millarworld.tv Comics Creators

MW Annual 2017 - peer feedback


#1

Many have asked for this and we said we would set it up after the holidays. So here’s the place if you want to post your scripts or artwork and get feedback (to make things easy for Mark to review we deleted all comments other than the 3 page art samples in that thread).

For the scripts and the judging team that sent a final list through to Mark, there is no guarantee of any feedback, all of us are volunteers and not employees and time and effort is restricted accordingly. Expect nothing, you may get a surprise if something appears.


Can we post scripts/stories that we didn't get to submit to the contest for Millarworld to read?
My Millarworld Annual Submission: Superior. Feedback welcome.
#2

Thank you, garjones. I’ve submitted a 4-page story for SUPERCROOKS this year and posted about it on my blog. If any of you would like to read it and give me some feedback, I’d be honored!


#3

Hi! Thanks for this opportunity, guys! This is the link for the script I wrote for ‘‘Superior’’

SUPERIOR - HOPE (link Google Drive)

This is the first comic book script I ever wrote. I usually write horror short stories and, most importantly, i write them in Italian, my native language. So, I wasn’t too surprised when they didn’t pick me up :stuck_out_tongue: It’s been fun as hell, anyway. I never approached this kind of storytelling, so trying to learn (still tryin’) the medium and analyzing my favourite comic book scripts has been exciting.

Hope your feedback could help me improve my writing!


#4

We had a few script entries from people who didn’t have English as a first language, that is an extra challenge but I would advise finding a place to check and get feedback in the language in advance. It’s not hard on the internet to find people who can check over this kind of thing.

The winner in Supercrooks is not a native English speaker as far as I can tell but that could not be seen from his submitted script and that’s what we judged on solely.


#5

Looking forward to this.

Already PM’d @stuartdn86 some feedback on his Nemesis script, and well up for critiquing lots of the others - I know the Nemesis, Empress, Huck and Supercrooks books best, so bring them on!

EDIT: Feel I should re-read Superior and Supercrooks before dishing out notes on those scripts, please bear with.

Would love to hear any comments on my script too: NEMESIS - Exclusive.


#6

That’s perfect, thank you for the advice! :slight_smile:


#7

It was an absolute privilege to have the opportunity to write a Huck story, and I would appreciate any feedback on my script. I’ve stuck it onto an old blog thing I had while on a writing course; ignore the other stuff.
Huck-AndrewWilliamson
Thanks in advance.
Drew


#8

I’ll be reading and responding tomorrow. However before I do so, I think it’d be a good idea to have skin in the game.

Here’s my entry, feel free to tear it up folks.

Supercrooks- Ray Gun Youth

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B5YTWZ7aczh8S1JxcXdpeExHRUE


#9

Here’s mine!
If whoever read the Huck entries would be so inclined (here or via PM) to let me know what he/she thought I would be eternally grateful!

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2aBpp0CjHEkdDJfMFFJVldLY0E


#10

I’ve been looking forward to this peer review so here is my script. Feel free to heavily criticize, tear apart, praise or what have you, so long as I learn something from it. I will respond to your scripts when I get the chance. Thanks again you all especially garjones for opening this topic up.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_Et6ExQnzsXZW9UZF9BYWJEM0U


#11

I’m ready for my lumps. Here is a link to my HUCK submission “True Potential.” I really enjoyed writing for this character, even if it was just for a bit. Thanks Mark Millar & Rafael Albuquerque for bringing such a refreshing and intriguing character to life. Thanks to all the contest readers and moderators that take personal time to work on these boards. And thanks to the peer group for taking a look at my script. Cheers.


#12

Please apply some common sense here as well team. If you are asking for feedback you should give it to at least one of the other contributors, that way everyone will benefit (and it just plain won’t work if everyone just asks only).


#13

Hi DrewEricsson/Andrew

I really enjoyed your Huck script.

