EGO:
Galactus?

GALACTUS:
Well this is embarrassing…

Panel 2-Galactus turning around on his platform, attempting to walk away. As Ego doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable and needs all the advice he can get.

EGO:
Don’t go. It’s been ages since we talked.

EGO:
You’ve been with a lot of different worlds, right?

GALACTUS:
I don’t mean to toot my own planet destroyer.

Panel 3-Galactus with his power converter hanging out of the ship, it’s smaller than his usual one.

GALACTUS:
A little something like this is all you need.

DEADPOOL(off-Panel)
Little is right.

Panel 4-Deadpool flying into the scene in his Deadpool Chopper. Which should be made to look like the old Thanos chopper that has been poorly converted into Deadpool’s. With the color poorly painted and the Thanos on the side, crudely painted over to resemble Deadpool. Deadpool is holding the Megaphone, where the other side of the same Megaphone reads: “AND CAN BE HEARD BY GALACTUS!

DEADPOOL:
I guess it really is cold out in space.

Panel 5-Galactus is infuriated and is activating his machine.

GALACTUS:
It’s still big enough to Eat your planet.

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
You’ve been trying to get with Earth for years.

DEADPOOL:(Off-Panel)
It ain’t never gonna happen.

Page 9-5 Panels

Panel 1-The machine used to destroy world’s is coming close to touching the Earth, with Ego moving in the way.

EGO:
NOOOO!!!

Panel 2-Sue’s eyes bugging out in her head as she watches the charges light up some more.

JOHNNY:
Why aren’t you tossing those out?!!

Panels 3 and 4-The charges on the Earth doing the same.

REED:(Off-Panel)
Wrap the charges in a bubble and float them onto Ego!

Panel 5-A bright flash over takes the panel, with the outline of Galactus and Ego barely visible.

SFX:
FWOOSSH!!!

Page 10-5 Panels

Panel 1-Mogo is in orbit with Guy Gardner right outside him. Guy is using his Ring to create a map of the DC Universe, it has a an active point just outside where Mogo lives, showing a temporal anomaly.

GUY:
I think the Guardians have finally lost it Mojo.

GUY:
My ring says there should be a portal right here, but I ain’t seeing shi–

Panel 2-Dropping from a hole in space are Ego, Galactus, The FF and Deadpool in his Deadpool Copter.

DEADPOOL:
Sweet, Dues Ex Machina, where are we now?

Panel 3-Mogo turning the ring, that we’re going to use as the eye for the reader to relate to his vision. It’s pointing towards Ego. As noted earlier, I’ve made up some continuity that Ego and Mogo have faced off before.

MOGO:
!!!

Panel 4-Galactus spotting Mogo and smiling big.

GALACTUS:
What energy! What power! It must be mine!!

Panel 5-Galactus moving his planet destroying machine towards Mogo, with Deadpool taking up a corner of the panel, looking at the reader in the final frame, hands on his face home alone style.

DEADPOOL:
We’re out of panels. And just when things we’re getting good!


#3

ENEMY OF MY ENEMY
Written by Michael T Gonzalez

PAGE ONE (4 panels)

Panel 1: Interior of a futuristic military dropship/shuttle, the CONRAD. Close-up of the PILOT’s helmet. He is sitting in front of a bank of monitors which are reflected in his helmet visor. One monitor screen displays the text “PAYLOAD RELEASE INITIATED”. There are no typical flight controls, buttons or switches – only monitors or 3D projections.

PILOT: FINAL PAYLOAD DUMP IN THREE…

Panel 2: Low angle, looking up at the bottom of the Conrad. The iris-style payload doors open and a triangular-shaped tower – about ten feet tall – is lowered on cables.

PILOT (V.O.): …TWO… ONE!

Panel 3: High-angle shot. The tower slams onto the ground, crushing a Xenomorph (aka Alien, aka XX121) beneath. We can see the Xenomorph’s distinct tail sticking out from under the structure.

SFX: THOOM

SFX: CRUNCH

Panel 4: Wider shot of the immediate area around the tower on the ground. There is a sea of Xenomorphs skittering away from the tower.

PAGE TWO (3 panels)

Panel 1: Establishing shot. Big panel. We now see that we are on a hot, humid planet that is clearly not Earth. There are a few buildings on the surface which are of Yautja (Predator) design that are in a state of decay and covered with typical Xenomorph secretions. The surface is blanketed by swarms of Xenomorph drones. The Conrad has deposited several of the towers in a circular pattern around the largest building – the hive.

PILOT (V.O.): ARRAY IS ONLINE. RELEASING BUG SPRAY.

Panel 2: A gas is released from the towers simultaneously. This could be a close-up of one tower in the foreground with a full-shot of another tower in the background.

SFX: PSSSH

Panel 3: Ground-level shot. The Xenomorphs succumb to the gas and fall to the ground in a catatonic state.

PILOT (V.O.): SQUAD, PREPARE FOR DEBARKING.

PAGE THREE (5 panels)

Panel 1: A mothership, the USS KURTZ, sits in low orbit around the planet. From outside the mothership, we are looking through a large viewing window into a dining hall. The ship’s top-ranking GENERAL stands at the viewing window, staring at the planet below. He’s tense and anxious but trying not to show it.

CAMERON (O.P.): HOW LONG, GENERAL?

Panel 2: Interior of dining hall. Wide shot. Top ADMINISTRATORS of the ship’s various departments are in formal uniforms sitting at a large table enjoying a hearty feast. The Chief Executive, CAMERON, is at the head of the table gorging on pork ribs. The General still stands at the viewing window. BILL, who’s uniform bears a caduceus, stands up and shouts frantically.

GENERAL: ONCE THE QUEEN IS REMOVED, ANYWHERE FROM THREE TO SIX MONTHS BEFORE THE COLONY COLLAPSES.

BILL: SIX MONTHS?! WE’RE NOT GONNA LAST SIX MORE DAYS ON THIS GOD-FORSAKEN SHIP!

Panel 3: Bill shouts incredulously at Cameron, who is nonchalantly licking sauce from his fingers.

BILL: OUR STORES ARE CRITICAL, WE’VE BEEN DECIMATED BY PATHOGENS AND, IF WE CAN’T TAKE THIS PLANET WE HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

CAMERON: DON’T BE SO MELODRAMATIC, BILL. GENERAL HADLEY’S PLAN WAS WELL-CONSIDERED. TRY TO ENJOY THIS VICTORY.

Panel 4: Bill turns his anger towards the General.

BILL: WHAT VICTORY?! WHAT IF THE BUGS HAVEN’T WIPED OUT ALL THE YAUTJA CREATURES? WHAT THEN, GENERAL?

Panel 5: The General has now turned to face the table. He is stoic.

GENERAL: THEN YOU, ME AND THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE IS FUCKED.

PAGE FOUR (6 panels)

Panel 1: Back on the planet surface, the Conrad is landing next to the hive building (that we saw on Page 2, Panel 1) amid the fog created by the towers. The rear launch ramp of the dropship has already opened fully. The Xenomorphs still lay catatonic on the ground.

Panel 2: Five SOLDIERS have filed out of the rear launch ramp of the dropship as it closes behind them. The POINT MAN is carrying a type of “fog gun” that continuously pumps out the gas. The SERGEANT, carrying a tracking device, is directly behind the Point Man.

SFX: WRRR

SERGEANT: SQUAD, FORM UP.

Panel 3: Close-up of Sergeant’s tracking device with a small red dot in the northeast quadrant of the display. This device gives X, Y and Z coordinates as 15m, 2m and -30m.

SERGEANT: SIGNAL ACQUIRED. THIS WAY.

Panel 4: Ground level shot (or Worm’s-Eye-View). The Soldier’s cautiously step between the catatonic Xenomorphs. One Xenomorph twitches its tail.

SFX: HSSS

SOLDIER #1: SERGEANT, THEY’RE STILL MOVING.

SERGEANT: THEY’RE CATATONIC, NOT DEAD.

Panel 5: Bird’s-eye-view. The Soldiers make their way through the fog and the maze of endless Xenomorphs littering the ground.

SOLDIER #2: WHAT IF WE STEP ON ONE?

Panel 6: The Soldiers enter the dark doorway of the hive building.

SERGEANT: YOU WILL BE LEFT BEHIND.

PAGE FIVE (5 panels)

Panel 1: Interior of Conrad cockpit. The Pilot is sitting at his control board, which is lit up like a Christmas tree.

PILOT: USS KURTZ, THIS IS SHUTTLE CONRAD. KILL TEAM HAS ENTERED HIVE. ETA FOR–

SFX: WRRrrr

Panel 2: Same as above, except now the control panel has gone completely dark. The Pilot looks around, confused.

PILOT: KURTZ, THERE SEEMS TO BE A PROBLEM. MY SYSTEM HAS GONE DOWN. KURTZ, CAN YOU–?

Panel 3: Alternate angle of cockpit. The control panel lights up again.

PILOT: SERGEANT, THIS IS THE CONRAD.

Panel 4: Inside the hive building, the Soldiers are standing in a narrow corridor encased with Xenomorph secretions.

PILOT (V.O.): I’VE JUST EXPERIENCED A POWER SURGE.

SERGEANT: REBOOT THE SYSTEM AND RUN A DIAGNOSTIC REPORT. KEEP ME INFORMED.

Panel 5: Full shot of Soldiers continuing through the narrow corridor.

SERGEANT: MOVE OUT. QUEEN BEE IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

PAGE SIX (6 panels)

Panel 1: Close-up of Sergeant’s tracking device. The display shows a large red dot directly ahead of them. The X, Y, Z coordinates read 4m, 0m, 0m.

SERGEANT (O.P.): SHE’S JUST IN THE NEXT ROOM.

Panel 2: From inside the large room which served as the Queen’s gestation chamber, we see the Soldiers cross the threshold with their weapons ready to fire.

Panel 3: Big panel. The Soldiers look around the room to find it empty – no Queen, no Xenomorphs, no eggs; only the gestation structure where the Queen used to be.

POINT MAN: SHE’S NOT HERE, COMMANDER.

SERGEANT: SHE HAS TO BE. THE SIGNAL–

Panel 4: Soldier #1 is kneeling on the ground, reaching into the thick Xenomorph secretion for something unseen.

SOLDIER #1: SERGEANT! OVER HERE!

Panel 5: Soldier #1 hands the tracking device that was implanted in the Queen to the Sergeant. His eyes are wide as a realization washes over him.

SOLDIER #1: SHE CUT OUT HER TRACKING DEVICE.

SERGEANT: IMPOSSIBLE. THEY DON’T HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE TO…

Panel 6: Sergeant tosses the implant and yells into his headset.

SERGEANT: CONRAD, INITIATE LAUNCH SEQUENCE! EVAC! EVAC!

PAGE SEVEN (6 panels)

Panel 1: Interior of Conrad cockpit. The Pilot is overwhelmed by error messages as the computer system goes haywire.

SERGEANT (V.O.): …INITIATE… SEQUE–

PILOT: SERGEANT, I AM EXPERIENCING MULTIPLE FAILURES. COMMAND CODES ARE BEING MANIPULATED SOMEHOW.

Panel 2: Close-up of monitor which reads, “TOWER #1 SHUT DOWN”.

Panel 3: Close-up of monitor which reads, “TOWER #2 SHUT DOWN”.

Panel 4: Shot of the towers as the gas stops flowing.

SFX: PSSsshh

PILOT (V.O.): SERGEANT, THE TOWERS HAVE GONE OFF-LINE! GET YOUR TEAM BACK TO THE CONRAD!

Panel 5: The control board is reflected in the Pilot’s visor. He yells into his headset and doesn’t notice one message that reads, “LAUNCH BAY DOOR: OPEN.”

SERGEANT (V.O.): SAY AGAIN… I DID NOT…

PILOT: WE HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED! SOMEONE HAS HACKED OUR SYSTEM AND TAKEN CONTR–!

Panel 6: Big, shocking panel. Viewed from the front of the cockpit, a Predator’s wrist blades pierce through the back of the Pilot’s chair and tear through his torso, disemboweling him. We now see that the Pilot is an android and has a milky liquid for blood.

PAGE EIGHT (5 panels)

Panel 1: Interior of the dark hive building looking towards the bright light outside. The Soldiers, in silhouette, rush out.

SERGEANT: ALREADY ON OUR WAY, CONRAD. KEEP–

Panel 2: Low angle. The Soldiers all look up to watch the Conrad fly away.

SFX: FWOOSH

Panel 3: The Soldiers look back over their shoulders. We can make out the dark, ominous shapes of the Xenomorphs marching towards the Soldiers through the dissipating fog.

SFX: HSSS

SERGEANT: SQUAD, FORM UP.

Panel 4: Wide shot. The Soldiers stand back-to-back in a tight circle and point their weapons at the approaching horde of Xenomorphs.

SERGEANT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR MAKING FRIENDS.

Panel 5: Same as above, except now the Xenomorphs fill the panel as they overwhelm the Soldiers, who futilely fire their weapons.

SFX: HSSS

SFX: BRRAAP BRRAAP

PAGE NINE (5 panels)

Panel 1: Hangar bay of USS Kurtz. In the control room in the background, Cameron and the General watch the Conrad dock in the foreground.

Panel 2: Inside the control room, Cameron presses a button for the intercom.

CAMERON: WELCOME BACK, GENTLEMEN. I ASSUME EVERYTHING WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN?

Panel 3: Extreme close-up of Cameron. He is shocked by something unseen hurtling towards him.

Panel 4: Full shot of the control room. Cameron’s skull is impaled by a Predator spear that has crashed through the control room glass, pinning him to the back wall. The General, spattered with Cameron’s blood, stands in shock.

Panel 5: From outside of the control room, we are looking in through the hole in the glass as the General looks back at us in disbelief.

GENERAL (softly): FUCK ME.

PAGE TEN (1 panel)

Panel 1: Full shot of the open launch bay door of the Conrad. Standing side-by-side with the Xenomorph Queen are four Predators, all ready to open a can of whoop-ass.

THE END


#4

Nightmare
Where Madness Grows
Credits:
ERIN KERLIN- Writer

Cover art reference:
Next to the tree sits a moss and spider web covered rabbit hole.

