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MW Annual 2017 - peer feedback


#189

It’s time to stop treating my story like a “precious snowflake” and put it out there for some peer review and criticism. I’d appreciate any input you folks might be able to offer. Thanks.

One-Sentence Summary/Pitch: As a fundraiser for a retired comic book artist stricken with Parkinson’s disease, buried in medical bills, and facing foreclosure of his home—Simon/Superior volunteers to personally draw the never-before-published “last” Superior comic book of the Silver Age.

Page One

Panel One

In the foreground, we see a close-up of an elderly male HAND. The hand belongs to MORTY EISENBERG. The hand is VIOLENTLY SHAKING while simply trying to HOLD onto a drawing PENCIL. In the background, we see stacks of overdue MEDICAL BILLS AND DEBT-COLLECTION NOTICES: “OVERDUE,” “FINAL NOTICE,” etc.

MORTY: You can’t know what it’s like… trapped inside a body that won’t do what you tell it.

Panel Two

This panel is a “montage,” not to be taken literally. In the background, we see an image of SUPERIOR’S UPPER TORSO AND FACE—one side of his body is masked by shadows. Superimposed over the shadows of Superior, we see a FULL-BODY image of SIMON POONI, twelve-years-old, his body ravaged by multiple sclerosis—he’s defiantly propping himself up with his crutches.

SIMON/SUPERIOR: Actually, Mr. Eisenberg, I have a pretty good idea.

TITLE: “MY BODY IS A CAGE” and CREDIT BOX

Panel Three

This is a widescreen-T.V. shaped panel. The image is from a news broadcast. We’re outside of a MODEST SUBURBAN HOME. MADDIE KNOX, the television reporter, is holding a microphone in front of MORTY EISENBERG, a retired comic book artist in his 80’s. Morty has advanced Parkinson’s disease and is WHEELCHAIR-BOUND. His wife, HELEN EISENBERG (also in her 80’s), is standing beside him. SIMON/SUPERIOR is there to help; but because he is still just a 12-year old boy “trapped” in a superhero’s body, he’s obviously STARING AT MADDIE’S BOOBS. At the bottom of the “screen,” the following headline is showing: “CARTOONIST FACES FORECLOSURE.” A logo in the bottom-right corner says: “CBN NEWS.”

MORTY: I saw him and thought: This is it. Parkinson’s Stage Five. My mind’s as BLEEP! as my body.

HELEN: Language, Morty!

MORTY: But if I was having delusions, Superior’d look how I used to draw him. Not some B-list actor.

Panel Four

This is a small panel. It’s a close-up of HELEN whispering into SIMON/SUPERIOR’s ear (reprimanding him for ogling Maddie). Simon/Superior’s face looks rather startled that he was “busted.”

HELEN: Watch those eyes, mister…

Panel Five

The T.V.’s station’s CAMERAMAN is filming as SIMON/SUPERIOR is talking to MADDIE. Simon/Superior is BLUSHING a bit and self-consciously SLOUCHING DOWN—his EYE-LEVEL MATCHES MADDIE’S EYE-LEVEL precisely so that full eye-contact can be maintained at all times (no peeking).

SIMON/SUPERIOR: When I read about Morty and Helen’s house online, I knew I had to do something

SIMON/SUPERIOR: But what can a superhero do? Punch-out the president of the bank? Lift the housing market with “Superior-Strength”?

Page Two

Panel One

Another T.V.-shaped panel. MADDIE is interviewing MORTY and HELEN EISENBERG. Off to one side, we can see that SIMON/SUPERIOR is CRACKING HIS KNUCKLES, getting ready for some astounding superheroic feat, no doubt.

MORTY: In 1986, the publisher asked me to draw “the last” Superior story. Just an “imaginary story.” Someone else was always gonna “reboot” or “reimagine” the character the next month.

MORTY: But by then, my hands had started shaking…

Panel Two

One last T.V.-shaped panel. In the foreground, we see SIMON/SUPERIOR seated at a DRAWING TABLE set up on the lawn of the Eisenberg home. He’s awkwardly hunched over the drawing table, DRAWING COMIC BOOK PAGES. His tongue is sticking out of his mouth a bit—he’s really concentrating on his work. Nearby, MADDIE is interviewing MORTY. The headline, “SUPERIOR DRAWING FUNDRAISER COMIC BOOK,” appears at the bottom of the screen.

