millarworld.tv Comics Creators

The Write Off 8 Scripts


#21

Here is the breakdown I use for my critiques.

(+)= I like it.
(-)= Not a fan.
(?)= I don’t understand.

“RED SON - The Greenhouse Effect”

(+) = Writing is clean and story is easy to follow.

(+) = Nailed Sinestro’s character.

(+) = Snuck in the basic set up of “RED SON”. Without doing so, I think an uninformed reader could wonder where the story was going.

NOTE: It made me want to go read it.

(+) = John Stewart “voice” was right-on. I laughed out loud at some of his comments.

(+) = Liked the little “nuances”, facial expressions and gestures. Finding a balance in the writing can be hard.

(-) = As a person that started out writing screenplays, I have a tendency to avoid phrasing such as “…he/she sees” or “…he/she is”.

Examples:
“…Sinestro is tossing…”
“…John is catching…”
“…John and Sinestro are flying…”

I’m not saying it’s wrong for comic book writing…or screenwriting for that matter. My understanding/feeling is that it can “take the reader out of the story”. Changing things up can be good.

I really enjoyed the story. Thanks for the reading.


#22

“X-23: UNFINISHED BUSINESS”

Like I said before, sometimes you gotta let the story “take you there”. I like the script and your willingness to explore tough subjects.

Thanks for putting the writing out😃


#23

Thanks for the feedback, Bruce!


#24

This was appreciated. Thank you, sir


#25

Ready to jump on something else?


#26

Do you want to host?


#27

I recently had some…tragedies in my life (son and father died weeks apart). I think hosting could be, in a way, therapy for me.

I’m open to doing it if you all will help me “learn the ropes”?


#28

Condolences don’t really seem to cover it. Very sorry for your losses. I think you’re right about the therapeutic possibilities, though.

I’ll help in whatever way I can.


#29

Thank you.

I guess the first place to start would be a topic. Any ideas? Let’s discuss that first.

  • Personally, I’m done messing with other people’s creations. Let’s set some story criteria and have people write their “VISION” for/of that.

I don’t know what that would be, but do you understand what I’m getting at?

Ex. Story of an alien coming to earth.

  1. Ya got X pages.
  2. Names are the same (even character traits).
  3. Agree on abilities and settings.
  4. Can be a hero or villain.
  5. You gotta make me cry with something they do.

#30

That idea sounds great! I’d be happy to go with exactly that. You can pick a name, whether they’re hero or villain. We can also see if anyone else wanders in.


#31

Here is a basic idea we could work from?

Start simple and work from there?

STORY PARAMETERS:

  • Earth as we know it.

  • HERO comes back after long absence. THINK: Captain America mixed with Superman.

  • Hero has to acclimate themselves to “modern life”.

  • HERO has to “reconcile past”.

  • HERO has to deal with long time SUPER VILLAIN. THINK: Lex Luthor.

  • Story has a definitive ending.

  • Story told with a MAX 20 pages.


#32

Come up with some names and we’re probably good.


#33

Do it like this?..Take the names used when writing it, change those names to HERO, VILLAIN, and such.

Just call them what they are for the sake of readership. The idea is to tell a compelling story with familiar elements.

I’m just “spit balling” does any of this work?


#34

Ideally it would make for more engaging reading if there was a name. What’re the hero’s abilities? The villain’s? I’m a pretty good naming generator.


#35

Let’s take the Superman premise. Any name ideas? I’m thinking we have to be “gender neutral”, which means we can’t name the hero something like Omega?


#36

There’s already an Omega (Omega the Unknown), and also Omega Red.

How about Exemplar. Their nemesis could be the Laureate, someone who trained themselves to be their equal. Lex Luthor finally did that when he concocted the armor, but he only occasionally has used it over the years. This could be the Luthor who really is only faking being a superhero, or who did before Exemplar’s return. Laureate has already fallen, but is now attempting to gain their revenge.


#37

Sounds good. I’m wondering if we need to get too deep into other characters, such as Lois, Ma/Pa Kent, Jimmy and such.

Think it might be a good idea to create names for these characters and the writer can pick and choose as their story dictates?


#38

I’m digging the collaboration unfolding before my eyes. Very interested in submitting a story. Thanks for rejuvinating this thread.


#39

These I will leave to you.


#40

I’ll create a list of other character names and their “roles”. Again, think Superman.

As stated before, all participants can pick and choose according to descriptions and story needs.