Comic Page #1
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: Lock Shock and Barrel are seen riding in their walking bathtub thru a dimly lit wooded area.
No Copy
Panel 2: They are now stopped in front of the tree that has a heart on it, with a small moss and spider web covered rabbit hole next to it.
Barrel excited: Hey, guys. Where do you think that goes?
Shock sarcastic: Probably nowhere stupid!
Lock stern: Seeing how I’m the leader. We’re going in!
Panel 3: We see the walking bathtub from behind as if it is being sucked into the rabbit hole.
Caption: Giddy up!
Panel 4: We see the trio and bathtub falling and swirling around, as gravity is pulling them down the rabbit hole.
All 3scared: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Panel 5: They are seen landing on a pill of pillows, all different shapes and sizes.
Sound effect: pfff

Comic Page #2
(3 Panels)

Panel 1: The trio is seen dusting themselves off.
Shock angry: Great idea dummy, we could have been killed!
Lock condescending: Yea, well we didn’t, did we smarty pants!
Barrel meek: I’m ok.
Lock and Shock in unison: Shut-up!
Panel 2: We see them back in their walking bathtub, in a dimly lit room, filled with walls of dusty books. The trio’s eyes are open wide in amazement.
Lock shocked: What is this place?
Panel 3: We only see the Cheshire cat’s glowing eyes and grin above some dusty books on a ledge.
Cheshire cat manically: Why, this is the place where everything’s mad.
Barrel excited: Wow, do you guys see that?
Lock angry: Um yea stupid, of course we do!
Shock amazed: Look it’s materializing.

Comic Page #3
(7Panels)
Panel #1: A close up of the Cheshire cat that is now seen fully materialized sitting atop of some dusty books on a ledge in the dimly lit room, from previous panel. He has a crazy look in his eyes.
Caption from cat: This will be fun.
Cheshire cat cunning: Do you know which way you would like to go?
Panel #2: The cat is now floating above the trio in the tub with his arms pointing in different directions, still with crazy in his eyes and a huge grin on his face.
Cheshire cat silly: This is the way!
Lock upset: You’re dumb, we can’t go both ways!
Barrel smiling: We can try!
Panel #3: We see Shock smacking Barrel in the face, his head is spinning.
No Copy

Comic Page #3 Continued Below

Comic Page #3 Continued
(7Panels)

Panel #4: We now see two roads before the trio, one dark and one light. The Cheshire cat is dancing in mid air on the dark road. The dark road is grey and lined with devilish looking trees. The light road’s trees all have smiling faces and appear to be dancing, right along with the cat. Barrel’s face is sad looking. The other two are grinning.
Cheshire cat laughing: “This is the way you should go.
Shock: I think we should follow that cat.
Lock thinking: I don’t think so, not this time, he’s tricking us!

Panel #5: Rear view of the trio in their walking tub going down the road with the happy dancing trees.
Caption from Cheshire cat: That’s not the way.

Comic Page #3 Continued Below

Comic Page #3 Continued
(7 Panels)

Panel #6: Day until said otherwise. We see flowers of all types and sizes on both sides of the trio with smiling faces. The trio has looks of wonder on their faces.
No Copy

Panel #7: Over the shoulder of trio we see 5 flower types.
Flower one happy: Hello there.
Flower two excited: What are you?
Flower three happy: They look like some kind of weird flower.
Flower four agitated: Hum, flowers? I don’t think so, their WEEDS!
Caption from trio: We are not!
Flower five yelling: WEEEEDS! Pull them!

Comic Pages #4
(2 Panels)

Panel 1: We see flowers from page #3 are now in a huge rage. The flowers now have angry faces. It is no longer bright and sunny.
No Copy
Panel 2: Lock can be seen, being torn into bits by the angry flower. Hise body parts are seen flying in all directions.
The Flower angry: WEEEDS!

Comic Page #5
(3 Panels)

Panel 1: Different flowers from page #3 are now in a huge rage. The flowers now have angry faces. It is no longer bright and sunny.
No Copy

Panel 2: Shock can be seen, being torn into bits by the angry flowers. His body parts are seen flying in all directions.
The Flower angry: WEEEDS!

Panel 3: On the bottom right of comic page #5 we see Barrel escaping thru a tiny doorway.
No Copy

Comic Page #6
(7 Panels)
Panel 1: Over the shoulder view of Barrel tripping over a rock, with door partially on his right side.
No Copy
Panel 2: Close up of Barrel curled up in a ball, holding his knee.
Barrel stunned Ouch!
Panel 3: A zoom out of panel 2. We see Barrel balled up with the Queen of Hearts holding a flamingo by its feet, as if it were a crocket putter, getting ready to hit Barrel like he was the crocket ball.
Queen of Hearts loudly FOUR!
Panel 4: Barrel is now spinning through the sky; below him we see card people painting roses red.
No Copy
Panel 5: Barrel is now seen lying in a freshly painted rose bush. He has paint smeared on his clothes.
Barrel hurt Oouch…
Queen of hearts off panel concerned Are you ok?

Comic Page #6 Continued Below

Comic Page #6 Continued
(7 Panels)

Panel 6: We see the Queen of Hearts helping up Barrel; they are surrounded by card people holding swords, until said otherwise.
Queen of Hearts Annoyed who are you?
Barrel anxious, rambling Well, I’m Barrel my friends were killed by flowers, and I tripped and you hit me. I need to get revenge!
Panel 7: We see Barrel and the Queen holding a signed agreement, which the reader can only see the word Revenge on the paper and the Queen and Barrel’s signatures’, nodding their heads. The card people are no longer holding their swords.
No Copy

Comic Page #7
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: We see the Queen sitting at her throne; it is decked out in rubies shaped as hearts. The walls are covered in card-people heads, as if they were trophies.
No Copy
Panel 2: Same as panel #1 only we see Barrel now sitting at the queen’s feet, pink heart phone in hand, his finger spinning the cord.
Barrel meek Oogie Boogie is that you?

Panel 3: In a small panel, left side is Oogie Boogie holding a phone to his ear.
Oogie Boogie Loud That you boy? What’s your issue, you need a tissue?
Panel 4: Close up of Barrel holding the phone with one hand, he has tears in his eyes, and his other hand is wiping snot from his nose.
Barrel crying They, they KILLED Lock and Shock!
Oogie Boogie angry off screen Who did!
Panel 5: We see the Queen of Hearts ripping the phone out of Barrel’s hand.
Queen of Hearts angry And you know what we’re going to do? We are going to war with that bratty girl Alice’s’ friends!

Comic Page #8 & #9
(Splash)

Open to artist interoperation: Over head view of all the Queens card solders standing in formation, card people on horses, with spears, shields and swords. Next to them are all the characters from Halloween Town in formation, they also have swords, shields, magic users and characters on horses. Oogie Boogie is in front with Barrel at his feet and the Queen of Hearts beside him, facing away from the troops. Its grey and war like outside. There are war drum players in a line formation in the front as well.
Over head view still of all Wonderland characters standing in formation with sword, shields, magic users and characters on horses. Set up the same way, but instead of war drums they have war trumpets. Alice the Cheshire Cat and the Madd Hatter are standing in front, facing Oogie Boogie the Queen and Barrel.


#5

Nightmare on Elm Street Adventures:
Pokémon GO||||RE

Credits:

SHAWN MILAZZO – Writer

Cover Art

Cover: Freddy Krueger is in half-Giratina pokémon form, with the upper half being mostly Freddy. He is chasing after the kids in the Pokémon world. Krueger is about to kill Garrett (18) with his claw hand. Or can already have his claw through Garrett’s chest. To the left of Freddy, in the background, we see Mikey (15) who has hung himself in a misty portal to the (his bedroom) real world. To the top right of the page, we see a Drifloon is carrying off Conner (18), who is happy about Freddy killing everyone.
Houndooms tear into Cody in the bottom left of the page as he is reaching for help from the girls. The Houndooms can be wearing fedora styled hats, with their horns poking out through holes. The two terrified girls, Sierra (18) and Hannah (18), are running away. They are closest to the audience/reader in the bottom right of the page.
The Nightmare on Elm Street title is like the movies, without the A. The Pokémon Go title is the same as the game font, with the exception of claw marks tearing and separating bloody “RE” font. Only Krueger has dialogue on this page, a parody of Pokémon’s marketing phrase. Pokémon references below. If anyone dismisses my work and says, “Psh, those Pokémon are not in Pokémon Go.” I say, “Yes, yes they are, in the Elm Street patch.”
Title #1: Nightmare
Title #2: on Elm Street
Title #3: Adventures
Title #4: Pokémon Go|||RE
Freddy Kruger: Gotta kill ‘em all!

Cover Art Continued Below

Cover Art Continued

Reference: This is a Giratina-
This is a Drifloon- It is used for metaphorical reasons on the cover.
This is a Houndoom- Best evil dog monster I could find in the Pokémon world.

Comic Page #1
(3 Panels)
Panel 1: Day until said otherwise. The panel is a half-page of Conner’s (18) room. Although it is daytime, Conner’s bedroom windows are covered with dark see-through curtains. The room is pretty dark. What mostly lights up the page are candles at Conner’s small summoning altar. He is about to summon Freddy Krueger. Conner is one of the unpopular kids in his class. His room is fairly messy.
The focal point is Conner huddling on his knees, on the floor. He is near his summoning altar at the right of the page. Behind him is his bed, and beyond that are his curtained windows. We see a book bag slung over a bedpost with a hoodie hanging over top of it. The bedpost is to the left of the page. The summoning altar is on the floor. Conner is wearing a Krueger sweater. He is holding the Necronomicon in front of him, in his left hand. He is holding the book, until said otherwise. Surrounding the summoning altar is melting candles. They can have pentagrams on them, or something demonic. Freddy’s glove is in the middle of the altar, and on the right is Conner’s cell phone with the Pokémon Go start screen up. It can be illegible. It is displayed until said otherwise.
The angle of the panel would be as if we are looking at Conner from an unseen exit room door, at the bottom left of the panel. It is the bedroom door. The bedroom door is shut. We can possibly see a paneled, shutter double-door closet to the left of the page.
Caption #1: Morning–
Caption #2: Somewhere on Elm Street, October 1st, 2016—
Conner talking to himself: This is for you, Mikey.
Panel 2: Conner is looking down at the summoning altar. It is a slight worm’s eye view from the altar’s perspective. Far behind Conner we can see his paneled, shutter double-door closet behind him on the wall. Directly behind him, we can see a shadowy version of Freddy Krueger. Krueger’s shadow looks eerily intimidating. We might be able to see his bedroom door to the left of the page.
The captions we use this time are different than normal captions. Possibly burned, ripped up sepia colored paper. This will continue until Freddy’s rhyme is complete.
Caption: 1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you,
Comic Page #1 Continued Below

Comic Page #1 Continued
(3 Panels)

Panel 3: Conner begins to summon Freddy Krueger. He starts to stand up. The shadow Krueger is no longer behind him. Freddy Kruger is a dark, cloudy mist. He can be slightly manifesting around Conner’s body, and the altar.
Conner: I summon the Elm Street spirit, the bastard son of a 100 maniacs…
Caption: 3, 4, Better lock your door,

Comic Page #2
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: The angle of the panel would be as if we are looking at Conner from an unseen exit room door, at the bottom left of the panel. Freddy is taking form above the glove. He is hunched over like the terminators from the movie Terminator 2, when they time travel arrive to the past. I was thinking he would be like a thick black oily substance, with possible bubbles popping, here and there. He can be dripping, and oozing. Conner has his hands up in the air, while standing.
Freddy #1: HAHAHAHAHA
Freddy #2: I’m baacckk!
Conner: …To kill once again!
Caption: 5, 6, Grab a crucifix,
Panel 2: A close-up of Freddy’s oozing hand sliding into his glove.
SFX #1 Freddy ooze: Drip
SFX #2 Freddy ooze: Drip
Panel 3: Freddy swings at Conner with his claw hand, missing. Conner steps back, subconsciously holding the Necronomicon to his chest. We see that Krueger’s dripping body is being pulled closer to the cell phone with the magical mist. Maybe add some cheesy 80’s magical lightning effects.
Freddy: W-What’s happening?
Panel 4: A close-up shot of Freddy being sucked into the cell phone. He is grasping at the air above him. He is halfway in the phone. The phone can be rocking up and down. Maybe add some cheesy 80’s magical lightning effects.
Freddy: Noooooo!
Caption: 7, 8, Gonna stay up late,
Panel 5: A close-up of the cell phone settled. Maybe have some dying lightning surrounding the phone. We see Pokémon Go title screen very clear.
Caption: 9, 10, Never sleep again.
Comic Page #3
(7 Panels)

Panel 1: Every other panel on this comic page is a flashback scene, starting with this one. I figured we could show it by having the panels be in black and white, maybe grey tones. All of the characters are in 4th grade at Springwood Middle School, besides the Teacher. The children are all 9 years old. The year is 2007. It is close to summer time.
The panel is a classroom setting. We can see the Teacher not paying attention to the students at his desk, with his legs crossed, with a newspaper covering his upper body as he reads it. In this panel Conner and Mikey are playing with their Nintendo DSs’. Mikey has Pokémon Pearl, and Conner has Pokémon Diamond. Mikey is facing Conner’s desk, sitting in his chair backwards as they play. Conner and Mikey are the stereotypical nerds.
We can see two girls, Hannah, and Sierra, at their desks whispering to each other. They are talking shit about Mikey and Conner. They are the stereotypical popular girls. Sierra is a cheerleader. Garrett has his back towards the panel as if he is just stepping into the scene. Garrett is a jock. If we can see the windows that peer outside of the school, we can see a Springwood Middle School sign.
Caption: 9 Years Ago—
Text #1 from newspaper header: Clawed Ghost Murders Again?
Text #2 school sign: Springwood Middle School
Mikey: Pokémon Pearl, rocks!
Conner: You’re telling me, so does Diamond.
Panel 2: A close-up shot of Conner deleting Pokémon Go off of his phone in the present. The phone doesn’t necessarily have to have all of the apps in the background image.
Text from phone:
Comic Page #3 Continued Below
Comic Page #3 Continued
(7 Panels)

Panel 3: Garrett snatches Mikey’s DS out of his hands. The girls are laughing in the background. The Teacher continues to read his newspaper like nothing is happening. We can now see the newest character introduced, Cody. Cody is the bad boy.
Garrett: What are you two losers doing, playing with your stupid baby toys?
Conner #1: Hey, give Mikey his DS back!
Cody: Awee, is da’ baby gonn’a cry?
Conner #2: Shut up, Cody.
Panel 4: Present. Close-up of Conner changing, putting his hoodie on that we saw on Comic Page #1.
No Copy
Panel 5: Cody shoves Mikey into Conner’s desk. Mikey just sits there, submissively staring at the ground, taking all of the bullshit.
Conner #1: Come on, Garrett. Those are expensive.
Garrett #1: Fuck you, Conner.
Cody mocking: Don’t break it Garrett, Mikey’s parents are poor.
Garrett #2: Ha, ha. Yeah, you’re poor.
Conner #2: Stop it guys, just leave him alone.
Panel 6: Present. We see a close-up of Conner’s hand grabbing his book bag off of his bedpost at home.
No Copy
Panel 7: We see the Nintendo DS smash into a ton of pieces as it is thrown to the ground. Possible sound effects, if not, no copy. After this panel, the comic is set in the present.
SFX DS Destroyed: Smash!