MORTY: I could see the story so clearly in my head. Every line. Every detail. I just couldn’t get it down on paper.

MORTY: Anyway, the story’s in the right hands now.

Panel Three

We’re done with the T.V.-shaped panels now. It’s a little later. MORTY and MADDIE are talking informally. The CAMERAMAN is packing up his gear.

MADDIE: Off the record, I have to ask: Do they end up together in the end? Superior and Susie Lee?

Panel Four

Suddenly, we’re out of the “real world” and into a PANEL from Morty Eisenberg’s fully imagined-but-never-drawn 1980’s “SUPERIOR FINALE” COMIC BOOK. In these panels, the coloring should look like newsprint. And the drawing style should evoke a more innocent time in comics. The image in this particular panel is an EXAGGERATED CLOSE-UP of the printed page—so the “newsprint dots” are larger. In this 1980’s comic panel, SUPERIOR CLASSIC’S HAND is gently touching SUSIE LEE CLASSIC’S HAND. A sparkling new DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING adorns Susie Lee’s finger.

CAPTION – MORTY: What do they always say about Superior? “Undying and never-aging under Earth’s yellow sun.”

CAPTION – MORTY: But the same would never be said about Mrs. Superior.

Panel Five

It’s the SAME IMAGE as panel four—but we’ve pulled back to see the full picture. The coloring is still made up of “newsprint dots”—but they are normal-sized now. We now see that SUPERIOR CLASSIC is just ADMIRING SUSIE LEE CLASSIC’S RING (not putting the ring on her finger himself). They’re both trying their best to look happy—but it’s obvious that neither of them is.

SUSIE LEE CLASSSIC: Mark Mankiewicz asked me to marry him. I wanted you to be the first to know.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Mark’s a good man. And it’s a lovely ring. Excellent crystalline structure.

SUSIE LEE CLASSIC: I could still give it back. If I had a reason to…

Page Three

All of the panels on this page—except for the final one—take place in Morty’s imagined 1980’s “Superior” finale comic. So the drawing style and coloring technique should look of that time.

Panel One

SUSIE LEE CLASSIC’s eyes are welling-up with TEARS. SUPERIOR CLASSIC cannot bear to look her in the eye. Instead, he’s looking down at the ground, his face shrouded in shadows.

SUSIE LEE CLASSIC: Do you love me, Superior?

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Of course I do, Susie… I love all of humanity.

CAPTION – MORTY: Lying was not one of Superior’s superpowers.

Panel Two

SUSIE LEE CLASSIC appears to be walking down the aisle, arm-in-arm with SUPERIOR CLASSIC (it’s actually Superior’s ROBOT DUPLICATE) to join the groom, MARK MANKIEWICZ, at the wedding altar.

CAPTION – MORTY: Susie asked Superior to give her away at her wedding. He sent one of his robot duplicates instead.

CAPTION – MORTY: But the way he’d been acting lately, nobody noticed the difference.

Panel Three

SUPERIOR CLASSIC is punching-out ABRAXAS CLASSIC. Abraxis Classic should be depicted as a more Silver Age, more innocent incarnation of the character. Rolling with Superior’s punch, it looks like Abraxas’ head is just about to fall off.

CAPTION – MORTY: Superior rededicated himself to defeating his entire rogues gallery. Abraxas. Professor Mind-Sweeper. Even the Bot-Z Twins.

CAPTION – MORTY: Then he retired to the seclusion of the moon.

Panel Four

We see a close-up of SUPERIOR CLASSIC’S FACE. He’s SQUINTING. Along the bottom edge of the panel, we see a HORIZONTAL SERIES OF TRANSLUCENT, OVERLAPPING IMAGES OF THE PLANET EARTH (an homage to—or rip-off of—the “Crisis on Infinite Earths” logo).

CAPTION – MORTY: You know that scientific theory—how everything that’s possible actually happens on some alternate plane of existence?

CAPTION – MORTY: Well, Superior discovered that if he squinted just right, he could peer into those other dimensions.

Panel Five

We see a TRANSLUCENT image of SUPERIOR CLASSIC (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE) and SUSIE LEE CLASSIC (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE). They are in the same physical pose as page two, panel five. She is wearing a diamond ring; her hand is in his. But their facial expressions now show that they are genuinely happy. Through the translucent couple, we also see a close-up of SUPERIOR CLASSIC’S EYES TEARING-UP (either in joy or in sorrow—or in some combination of the two).

