Not bad at all!
That’s a pretty good interpretation of what I gave you. I seriously didn’t expect as much detail
Moving forward I would suggest you draw super loose layouts first then forward to the writer or editor for approval and then finish off as instructed with detail, but that’s just the way I like to work.
Love how you interpreted the holo masks being activated.
I was thinking more of a digital effect but as your using pen, it’s a nice workaround.
Critical stuff (please don’t take offense this are just basic stuff that will be asked)
Also after writing the below, I realized you noticed the continuity stuff also!
I like to look at pages blindly without influence from the artist to see if we see the same things.
I don’t think it works with panels 2/3 splitting the middle of the page.
I would have preferred the page be split into 6th each panel taking the full width of the page with panels 1 and 4 taking up 2/6 each
Panel one. Van interior is on a bit of angle, tilting right to left. Laying down perspective lines early on will help tighten up and straighten out.
We can also go tighter here. Zoom in and start with their shoulders the men at edges. this will create a bit more tension and a bit of claustrophobia before the robbery. This will help the impact of panel 4 with them bursting into space.
With a holo-map or any hologram, the colorist may do a bit of the heavy lifting with glow effects.
As these are pencils/inks you only need to do an outline and allow for room for a colorist to add their touch.
Panel 2 as per the previous panel no one has actually opened their mouths yet. looks a bit stilted. You should be able to convey without the speech bubble tails who is talking in this instance.
Panel 3 you went against your own continuity and had him place his hand on the left-hand side of his head where the ringleader had his holo-chip on his right.
Panel 4 the holo masks look solid except for the screen and it looks like you’ve got the activation switches back on the right-hand side so a continuity issue there again.
Panel 4 I don’t get the sense they are “bursting out the back of the van” as in the script. Needs to show a sense of motion everyone is pretty flat-footed.
Panel 4 the angle of the buildings in the street seems a bit off. Again may pay to pencil in some perspective lines before laying down detail.
Again just notes not a comment on your abilities as this is the only thing I’ve ever seen you draw.
Hope you find them helpful.