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Sequential of Starlight by me :D


#1

I entered the Millarworld talent contest as most of you did . Yes yes I lost . I want to be a comic artist but I entered also as a writer because I wanted to try the experience. I couldn’t let my script without drawing it . I try hard to enter the comics for almost 2 years now but its tough as most of you know better than me. So enjoy and any feedback is really welcome. :smiley:

and also the script I sent to the contest

  STARLIGHT story

Title: Cheating Death
By Giakoumakis George

IMPORTANT NOTE: All pages is divided in half because we see 2 stories that happen together. The first story is always in the first half of every page and the second story always in the lower half of every page. I don’t know if it ever happened again in comics but it will be better to draw the first story and then complete the pages of the second story.
Characters:
• McQueen
• Princess Attala
• Captain Drekan. This char is the only one you don’t have reference to guide you. I imagine him like a super bad ass warrior which is friend with McQueen in those battles in Tantalus. Very muscular probably with a bad ass armor maybe with cyborg implants on his face and some scars of previous battles. You can pick anything I said about the Drekan’s look or you can create a look you want. You give the shoots here :D. Important note: he hold hand gun not any kind of riffle or 2 hands weapon.
• Death. A super sexy woman dressed with very few clothes like a bikini. Black hair, white skin. Some kind of tulle maybe around her to show that she is some kind of fairy being. If it’s ok I would love to see her eyes to into some kind of black mist. This mist around and in her eyes it’s the only thing that makes her really weird. We can see her yellow eye pupils sparkling in this eyes/partial face, mist.
• 1-2 medic soldiers. Try to avoid Red Cross on their suits. We are in a planet far far away from earth Red Cross means nothing there.
• Some soldiers following McQueen in this battle.
• 1 Enemy Sniper soldier.

Background:
• A technological city in rubbles because our heroes battle with an enemy army there. You can see the Starlight story for some reference of architecture in Tantalus but most it’s in rubbles in this story so……
• Death’s Realm. Don’t worry it’s an all-white dimension we can see only one throne, 1 crystal ball that helps Death see from his dimension to all alive beings. We will need something like a small portal that connects Death’s realm with our dimension :smiley: . I won’t give you any specific details for the throne the magical sphere or the dimension portal. Just please avoid all those skulls and bones that everyone use for death. Keep it minimal in details. I have put a reference pic lower in the script :smiley: use it wisely :stuck_out_tongue:

PAGE ONE
(5 PANELS. 1 panel for 1rst story 4 panels for second story)

Page 1Panel 1
Our hero (applause!!!) get a lethal shoot in chest. We want to see his painful and surprised face while he gets the shoot. You can become pretty gory here.
Cap: You only live twice. Once when you are born and once when you look Death in the face
-Ian Fleming-
Page 1 panel 2 (second story part of page)
Princess Attala screaming and running near our hero. She has a gun in her hand because she also take part in this battle.

Cap: Princess Attala: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

Page 1 panel 3 (second story part of page)

Princess Attala put her arms around our dying hero. We can see his chest badly hit.
Cap: Princess Attala: NO … PLEASE NO…… DON’T DO THIS DUKE.

Page 1 panel 4 (second story part of page)

Close up to Princess Attala’s face. She is crying totally devastating because she understands that the wound is lethal.

Cap: Princess Attala: TANTALUS NEED YOU ……I NEED YOU….

Page 1 panel 5 (second story part of page)

This is the biggest in the lower half part of this page. We see soldiers coming closer around our hero’s body to protect him and princess Attala, while they are shooting to the enemy. One of them is Captain Drekan as you imagine him.
Cap: Princess Attala: CAPTAIN DREKAN BRING YOUR SOLDIERS AROUND US . PROTECT HIM …… NO ONE WILL TAKE HIS BODY.
Captain Drekan: YES MY PRINCESS.