CAPTION – MORTY: He saw parallel realities—call them “reboots” or “reiminginings”—where other Superiors and other Susies did end up together. If only for a human lifespan…

CAPTION – MORTY: He took some comfort from that. But he had made his choices.

Panel Six

We’re back in the “real world” for this panel. MORTY and MADDIE are still talking.

MORTY: Most writers and artists hated working on Superior. “How can a character with unlimited power be interesting?” they’d ask. “What can’t he do?”

MORTY: I’d respond: “Not even Superior can build a wall so impenetrable that he himself couldn’t break through it.”

MORTY: But I was wrong.

Page Four

EVERY PANEL ON THIS PAGE IS DRAWN BY SIMON/SUPERIOR HIMSELF. All panels on this page will be black-and-white. As we progress through the panels on the page, we take steps through Simon/Superior’s drawing process (from rough breakdowns and loose pencils through tight pencils and finished inks).

Panel One

This panel is drawn as a ROUGH “BREAKDOWN”—rudimentary figures, little detail. We see SUPERIOR CLASSIC (still identifiable by his flowing cape). He’s walking through a BARREN DESERT (and looks like he has been doing so for quite some time). Footprints stretch behind him as far as the eye can see.

CAPTION – MORTY: Thousands… maybe millions of years later, humanity was forced to leave the Earth. The sun had entered the final stages of its life-cycle.

CAPTION – MORTY: But forever tied to the sun, Superior stayed behind. Alone. Until…

Panel Two

This panel is drawn in a LOOSE PENCIL style, more detailed than the breakdowns, but still not finished. SUPERIOR CLASSIC finally finds what he was looking for. He comes upon the severed (but still quite talkative) HEAD of his old foe, ABRAXAS CLASSIC. The head is partially buried in sand.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Ah, there you are, Abraxas.

ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY): Look away! I don’t want you to see me like this.

Panel Three

This panel is drawn in TIGHT PENCIL style, significantly more detailed. SUPERIOR CLASSIC picks up the HEAD of ABRAXAS CLASSIC and speaks to it—Hamlet-style.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: The sun will consume the Earth any day now. I thought you should know. And I thought I owed my arch-nemesis…

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: … one last shot at me.

Panel Four

TIGHT PENCIL style again. SUPERIOR CLASSIC and ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY) continue to talk.

ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY): -Sigh.- That’ll be a short fight.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: I wasn’t proposing a physical match. No. For our final apocalyptic battle, I was thinking of something more intellectual.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Do you like chess?

Panel Five

This panel is FULLY-INKED. We pull back. SUPERIOR CLASSIC is now SEATED in the sand (totally at ease), with ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY) placed carefully in the sand next to him. The SUN is swelling and growing brighter.

ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY): Oh, I know I left my chessboard around here somewhere…

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Ha! Our fight shall be waged with the board and pieces that we create in our minds.

SUPERIOR CLASSIC: Or if that’s too challenging… we could just sit and play tic-tac-toe in the sand.

Panel Six

This panel is FULLY-INKED again. The SUN continues swelling in its death-throes, getting closer to the Earth. SUPERIOR CLASSIC and ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY) are still sitting. Their backs are turned towards us. Metaphorically, these old enemies are “riding off into the sunset” together.

ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY): I never noticed until now. But even like this, the sun is kind of pretty.

ABRAXAS CLASSIC (HEAD ONLY): White Queen’s Pawn to D4…

Page Five

Panel One

We’re back in the “real world” for the rest of the story. SIMON/SUPERIOR is at the drawing table, putting the finishing touches on his inked comic book pages. MADDIE is whispering to HELEN and gesturing in SIMON/SUPERIOR’s direction. But Helen clearly knows something that Maddie doesn’t.

MADDIE: Between us girls, I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t at least try to wrap my legs around that body.

HELEN: Oh dear! You should probably ask his mother first.

Panel Two

This is a small “insert panel” (on the right-hand edge of panel one). It’s a close-up of MADDIE. Her facial expression shows she’s completely flummoxed by Helen’s comment.

NO DIALOGUE/NO CAPTIONS

Panel Three

SIMON/SUPERIOR is holding up some of his art pages for MORTY to look at. On one page, we can see the title of the story he’s been drawing: “THE LAST SUPERIOR STORY EVER (UNTIL NEXT MONTH).” Simon/Superior looks proud of his work.

