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Millarworld Annual 2016 Chrononauts "Prom Night" Script


#1

Hi all,

In the spirit of Mark Abnett’s earlier thread with his winning entry and as the deadline for this year’s Millarworld Annual is drawing near, I thought I would just post both my final script for my Chrononauts Story ‘Prom Night’ as well as my initial entry, in case it spurs anyone still undecided to enter this year. Well that and the fact it’s always fun to peer behind the curtain at the scripting in the background!

So without further ado…


FINAL SCRIPT

CHRONONAUTS

“PROM NIGHT”

Script by Shaun Brill

Art by Conor Hughes

4 pages

Page One

1/ THE PAST: HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. Inside a high school at a typical American prom.

Two teenagers are dancing sheepishly near each other. A young blonde kid wearing a

burgundy tuxedo, and a typical cheerleader-style beauty in a prom dress with a corsage.

Other kids are dancing/chatting/etc in the background. Danny Reilly is stood watching the

couple. He is wearing a black suit with an unbuttoned shirt and an untied bow tie, and is

wearing his Chrono-Suit underneath; which is showing through in some way so the reader

can identify it is Danny.

CREDITS: CHRONONAUTS LOGO. “Prom Night” Writer: Shaun Brill Artist: Conor Hughes.

NO DIALOGUE

2/ Cut to Danny front on.

DANNY : Ah, Senior Prom. Gotta’ say, I know how to rock a burgundy tux.

Suzie Kavanagh. The one that got away.

DANNY : Now to swoop in and help my teenage self hook up with the hottest girl in school.

3/ Danny has approached his younger self. Younger Danny looks incredulous.

DANNY : I know this sounds crazy kid, but I’m you. From the future. The fate of the world depends on you hooking up with Suzie Kavanagh.

YOUNG DANNY : Are you high?

4/ The two continue talking. Younger Danny looks at Adult Danny in awe.

DANNY : I’ll prove it kid. Spring break. Aunt Joan’s Basement.

YOUNG DANNY : Whoa. It is you.

DANNY : Ok, here’s the plan.

Page Two

1/ Young Danny and Suzie make out in the background while adult Danny looks pleased with himself.

DANNY: : One regret down. Next stop, College!

2/ Cut to close up of Danny. A bra has hit him in the face. It is important that the design of the bra is distinctive as it will need to be easily identified later.

DANNY : OK this is… different.

3/ THE PAST: COLLEGE YEARS. Pull back to reveal an untidy college room. A female college student, clearly Suzie Kavanagh, is riffling through a large pile of clothes. The room is covered with artsy posters, think musicals, Le Chat Noir, Events e.g Poetry Slams, Art Exhibitions etc. There could possibly be some sort of poster that says ‘Danny loves Suzie’ etc. But this may be being too obvious. Our Danny stands looking at Suzie, now holding the bra in his hand.

DANNY : Suzie? You ended up at M.I.T.?

4/ Suzie has turned to face Danny. Her shirt reads ‘Eastville College of the Arts’

SUZIE: : M.I.T? That’s hilarious. If you’re here to see Danny, he’s at the library studying for his dramatic arts mid-term.

5/ Focus on Danny, his expression showing he knows he has screwed up.

DANNY : I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Page Three

1/ THE PAST: HIGH SCHOOL YEARS. Back at the prom. This is essentially a rehash of the first page, whereby Danny is watching his younger self about to step in and ensure he hooks up with Suzie.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : … Now to swoop in and help my teenage self hook up with the hottest girl in school.

ANOTHER VOICE FROM SIDE OF PANEL : Hold it.

2/ Pull back to reveal our Danny from the future, looking nearly identical, albeit a little more disheveled.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : We came in the same outfit? Awkward. Is this where you give me the whole, I’m from the future you’re making a terrible mistake shtick? Tell me we at least get the girl.

DANNY : If by get the girl you mean disrupt the timeline and jeopardize our entire route to the current future. Then yeah. We get the girl.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : Sweeeet!

3/ Both Dannys continue talking at the prom.

DANNY : I’m serious man, I’ve seen it. We hook up with Suzie, we never get to M.I.T, which means we never meet Corbin and travel here in the first place.

DANNY : There’s no easy way to say this. We end up at a Liberal Arts College.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : It’s not Interpretive Dance is it? Tell me it’s not Interpretive Dance!

4/ Same as above. Danny From Five Minutes Ago should be suitably over the top when saying ‘No!’.

DANNY : Theatre and Puppetry.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : No!

5/ The two Dannys continue talking at the prom.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : So what’s the plan?

DANNY : Leave it to me.

Page Four

1/ Suzie stands holding the bra that was thrown in Danny’s face earlier, looking extremely annoyed at Young Danny. Young Danny is completely red faced, obviously having no idea where the bra has come from.