PAGE TWO
(6 PANELS. 2 panels for 1rst story 4 panels for second story)
Page 2 Panel 1
Small panel .Middle shot of our hero. He is totally surprised. He knows that he should be dead. He put his hands on his chest where the lethal wound should be ….but there is nothing. He is on his knees if you choose to show him below his waist.
Cap: McQueen: WHAT THE HELL?

Page 2 Panel 2
Big panel of Death sitting on her throne. Something like that:

Yes Yes I love Brian Bolland :stuck_out_tongue:
And Mcqueen looks at her.
Cap: Mcqueen : WHO ARE YOU?
Cap: Death : OH COME ON, DON’T START MUMBLING.
YOU KNOW WHO AM I EVEN IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ME BEFORE.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECTED TO SEE? SKULL, BONES AND SOME KIND OF SCYTHE?
WELL I SUPPOSE SOME OF YOU SEE ME THAT WAY.

Page 2 Panel 3 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan pointing out of the panel with his finger . He is totally angry he is holding a hand gun (don’t make him hold any big riffle there is a reason)
Cap: Captain Drekan: HE IS IN THAT BELL TOWER…… HE IS MINE……
Page 2 Panel 4 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan running with both hands holding his hand gun. We see enemy’s sniper shoots hitting the debris around him .
Cap: COVER MCQUEEN …. ALL OF YOU…….AND I WILL MAKE THAT RAT FACE PAY FOR THIS.
Page 2 Panel 5 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan smash the main door of bell tower.
Page 2 Panel 6 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan runs on the stairs of the bell tower trying to get closer to the sniper.

PAGE THREE
(6 PANELS. 3 panels for 1rst story 3 panels for second story)

Page 3 Panel 1
Close view of death’s face we see clear now her perfect face characteristics and the black mist in and around her eyes and partial on her face .Her eyes pupils are glowing even more now.
Cap: Death: WELCOME TO MY REALM MC
Page 3 Panel 2
Death rises from the throne. Death and Mcqueen both in this panel. Maybe you should make this panel the biggest of the 3 panels of the first story. He try to raise on his feet .Think Arnold appearing in the alley in the first Terminator film.
Cap: Death: WELL IT’S NOT EXACTLY MY REALM …. IT’S MORE LIKE AN IN BETWEEN DIMENSION FROM LIVING THINGS WORLD AND MY REALM BUT ……. WHATEVER.

Cap: Mcqueen: SO I SUPPOSE YOU ARE HERE TO TAKE MY SOUL.
Page 3 Panel 3
Death and Mcqueen look each other straight in the eyes. Death is smirking, Mcqueen is mad, he knows that all seem lost.
Cap: Death: TAKE YOUR SOUL? …FOR WHAT MY LITTLE PAWN?
WHY TO TAKE THE SOUL OF ONE OF MY BEST SUPPLIERS? YOU ARE VERY VALUABLE TO ME MR. MCQUEEN.
YOU SENT ME PLENTY OF BUSINESS, EVERY DAY YOU LIVE MORE.

Page 3 Panel 4 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan is covering behind a wall while enemy sniper shoot at him 3-4 times. We see the sniper bullets make big holes to the wall beside Drekan. Big enough so the Drekan can put his hand with the gun inside them and shoot the sniper in next panel
Cap: Drekan: IS THIS YOUR BEST?
Page 3 Panel 5 (second story part of page)
Drekan put his hand with the gun inside the holes of the wall and shoot the sniper back. He hits the sniper in his hands or on his riffle or on his knees or whatever. We don’t need any lethal shoot. We want the sniper to be wounded. Do whatever you think it’s better.
Cap:Drekan: TASTE MY BEST.

Page 3 Panel 6 (second story part of page)
Drekan pull the wounded sniper from his hair or his feet, hand or whatever part of his body you think it’s better for you. Drekan wants to bring that sniper that killed his leader back alive to his comrades.
Cap:Drekan: BE SURE WE WILL HAVE BIG FUN TOGETHER.