SIMON/SUPERIOR: What do you think, Mr. Eisenberg?

MORTY: Not bad, son. Not bad.

Panel Four

SIMON/SUPERIOR is placing a drawing PENCIL in MORTY’S HAND and helping him grasp onto it firmly.

CAPTION – ORMON: His week’s almost up. Your report…?

CAPTION – HELEN: It’s one thing for him to be able to fly or lift a bus over his head. But now, he can do anything…

Panel Five

Interior; nighttime. HELEN and MORTY are IN BED. Morty is asleep, looking content. A mysterious figure is lurking in the shadows—it’s ORMON the monkey/astronaut/demon. HELEN’S EYES appear to be GLOWING demonically.

HELEN: …now he can hit a baseball like Babe Ruth. Play bass-guitar like John Entwistle. And draw comics like Morty Eisenberg. Taking it all away now…

ORMON: …would destroy him.

Panel Six

HELEN is now holding ORMON the monkey/astronaut/demon in her flabby old lady arms. They look upon each other with intense, profane desire.

ORMON: So… how about shedding the old lady body and slipping into something more comfortable?

-THE END-


#190

@1WordPlastics, Thanks for the constructive feedback! I really like the re-org of the pages of what you did…it doesn’t really change the story, and if it helps with the last page, then awesome!

Thank you once again for the feedback!

-pjc


#191

FYI, we posted the Judges Feedback Thread for those of you interested in the criteria for each property.


#192

Terrified as I am to post this, I would really appreciate your feedback.

Page One
1/ Large panel. We open in a large aviary with sunlight streaking down from above. There are several multicolored birds/dinosaurs flying amongst exotic plants. In the foreground, Emporia is feeding a small bird/dinosaur like the one Morax holds in his hand when he first meets her in issue one. In the background, King Morax is speaking to her. He doesn’t look happy.
KING MORAX: What is it? Why did you summon me here?
EMPORIA: I have something to tell you.Or show you. I-

2/ Pull back to see a younger looking Adam running towards King Morax between the plants, holding a small machine between his hands. The machine looks like a metallic flower/ cootie catcher. Emporia looks at him, surprised.
ADAM: Father! Look what I made for you.

3/ Adam is handing his invention to King Morax, who grabs it with one hand.
NO DIALOGUE

4/ Close up of King Morax’s hand crushing the invention between his fingers.
NO DIALOGUE

5/ Pull back to see King Morax’s back, walking away from Adam and Emporia. Emporia is kneeling to meet Adam’s watering eyes, one hand on his shoulder. Adam is looking at his crushed invention on the ground.
EMPORIA: Why don’t you make another one and give it to me?

Page Two
1/ Emporia is sitting on a large bed with the same clothes she was wearing earlier, looking at King Morax who is spread out on the bed. He’s fast asleep. She’s holding a cloak in her hands.
NO DIALOGUE

2/ In a hallway outside the bedroom, Emporia meets Dane. She’s hooded with a cloak and looks slightly different/shabbier than before. Dane also has simpler and shabbier clothes on, much like the ones the spectators wear in the arena in the first issue.
EMPORIA: Are you sure you want to come with me? If I’m caught and Morax finds out you didn’t tell on me, things could go pretty badly for you.
DANE: My duty is to protect you, your highness. It would be worse if anything happens to you and I’m not there.

3/ Emporia and Dane are walking through the streets the city, leaving the castle behind. Bright signs illuminate the buildings around them.
DANE: I don’t mean to pry, your majesty. But I’d like to know where we’re going so I can assess any possible threats.
EMPORIA: Just relax, Dane. And don’t call me your majesty out here.

4/ Emporia and Dane step into the club where King Morax first met her. There is a fight going on in the pit, just like in the first issue. Inside, a man is wrestling a raptor. Dane Looks bewildered and worried.
EMPORIA: Not much has changed in seventeen years.

5/ Dane and Emporia are sitting at a table close to the pit, where a fight is still going on.The place is rather crowded and there are a lot of tables around them. Emporia looks longingly at the pits, and Dane just looks uncomfortable with the whole situation.
EMPORIA: This is the first time I’ve left the castle at night. I just wanted to feel what it’s like to be free one last time.
DANE: If you don’t mind me asking, your majesty, what do you mean by ‘one last time?’