The concept suited the character, and the pacing was just right - I thought the lack of dialogue might be an issue, but Huck’s a man of few words and I dig the idea that the majority of the story could be interpreted through the visuals alone (much like a children’s picture book). I also liked some of the symmetry (the train on the way vs on the way back) and the payoff in the final panel that Jimmy has learned about nice deeds from Huck. A few notes:

Story stuff:

  • Despite the slow, deliberate pace I think you could have condensed page one into a couple of panels, getting into Jimmy’s arrival a little earlier
  • The name ‘Little’ Jimmy (Tiny Tim anyone?) and the mother’s line ‘I’VE NEVER HEARD HIM THIS EXCITED SINCE BEFORE HIS DADDY DIED.’ were a little on the nose for me (then again, this is comics…:grinning: )
  • Huck’s list said to get a tree one day before Christmas, which seemed a little late to me
  • I think Jimmy’s mom is on the mend in the last scene, but possibly needs clarifying (her tears threw me off)
  • I’m not sure why Huck is crying in that last scene (might be a typo, OR my heart’s made of stone)
  • I might be alone in this (and less is definitely more) but I felt there were one or two occasions where you might have added a little more detail in the panel descriptions (I’m thinking facial expressions, moods, body language)

Formatting stuff:

  • All your dialogue is in CAPS, which makes it harder to read IMO and also means you can’t caps up to HIGHLIGHT certain dialogue
  • Dialogue will be lettered as you’ve written it - this is the second script I’ve seen where no dialogue is exclaimed! Don’t be afraid to use !!! (would be especially appropriate for LJ in the final scene!)
  • You seem to be missing a word at the start of the dialogue on page 5, panel 3

Nicely done - I’m nitpicking above, as you can probably tell. This certainly wouldn’t have looked out of place in the annual for me!


#14

I’ve only sent one thus far, but did so via DM. Mainly so my opinions didn’t necessarily color someone else’s feedback or opinion of the script.

Do you think it would be better to do open feedback as replies instead of DM?


#15

We’re all posting and reading scripts (theoretically), so we all learn and get to hear others’ interpretations - and potentially debate a few points. I’m more than happy to send privately, but far more beneficial collectively if you ask me.


#16

It’s really up to what people prefer but otherwise it does tend to look like an inactive thread with a lot of requests and no replies, which may give the wrong impression.


#17

Is there any chance you could link to something like a google drive file? I’m at my day job and reading these during down time (It’s slow season here). But I’d rather not download a file onto a work computer.


#18

The dust settled, congratulations given, head turned few times over amazing art that received awards. I have no doubts why these particular entrants have won.
On the other hand I’m really eager to know pro’s opinion on my entry. I’m on constant road to self improvement and any advice will be greatly appreciated.
So thanks in advance and here’s a link to my post:


#20

I think I’d respond to this sequence better as is, if it were a scene within a larger work. Especially one that laid some ground work to show the life of this reporter, and why she’d be singled out by Nemesis specifically.

As a 4 page standalone, by the end I’m not sure if I should be cheering on the charismatic mass murderer for exposing the reporter as a self absorbed unfaithful failure, or if I should feel sorry for the kidnapped reporter who happens to be self absorbed and unfaithful?

Maybe if her story was reversed some? She’s shown to be a dedicated worker who has always been overlooked for accolades. Also maybe her long hours striving to be noticed have led to her husband to go astray. And after all of this is shown, Nemesis continues to prey on her by telling her how she’s much too boring and dreary to ever be noticed by the Pulitzers no matter how many war zones she embeds. Or something like that anyway.

I just think maybe if you showed this evil madman just destroy her whole world slowly, even though she’s doesn’t deserve it that it could add a little touch of pathos and really push this story to stand on its own.

On your panel calls/direction everything seems very clear. I wasn’t ever lost as far as what you were asking to be conveyed. And you’re really solid at making sure what’s called for in the panels can actually be shown in a single image. An idea like this paired with an artist with a strong design sense to REALLY push those running news banners, and station stings could make for a fun short for sure.

Best of luck to you, moving forward.


#21

yes, of course! Superior - Hope