PAGE FOUR
(5 PANELS. 3 panels for 1rst story 2 panels for second story)
Page 4 Panel 1
Middle shot of death. She showing the inside of her hands like politicians do when
They speak. Something like that.

Cap: Death: I DON’T WANT OR NEED YOUR SOUL MR MCQUEEN …
… I PREFER THAT YOU GO BACK TO YOUR PITIFUL UNIVERSE AND SENT ME MORE SOULS HERE.
….YOU ARE ONE OF MY BEST HOUNDS OUT THERE MR MCQUEEN AND HUNTER NEVER KILLS THEIR GOOD HOUNDS.
Page 4 Panel 2
Death is beside Mcqueen now .Our hero is puzzled still wandering what is going on and he try to hide it. Death whispers at Mcqueen’s ear.
Try to avoid touching it’s other. None want to touch death right?
Cap: Death: YOU ARE BADLY HURT. YOU WILL DIE IN SECONDS IF I DON’T INTERFERE.
I KNOW ….I KNOW I AM CHEATING NOW BUT NO ONE OF US WILL SPILL THE BEANS … RIGHT?
Page 4 panel 3
Close up to their hands. Death is giving a coin to Mcqueen. The coin has a symbol of a simple spiral on it (it’s the symbol of death and life in some cultures but this is another story :smiley: )
Cap: Death: TAKE THIS MY LITTLE HOUND. SOME CULTURES PAY DEATH TO CARRY THEM. IT’S A STORY I LIKED SO MUCH SO I MADE IT A REALITY.
Page 4 Panel 4 (second story part of page)
Big panel of princess Attala holding Mcqueen in her arms. Mcqueen eyes are closed, he is almost dead. Plenty of blood in his chest. A medic beside them see some kind of hologram of Mcqueens chest. Medic is sad, he knows Mcqueen will die.
Cap:Medic: THERE IS NO HOPE MY PRINCESS….
MOST OF THE VITAL CHEST ORGANS ARE MELT
Princess Attala: DON’T SAY THAT. THERE MUST BE A WAY
Page 4 Panel 5 (second story part of page)
Captain Drekan throws the enemy soldier on the ground beside them.
Cap: Captain Drekan: IF DOC IS RIGHT I THINK IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO PRAY TO YOUR GODS.

PAGE FIVE
(6 PANELS. 3 panels for 1rst story 3 panels for second story)
Page 5 Panel 1
Mcqueen near the portal looking behind his back at Death who is smiling.
Cap: Mcqueen : NICE SPEECH LADY. YOU MADE A WIN WIN SITUATION FOR YOU. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. IF I DIE, YOU WILL TAKE MY SOUL. IF I CHOOSE TO LIVE, I WILL SENT YOU MORE SOULS UNTIL THE DAY YOU TAKE MINE ALSO…
Page 5 panel 2
Close up into the face of death. Her smile is so big that disfigure her previous perfect face. Imagine something like Joker’s smile here. Even the mist around her eyes looks bigger and her yellow eyes seems much more bright yellow now.
Cap: Death: MAGNIFICENT ISN’T IT? OF COURSE I PREFER YOU TO GO BACK. I WILL HAVE YOUR SOUL ONE DAY. YOU MUST CHOOSE THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS.
Page 5 panel 3
Mcqueen pass half of his body inside the portal while keeps looking back at Death
Cap: Mcqueen: IN THIS GAME YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO MENTION THE SOULS YOU WILL LOSE BECAUSE OF ME. HOW MANY I WILL SAVE IF I GO BACK. HUNDRED? THOUSANDS? MILLIONS? NO ONE KNOWS. CONSIDER THEIR CHILDREN’S AND THEIR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN. THAT’S WHAT I WAS DOING AND I WILL KEEP TO DO ……FIGHTING YOU AND YOUR HOUNDS UNTIL THE END. AND THE END WILL COME SOMEDAY….
Page 5 Panel 4 (second story part of page)
Drekan has his hands around the neck of enemy sniper. His hand gun is stuck on snipers head. Sniper is totally terrified
Cap: Captain Drekan: THIS IS THE END FOR YOU MAGGOT.
Mcqueen: THAT DAY IS NOT TODAY. (this cap comes out of the panel we don’t see the mcqueen yet)
Page 5 Panel 5 (second story part of page)
Big panel of all characters of the story beside Mcqueen surprised and almost terrified they see Mcqueen alive opening his eyes. Princess holding Mcqueen, Medic, Captain Drekan , enemy sniper all surprised.
Cap: medic: OH MY….
Cap: Captain Drekan: OHH ERRATIC GODS……
Page 5 Panel 6 (second story part of page) We did it man :smiley: last panel