DANNY [BOX] : “I’ve got just the thing.”

2/ Suzie is walking away, the rest of the students in the background laugh at Young Danny. Young Danny looks down, feeling sorry for himself, awkwardly holding the bra in his hands and with Suzie’s corsage is at his feet.

NO DIALOGUE

3/ Both the adult Dannys look on at the scene.

DANNY : Be strong little buddy, it’s for the best.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : Wait. I remember this. I spent years wondering where that bra came from. You mean to tell me…?

4/ Same as above. The two Dannys continue chatting both facing forward to watch the scene.

DANNY : It was us all along. If it makes you feel any better, technically it did belong to her.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : Nicely done Dr Reilly.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO: But wait, if I didn’t intervene doesn’t that mean you no longer–

5/ Pull back to reveal Danny From Five Minutes Ago now standing alone, the future Danny no longer existing due to the change in timeline.

DANNY FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO : Annnd he’s gone.

END


So here is my original entry that I entered as my submission for the competition. It’s interesting to look at the evolution of the story. I can certainly see that the ending is a bit more cliched (finding out the person you fancied in school has… changed) but part of me still likes the chaos of having 6 Dannys running around all slowly messing up more of the timeline trying to set their younger self up with this girl.

ORIGINAL ENTRY SCRIPT

“PROM NIGHT”
A CHRONONAUTS STORY
Script by Shaun Brill
4 Pages

Page One
THE PAST
1/ Inside a high school at a typical American prom. Two teenagers are dancing. A young blonde kid wearing a burgundy tuxedo, and a typical cheerleader-style beauty in a scarlet dress with a matching corsage. Other kids are dancing/chatting/etc in the background. Danny Reilly is stood watching the couple. He is wearing a black suit with an unbuttoned shirt and an untied bow tie, and is wearing his Chrono-Suit underneath; this is showing through in some way so the reader can identify it is Danny.

NO DIALOGUE

2/ Cut to Danny front on.

DANNY: Ah, Senior Prom. Gotta’ say, I know how to rock a burgundy tux. Suzie Kavanagh. Hottest girl in the whole school, hands down. Now to swoop in and help young me avoid one of the most embarrassing–.

ANOTHER VOICE FROM SIDE OF PANEL: Hold it.

3/ Pull back to reveal a second (Adult) Danny, looking nearly identical, albeit a little more dishevelled and with a large punch stain on his outfit.

DANNY 1: We came in the same outfit? Awkward. Is this where you give me the whole, I’m from the future you’re making a terrible mistake shtick? Tell me we at least get the girl.

DANNY 2: If by get the girl you mean walk her back to her house, no kiss, get hit by a car on the way back and miss entry exams that could disrupt our entire route to the current future. Then yeah. We get the girl.

DANNY 1: Sweeeet!

4/ Both Dannys continue talking. To the side of them a boy with brown hair trips with a glass of punch in his hand.

DANNY 2: I’m serious, man. We miss that exam we might end up never meeting Corbin and winding up here in the first place. Bros before Hoes man. Look out–

5/ Danny 2 pulls Danny 1 out of the way, avoiding the thrown glass of punch which has left the boy’s hand and is in mid-air.

DANNY 1: Ok, just pointing out you just called a high-schooler a ho.

DANNY 2: We have to re-write the time line so that we warn our younger self to, I don’t know, call a cab or something.

Page Two

1/ A third Danny has now appeared and stands before the other two Dannys.

DANNY 3: I’ve come from the future, you’re about to make a terrible mistake!

DANNY 1: Well this just keeps getting better.

DANNY 2: Actually that was pretty badass. I should’ve opened with that.

2/ The 3 Dannys continue talking at the prom.

DANNY 1: What did we do this time? It was the cab wasn’t it? Wait. Are you future me, or future him?

DANNY 3: I’m your future self.

DANNY 2: Wait, what? Where I am. Didn’t I come with you?

3/ Same as above

DANNY 3: No. I never really thought about it.

DANNY 2: Whoa. You never really thought about it!? I could be dead out there!

4/ Same as above

DANNY 1: Getting back to our future wife.

DANNY 3: In my timeline, you hook up. During the walk of shame she trips down the porch stairs. Shattered shoulder. Sues you for every cent. So long College savings. Hello Liberal Arts College.

DANNY 2: It’s not Interpretive Dance is it? Tell me it’s not Interpretive Dance.

5/ Same as above

DANNY 3: Theatre and Puppetry.

DANNY 2: No!

Page Three
This page is (ideally) split into five equal segments horizontally. Danny 1, 2 & 3 are on the left side of each panel, and each new panel introduces a further Danny until the total reaches six and in the last panel Corbin also enters from the right, so the composition will need to be as such that there is space built into the right side of the panels to allow for this. Each panel should look near identical (except for variations in character posture, reaction etc) but with an extra Danny (or Corbin in the final panel) appearing to the right of the group for comedy effect.