6/ Closer shot of Dane looking at Emporia and Emporia fixing her gaze at the fight pit, lost in thought.
EMPORIA: He didn’t even look at what Adam made for him. What kind of father despises his son for being different?

Page Three
1/ Wide shot of the tables around Dane and Emporia. A big, green, mean looking customer is grabbing a waitress by the wrist.The man’s clothes are soaked. Other men at the same table are laughing at the waitress, who looks scared. Dane pays attention to the scene and Emporia looks annoyed at them.
MEAN LOOKING CUSTOMER: You worthless piece of shit! You’re going to pay for these clothes, you hear me?

2/ Emporia is up by the table, slapping the mean looking customer. Dane looks horrified in the background, and the waitress is scurrying off.
EMPORIA: Don’t you dare threaten her! It was obviously an accident.

3/ Close up of the mean looking customer.
MEAN LOOKING CUSTOMER: And who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?

4/ Pull back to see Dane almost dragging Emporia away from the angry men and the mean looking customer. Other customers in the background are looking at the scene they’re causing.
EMPORIA: It doesn’t matter who I am, but if you touch her again I’ll make sure that’s the last thing you do with your hand.

5/ Dane and Emporia are walking out of the club, elbowing people out of their way.
DANE: I’m sorry for dragging you off, your highness. Things could have gotten ugly, or you could have been recognized.
EMPORIA: I know, and stop calling me that! It wasn’t a good idea to come here. We should go back.

6/ Dane falls forward to the ground as a bottle hits his head from behind. Emporia turns around to see the mean looking customer behind them, with a bunch of guys at his back.
MEAN LOOKING CUSTOMER: I wasn’t done with you. Let’s see how brave you are without your watchdog.

Page Four
1/ Emporia kneels down to check on Dane’s head. He’s sitting on the ground, visibly hurt by the blow.
EMPORIA: I’ll be right back.
OFF PANEL SCREAMING: IT’S LOOSE!

2/ Small reaction panel similar to the last one, but Emporia and Dane look terrified at something in the distance.
NO DIALOGUE

3/ Big panel where the raptor is charging out of the fighting pit. His battered and bloody former contestant is unconscious behind him. All around the pit, people are running out. The waitress is holding the cage’s door open, winking at us.
NO DIALOGUE

4/ Emporia kicks the mean looking customer towards the raptor who is advancing towards them.
EMPORIA: Let’s see how brave you are, now.

5/ Dane guides Emporia towards the club’s exit.
Dane: This was a terrible idea.

6/ The mean looking man is on the floor screaming in agony. His hand has been bitten off by the raptor and the raptor is roaring above him, ready to attack again.

Page 5
1/ Emporia and Dane are standing in front of the bedroom door once again. Dane has his head bandaged, and Emporia is wearing a nightgown.
EMPORIA: I hope you don’t judge me for what I did to that man. It’s just… I hate bullies. Men who think they can do what they please, with no regard for consequences.
DANE: I could never judge you, your highness. My duty is to protect you. I just want to beg you, please, don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again.

2/ Emporia is opening the door and entering the room.
EMPORIA: Don’t worry. I won’t be leaving the castle again any time soon. Thank you for coming with me.

3/ Inside the bedroom, Emporia stands in front of an empty bed. She looks terrified.
OFF VOICE: Wife?

4/ In the foreground, Emporia is at the threshold of an archway, leading to a balcony. King Morax is in the background, sitting in the balcony in a yoga position looking at the rising sun.
KING MORAX: I didn’t find you here when I woke up. Where were you?

5/ Closer shot of King Morax’s face, with Emporia in the background. Her eyes are downcast.
EMPORIA: I wasn’t feeling well. I have something to tell you, but I don’t want to interrupt your prayers.
KING MORAX: What is it?

6/ Emporia places a hand on King Morax’s shoulder.
EMPORIA: I’m pregnant.


#193

This is a Superior 5 pager I did for the Millarworld Annual contest. Set, as I recall, after Superior defeated the Taliban but before the ending, concurrent with Simon being given his list of dream scenarios by Obama.

I was shooting for Mark’s 2000s controversial/topical “voice” while doing a nod to the 1940 LOOK Magazine “How Superman Would Have Ended The War”.

It still feels surprisingly topical to me, at least, hinging on Superior taking on David Duke and Vladimir Putin. There was a surprising amount of research in this one. (Yes. Obama did work at a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop.)

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bz6SuAeafUY1WXRVdjkxS2tSS3M


#194

Interestingly, my script also included a crushed gift from Adam to Morax and a last-page pregnancy reveal. I’d like to say that great minds think alike, but I’m inclined to think we may have latched on to obvious ideas :slight_smile:


#195

Hello,

I wanted to share my “Superior” script, entitled “Feeling Like A Hero.” I appreciate any comments/feedback anyone may care to provide, and I will start doing the same with the entries that have been posted here.


#196

Hello!

I just read your “SUPERIOR - HOPE” script.

I really dug the nostalgic vibe you were going for here, with the girl recalling watching the Superior films with her dad and remembering how he used to seem like a real-life Superior to her. She revisits the film years later, but can’t recapture that same magic because it just makes her think of her dad passing away.

This parallels well with the narrative playing out on the movie screen - a woman who has just been saved by Superior questions him about the fact that even though he saved them today, the cycle of violence and destruction just keeps repeating itself. It reminded me a lot of the famous “Must There Be A Superman?” comic book story.

My biggest advice to you is that I think you tried to cram too many panels into each page. Several of the pages have 10 panels, and some of those have indicators to be “wide” panels. You just can’t fit all of that on a page without making them so small that it won’t do it all justice. I want to be able to see the details you’re describing here, like the way the empty theater looks, or the girl and her dad dressed up in Superior costumes together. If the artist is trying to fit that many panels on a page they will have to sacrifice those details, and you really conjure up some great images here. Give your artist some room to draw these moments!

I know you wanted to have the payoff of a splash panel first page and a splash panel end page, but I would recommend restructuring it a little so you can incorporate some additional panels into those pages as well. Maybe a large panel at the top or bottom of the page, but room for at least a couple more above or below.

Overall I enjoyed this story, especially the parallels between the tone of the movie scene itself and the way the girl remembered her dad. Thanks for sharing!


#197

Hello! I read both drafts of your script. If I am understanding correctly, the first draft is what you actually submitted to the contest, and the second draft is a re-write you did after the fact - is that accurate?

I liked that you started the second draft right at the fair. We don’t really need the setup from the first draft telling us that that’s what they are about to do, let’s just get right to it and see it happen! I also really liked the added element of danger in the second version; Superior has to save two girls from a malfunctioning ferris wheel and still get back to Chris in time to help him with his date!

I feel like both versions have some awkwardly-worded sentences or instances where you might want to use different punctuation (exclamation points instead of periods - especially when the girls are calling out “Help! Quick. We’re going to fall.”) I would recommend having someone proofread your draft and be a second set of eyes that can help you catch stuff like that.

In the second draft there is a line that says “Chris (said internally): C’mon Simon. Don’t fail me now.” What does “said internally” mean/look like on the page? Is it a thought bubble, is it a caption box? Spell that out so your artist knows what that should look like.

Overall I like this idea and I think it works for the character. You had some fun visuals too, like Superior perched on top of the ferris wheel at the end, and the three-panel split shot of him super-speeding in to knock over the bottles.

I think it’s cool that you took the time to do a second draft even though you had already submitted it, rather than just writing it off. You obviously knew you could do a bit better and wanted to take another stab at it, even if it was just for yourself, so good for you. Next year maybe try to get an earlier start so you have time to get a couple of drafts in BEFORE the deadline? :slight_smile:

Thanks for sharing this, I enjoyed it.


#198

@Russkafin thank you for reading over both versions of my script. Really kind of you. I’ll try and reciprocate tomorrow.

Agree wholeheartedly about being more organised and writing a tad earlier than a couple of hours before the deadline. General life can be a frustrating obstruction at times. In terms of my scripts, I’m not entirely happy with either, but they’re my first attempts at writing comics so the only way is up.

There’s definitely a need, as you mention, to be clear with the directions to the artist. Although I’d argue the exclamation point is legitimately used in the sentence you’ve mentioned as it’s there for emphasis.

Either way, it was good fun to do, and has certainly got me interested in having another go at writing a script.

Many thanks again for reading my Superior entry, Russ :+1:


#199

Hello,

I hope it’s not too late to ask for a review, I have been so busy that I didn’t have time until now (plus google drive problems amongst other things). Because of the page limit, I decide to go for a pure action and fun script. Hope you enjoy it and thanks in advance !