Something like this picture. Mcqueen looking the coin (don’t forget the spiral on it) He is exhausted, in pain and little confused .don’t forget he almost died some seconds ago.
Cap: Mcqueen: THAT DAY IS NOT TODAY……

STARLIGHT story Title: Cheating Death By Giakoumakis George
The End.

Feel free to comment . Feedback for the art is more precious than for my writing but any feedback is great for me.


#2

I can tell that english is not your main language, it shows on your script. Ask someone to check your spelling before submitting. If you don’t know anyone, ask in the forum, someone will probably help you.

Keep working, man, I know how hard it is. I’m still struggling too.


#3

Yes English are not my main language as you correctly pointed. I am not a writer and I don’t think I will ever be. I hope some day I will be comic artist tho :D. Thank for your comments .


#4

Or I can just look this up!

I won’t comment on the script. The art looks pretty good. The only criticism I have is in the faces. They’re halfway between stylized (which is good for any artist to help make your work distinctive) and looking half-formed (as in, you almost found your style, but not quite). The effect is to throw off the reader just enough. Work on your faces and you’re good, I think.


#5

I agree with @YoungDuke. The faces distracted me a bit from the story. Keep at it!


#6

Really thanks for the feedback. I totally agree I suppose I need another 2 years of my life to be good.


#7

Thanks man I suppose I must continue to draw 16 hours per day until I am good enough .


#8

However long it takes. You just never know.


#9

Sorry I have money to feed myself for 2 maybe 3 more years and I cant do any other job after I tried to draw comics :smiley:


#10

I’ve been trying to break in for years. Life takes interesting turns. You learn to roll with it.


#11

You seem sure about what you say but I am also sure of what I say. I am 42 and I haven’t drawn anything for 20-22 years so I resign my job 2 years ago and I made a vow I will draw comics or die its simple :smiley: .


#12

If i’m understanding correctly, you split your pages in half to tell two stories simultaneously? I don’t think this works conceptually, as American comic book readers aren’t trained to read that way. I can appreciate the experimental nature of this approach, but you haven’t done enough to differentiate the top and the bottom. There’s just a very thin panel rule, and there is no way for a reader to know you’re supposed to do that unless someone tells them. To get it to work ,you’d almost need two very different art/color styles on top and bottom to make it obvious. So visually, its a sequential design issue. But like I said earlier, its a conceptual problem as well also because it challenges the reader TOO MUCH to the point where they’ll get frustrated, and they won’t want to read the story. I think you could tell the two stories simultaneously in continuous pages by cutting between scenes. Tons of movies do this kind of thing.


#13

You are right I tried to tell 2 stories simultaneously. When I wrote the script I didn’t know if anyone ever done it before. After a little research after I sent my submission I have found at least 1 Hulk issue with John Byrne that did the same. So I suppose my brain had an non conscious memory of that (sorry for my English I hope it make sense). The upper panels are white and have black color around them and lower panels have the opposite but I suppose it didn’t work exactly well John Byrne had 22 pages to make the reader understand that but I had 5 and I am still happy I tried :D. Really thanks for the feedback .


#14

Then just take some time to concentrate on faces.


#15

You were really helpful and thanks again. Bendis tried for more than 10 years to enter comics if I remember right so don’t loose your spirit yet :smiley: