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Talking Grooming


I am lucky enough to be getting married today, but have found myself with ZERO time to write the speech.

Does anyone have any good tips, or lines, that you could suggest?


Wing it mate

Don’t say too many thank you’s, it’s the most boring part of listening to a speech, no-one wants to hear that shit and if anyone’s nose would be out of joint not getting a thank you, they are a narcissist anyway so fuck em

Take the piss out of yourself, be humble and show humility, all attractive traits

Try avoid cliches, try think of a funny story that describes how you met or maybe something that puts across in a funny way what you love most about her or that can sum up your relationship. And pay her some nice compliments, even if it doesn’t feel natural, it’s her big day and the one day she wants to hear that stuff - but don’t go too mushy. Try and be genuine as you can with the compliments.


Have a couple of drinks, keep it brief and have a laugh. I had notes / pointers rather than reading a completely pre written speech too. All of lead to a pretty successful speech.

I said (and meant it too) that I loved my inlaws as much as my own parents and was delighted to be welcomed into their family. That got a good reaction.

I also told the story of panicking when I thought our minister had died the week before our wedding (the dude was reeeeeeeally old send would answer any phone calls) which also got a laugh.


Be brief. If you’re nervous you’re probably going to begin to ramble so write down some notes for yourself. Even if you don’t look at them when you speak, writing down the words and reviewing them will help your memory when you need it. If you plan on drinking beforehand, refer to the notes. No one will care if you do.

And most importantly of all: congratulations. I hope you the best the world has to offer.


What I did was thank everyone for coming and something about it meaning a lot to us that they were here. Then some sort of stupid groom remark about how quickly the time has flown getting ready (fitting into that stereotype that men have no idea all the details) but how glad we were. I made some joke about my only disappointment being that the minister wouldn’t put “obey” in Elizabeth’s vows but I was sure she would just naturally do that (to guffaws to everyone who knew her) and asked th to have fun.




I didn’t speak at my wedding but as the others said, be brief. Amusing is good. Be honest and say what your bride means to you. Speak from the heart.


I’ll just say that I’ll any speech that doesn’t reduce your bride and a great part of the audience to alternating tears of laughter and emotion as an abject failure on your part. So, like, no pressure.


Congratulations, Richard. Marriage is one of the best things I’ve ever done. You should lead with, “I didn’t know what to say today but this it what some guys on the internet suggested.” :wink: In all seriousness I’ll join the others in saying don’t go to long, say thank you, compliment your beautiful bride and be sincere. Most of all enjoy your day and have fun.


Congratulations, Richard! Probably too late for advice now, so I just hope you really enjoyed the entire day. Cheers!


Congratulations! My speech as groom was utterly boring and sincere, so I have no helpful advice to offer.

So, uh, congratulations again!


I would just like to say I’m so glad this thread is about this subject.

And not skincare.


Thanks chaps! It went very well in the end and seemed to get the right reactions in the right bits.

I got a least a few people to cry, so I feel like that was a job well done!


Awesome! Congratulations and enjoy life as a married man!


Congratulations mate, hope you all had a great day.


Congratulations, Richard. Glad it went well.