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The Obituaries Thread


#603

There are depression sufferers here - some more serious and long- term than others; there are those that have jumped the hurdle and those that havent; there are those here who have attempted suicide.

It’s a delicate topic - but it calls for empathy.


#604

Every so often I see this charity’s posters and they’ve been going for a while:

There’s been a growing awareness in the UK that a lot of men are suiciding. Yes, there are stats for it, the general split between the genders seems to go with the idea that women make more attempts at suicide, men are far more successful at it first time. And no, there’s no good way of putting that.

Given that @Jim’s adjusting to life with a second small bundle, I’m not surprised he’s going to look at this more harshly because, right now, it’d be fair to say he cannot ever envisage a state of affairs where he would consider his family to be better off without him. It’s not how his head works now and hopefully it never will be. If we’re going to be empathic about this, that angle ought to be recognised too.

(Come to think of it, I’m kind of feeling like I’m dealing with a pair of Heatwaves, who are throwing flaming Molotovs at each other while standing in petrol. Clearly, I need to get myself a Cold Gun!)

Changing tack, the reason that line from the Casino Royale tune jumped out at me is that, in this area, you pretty much do have to arm yourself against yourself. It sounds crazy, why do that? Why do you need to do that? And the answer is: Because if I don’t something really stupid could happen.


#605

I think Gar made the crucial observation a couple of posts back, that the mistake is to look at it as a rational decision. But the brains don’t always work on a really rational level, not even for a lot of healthy people, let alone the mentally ill.


#606

You could say that, but it’s a bit of a glib response. While I don’t have kids, I was one so I know how important my parents are to me. I’ve also been physically sick so I have a certain frame of reference for the pain that comes with physical illness. Physical illness is somewhat tactile and visual in nature. Mental illness is more abstract for those unfamiliar with it. That’s not a knock on you, me, or anyone else who hasn’t suffered from depression. I’m only pointing out that it’s not as black and white as your post made it out to be. Depression is a disease that can devestate everyone in its wake. I just don’t think it’s productive to call people who succumb to it selfish instead of recognizing they too were victims of a terrible illness.


#607

I agree, but there are also those who have had their lives shattered by suicide of close ones too, and it’s important to remember that suicide affects those left behind, so in this I think anger is a justified part of the conversation and I’ll elaborate again to try and show why…

Someone very close to me, not the person above, someone way closer, is suffering from both cancer and depression right now, literally day to day, right in front of me.

Love and support has been important, but anger against the depression has had a positive effect, after months and months of being tight lipped and understanding. It’s a truly important emotion to wield alongside the others. Unfortunately, we have very little to wield against cancer in the same sense.

Neither of these illness should be being compared here at all, neither is greater than the other because they are not apples and oranges, they are apples and elephants. They are in different wheelhouses and cancer brings with it it’s own anger, one that can be brought into the fight, but, and I’m sorry if this sounds offensive I don’t mean it to be, but having had both depression and serious health problems, if I had to choose I would choose having depression because it’s treatable and beatable and the pain is escapable. I think it’s just as important to acknowledge that as it is to have empathy.

Again,this is not meant to belittle depression at all, quite the opposite, it should be a priority to make a point of constantly reiterating that depression as beatable, every time it rears it’s ugly, shitty little head. The weakness comes from not being completely open about all feelings around it, negative or positive. Sometimes the eggshells need swept away too.

What I’m trying to say is, empathy or not, anger is a valid and important reaction to suicide as well as every other one.


#608

Well said.


#610

You never have to leave.

That’s the point!

One Of Us!
One Of Us!
One Of Us!


#611

You weren’t comparing the two, your post was very valid. Comparing them somehow became part of the conversation upthread after Jim’s anger, anger I feel myself in many ways when it comes to something like this, and as I’m sure you know, both things are horrendous whichever way you look at them, but very different.

This!! 1 million times over!

You have a handsome face.


#612

Yes! Vindicated!

All my millions of posts have been worth it!


#613

…It’s a pity if someone were to…

…take it.


#614

Noooooooes… But ma handsomenesss…


#615

edit: moving this to the mental health thread


#616

As someone who has battled depression throughout my life, there are times that family and friends simply are not enough when you are in deep.

It’s easy to be on the outside and say a depressed person is being selfish committing suicide. That is just ignorance. When you are on the inside, everything is different. The “outside rules” don’t apply and are meaningless.

Unless you have truly been depressed, you really don’t know what people like us go through.

You can empathize and understand, but you will never know.


#618


#619

#620

Sad news. Rich Buckler was a key part of the Marvel bullpen in the 70s, particularly his long run on The Fantastic Four. Rest In Peace.


#621

That’s sad. He did The Death of Jean DeWolfe as well with Peter David, which was a story that blew my mind when I read it back in the mid-80’s.


#622

#623

Several great roles, but one that he’ll be remembered for in particular.


#624

89 was a good innnings. He was never a great actor, but he was in a lot of fun movies and TV shows.