Comic Page #4
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: An unknown NSA location. Three NSA agents are surrounded by the most state-of-the art computer technology. They are monitoring Conner from his cell phone.
Caption: No Such Agency, Location: Undisclosed—
NSA Agent A: He deleted Pokémon Go.
NSA Agent B: Doesn’t matter.
NSA Agent C: He’s getting on a bus, now.
Panel 2: It is close to dusk, until said otherwise. Sierra, Hannah, Garrett and Cody are walking towards Springwood High school, on the sidewalk. The girls are in the front, with Sierra closest to the reader. The girls are wearing skimpy, summer, casual attire. Sierra is wearing a pleated skirt. They are also on their cell phones playing Pokémon Go. The boys are walking behind them, with Cody closest to the reader. Cody is wearing druggie clothing, and Garrett is wearing preppy clothing. Cody is smoking a cigarette, and Garrett is playing Pokémon Go. We can see the school in the background and the school name on a sign.
Text from school sign: Springwood High
Cody: I just left this fuckin’ place, Hannah. I don’t want to be back here.
Hannah: But there’s a lot of Pokémon here.
Panel 3: Garrett is talking to Cody, as they continue to walk towards the school.
Garrett: Yeah, Cody, there’s a lot of Pokémon here. What, are you not cool?
Cody: I thought you said that shit was for kids? Fucking hypocrite.
Panel 4: A slight aerial long shot of the crew walking towards the school. Cody kind of hangs back as the others continue to walk. He flicks his cigarette in mid-air.
Cody talking to himself: Whatever.
Panel 5: Freddy Krueger is wondering around Pokémon Go world. It is colorful and happy looking.
Freddy: Will someone tell me where the hell I am?!
Comic Page #5
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: A close-up of Sierra’s hand opening the door to the school.
No Copy
Panel 2: The group is talking around the open door to the school. Garrett nudges Cody to his joke.
Sierra: Shouldn’t the doors be locked?
Garrett: Janitor’s probably still here, Jackin’ off to your cheerleading outfit, Sierra.
Hannah: Gross.
Panel 3: An over-the-shoulder shot of Hannah looking at her phone. A Jigglypuff Pokémon is seen in the Pokémon Go hud.
Hannah: Look guys, a Jigglypuff.
Panel 4: The cute Jigglypuff is singing its hypnotic music. Rainbow colors shoot out and brainwash the audience/reader.
JigglyPuff trailing: JigggggglyPuff JigglyPuff JiggggglyPuff
Panel 5: A close-up of the Jigglypuff’s eyes, we can see that it is scrunching its eyebrows in an evil way. Maybe we can see Krueger’s gloves in its eyes. The Jigglypuff can be surrounded by the colors of Freddy’s sweater, instead of the rainbow.
No Copy

Comic Page #6
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: The group is in the hallway of the school. The three Pokemon Go player’s jump up for joy as they think they caught the Jigglypuff. They are really sleeping and going to die. Cody stands there with his arms crossed, not participating in the celebration.
Sierra simultaneously in shared balloon: We caught it!
Garrett simultaneously in shared balloon: We caught it!
Hannah simultaneously in shared balloon: We caught it!
Panel 2: Sierra begins to pull Garrett out of the frame of the panel. We see the other couple in the frame.
Sierra: Well, we’re going this way.
Panel 3: A close-up shot of Hannah pushing Cody against a locker, flirting. Even though she is really into him, she is still holding her cell phone in one of her hands.
Hannah sexy: I guess that just leaves you and me.
Cody: I’ve got drugs.
Panel 4: A scene like before, but now Hannah is paying attention to her phone. Cody is disappointed.
Hannahsurprised: Oh look, another Pokémon.
Panel 5: We see Hannah and Cody in a hallway. Hannah is closer, standing close to the boiler room.
Cody subconsciously knows I’m about to kill them: In the boiler room?

Comic Page #7
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: Garrett and Sierra are looking into a classroom. Behind them we see school lockers. Inside the classroom is Mikey’s bedroom, where he hung himself in the middle of the room. The room is dark. Mikey’s shadowy corpse is facing away from the audience/reader. A ghostly voice trails throughout the room.
Garett: Is that…
Sierra finishing Garrett’s sentence: …Mikey?
Mikey’s Ghost #1: You made me do it.
Mikey’s Ghost #2: I killed myself because of you.
Panel 2: The corpse of Mikey looks over its shoulder at the couple. It is Freddy Krueger.
Freddy: Where’s your Pokeball’s, Garrett?
Panel 3: A close-up of Freddy’s claw cutting the noose. Sierra screams off-panel.
Sierra: Ahh!
Panel 4: Freddy is coming closer to the couple. Freddy has both his hands behind his back. Sierra is starting to run, off-panel.
Freddy: You’re lucky Mikey didn’t do a school shooting instead!
Garrett: Run!
Panel 5: Freddy lights up Garrett with two automatic rifles that he has in each hand. Chunks of meaty flesh fly everywhere. SFX for machine guns or no copy.
No Copy

Comic Page #8
(5 Panels)

Panel 1: Sierra is running through the school. She approaches the shadowy janitor who is mopping the floor, who also has a big trashcan in front of him.
Sierra: Oh, thank God.
Panel 2: Sierra talks to the shadowy janitor figure. It looks like he is jerking off in the shadows.
Sierra: Sir, can you please help me and my friends? We’re being shot…
Panel 3: Mid-shot of Sierra scared stiff. She is looking off-panel at what we can safely assume is Freddy Krueger, in a janitor outfit, jerking off.
Sierra: …At.
Panel 4: Mid-shot of Freddy in a Janitor outfit. His hands are on his shaft, off-panel.
Freddy: What’s the matter, never see a pokedix before?
Panel 5: Sierra is facing and is closest to the reader/audience. She is to the left of the panel. Freddy is in the back at the right of the panel. Freddy’s demon dick impales underneath her skirt, coming out of her mouth like a human intestinal shish kabob.
No Copy

Comic Page #9
(6 Panels)

Panel 1: A close-up of Hannah and Cody kissing. They are in the boiler room.
No Copy
Panel 2: A close-up of Cody taking off Hannah’s top.
No Copy
Panel 3: A mid-shot of Freddy, ruining the couple’s fun. They stand there in horror.
Freddy: You kids came to the wrong place to fuck.
Panel 4: Close-up of the gore of Garrett. Bullet casings and holes litter the scene.
No Copy
Panel 5: Shot of the gore of Sierra, the janitor mop and trashcan are still in the hallway.
No Copy
Panel 6: What is left of Hannah and Cody are left next to each other in the boiler room.
No Copy

Comic Page #10
(7 Panels)

Panel 1: Dusk, until said otherwise. Conner is on a traveling bus. He answers his cell phone.
Conner: Yeah?
Conner’s Mother on phone: Where are you?! There’s Detectives at the door looking for you.
Panel 2: Conner hangs up on his mom.
Conner: I got to go.
Mom: But…
SFX from phone: Click!
Panel 3: Conner erratically runs towards the front of the bus. We can see woods through the right side of the bus windows.
Conner: Stop the bus!
Panel 4: Bus driver talks to Conner.
Bus Driver: You sure you wanna get off here, kid?
Panel 5: The rest of the comic is at night. It is lit by the moon. Conner is running through the woods.
Conner Caption #1: Shit.
Conner Caption #2: Shit.
Conner Caption #3: Shit.
SFX from Jason Vorhees Presence: KI KI KI MA MA MA

Comic Page #10 Continued Below

Comic Page #10 Continued
(7 Panels)
Panel 6: Woods next to a lake.
SFX from Jason Vorhees Presence: KI KI KI MA MA MA
Panel 7: Panned to the right a bit, with a zoom out. We see the woods next to the lake and a sign that reads-
Text from sign: Welcome to Camp Crystal Lake
SFX from Jason Vorhees Presence: KI KI KI MA MA MA
Caption: End.
Comic End


#6

TITLE: Alan Moore v Grant Morrison: Dawn of Comics!!!
WRITER: Tony Laplume (YoungDuke)

PAGE ONE

Panel 1
Alan Moore is driving in a car down an isolated road in the Northhampton countryside. Because this is England, he drives on the left side of the road, remember. He’s talking on a phone.

CAPTION: The present.
CAPTION: Alan Moore.

Panel 2
Alan has just spotted something in the road ahead. His eyes widen.

ALAN: Oh, for…!

Panel 3
Alan’s eyes narrow, close-up shot.

ALAN: Listen, I’ll have to call you back.

Panel 4
We see what Alan has been reacting to: Grant Morrison! But very pointedly, Grant Morrison seated with his legs crossed in front of him, his back to us, mimicking Ozymandias.

CAPTION: Grant Morrison.

PAGE TWO

Panel 1
Alan has reluctantly stopped the car, and Grant is excitedly running toward it.

GRANT: Alan! Alan! I just figured it out!

Panel 2
Grant is getting into the car.

GRANT: I know why you’ve been acting like that.
ALAN: Like what?

Panel 3
Grant isn’t strapping on a seatbelt, but Alan is clearly waiting for him to do so. Alan is wearing a seatbelt.

GRANT: Like such a grump.
GRANT: You’re only a comic book character who thinks he’s Alan Moore.
ALAN: Clever as always, Grant.

Panel 4
Alan starts driving again. This is probably an exterior shot, so we don’t actually need to see either of them, with the word bubbles kind of emerging from the car.

GRANT: Whereas I’m the Grant Morrison of Earth-53, which technically does not exist in the current cosmology, but then, I’m my own writer, so I get to change the rules when I need to.
ALAN: Clearly.

Panel 5
View from the front of the car, so we’re looking in. Grant is still excited, Alan’s brow is thoroughly furrowed.

GRANT: I have it all worked out!
ALAN: I bet you do.

PAGE THREE

Panel 1
Alan is glaring over at Grant.

ALAN: Listen, do you have a point?
GRANT: Heh.
GRANT: As a matter of fact, I do.

Panel 2
Grant is jabbing a finger into the air.

GRANT: Excalibur!

Panel 3
Close-up of Alan, who now sports a satisfied smirk on his face.

ALAN: I will never write for Marvel.

ALAN: Everyone knows that.

Panel 4
Grant is waving his hands in the air now, trying to clarify.

GRANT: Not “Excelsior!”

Panel 5
Grant is jabbing a finger into the air again, majestically.

GRANT: Excalibur!

PAGE FOUR

Panel 1
Grant now has a grim expression on his face. He’s taking this very seriously.

GRANT: The supersword of Arthurian legend.

Panel 2
Alan is making a lazy swooshing motion with one of his fingers, mocking Grant.

ALAN: I’m a walking Encyclopedia Britannica, Grant.
ALAN: Of course I know what Excalibur is.

Panel 3
Grant appears not to notice. He now has his eyes closed, because this is a solemn declaration.

GRANT: Bestowed by the Lady of the Lake.

Panel 4
Alan is once again staring grimly ahead, mumbling to himself. His line is also a riff on Monty Python.

ALAN: Of all the farcical aquatic…

Panel 5
Grant is now looking eagerly at Alan, still oblivious to Alan’s contempt.

GRANT: I propose a write-off!
GRANT: We settle our creative differences once and for all!

PAGE FIVE

Panel 1
This is the largest of three panels on this page. The others are kind of inserted near the bottom. Alan is staring at Grant, and Grant is beaming back at Alan.

GRANT: We each tell our version of the Lady of the Lake.
ALAN: It’s an awful idea.
ALAN: Okay.
ALAN: I’ll go first.

Panel 2
Small close-up of Alan, looking directly at the reader.

ALAN: As always.

Panel 3
Grant is also looking directly at the reader!
GRANT: See? I told you he knew!

PAGE SIX

Panel 1
A small inset of Alan’s head next to the first caption box, which takes the form of his bushy beard, as do all subsequent caption boxes in his voice. Actually, the first caption box is attached directly to Alan’s beard! The greater image is one of Merlin, the famous Arthurian wizard. He looks mighty and imposing.

CAPTION: We begin in the time of Merlin.
CAPTION: The most ancient and learned of magic practitioners.

Panel 2
Now, a shot of a foxy-looking lady who’s approaching Merlin, who looks skeptical. In fact, Merlin probably looks a lot like an aged Alan Moore. If Nimue looks like Grant Morrison in drag, this would probably be about right.

CAPTION: A young lady called Nimue comes to him one day wanting to learn everything he knows.

Panel 3
Merlin and Nimue are kissing! Nimue looks considerably more enthusiastic about this, of course.

CAPTION: Merlin is understandably skeptical.
CAPTION: Still, they become passionate lovers.

Panel 4
Nimue tosses Excalibur to King Arthur. In the background, we can see Merlin trapped in the Glass Tower. Bright colors all around.

CAPTION: Nimue surpasses Merlin in skill.
CAPTION: She hands King Arthur the sword.
CAPTION: Then she traps Merlin in the Glass Tower.

Panel 5
Nimue rudely takes Excalibur back from King Arthur. (King Arthur probably looks like a younger Alan Moore, by the way.) Dark colors all around.

CAPTION: Camelot’s fall is as rapid as its rise.
CAPTION: She takes Excalibur back.
CAPTION: Nimue has all the knowledge but none of the wisdom.

