Ok. I have no idea what’s going on in the story, so will give some general thoughts if that’s ok!
First page: avoid avoid avoid! stacking two panels like this if you can - it’s a confusing read. While it sort of works here (assuming I should be reading panel 1, then moving right to the man with dog then moving left) that’s largely because the CARTER name tag works to move the readers eyes to the right where the figure then leads the eye down - clever plan if it was intentional, lucky accident if not!
Watch your shadows - if the figure is in a hot country you’d normally expect the shadows to fall on the right hand side (we’re cued up to expect shadows in that direction, day time the sun is usually to the left, shadows to the right - it’s not neccessarily always true in the story, but if it isn’t true there should be a good reason for it)
I’m guessing your using CLIP Paint or Manga Studio - the give away (for me) is that the thickness of the panels are different on the horizontal and the vertical - personally I hate that and don’t understand why it’s the default - it’s your choice, but know that’s a choice your making (I think it bunches panels both too close together and the makes tiered panels too far apart) I use a 5mm both horizontal and vertical (it’s the 2000AD recommended.)
Panel 2 (Man with Dog) if you’d drawn the dog on his right (our left) you’d’ve left yourself a nice big bit of dead area above his right (our left) shoulder - perfect for dialogue. While as is there’s room for dialogue, the preferred convention is top left dead areas where possible)
Panel 4 I like this shot, but how much better would it have been with more shadow (say shadowy silhoutte of the two figures in the shadowy ruins?) Would help the composition (which is a good setup - but could be made loads better by shadows!)
Welcome to perfect town! Maybe rough up the edges (I know this is pencils, but some debris, some broken lines in the buildings, etc would help believaility). Good shot thought, but feel like good use of shadow could help steer the eye a little better)
(Simon Fraser once said to me “You can use shadow for story telling” and I’ve never forgotten it - don’t be fixated on light sources, worry about “how do I empathise this” or “sell that emotion”)
Panel 2: I’d move the dog over to the right, you’d get his entire tale in and room for dialogue.
Panel 3: Nice shot, but you’d want to see the buildings in the background here to help sell it’s happening in the same local.
Page 3, panel 1:
Find this figure a little confusing, is he looking left or right - close up I see his eyes look right, but I think (and maybe it’s just me) when your arm is up like that then your shoulders move down if looking over your left arm and up if looking over your right arm (try it!)
Panel 2 (I’m assuming man and dog is panel? maybe the grenade is? confusing two tiered panel arrangement! Avoid!)
You can lose the dogs paw and the picture would look better. Also, I suspect you’ve gone with a full bleed (ie drawn off the page) because you’ve run out of room to fit it all in, try and use bleed sparingly for effect, it’ll have an actual impact on the story then.
Panel 3: Context wise this grenade could belong to anyone, the terrorist? a different soldier? some person we haven’t seen yet? If the terrorist you should have him wear something on his wrist of have a distinct tattoo or a sleeve that way we can hook straight into the closeup without confusion.
panel 4: grenade throwing dude, his hand is overlapping his body making him hard to read - you should move his arm out so it reads better as someone throwing something. Also, I’d rearrange the panel here so that we see the grenade thrower, the grenade THEN the reaction, that way you have a …what…? what!? WHAT!!! panel rather than a “oh!” single moment.
Page 4 THIS is a full bleed moment, if you can do full bleed this is the place you need to do it. Dudes body looks weird, I’d need to play with it in photoshop but I’d almost certainly move his upper torso down towards his backside, we shouldn’t see so much of his back.
My apologies if any of the above reads as curt - hopefully I’ve covered ground others haven’t and hopefully there’s something of use in my comments!
BTW : 2000AD 10 commandments, comic artist gold:
The 2000 AD Artist’s Ten Commandments
- THE FIRST PERSON TO SPEAK SHOULD ALWAYS BE ON THE LEFT
- ALWAYS LEAVE THE TOP 25% OF EACH PANEL EMPTY FOR LETTERING (MORE IF NECESSARY)
- LEAVE ROOM FOR THE TITLE AND CREDITS ON THE FIRST PAGE
- LEAVE A 5mm (on A3) GUTTER BETWEEN EVERY PANEL
- KEEP THE ‘CAMERA’ ANGLES VARIED AND VISUALLY INTERESTING
- TELL THE STORY - SHOW WHAT’S RELEVANT
- MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS ACT AND REACT - GET INSIDE THEIR HEADS
- NEVER BLEED THE IMAGE OFF THE LAST PANEL OF THE STORY - LEAVE ROOM FOR ‘NEXT PROG’ LINE
- LEAD THE READER’S EYE ACROSS THE PAGE SMOOTHLY
- IF YOU’RE NOT SURE ABOUT SOMETHING, ASK THE EDITORIAL TEAM!