Panel 6
Nimue is confronted by Sir Balin, who…looks like Alan Moore. He’s swinging his sword. She looks like she’s nagging him.

CAPTION: Eventually, one of the Knights of the Round Table, Sir Balin, appears and lays out plainly what Nimue is all about.
CAPTION: Someone who was probably unworthy of handling things herself.

PAGE SEVEN

Panel 1
We’re back to looking at Alan. He looks very pleased with himself.

ALAN: He quickly beheads her, and that is that.

Panel 2
Now we’re looking at Grant again. He seems very confused.

GRANT: That’s it?

Panel 3
Alan and Grant in the same shot, looking in from the front of the car. Alan looks over at Grant, looking pretty innocent.

ALAN: Well, yes.
ALAN: The real story is with the other characters anyway.

Panel 4
Now it’s Grant’s turn to look somewhat severe, staring at Alan incredulously. Alan, meanwhile, is rolling his eyes.

GRANT: Let me just stop you right there.
ALAN: Here we go…

Panel 5
Grant is looking forward, and he’s excited again, chatting away happily. Alan, naturally, is scowling again.

GRANT: Nimue is not even the significant Lady of the Lake!
ALAN: What could you possibly mean?
GRANT: There was more than one of them.
ALAN: I knew that.
GRANT: But I understand it better, Alan.
ALAN: Sure you do.

PAGE EIGHT

Panel 1
Like the Alan sequence earlier, we’ve got a tiny Grant head next to the first caption bubble. Only this time, you can see some of the lettering from the first caption on his bald head. The next caption is the same color as Grant’s bald head. The image is of Vivian, who’s emerging from the lake, sort of like in the movie Excalibur. She has in her arms a babbling toddler, Lancelot. Who’s bald.

CAPTION: The Lady of the Lake is Vivian.
CAPTION: She takes in the young Lancelot.

Panel 2
The older Lancelot is now standing proudly beside Vivian.

CAPTION: Her whole story is about how foolish the Arthurian legend really is.
CAPTION: And why she’s necessary to complete it.
CAPTION: Lancelot is the embodiment of the sword.

Panel 3
Lancelot is meeting King Arthur. Vivian is looking on from the water. She is holding Excalibur.

CAPTION: Vivian presents him to Arthur as the superweapon he needs to establish his kingdom.

Panel 4
King Arthur looks confused. He’s now holding Excalibur. We can see Vivian’s hand retreating into the water. At this point, if Lancelot is still bald, then King Arthur probably looks like Alan Moore. You know what I mean?

CAPTION: Except, Arthur doesn’t know what to do with Lancelot.

Panel 5
Lancelot is looking all heroic, leading the Knights of the Round Table, with Guinevere by his side, making kissy faces at him.

CAPTION: Lancelot falls in love with Guinevere.
CAPTION: Lancelot finds the Holy Grail.

PAGE NINE

Panel 1
Back to Alan and Grant. This is a wider shot, so you can see that the car is pulled over on the side of the road.

GRANT: Honestly, it’s all right there.
GRANT: You never look at the bigger picture.

Panel 2
Back to the interior of the car, so we can see Alan and Grant clearly again. Alan is staring daggers at Grant. Grant is shrugging.

Panel 3
Alan is pointing at Grant, trying hard to restrain himself.

ALAN: Get out.
ALAN: You have no idea what you’re talking about.
GRANT: But…
ALAN: Out!

Panel 4
Alan is driving off, and we see Grant squatting down. We’re about to return to the beginning of this story…

Panel 5
Alan is talking on his phone, driving along the country road in Northhampton.

ALAN: …and then he’s telling me how to write.
ALAN: The nerve of him!

Panel 6
See? Alan is spotting Grant in the road again. It doesn’t matter whether or not we see Grant. The repeating dialogue will make it clear.

ALAN: Oh, for…!
ALAN: Listen, I’ll have to call you back.


#7

Darth Pool – By Stuart Scott

Page 1

Opening scroll for issue 4.5 of Vader defaced by Deadpool. He has drawn on top in green crayon showing how he ended up in this predicament (see page 4) whilst also commenting on the scroll (here shown in brackets). Beneath the scroll he has drawn the player ship from space invaders shooting laser bolts at the words on the bottom row.

VADER (CROSSED OUT) DARTH POOL
THE GALAXY IS IN TURMOIL. THE EMPIRES ULTIMATE WEAPON THE DEATH STAR HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY REBEL FORCES. DARTH VADER THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF THIS TRAGEDY HAS FALLEN FROM THE EMPERORS GRACE AND HAS BEEN PLACED UNDER THE OVERSIGHT OF GRAND GENERAL TAGGE (ISN’T HE DEAD?).

SUSPECTING THAT THE EMPEROR (WE SHARE A DERMATOLOGIST) MEANS TO REPLACE HIM ENTIRELY VADER HAS CO-OPTED ARCHAEOLOGIST DOCTOR APHRA (VADER GROUPIE) AND HER DROID COMPANIONS TRIPLE ZERO AND BEE-TEE (ANNOYING AFTER ONE ISSUE) TO AID HIM IN CONSOLIDATING HIS OWN POWER BASE.

DURING HIS MEDITATIONS VADER HAS SENSED AN UNUSUAL PRESENCE IN THE FORCE (ME) EMANATING FROM THE PLANET BRODO ASOGI, NEAR THE OUTER RIM. WITH APHRA COVERTLY MONITORING THE SITUATION FROM ORBIT VADER HEADS TO JOIN AN ADVANCE PARTY ON THE PLANET TO INVESTIGATE …

Page 2 (6 panels)

Panel 1 - Darth Vaders Tie fighter flies towards a forested planet.

IMPERIAL OFFICER (caption):
WE SEARCHED THE PLANET AS REQUESTED LORD VADER.

Panel 2 – Vaders Tie Fighter flying over an abandoned City in the middle of the forest. Within the City are statues of Asogians (don’t Google it, it’ll be explained later).

IMPERIAL OFFICER (caption):
IT APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN ABANDONED FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS…

Panel 3 – Vaders Tie Fighter has landed in a forest clearing at the outskirts of the abandoned Asogian City. Darth Vader is striding away from it flanked by a young Imperial Officer.

IMPERIAL OFFICER:
…OUR MEN CAME ACROSS ONE INHABITANT NEARBY. HE APPEARED INTOXICATED. WE ARE STILL UNSURE HOW HE GOT HERE AS THERE ARE NO SHIPS ON THE SURFACE.

Panel 4 – Vader surveys Deadpool’s confiscated arsenal on the grass by a small wooded area. This is a random assortment of things e.g. knuckle dusters, throwing stars, a bazooka and slingshot. It should definitely should include his two katanas and twin Uzi’s. Next to the weapons lays Deadpool’s satchel.

VADER:
DID HE RESIST?

IMPERIAL OFFICER (op):
HE HANDED HIMSELF OVER TO US AS HE BELIEVES HE IS SOMEWHERE CALLED DISNEY WORLD AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS HIM.

Panel 5 – Vader is looking up thoughtfully, two round trees behind him look like Mickey Mouse ears. The Imperial Officer is shrugging.

VADER:
DISNEY WORLD?

IMPERIAL OFFICER:
IT ISN’T ON ANY STAR CHARTS MY LORD.

Panel 6 – Back of Darth Vader’s helmet is in the foreground. In the background a squad of Stormtroopers are lined up in front of Deadpool (obscured by helmet).

DEADPOOL (op):
I DIDN’T THINK THIS LAND WAS READY YET. BRAVO ON THE THEMED PARK SECURITY, IT’S VERY ORIGINAL.WHERE ARE THE RIDES?

VADER:
WHAT IS HIS ALLEGIANCE?

IMPERIAL OFFICER:
HE CLAIMS TO HAVE NO ALLEGIANCE. HE SAYS THAT THE PRINCESS IS ‘HOT’ SO HE WOULD PROBABLY JOIN THE REBELLION FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO… MEET HER.

Page 3 (5 panels)

Panel 1 – Deadpool sitting on some storage crates addressing the assembled Stormtroopers.

DEADPOOL:
YOUR ARMOUR LOOKS A BIT GENERIC. I SAW THESE GUYS ONLINE WHO MAKE THEIR OWN YOU SHOULD TOTALLY LOOK THAT UP.

Panel 2 – Darth Vader stands menacingly over Deadpool who is leaning in to examine Vaders ‘costume’.

DEADPOOL:
WOW, YOU HAVE A VADER TOO? DID YOU GET JAMES EARL JONES IN TO RECORD THE VOICE?

VADER:
WHO ARE YOU?

DEADPOOL (continued):
AWESOME!

Panel 3 – Deadpool is proudly holding the Deadpool movie DVD case up to show Vader.

DEADPOOL:
WADE WILSON, DEADPOOL, THE MERC WITH A MOUTH WITH THE HIGHEST GROSSING R RATED MOVIE OF ALL TIME? DON’T TELL ME YOU’VE NOT HEARD OF ME IN FLORIDA!

Panel 4 (inset) – Vader towering over Deadpool who is still lamely holding up the DVD case.

VADER:
I AM FAMILIAR WITH ALL MERCENARIES OF NOTE. YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Panel 5 - DEADPOOL talks to the reader ‘secretly’ behind his hand. Darth and troopers look on perplexed.

DEADPOOL:
HOW CAN I TELL HIM I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY SOME ‘ASPIRING’ WRITER WHO IS ATTEMPTING TO WIN A MILLARWORLD FORUM WRITE OFF BY CAPTALISING ON THE POPULARITY OF MY MOVIE AND PEOPLES LOVE OF STAR WARS? WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS POINTLESS AS @mattgarvey1981 WILL WIN.

Page 4 (7 panels)

Panel 1 – A couples contemporary well decorated bedroom on Earth. At the foot of the bed the shape of ET can be seen beneath the sheet extending a glowing finger towards its inhabitants. In the foreground we see the back of Elliot’s wife who is holding the sheet up to cover her nakedness. A naked Elliot is climbing out of the bed to shoo ET away. This should be drawn for laughs not look creepy.

DEADPOOL CAPTION (have Deadpools face in front of the first caption box):
QUEUE THE INFO DUMP. OKAY, SO I’M A MERCENARY. I WAS HIRED BY A GUY NAMED ELLIOT. HIS IMAGINARY CHILDHOOD FRIEND KEPT SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AND EMBARRASSING HIM AT WORK AND IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE.

E.T.
OUCH

ELLIOT:
E.T. I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN HERE.

WIFE:
SERIOUSLY ELLIOT ITS HIM OR ME.

Panel 2 – A bored Deadpool slouching and yawning outside of a quintessential middle class suburban California home. Neat garden, picket fence etc.

DEADPOOL CAPTION:
I THOUGHT HE WAS LOCO, WHICH COMING FROM ME IS SOMETHING. BUT TURNS OUT HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH.

SFX:
FWOOSH

Panel 3 – Close up on a sweet childlike E.T. standing in front of Deadpool (off panel) looking up at him in good spirits pointing past at the door.

DEADPOOL CAPTION:
THIS DUMPY LITTLE NAKED PINK GUY WITH A LONG NECK AND SOULFUL EYES TURNED UP LOOKING FOR ELLIOT.

DEADPOOL (op):
WTF.

E.T.
SEE, ELLIOT

Panel 4 – Deadpool is kneeling down in front of E.T. to explain something to him with a reassuring hand on his shoulder. E.T. is wiping a tear away.

DEADPOOL CAPTION:
I HAD TO GIVE HIM THE BROMANCE EQUIVALENT OF A DEAR JOHN LETTER.

DEADPOOL:
SORRY BUDDY, ELLIOT’S A GROWN UP NOW. BETWEEN A WIFE, A JOB AND A MORTGAGE HE JUST DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR FUN ANY MORE.

E.T.
ELLIOT, NO FRIEND?

Panel 5 – Deadpool and E.T. sitting at a bar with bottles and shot glasses around them. E.T. has his head resting on the bar to prevent vomiting.

DEADPOOL CAPTION:
HE WAS SO DISTRESSED I TOOK HIM FOR A FEW DRINKS, I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE REJECTED BY PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE FRIENDS. HE COULDN’T REALLY HANDLE HIS DRINK AND AFTER A FEW HE GOT A BIT HOME SICK.

E.T (weak).
TEQUILA, GOOD.

DEADPOOL:
WHAT NOW BUDDY?

E.T (continued strong).
HOME!!

Panel 6 – Deadpool supports a drunken E.T. as they approach E.T.s ship that has landed in the middle of the woods. Deadpool is carrying a bag with more booze.

DEADPOOL CAPTION:
SO I TOOK HIM BACK TO HIS FUTURO HOUSE IN THE WOODS WHERE WE MET UP WITH SOME OF HIS BUDDIES AND KEPT ON PARTYING.

Panel 7 (inset) – On E.Ts ship Deadpool is surrounded by a number of E.Ts race all raising shot glasses.

E.T RACE MEMBERS:
WADE!

Page 5 (5 panels)

Panel 1 – Deadpool rubbing the back of his head with one hand and gesturing around with the other. Darth and the Imperials look on.

DEADPOOL
…THE LAST I REMEMBER WE WERE GOING TO PLAY OPERATION AND THEN I WOKE UP HERE.

Panel 2 – Darth Vader strides away as a Stormtrooper firing squad open fire at a protesting Deadpool, laser bolts are half way to him.

VADER:
THE FORCE WAS WRONG TO SEND ME HERE. SILENCE THIS FOOL.

DEADPOOL:
NO FAIR, YOU KEPT JAR JAR AROUND FOR 3 MOVIES.

Panel 3 – Deadpool is still barely standing. Now covered in blaster wounds, charred and bloody. Possibly a hole in his side. He is breathing out a below of smoke.

DEADPOOL:
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BAD SHOTS.

Panel 4 – Stormtroopers are looking between each other or inspecting their weapons. Imperial Officer looks shocked. Vader has turned back towards Deadpool and has his head tilted sideways as if in thought.

VADER:
CURIOUS.

Panel 5 – In the background Vader addresses the Imperial Officer and assembled Stormtroopers. In the foreground a black RA-7 (insect face) Imperial protocol droid is talking into a communicator. Deadpool is leaning against a tree recovering.

VADER (to Stormtroopers):
YOU WILL FORGET ALL THAT YOU HAVE SEEN AND RETURN TO YOUR QUARTERS, YOU FOUND NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE HERE.

DROID:
HE IS DOING IT AGAIN.

Page 6 (6 panels)

Panel 1 – In the background the Imperial Officer, Droid and Stormtroopers shuffle away. Deadpool and Vader are standing either side of the panel facing off.

DEADPOOL:
THANKS. WHERE IS HERE EXACTLY? ARE WE ON ALDERAAN? HAVE YOU BEEN TO HOTH YET? NOT THAT THERES ANY REASON YOU SHOULD… I MEAN IF YOU HAVEN’T.

VADER:
WE ARE ON A PLANET OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE. ALDERAAN IS NO MORE. I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF HOTH.

Panel 2 – A now almost healed Deadpool is standing a bit more confidently. Gazing upwards with his finger on his chin in thought.

DEADPOOL:
RIGHT SO THAT PUTS US JUST AFTER THE FIRST FILM. EPISODE 4, DAMN YOU GEORGE. COULD BE WORSE. AT LEAST I’M NOT STUCK IN EPISODE 1 WITH THAT WHINGY MOMMAS BOY ON TATOOINE. (MUTTERED) I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT KID…

Panel 3 – Vader is holding one hand out in a throttling motion the other is reaching for his lightsaber. The background is red to show his anger.

VADER:
WHAT!

DEADPOOL (op):
…I MEANT JAKE LLOYD*.

EDITORS NOTE:

  • TO FIND OUT READ THE MILLARWORLD STAR WARS MOVIE FORUM

Panel 4 a to c – Three panels the width of the page

A - Vader force chokes Deadpool who is grasping at his throat in vain.

B – Deadpool has been flung through a row of trees in the direction of his confiscated weapons leaving a path of broken branches in his wake.

C – In the foreground Deadpool is addressing the reader whilst kneeling over his confiscated weapons. In one hand is an Uzi in the other is one of his katanas. In the background Vader is approaching menacingly through the path Deadpool created in the trees his lightsaber active.

DEADPOOL:
IF WE HAD MORE PAGES THEN YOU’D BE TREATED TO AN EPIC THROW DOWN BETWEEN DARTH AND MYSELF IN THE STYLE OF PETER GRIFFIN AND THE CHICKEN FROM FAMILY GUY. BUT THIS IS ABOUT A TEAM UP SO I’LL LEAVE THAT TO YOUR IMAGINATION.

Panel 5 – A satisfied Vader is looking down at a bloodied Deadpool laying at his feet. Vader is holding his lightsaber in Deadpools defiant face. Deadpools Uzi and katana litter the ground around him each cut in two.

CAPTION:
LATER

DEADPOOL:
IF YOU KEEP HURTING ME I WILL RECONSIDER PARTICIPATING IN OUR OBLIGATORY TEAM UP.

VADER:
AFTER ALL THIS PAIN STILL YOU JEST. WHAT ARE YOU?

Panel 6 – Deadpool now slightly healed is sitting up proudly thumb to chest.

DEADPOOL:
I’M A CANADIAN.

Page 7 (7 panels)

Panel 1 – Darth Vader holds a hand over Deadpool’s head to read his mind. Around him are images showing Wade Wilson undergoing the Weapon X process.

VADER:
HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO HEAL?

DEADPOOL:
THAT KIND OF THING DOESN’T… WOAH BOY NOW I KNOW HOW POE FELT.

Panel 2 – Vader standing looking thoughtful. Next to him is an image of a fully human scarless middle aged Anakin Skywalker with Vaders armour at his feet.

VADER:
AS ANNOYING AS YOU ARE I MAY HAVE A USE FOR YOU.

Panel 3 – A squad of robotic Dark Troopers surrounds the pair. One of them is holding a portable hologram projector which is projecting an image of Grand General Tagge.

TAGGE:
NOT SO FAST LORD VADER. AN ASSET THIS IMPORTANT BELONGS TO THE EMPEROR. YOU WILL FIND THESE CYBERNETIC DARK TROOPERS ARE HARDER TO MANIPILATE.

DEADPOOL (op):
COOL A DARK FORCES REFERENCE. IS THAT STILL EVEN CANON? (Mutters) LIKE THIS GLORIFIED FAN FICTION NEEDS STORY GROUP APPROVAL.

Panel 4 – Dark Troopers are manhandling a shackled but struggling Deadpool towards an awaiting Imperial Shuttle. Vader watches him go from the foreground.

DARK TROOPER COMMANDER:
WE WILL TAKE THE ASSET FROM HERE.

DEADPOOL:
UM DARTH, NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TEAM UP.

Panel 5 - Deadpool is now being forced into the shuttle. His head is popping out over the Dark Troopers.

DEADPOOL:
DON’T HOLD OUT ON ME DARTH. THIS COULD BE BEAUTIFUL…

Panel 6 – The shuttle is soaring away from the planet watched by a solitary Vader.

DEADPOOL (Emerging from Shuttle):
…THE ONLY THINGS BETWEEN US ARE DAZZLER AND DEADLY HANDS OF KUNG FOO*

EDITORS NOTE:

  • ON THE APP

Panel 7 – A dejected shackled Deadpool sits squashed between two Dark Troopers on the shuttle.

DEADPOOL:
FYI. I COULD KILL YOU ALL RIGHT NOW. BUT I’M NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS GIG AND I WANT TO SEE HOW THIS THING PANS OUT (hums Star Wars Imperial theme).

Page 8 (6 panels)

Panel 1 - On the planet Vader is speaking into a communicator whilst approaching his parked Tie Fighter behind it is trees and then visible above the treeline in the distance is the abandoned Asogian City.

VADER:
APHRA, WERE YOU MONITORING THAT?

Panel 2 – We see Aphra at the controls of her ship the Ark Angel. Beside her is a hologram of a member of E.Ts race the Asogians.

APHRA:
ALWAYS BOSS, WELL NOT ALWAYS. I UNDERSTAND YOU NEED YOUR PRIVACY.

VADER (radio):
WELL?

APHRA (continued):
YOUR ‘ASSET’ MAY WELL BE THE KEY TO ONE OF THE GALAXIES GREATEST MYSTERIES. THIS PLANET WAS HOME TO THE ASOGIANS. A RACE MATCHING THE ONE HE ENCOUNTERED. THEY ARE ONE OF THE OLDEST RACES IN THE GALAXY, WITH INNATE FORCE ABILITIES.

Panel 3 – An over the shoulder view of Vader now seated in his Tie Fighter as he adjusts a tracking frequency on one of the console screens. Next to it is an image of a Dark Trooper helmet.

VADER:
WAS?

APHRA (radio):
THAT’S JUST IT. THEY VANISHED YEARS AGO. SHORTLY AFTER PALPATINE HAD THEIR SENATOR ARRESTED *. NOONE HAS SEEN THEM SINCE. BEFORE HIS ARREST THE SENATOR WAS TRYING TO RAISE SUPPORT FOR AN EXTRA GALACTIC EXPEDITION. SOME OF US BELIEVE THE REST OF HIS RACE ACTUALLY DID IT AND TOOK THEIR TECHNOLOGY OUT OF THE EMPERORS REACH.

EDITORS NOTE:

  • SEE HOLONET NEWS VOL. 531 50

Panel 4 – We can see a front view of a seated Vader through his Tie Fighters window as he pilots it out of the planet’s atmosphere.

VADER:
THEY WERE HERE, I WILL SECURE THE ASSET, YOU WILL LOCATE THAT SHIP.

APHRA (radio):
BUT THE ASOGIANS HAVEN’T BEEN SEEN IN YEARS.

VADER (continued):
YOU’RE AN ARCHAEOLOGIST AREN’T YOU?

Panel 5 – A dejected Aphra slumps back in her seat. Triple Zero and Bee-Tee have joined her in the cockpit.

APHRA:
(Sigh) YES BOSS.

TRIPLE ZERO:
MISTRESS APHRA, BEE-TEE AND I HAVE AN IDEA!

Panel 6 – Vaders Tie Fighter from behind as it flies into space in search of Tagges forces.

APHRA (radio op):
BOSS, ONE MORE THING. THE TECHNOLOGY THE ASOGIANS CREATED IT’S ABLE TO BEND SPACE TIME. YOUR ‘ASSET’ COULD BE FROM ANOTHER GALAXY, ANOTHER TIME.

VADER (emerging from ship):
THEN HE WILL NOT BE MISSED.

Page 9 (7 panels)

Panel 1 – External view of Cylo III’s base. It is an Imperial research station built onto the surface of an asteroid. The most prominent feature is a large bio dome in the centre with a see through canopy through which lush tropical trees are visible.

CYLO III (op)
NORMALLY I SEND ASSETS LIKE YOURSELF STRAIGHT TO THE LAB FOR PROCESSING, BUT YOU ARE QUITE A PRIZE.

Panel 2 – Deadpool, still shackled, is sat in front of a desk in the office of Cylo III. Cylo III is sat back on the other side of the desk his face hidden in shadow. The office is decorated with jarred body parts and anatomy posters for various Star Wars races. On the desk just in front of Deadpool is Mace Windu’s lightsaber resting on a display stand. A curious Deadpool is examining it.

DEADPOOL (thought):
HMM, EVEN HIS LIGHTSABER SAY’S BAD MOTHER F***ER.

CYLO III
MY NAME IS CYLO THREE. I AM AN EXPERT IN THE ANATOMY OF EVERY CREATURE IN THIS GALAXY. I HAVE DISSECTED MOST SPECIES AND INTEGRATED THEIR STRENGTHS INTO MYSELF. YOU HOWEVER ARE A MYSTERY.

Panel 3 - We reveal the hybrid face of Cylo III as he sits forward into the light. His human features mixed with a Rodian eye amongst other ‘improvements’.

DEADPOOL (op)
JESUS! YOU DID THAT TO YOURSELF? WHY? WITH A FACE LIKE THAT YOU MUST HAVE WORSE LUCK WITH WOMEN THAN I DO.

CYLO III
I AM BEYOND SUCH BASE NEEDS.

Panel 4 – A view of Deadpool from behind who has returned his attention to the lightsaber that Cylo III is now gesturing at. Under the desk Deadpool is breaking his thumb unseen by Cylo III.

DEADPOOL (thought):
THIS CEE LOO GUY IS CRAAAAZY. IF RODIANS EYES WERE THAT GOOD GREEDO WOULD HAVE SEEN HAN’S BLASTER / WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED*

CYLO III
I SEE YOU HAVE NOTICED MY RELIC. IT WAS A GIFT FROM THE EMPEROR. I KEEP IT TO REMIND ME OF HOW WEAK THE OLD WAYS WERE. HIS MEN PULLED IT FROM THE SEVERED HAND OF THE JEDI’S LAST GREAT WARRIOR WHEN HE FELL.

DEADPOOL:
THERE GOES THAT SNOKE THEORY.

SFX (thumb):
CRACK.

CYLO III (continued):
BEFORE HIS REMAINS WERE SENT TO ME FOR MY WORK.

DEADPOOL (continued):
MAYBE NOT!

EDITORS NOTE:

  • DELETE BASED ON YOUR PREFERENCE.

Panel 5 – Deadpool free of his shackles due to the broken thumb now has the lightsaber raised in a stylish combat ready pose, its inactive. His thumb is pressing the switch whilst he looks at it to determine the problem. A calm Cylo III sits sporting a wry grin.

SFX:
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK

CYLO III
YOU REALLY BELIEVED I’D BRING YOU HERE AND LEAVE A WORKING WEAPON WITHIN EASY REACH?

Panel 6 (inset) – DEADPOOLs hand aggressively swinging the butt of the lightsaber downwards hammer like.

DEADPOOL:
NEWS FLASH, I DON’T NEED THE POINTY END TO KILL YOU.

Panel 7 – Deadpool is standing over Cylo IIIs desk wielding the lightsaber which is now covered in blood, brains and bits of skull. On the desk a mushy puddle made up of the same takes the place of Cylo IIIs head in meeting his neck as the rest of his body is still seated.

DEADPOOL:
JUST TAKE A COUPLE OF ASPRINS AND THAT WILL CLEAR UP IN, WELL NEVER.

DEADPOOL (continued):
NOW WHERE CAN I FIND A BATTERY.

Page 10 (6 panels)

Panel 1 –A dark dank cell in an Imperial Prison elsewhere, the only light coming from a barred window in a secure looking door in the background. In the foreground we see the silhouette of a dejected looking Asogian Senator Grebleips.

CAPTION:
MEANWHILE IN AN IMPERIAL PRISON FOR POLITICAL DISSIDENTS.

STORMTROOPER GUARD (op):
HEY, YOUR NOT ALLOWED HERE WITHOUT AUTHORISATION.

TRIPLE ZERO (op):
OH I’M SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION, SHOW HIM OUR AUTHORISATION BEE-TEE.

SFX:
WOO WEE.

Panel 2 – Same shot but the door is exploding inwards. A Stormtroopers helmet with a bloodied neck sticking out of the bottom is flying into the cell. A now illuminated Grebleips looks shocked.

SFX:
KABOOM

Panel 3 – Same shot but Triple Zero, with Bee-Tee in tow, has made his way into the cell and is looming menacingly over an intimidated Senator. The Stormtroopers head is resting on the floor between them oozing blood.

TRIPLE ZERO:
COME WITH US IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

Panel 4 – Back on Cylo IIIs base we see the Dark Trooper standing guard outside of Cylo IIIs office door with a purple lightsaber blade emerging from his chest as he has been impaled by Deadpool from within.

DARK TROOPER (robotic):
ERK.

DEADPOOL (op):
NOPE

Panel 5 a to c – Three panels the width of the page

A – Deadpool decapitates a Dark Trooper further down the corridor.

DARK TROOPER (robotic):
OOMF.

DEADPOOL:
NAH UH.

B – Deadpool now deeper in the complex has chopped the hand off another Dark Trooper.

DARK TROOPER (robotic):
ARGH.

DEADPOOL:
NO!

C – Deadpool is looking down at a Dark Trooper he has flung off of a gantry that is plummeting to its death Hans Gruber style. Deadpool is doing a fist pump.

DARK TROOPER (robotic):
aaaaAHHHHuhhhh

DEADPOOL:
YES, ONE ROBOTIC WILHELM SCREAM!

Panel 6 – Deadpool has reached a junction with signs in Aurebesh (Star Wars’ written language) pointing in either direction.

DEADPOOL:
GREAT, HOW AM I GOING TO READ THIS CRAP!

CAPTION:
TRANSLATION: LEFT LEADS TO TRASH COMPACTOR, RIGHT LEADS TO BIO DOME.

Page 11 (6 panels)

Panel 1 – Deadpool is entering the Bio Dome through a very large, very strong looking doorway which he is examining.

DEADPOOL (thought):
BIO DOME IT IS, THANK YOU CAPTION BOX!

DEADPOOL:
WHAT HAVE THEY GOT IN HERE KING KONG?

SFX:
ROAR!

DEADPOOL (continued):
I HAD TO ASK.

Panel 2 – An adult Rancor with cybernetic enhancements stands in the middle of a lush tropical greenhouse type environment. Above it is the dome leading out to space. The Rancor should look a bit naff, like a dodgy 80s special effect. Deadpool stands at the front of the panel facing the Rancor brandishing his lightsaber.

DEADPOOL:
YOU DON’T LOOK SO TOUGH.

Panel 3 – Same as above panel but now the Rancor is much more formidable, totally tricked out with weaponry and armour. It now looks like it was made using CGI.

SFX:
ROOOOOAAAAR!

DEADPOOL:
DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT? DAMN SPECIAL EDITIONS!

Panel 4 – Darth Vader in his Tie Fighter is swopping down at Cylo III’s base from above firing a torpedo at the Bio Dome where Deadpool can be seen held in the hand of the Rancor, which is about to eat his head.

CAPTION:
MEANWHILE

VADER:
THE EMPEROR WILL NOT HAVE YOUR SECRETS!

Panel 5 –Vader’s torpedo has smashed the Bio Dome and replaced the Rancor with a crater which has exposed an exhaust port below where flames are visible. Due to the depressurisation Deadpool, glass and anything else not bolted down is being sucked into space. Deadpool is on a trajectory to collide with Vaders Tie Fighter, Mace Windus lightsaber is floating away from him.

SFX:
RUMBLE.

DEADPOOL:
DAMMIT, I HAD HIM RIGHT WHERE I WANTED HIM!

Panel 6 – We see Deadpool now squashed into Vader’s Tie Fighter beside Vader. The Tie Fighter is flying away from the exploding asteroid behind them.

SFX:
KABOOOM!

DEADPOOL:
THANKS FOR THE SAVE DARTH, HOW DID YOU KNOW I’D SURVIVE?

VADER:
YOUR ESCAPE WAS NOT MY OBJECTIVE.

DEADPOOL (continued):
EITHER WAY I OWE YOU ONE, SO IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO BUILD ANOTHER DEATH STAR MAKE SURE YOU DON’T DO IT NEAR A PLANET FULL OF TEDDY BEARS.

Page 12 (6 panels)

Panel 1 – A clearing on Brodo Asogi. It’s dusk. Vader and Deadpool are walking away from Vaders Tie Fighter to be greeted by Aphra and the droids. Senator Grebleips can be seen connecting Bee-Tee to a communications device pieced together from random Star Wars tech, similar aesthetic to the one from E.T.

DEADPOOL (to Aphra):
NICE HAT, DID YOU STEAL IT FROM TANK GIRL?

VADER (speech bubble overlaps Deadpools speech as if he is talking over him):
WHERE IS THE SHIP?

APHRA:
NICE TO SEE YOU TOO YOUR LORDSHIP. SENATOR GREBLEIPS HAS BUILT A COMMUNICATOR TO SUMMON HIS PEOPLE USING BEE-TEE AS A TRANMITTER. WE WERE JUST WAITING FOR YOU BEFORE WE SEND THE SIGNAL.

Panel 2 – Deadpool is now standing between Triple Zero and Bee-Tee and miming using a telephone with one hand whilst pointing into the distance with the other.

DEADPOOL:
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR, BEE-TEE PHONE HOME!

DEADPOOL (thought):
BOY, GILLEN SURE HAS A HARD ON FOR DROIDS. WHAT ARE THESE TWO THE CONSOLATION PRIZE WHEN HE COULDN’T GET HK 47?*

EDITORS NOTE:

  • THEY WERE HE TOLD ME AT LONDON SUPER COMIC CON.

Panel 3 – The space ship from E.T. is parked in a clearing before the group. Grebleips and Deadpool are preparing to leave. Vader is addressing Grebleips whilst gesturing at Deadpool.

CAPTION:
LATER.

VADER:
YOU WILL REMOVE THIS BEING AND YOUR TECHNOLOGY FROM THE EMPERORS REACH AND NEVER RETURN.

GREBLEIPS:
WE WILL.

DEADPOOL (thought):
LOOKS LIKE I’M NOT GOING TO BE HIS SECRET APPRENTICE LIKE THAT STARKILLER GUY IN FORCE UNLEASED. IT’S A SHAME, I REALLY ROCK A HOOD.

Panel 4 – In the background Grebleips is walking towards the entrance of the ship. In the foreground Deadpool is leaning over and extending a finger towards Vaders heart in a parody of the end of E.T.

DEADPOOL:
I’LL BE RIGHT…

VADER:
NO

Panel 5 – Vader looms over a dejected looking Deadpool.

VADER:
LEAVE BEFORE MY GENEROSITY WAVERS.

Panel 6 –Deadpool is at the entrance of the ship where he is greeted by excited Asogians one of which he is high fiving. Vader watches him go from the foreground now joined by Aphra.

ASOGIAN 1:
WADE!

DEADPOOL:
HEY GUY’S WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

ASOGIAN 2:
WE WENT FOR SNACKS!

ASOGIAN 3:
WE HAVE CHIMICHANGAS.

DEADPOOL (continued):
GREAT, LET’S BLOW THIS JOINT!

Page 13 (1 panel)

Panel 1 – Full page panel showing Vader and Aphra looking up at the departing ship in the sky. Overlaid in the bottom right we can see Deadpool standing in front of the panel addressing the reader.

DEADPOOL (emerging from ship):
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!

VADER:
APHRA, USE MY CLEARANCE TO SEND A PROBE DROID TO HOTH.

DEADPOOL (addressing reader):
SO, PRETTY LONG FOR AN 8-10 PAGE STORY HUH? IF YOU GOT THIS FAR YOU MUST HAVE LIKED IT. THAT OR YOU’RE A MASOCHIST AND ENJOY OUTFITS LIKE MINE. EITHER WAY REMEMBER TO VOTE. NOT THAT THIS FRAUD DESERVES IT. YOU CAME FOR ACTION AND INSTEAD WERE TREATED TO BENDIS LEVELS OF EXPOSITION. BUT HE SAID IF HE DOESN’T WIN HE WON’T RELEASE ME IN TIME FOR DEADPOOL 2. WHERE IF @Mark_Millar HAS ANY SAY IN CASTING YOU WILL BE STUCK WITH 1 HOUR 48 MINS OF JOHN CENA AS CABLE. SO DO THE RIGHT THING AND VOTE!

END


Star Wars Movie Thread
'Impossible Tales' Anthology - (On Sale Now!!)
#8

FAWLTY HULKS

By Simon Jones (@SimonJones)

Based on Fawlty Towers created by John Cleese and Connie Booth
And The Incredible Hulk created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby

Note: This story is based around the 1970’s BBC sitcom Fawlty Towers. The look and feel should be consistent with the studio bound original show based in a small hotel in Torquay in England.

Page 1
1/ The classic opening shot from the titles for the TV show for Fawlty Towers showing the Hotel, plus the sign which has been rearranged as “Waterfowl Sty”

Title and credits.

2/ Basil Fawlty (as played by John Cleese) is reading a news paper. We can just see his eyes over the top of it.

The Newspaper (Daily Mail) has the headline – Hulk battles Thanos in West End.

The sub-headline should read as – Foreigners go Home

BASIL: Americans. Coming over here. .

3/ We pull out to see the Fawlty Towers Reception Lobby (layout as per the TV show). The main entrance is at the back, with the stairs to the right. The entrance to the dining room is in the right wall; on the left, the reception desk running along the left wall, with the entrance to the office behind it. The entrance to the bar is beyond the desk. It is evening.

Basil is behind the desk. Major Gowen (as played by Ballard Berkley) is at the other side.

CAPTION: Basil Fawlty - Legendary Hotellier. Or is that Infamous? I mix those up.

BASIL: We have two staying at the moment.

MAJOR GOWEN: Hulks, Fawlty? I’ll get my rifle.

BASIL: No Major. Two Americans…

4/ The Major’s is highly animated and he turns to leave.

CAPTION: Major Gowen: Military Man. Couple of sandwiches short…

MAJOR GOWEN: I’ll fetch it anyway. They’re destructive blighters.

BASIL: Americans?

MAJOR GOWEN: Hulks Fawlty. Hulks.

PAGE2

1/ Basil watches as the Major leaves.

BASIL: MAJOR!

MRS. BROWN: (off panel) Mr. Fawlty. Mr. Fawlty.

2/ Basil turns and is faced by a rather severe older woman with Coke Bottle classes and an overcoat.
Basil’s face is full of annoyance.

MRS BROWN: I can’t find Mr. Stuffins.

BASIL: Perhaps he went for a drink. I know I could do with one.

MRS BROWN: Mr. Stuffins is my Boa constrictor.

3/ Inset panel. Basil’s eyes bulge out.

BASIL: WHAT???

4/ Basil’s arms flail and his face contorts in disbelief.

BASIL: What? Why oh why did you bring that into my hotel? What did I ever do to you?

MRS. BROWN: He gets ever so lonely at home.

5/ Basil is getting hysterical behind the desk now.

BASIL: What were you planning? Bracing walks along the seafront? Throw a frisbee and watch him crush it to death?

PAGE3

1/ Basil is picking up the phone on the Reception Desk.

BASIL: I’m calling animal control.

2/ Mrs. Brown is pleading with Basil now. Basil has the phone at his ear and is about to dial.

MRS BROWN: No Mr Fawlty. Please. They’ll kill him.

3/ Mrs. Brown leans into Basil. Basil is suddenly interested.

MRS. BROWN: If it’s a matter of money.

BASIL: How much?

MRS BROWN: Fifty Pounds?

BASIL: One Hundred

MRS BROWN: Seventy Five.

BASIL: Done.

PAGE4
1/ (vertical panel)

Close up on Manuel the Spanish (Catalan) waiter as played by Andrew Sachs. He looks permanently confused.

CAPTION: Manuel: Waiter. Poorly trained by miserly employer. From Barcelona.

BASIL (off panel): I need you to look for the snake.

MANUEL: Que.

BASIL (off panel): Snake. El Serpentio. Comprende.

MANUEL: Snake? Si.

BASIL: But you mustn’t tell Mrs. Fawlty. As far as she is concerned there is no snake.

MANUEL: No snake? You say that there is snake.

2/ Close up on Polly as played by Connie Booth

CAPTION: Polly - Waitress. Works at reception. Cleans the rooms. Fixes the Switchboard. Actually an artist.

POLLY: I won’t go along with it Mr. Fawlty.

BASIL (off panel):I am ordering you to look for the snake.

POLLY: It’s dangerous.

BASIL (off panel): I will give you money.

POLLY: How much?

BASIL (off panel):Twenty pounds. And not a word to the wife.

3/ Close up on Sybil Fawlty (as played by Prunella Scales). She is giving Basil (off panel) a withering look.

CAPTION: Sybil Fawlty - The wife. She who must be obeyed.

SYBIL: You’re up to something Basil.

BASIL (off panel): No I’m not.

SYBIL: And when I find out what it is…

BASIL (off panel): You’d have to sew them back on first darling.

PAGE5

1/ Open in the Fawlty Towers Dining room. Bruce Banner and his wife Betty are sitting at a table. Sybil Fawlty is standing beside them chatting.
As this is based in the 1970’s. Bruce should look like 1970’s Bruce from the comics. He should have thick glasses. He is wearing a green jacket, a plain white shirt and a green sports coat.

CAPTION: Dr Bruce Banner - Incredible Hulk. Enjoying a short break in Torquay with his wife.

SYBIL: And you’re a scientist? I think that’s fascinating.

BANNER: Yeah. Gamma rays.

SYBIL: That’s fascinating. I love that Carl Sagan on the telly.

2/ Manuel is entering the dining room from reception.

SYBIL: Manuel. Over here please. Doctor and Mrs Banner are ready to order.

3/ Manuel walks off. Sybil, Banner and Betty watch him leaving, looking confused.

4/ Sybil smiles a big insincere smile. In the background Manuel is looking for the snake.
Basil enters now. He is close enough to eavesdrop on Sybil and Banner.

SYBIL: And you’re American. I would love to go to America some time. But I’m just so busy…

5/ As panel 4, Basil is talking to himself.

BASIL: Painting your nails. Luring unwary husbands to their doom and sucking the life out of them.

PAGE 6
1/ Sybil beckons Basil. Basil is looking fed up at the interuption.

SYBIL: Basil, could you please take Dr. Banner’s order?

BASIL: Can’t you see I’m busy?

2/ Sybil looks at Basil inquisitively.

SYBIL: Doing what Basil?

3/ Basil now standing between Banner and Betty. He smiles obsequiously.

BASIL: Right. Fine.

BANNER: We would like the Paté and the Smoked salmon to start please.

4/ Betty is looking at the menu.

BETTY: Is the lamb from an ethical butcher?

BASIL: Well, I’ve met him. He’s a nice man, yes.

5/ Same panel as before

BETTY: I mean, was it killed humanely?

BASIL: Probably… Oh, how I envy it.

PAGE7
1/ In the background, Major Gowen runs through the dining room with his rifle unseen by Banner and Betty. Basil is watching this.

BASIL: Sorry. I need something to write with. I will be right back.

2/ Close up of the table. Banner is still annoyed.

BANNER: I don’t believe this guy.

BETTY: I’m sorry. I just thought after London a small break might be nice.

3/ Banner tries to attract the attention of Manuel, who is looking underneath a table to left of Banner’s . And there are people sitting at it.

BANNER: Excuse me. Could we get some service please?

4/Manuel comes to the table and stands before Banner.

MANUEL: Good-a. Evening. Sir.

5/ Manuel walks away again and continues looking for the snake. Banner is getting increasingly annoyed.

BANNER: I would like a paté…

6/ Banner stands up and takes Manuel’s arm to pull him back.

BANNER: Hey, we want to order please.

MANUEL: No. Sor. There eess no snaayke.

PAGE8

1/ Polly appears at the other side of Banner.

POLLY: He means the steak. There is no steak. Steak is off.

BANNER: He said snake.

POLLY: He’s from Barcelona.

2/ Focus on Banner speaking to Polly. He looks a little confused by all of this.

BANNER: I thought he said snake.

3/ Polly shows Banner to his seat again.

POLLY: If you would like to sit down, I would be happy to take your order.

4/ Banner is seated again and looking at the menu.

BANNER: Finally. We’d like to order the paté and smoked salmon to start and the…

5/ Inset panel

SOUND FX: BAM. BAM

PAGE9

1/Basil bursts though the kitchen doors. He is grappling with the Major for the rifle.

2/ Sybil comes from the reception door.

SYBIL: BASILLLLL!! What is going on?

3/ Basil stands up and tries to look innocent despite holding the rifle.
BASIL: Just some gunfire dear. Making our American guests feel at home.

4/ Focus on Banner at the table. He is yelling now.

BANNER: I WOULD LIKE A PATÉ AND A SMOKED SALMON…

5/ Basil (gun in hand) is incandescent with rage. He gets right in Banner’s face.

BASIL: WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT? A MILKSHAKE? SOME GRITS?

6/Inset panel. Focus on Banner’s face. His pupils are starting to glow green.

BANNER: Don’t make me angry.

PAGE10

1/ Basil is screaming back at him. His eyes are bulging out now. The veins in his temples are bulging out.

BASIL: What are you going to do? Nuclear War? Throw all of our tea in the harbour?

2/Manuel takes a hold of Basil’s sleeve.

MANUEL: Mr. Fawlty. Mr. Fawlty.

3/Basil turns around pointing the rifle at Manuel.

BASIL: WHAT NOW?

4/ A huge snake appears right behind Manuel. Manuel looks terrified.

5/ Basil to Manuel

BASIL: Thank you Manuel. When you’ve finished with Mr Stuffins, could you please take the Doctor’s order?

6/ Banner is leaving through reception holding Betty’s hand.
Two new guests are coming the opposite direction entering reception. Betty and Banner are warning them as they leave.

CAPTION: Two minutes later.

BETTY: Run now while you still can.

BANNER: Take my advice - Don’t make him angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.

The End


#9

Michael E. Nichols
Millarworld username: menichols

I chose an unlikely team-up based on two of Sci-fi’s most beloved characters. My story “Frontiers” is somewhat of a bookend for an episode of Star Trek (the original series) that ranks amongst my favorites called “All Our Yesterdays”. It might help to have a recap of that episode to fully appreciate my short story. Below is a link to that episode’s synopsis. As always, hope my stuff passes muster. Thanks for Reading.

All Our Yesterdays (episode)

Kirk, Spock and McCoy are trapped in a planet’s distant pasts, where Spock finds love with an exiled woman. Captain Kirk, Spock and Doctor McCoy transport to the surface of the planet Sarpeidon, to warn the inhabitants that their sun (the star Beta Niobe) is about to become a supernova. All three members of the landing party are surprised to find there are no inhabitants of Sarpeidon remaining. In a Sarpeidon library, the team encounter a librarian named Mr. Atoz and several of his replicas.

Frontiers

Page one

1/ Splash page. Deep space. The U.S.S. Enterprise is in the upper right corner of the panel foreground heading away from the reader. In the distance (panel center) is a single, sharp, bright spot of light.

CAPTION (CAPTAIN KIRK): Captain’s log Stardate 5945.1: It’s been eighteen months since our initial visit to the Beta Niobe system and witnessed the destruction of both its eponymous star and single Class-M planet Sarpeidon.

CAPTION (CAPTAIN KIRK): Starfleet has ordered our return due to long range sensor’s recent discovery of an energy pulse emanating from the planet’s former coordinates. The pulse which is having a deleterious effect on ship’s systems, appears consistent with the chronal energy our scans first recorded when First Officer Spock, Doctor McCoy and myself encountered Atoz, Sarpeidon’s sole inhabitant and curator of the planet’s time-spanning library.

CAPTION (CAPTAIN KIRK): There remains no evidence of the temporal regression Mister Spock exhibited in the planet’s past and while he assures me he is whole, I remain cautiously… optimistic.

Page two

1/ Spock prepares to fit the helmet to a spacesuit in the Enterprise’s landing bay. Standing nearby are Captain Kirk and Scotty.

SPOCK: I trust you will continue to endeavor in your efforts to reestablish communication and transporter capabilities Mister Scott.

SCOTTY: Aye Mister Spock. That field, she’s a wee tough to crack but we’re close, don’t you worry.

2/ Kirk addresses Spock

KIRK: You’re sure you want to do this Spock… in light of your experience? There are others.

SPOCK: As the Enterprise’s science officer, I am most qualified… Your concern is appreciated Captain but unwarranted. The woman Zarabeth has been dead for millennia. It would be illogical to contemplate further on the matter.

3/ Spock snaps the helmet in place.

KIRK: As you were then Mister Spock. Good luck.

4/ Spock floats in space in the panel foreground, coming toward reader accompanied by small bursts from a jetpack. In the background sits the Enterprise.

5/ Spock’s POV from inside the space helmet’s transparent shield. The bright spot of light is seen in the distance

SPOCK: First Officer’s Log, Stardate 5945.3: As extra-ship communications remain inoperable, I will record my analysis of the energy phenomena for examination upon return to the Enterprise.

SPOCK: I am roughly twenty-five thousand meters away from its locus. From this distance based on relative size and apparent symmetry, I estimate the object to be perfectly circular and one hundred meters in diameter.

Page three

1/ Profile shot of Spock with his gloved hand floating in space mere inches from the surface of the energy field’s surface.

SPOCK: Tricorder readings confirm that the field’s temporal signature is identical to one experienced by our original away team.

2/ Spock’s POV. His outstretched, gloved hand reaches towards the shimming surface. His dictation is suddenly interrupted by a panicked attempt from the Enterprise to reach him on his suit’s communicator.

SPOCK: Interesting…. Despite its continued growth, the field’s strength and cohesion appears to be weakening inversely. In fact, at the current rate of expansion and decay it should cease to exist in twenty-nine earth-solar-hours. As such there remains no impetus for enterprise to intervene furth–

COMMUNICATIONS (LOUD): --ock, Come in Mister Spo-…. --lingon Warbird decloakin–

3/ Spock turns his head to see a cloaked Klingon Warbird flickering into visibility in the panel’s rear ground. Hurtling towards him also is the figure of a Klingon wearing his own propelled EVA-suit.

4/ Profile shot. The Klingon collides with Spock in space. The impact forces the entangled two towards the shimmering time window.

5/ The time window’s coruscating glow fills the panel. Evidence of Mr. Spock’s arms and the Klingon’s legs are all that are seen as the field envelops them.

Page four

1/ POV of Spock looking upward. Outside the helmet’s transparent shield, snow whirls in great torrents above.

2/ Spock sits up. A barren, arctic landscape stretches as far as the eye can see. A few meters away (further in panel) sits the grounded Klingon who’s trying to gain his bearings as well.

3/ Both men are own their feet facing one another. The distant, shouting Klingon’s voice crackles through Spock’s helmet. Spock is seen engaging his universal translator by pressing a small stud on the wrist of his EVA-suit.

KLINGON: peDtaH ’ej chIS qo’ (translation from Klingon: It’s snowing and the world is white) …jIH …'oH (translation from Klingon: My name)

SFX (universal translator): “tec”

KLINGON: …is Lieutenant Commander S’lohciN and I claim this discovery for the Klingon Empire!

4/ Spock attempts to reason with the Klingon who explosively interrupts him while simultaneously reaching for his side disruptor.

SPOCK: Lieutenant Commander… We are in grave danger. It is imperative that we both return to the other side of the field before it…

KLINGON: Federation lies! You die Vulcan scum!

5/ Both men grapple with the weapon which discharges overhead.

SFX (Klingon disruptor): PHEEEOOO!

6/ POV both combatants looking upwards as they witness the disruptor blast loosen a shelf of heavy ice and snow from a cliff wall above them.

Page five

1/ The Klingon furthest from the wall pushes himself away while simultaneously flinging Spock towards the frozen cascade.

2/ The Klingon stumbles off while all that remains visible of Spock is his gloved hand and the smallest edge of his helmet’s transparent shield buried in the snow.

3/ Spocks POV (same as Page four, Panel 1). The snow whirls above him.

4/ Same as previous panel, only the image blurs and darkens as Spock loses consciousness from the accident’s concussion.

5/ Spock POV. He is lying on his side, his eyes open to the sight of a cave. There is a warm fire a few feet away. Suspended above it is a steaming pot hung from a makeshift hanger. Animal furs are piled in the corner along with drinking gourds and his EVA-suit propped against a wall.

6/ View of Spock from the front in his laying position. He is in bundled in the same style of animal furs. His mouth splits in an uncommon smile as he speaks.

SPOCK: Zarabeth…?

Page six

1/ Spock turns to see Yoda resting on a cave rock studying him, his walking stick in one hand and Spock’s uniform’s communication emblem in the other.

YODA: No… not Zarabeth… Yoda am I.

2/ Spock is once again dressed in the EVA-suit, studying his tricorder.

SPOCK: Rather than five thousand years into Sarpeidon’s past it would seem we have travelled over fifty thousand.

YODA: Not know of Sarpeidon… Hoth it is to I.

SPOCK: Fascinating… This system apparently developed far earlier than anything realized by the Federation.

3/ Spock faces Yoda.

SPOCK: And you Yoda; is this your home?

YODA: No… Leave this place I too will, once I find for what I came.

SPOCK: And if I may, what might that be?

4/ Yoda looks at Spock somberly.

YODA: Dooku

5/ Spock faces Yoda inquisitively.

SPOCK: Dooku?

Page seven

1/ Yoda faces Spock.

YODA: Student he is… Master am I. Drawn to the dark side of the Force he has become… Speak with him I must… at least try before too late it is.

SPOCK: The force?

YODA: It surrounds us, binds us flows, through us… everywhere it is… Look within you need only see… Feel without you need only do. Possible all is.

2/ Spock looks bemused.

SPOCK: Facile quantum manipulation… Remarkable.

3/ Yoda to Spock.

YODA: Good Jedi you would make friend Spock. Strong your mind is but struggle it does.

4/ Spock nods.

SPOCK: The regression. The longer I remain in the past the more I’ll revert.

SPOCK: I fear given time, I will have more in common with our adversaries than I do with you Master Yoda.

YODA: Then home go you must.

5/ Spock shakes his head.

SPOCK: I cannot without the Klingon. Experience has shown that we need to reenter the barrier together… There is also the matter of your errant apprentice.

YODA: I sense them both.

Spock: Curious… Given your shared abilities, how is it that you intuit Dooku’s location but he evidently is unaware of you?

6/ Yoda gives a small smile.

YODA: Powerful yes… but student he still is… though closer I get, harder to hide it is.

SPOCK: Then Master Yoda, might I suggest an alternate stratagem.

Page eight (Juxtaposed panels mirroring similar action)

1/ Rear ground shot of young Dooku with his back to reader sitting cross-legged in the swirling snow in a meditative pose with his hands on his knees, palms up-turned. A short distance away is Dooku’s small ship stuck in a state of repair. Behind him Mr. Spock approaches with his phaser drawn.

2/ Similar to previous panel only now it is Yoda sitting like Dooku on the center of a frozen pond. In this panel the Klingon approaches Yoda similar to Mr. Spock with his disruptor drawn.

3/ Dooku sitting, facing reader in the foreground opens his eyes to Spock’s voice.

SPOCK: Young man… Your instructor would have a word with you.

4/ Yoda sitting facing reader in the foreground, leaves his eyes closed but smiles slightly at the Klingon’s universal translated words.

KLINGON: What are you little thing?

5/ Dooku rises and turns to face Spock while simultaneously thumbing on his lightsaber.

SFX (lightsaber) SHERRROWW!

DOOKU: I think not.

6/ Same as Panel 4. Yoda remains seated, eyes closed as the Klingon levels his disruptor at Yoda’s head.

KLINGON: Bah! Die then…

Page nine

1/ Spock is firing his phaser at Dooku who is deftly deflecting the bursts.

2/ Yoda remains seated. The Klingon’s firing hand shakes uncontrollably.

KLINGON: Wha-- What trick is this?

3/ Spock throws his phaser set to overload, high and behind Dooku into a snow bank.

4/ Close-up on the Klingon’s “Force” controlled hand firing his disruptor into the ice at his feet.

5/ The phaser explodes behind Dooku catapulting him towards Mr. Spock

SFX (phaser explodes): BOOM!

6/ The Klingon’s disruptor pierces the ice and his weight does the rest plummeting him to the bottom of the pond.

Page ten

1/ Spock catches Dooku and administers the Vulcan nerve pinch rendering him unconscious.

2/ Yoda waves his arm and using the Force, raises the stunned and frozen Klingon from the water.

3/ Spock and Yoda reunite with their two motionless quarries. Spock is speaking to Yoda when his communicator springs to life.

Spock: Now we need only to find the portal. The signature is faint but I believe if we head in this dire–

ENTERPRISE: Enterprise to Mister Spock… Come in Mister. Spock.

4/ Spock speaks into his EVA-suit wrist communicator.

SPOCK: Spock here.

ENTERPRISE: Mister Spock. Thank God. We’ve overcome communications and teleporter interference on this side of the barrier but only because sensors show that its total discorporation will occur in less than three minutes.

SPOCK: Understood… Two to beam aboard on my mark.

5/ Spock shoulders the unconscious form of the Klingon. He turns toward Yoda and flashes the familiar Vulcan “V” sign.

SPOCK: Thank you Master Yoda …for everything. Live long and prosper.

SPOCK: Enterprise… energize.

6/ Spock and the Klingon start to teleport. Yoda raises his hand in friendship towards them and issues his own farewell.

YODA: May the Force be with you Mister Spock.

End


#10

DOCTOR STRANGE meets SWAMP THING
Script by Craig Sawyer
craigsawyertalent@yahoo.com
Board Name: csawyer
Art by to be determined
10 pages
Final Draft: Oct, 1 2016

PAGE ONE

1/ Establishing shot of 177A Bleecker Street in Manhattan’s Greenwich Village. Also known as Doctor Strange’s Sanctum Santorum.

2/ Cut to the interior of The Sanctum. We see a fully costumed Doctor Stephen Strange straining to close a large portal of grey energy. The entire room is covered by mold and large mushrooms.

3/ A shocked WONG stands in the doorway.

WONG: Should I be WORRIED?

4/ Strange raises his hands into making an arcane gesture.

STRANGE: Was working on a new SPELL…opened a portal to this rather interesting GREY DIMENSION.

STRANGE CONT’D: Closing it seems to pose MORE of a challenge…but no need to WORRY.

PAGE TWO:

1/ Mold is rapidly moving up Strange’s legs and lower body.

CAPTION: I sense an alien presence probing my mind and taking control. It’s too powerful to resist.

STRANGE: WONG!

WONG: Yes…Stephen?

STRANGE: START WORRYING!.

2/ The mold is up to his chest.

3/ Strange’s face and body are almost completely covered in grey mold.

4/ Strange escapes out of his body in astral form.

PAGE THREE:

SPLASH: A black-eyed Doctor Strange fully covered in grey mold with his hands raised triumphantly.

STRANGE (GREY): I have FOUND my VESSEL! And on this Earth…there is no SWAMP THING to stop the GREY from CONSUMING ALL!

PAGE FOUR:

1/ Strange is concentrating as his Eye of Agamotto glows.

DOCTOR STRANGE: By all the hoary hosts of HOGGOTH…I command thee…AWESOME AGAMOTTO…let thine all-seeing eye open before me! help me find the one known as SWAMP THING!

2/ A bright portal opens before him.

3/ Strange in astral form flying through the open portal.

CAPTION: Hold down the fort old friend.

4/ Over head shot of Swamp Thing lumbering through thick patches of reeds, grasses and water hyacinth.

DOCTOR STRANGE (O.S.): SWAMP THING…

5/ A perturbed Swamp Thing cocks his head.

SWAMP THING: Who DARES interrupt in my SOLITUDE?

PAGE FIVE:

1/ Swamp thing punching through a ghostly image of Doctor Strange.

DOCTOR STRANGE: DOCTOR STRANGE…SORCERER SUPREME. I dwell on an alternate Earth…and have SWORN to protect the PEOPLE who live here.

SWAMP: What about the FLORA of your planet? Have you SWORN to protect them as well?

2/ Close on Swamp Thing facing Strange.

DOCTOR STRANGE: We will do BETTER if given time. I sense you were HUMAN once. The GREY has invaded my world and embedded it’s conciseness into my physical body.

SWAMP THING: The grey is FAR too DANGEROUS to unleashed into the multiverse again.

DOCTOR STRANGE: Then you help us?

SWAMP THING: I will help you SORCERER SUPREME.

3/ Close on Swamp Thing.

SWAMP THING: Separating the Grey from your body could KILL you. Only the GREEN can stop the GREY. We must travel there and ask it for help. I ASSUME you can get there.

DOCTOR STRANGE: I can get us BOTH there.

4/ Doctor Strange opening a portal to the green in front of them

SWAMP THING: Beware Strange…The GREEN is delicate. If we encounter ANYTHING…let ME be the one to SPEAK.

DOCTOR STRANGE: You are talking to one who has traveled to the DARK DIMENSION. My name is STRANGE for a reason.

PAGE SIX:

1/ Swamps and Strange walking through the portal. Swamp Thing’s material, flora skin is obliterated into pieces leaving only his astral form.

2/ Surrounding Strange and Swamp Thing are giant webs of gnarled branches with scenes of stars and comets between them.

3/ We zoom out to see Strange and Swamps as tiny floating specks at the rooted base of a insanely cosmic looking bearded tree SILA with judgmental eyes peering down at them.

SILA: I am SILA…SUSTAINER of LIVING WORLDS…WHY are you HERE?

4/ POV shot of Swamp Thing and Doctor Strange looking up at the immense astral presence. Strange has his hand raised like an eager school boy.

SWAMP THING: I am the current AVATAR of the GREEN on my Earth. The GREY has taken residence in this human’s body and plans to spread across his world in hopes of killing all HUMAN-KIND and PLANT-KIND.

SILA: The only thing that the Grey fears is the POWER of the GREEN.

SWAMP THING: Yes.

DOCTOR STRANGE: Excuse me…pardon me…may I have a word?

5/ Swamp Thing looking annoyed at Strange.

SWAMP THING: I told YOU not to SPEAK.

DOCTOR STRANGE: I have an Idea…If you don’t mind flying COACH?

PAGE SEVEN:

1/ Cut to the Sanctum Santorum. We see Wong lying on the ground. Smoke rising from his back. The black eyed Strange marveling at the eldritch energy encircling his hands.

DOCTOR STRANGE (Grey): This vessel possesses considerable POWER for a HUMAN.

2/ A Green portal opens in the room behind Strange (Grey) as Astral Strange exits it. The Eye of Agamotto around his neck now glows bright green

DOCTOR STRANGE: WONG!

3/ Close on Strange (Grey) as he points to a patch of giant mushrooms.

STRANGE: Your GUARD put up a good fight…but he has FALLEN…as will this WORLD.

4/ The mushroom’s sprout arms and legs.

PAGE EIGHT:

1/ Close of astral Strange. The green Eye of Agamotto is so full of green energy it seems about to burst.

DOCTOR STRANGE: You really did choose the WRONG house.

2/ Close of the Eye shooting forth a brilliant green beam at Strange (Grey).

3/ The beam rips the mold away from Doctor Strange’s physical body.

STRANGE (Grey): ARGGHHHH!

4/ The beam hits a nearby wall and transforms the mold and grey mushroom’s into lush green flora. Doctor Strange’s body has collapsed in the foreground.

5/ The area of thick flora and vines start to form a humanoid being.

PAGE NINE:

1/ The face of Swamp Thing’s face and frontal body is now fully formed into the wall of green. His eyes are closed. Think Han Solo in Carbonite.

2/ Close on Swamp Thing with eyes open.

SWAMP THING: ENOUGH!

3/ Astral Doctor Strange re-enters his life-less body.

4/ Doctor Strange sitting up and rubbing his head.

5/ Swamp Thing tearing himself away from the wall.

PAGE TEN:

1/ Over the shoulder shot of Doctor Strange and Swamp thing facing (4) demonic looking, giant humanoid mushrooms.

2/ One of the giant mushrooms brings his fist down onto Swamp Thing who catches it, as Strange shoots a mystical energy bolt through it’s chest.

DOCTOR STRANGE: It’s like a SAUNA in here.

SWAMP THING: They are susceptible to FREEZING temperatures.

DOCTOR STRANGE: I have just the PRESCRIPTION then.

3/ A swirl of icy energy encircles Doctor Strange.

DOCTOR STRANGE: I call upon the ICY TENDRIL’S OF IKTHALON!

4/ Octopus like appendages made of ice shoot out from around Strange and freezes the mushroom creatures.

5/ The mushroom creatures crumble in front of the closing grey portal.

6/ Strange helping a frazzled Wong to his feet with one hand as he opens a portal with the other. Swamp Thing standing nearby.

SWAMP THING: It is OVER.

DOCTOR STRANGE: Only because you agreed to let me use the Eye of Agamotto to absorb your essence and concentrate it at the Grey.

DOCTOR STRANGE CONT’D: The PORTAL will take you back to your EARTH…and if you are ever in the NEED of a sorcerer…

SWAMP THING: I may call upon you STRANGE. I have grown weary of the antics of certain CHAIN SMOKING sorcerer on my Earth.

7/ Swamp Thing walking into the portal.

SWAMP THING: Farewell.


#11

“Afternoon Delight” To my surprise this was actually my favorite. I’ve kind of embraced that the participants in these things tend toward the irreverent. You don’t get much more irreverent than Deadpool, and this story seemed to capture his spirit pretty well, even if the Fantastic Four action scenes could have been tightened up (read: shortened), as they distract from the rest of it.

“Darth Pool” On the other hand, I don’t think this one worked as well. For one, the voice of Vader wasn’t captured very well, and as with other entries it was somewhat irritating to read because of the ALL CAPS in the dialogue. If you look at most professional scripts, that’s not the way it’s done, and it’s just not reader-friendly. Also, the best section was the E.T. cameo. That really could and/or should have been the whole submitted script, no matter the writer’s enthusiasm for Vaderpool.

“Doctor Strange Meets Swamp Thing” Characterization was a problem with this one, too. I got the feeling that the writer took everything they knew about Swamp Thing from information about him rather than any particular comics. In this case it really showed.

“Enemy of My Enemy” This Alien vs. Predator variant’s major problem is that the human characters were completely generic, making the story itself completely generic. This might work well in movies, but in comics, and especially comic scripts, you’re only going to interest people who already dig this sort of thing.

“Nightmare, Where Madness Grows”
"Nightmare on Elm Street Adventures: Pokémon Gore Although credited to different writers, these looked for all appearances to have come from the same source. For one, you don’t need a cover for something like this. For another, the nightmare in the titles ended up being the reader’s, as the formatting is very difficult to read and/or get around. Maybe there’s good stuff in there somewhere, but you’ll find that 9 times out of 10, if you don’t pay attention to the fact that someone’s got to read this stuff, then someone’s probably going to find it very easy to dismiss.

“Alan Moore v Grant Morrison” As Paul McCartney said, “that was me.” (Anyone who hasn’t listened to Memory Almost Full really ought to.)

“Fawlty Hulks” I’m really sorry to bag on poor Simon again, but this ended up reading as less an unlikely team-up and more like Fawlty Towers fan fic. There really wasn’t much need for the Hulk in it, now was there?

“Frontiers” Several things wrong with this one. First, it starts out like it thinks it’s literally an episode of Star Trek. No, it’s a comic book story. You don’t need a Captain’s Log to introduce things. The writer ought to acknowledge the difference in formats. Then we get so far into the script before there’s even a hint as to what the team-up is (I honestly began to think it was merely the Klingon, which would’ve been fine, all things considered), and then, like the Vader voice in the earlier script, I don’t think Yoda’s voice is really nailed. If you want to do something ambitious like that, make sure you can pull it off.

I’ll now slink away, and hope people find it slightly more difficult to slag on my work…


#12

Hi YoungDuke. Thanks for reading my short and the critique. I would offer one minor correction. I own a good number of the Star Trek comics offered by both Dell in the sixties and seventies and by Marvel in the eighties. An overwhelming number of them begin with a Captain’s log page… Thanks again for reading and your comments.

Mike


#13

BTW, when I say Dell I should say Dell/Gold Key…


#14

Thanks @YoungDuke for reading. Not sure what you meant by character problems. You said I took everything from information about him rather than a particular comic? I’ve read a lot of Swamp Thing from Len Wein, Moore, and Millar. They all had a unique vibe and introduced new ablities. I didn’t base it on a particular book because it’s my take on the character. What was in the story that was not established in the mythos? Any other feedback besides that? Story? Dialogue? Entertainment value?


#15

@menichols, I know that it’s been done. But that doesn’t mean it should be.

@csawyer, My critique on the Swamp Thing is similar to the above comment; there’s a difference between comic book knowledge and creating dynamic storytelling of your own in a script. Your Swamp Thing read like Exposition Thing, or Plot Device Thing. He didn’t seem like an organic (heh) element of the story so much as a character inserted into a Doctor Strange, whom you wrote far more comfortably, script.


#16

I can agree with that. It was definitely more Doc Strange’s story. It started in his world and ended there. I didn’t set out to get to really in depth into Swamps. Thanks for the feedback on the feedback!


#17

That’s what these things are for. I’ve taken them too seriously in the past. They’re really just meant to give writers practice, see what their strengths and weaknesses might be when subjected to scrutiny.


#18

It’s about growing. Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.


#19

I’m not sure slagging off is what we are supposed to be doing here. Providing constructive critique is far more valuable. I will be giving critique on the other stories soon just wanted to respond to you first.

Thanks for taking the time to read my script. It’s unfortunate you didn’t think Vaders dialogue worked. Can you provide an example? What is your point of reference? As his characterisation was informed by Marvels latest runs of Star Wars and Vader comics. I am sure with a rewrite it could be easily ironed out and I’d still be left with an interesting story that fits nicely into canon with references to lots of pieces of pop culture and Star Wars lore.

Personally I think that all the people you have ‘critiqued’ have put a lot of effort into crafting engaging narratives with interesting environments and situations within the constraints of the challenge whilst you have
rehashed Moores Ring Road Future Shock. With a pair of talking heads and hard to follow references to Arthurian legend.

You say that the Aliens script relies on people having an interest in the topic. This goes double for yours. How is anyone that isn’t an über fanboy of those two creators or Arthurian legend going to get into it?

With regards to capitalisation. Any books or blog posts where professionals talk about comic script writing state that there is no standard formatting and it’s writers preference. As long as it works for them and their artist. This morning I looked in two comic writing reference books and two Green Arrow scripts I had lying around and there were examples of both. So I think this is more your personal preference shining through.

My ‘enthusiasm’ for Darthpool is down to the fact that I’ve been on the forums for a few months and now finally get a chance to showcase my writing to other members for feedback. I apologise to you and other Millarworlders if my viral marketing campaign on the Write Off Q & A thread was ill received however I was just trying to get into the spirit of the character and be entertaining in the process. If other people had a problem with this let me know.


#20

I was going to read them all and vote and then make comments, but that might take me weeks :wink: So I’ll read and comment on one at a time…

Afternoon Delight Or Ego X The Marvel Universe

I like the humour here, and Deadpool’s dialogue, and the little touches like the megaphone.

Structurally, I found the story hard to follow. It was sometimes hard to figure out who was where and doing what, and I’m still not entirely sure what Reed’s plan was or how Sue got it wrong. Maybe you deliberately didn’t spell it out and I’m just a bit thicker than you expected your audience to be. It didn’t really matter here as the comedy was obviously the main point and the plot didn’t have to be clear, but maybe you need to think about explaining things more clearly for the benefit of your artist.