1/ Danny 1, 2 & 3 are stood next to each other in the left side of the panel, and look determined and united.

DANNY 1: It’s decided then. We get young me to play it cool, call a cab, save the timeline and ride off with Suzie Kavanagh into the sunset.

2/ A fourth Danny has appeared on the right side of the panel.

DANNY 1: Let’s do this—

DANNY 4: Nope, didn’t work.

3/ A fifth Danny has appeared, holding his arm and looking beat up.

DANNY 2: Well what if we were to—

DANNY 5: Let’s just say it ends badly. Really badly.

4/ Another Danny has appeared, this time soaking wet.

DANNY 3: Could you guys just not! Wait, there was one more thing. She always used to like–

DANNY 6: Nope, not any more. I think we may just have to accept that fate doesn’t want us to be together.

5/ Corbin Quinn appears on the right of panel. The Dannys look downbeat.

CORBIN: Let me save you some time.

Page Four

THE PRESENT
1/ The Dannys have time-travelled to a café, bunched on one side of the panel. Corbin is stood in the front with the Danny’s sort of tripping over each other behind him. A large waitress with a namebadge reading ‘SUZIE K.’ is on the other side of the panel.

BOX (CORBIN): “I have something you’ll want to see.”

2/ Suzie has seen the group and addresses them.

SUZIE: Well… What’ll it be fellas?

3/ All the Dannys stare on in disbelief.

DANNY 2: Tell me that’s not…

CORBIN: Yup.

DANNY 5: What … happened?

DANNY 3: Point made.

DANNY 1: Take us back Corbin, we’ve done all we can here.

THE PAST
4/ Corbin and the Dannys are back at the prom looking at young Danny and Suzie.

DANNY 3: Here it comes.

DANNY 4: It’s for the best little guy.

5/ Young Danny is slapped by Suzie Kavanagh. The Dannys stand united, Corbin looks on also.
SOUND F/X: SLAP!

DANNY 5: Never should’ve said the dress made her look like a tomato.

DANNY 3: I still think it’s a compliment. They’re delicious.

DANNY 4: Bullet dodged.

DANNY 2: Wait, if you didn’t intervene doesn’t that mean we no longer exi–

6/ Young Danny is looking down and feeling sorry for himself, a red corsage is at his feet. Corbin and the first Adult Danny now stand alone, the other Dannys now no longer existing due to the change in the timeline. Adult Danny is leaning casually with his arms folded, looking on from the background.

DANNY 1: Be strong little buddy. Be strong.
END


Anyway, so there we have it! Hopefully that’s been useful or at the very least entertaining.
So now it’s your turn. Onward writers, to this year’s Millarworld Annual! Good Luck!


Millarworld Annual 2017 - Writer Submission Thread
#3

No this was his winning Chrononauts script from the 2016 Annual…


#4

Oh! In that case, awesome! Congrats!


#5

Hey man, cool script, but I’m curious on your thought process on changing it so dramatically? Was there a push from somewhere or did you just feel more strongly about one over the other?


#6

I really enjoyed reading them both and seeing all the changes made. It’s a great insight into the editing process and how easily stories and characters can transform into something completely different. Some fantastic dialogue and it felt so natural between the Danny and all his other selves. Brilliant scripts!


#7

I gotta say, your original script is a lot more fun. Nothing against the revised one, but your story was the main attraction in the annual for me. After reading the 6-Danny version I feel cheated :wink:


#8

I had some feedback during the rewrites that it didn’t really make sense unless the reader was able to see what caused the second adult Danny to travel back to stop the first adult Danny in the first place i.e to show him travelling to the future and seeing that he ends up at an Arts College and won’t meet Corbin, and thus giving him the motivation to travel back in the first place. Oh no Basil I’ve gone cross-eyed…

As much as I tried to keep in more Adult Dannys (Dannies? Dannyes?) I just couldn’t get it down to 4 pages, which did sadly mean I had to just keep it to the two Adult Dannys. It also meant losing the little visual background trick in the original of having future adult Danny with a stain on his shirt push current Adult Danny out of the way of the tripping guy at the prom, to prevent him getting the same stain.

But there were positives that it created. Writing the Suzie in College page meant I came up with the idea of having the Bra be the thing that caused the Prom Date to go wrong in the first place (rather than the cringey line about a tomato - I think my jokes were running out at that point!) and thus, play around even more with the idea of time travel. :slight_smile:


#9

Thanks for the kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed the scripts. I did find writing dialogue for Danny quite natural. I feel like we would share the same sort of quippy humour.


#10

Thanks so much man, your cheque is in the mail! I’m glad I got to put the original here so people could see the original conception. I think that’s why I settled on Chrononauts, because while the rest of the series are awesome, Chrononauts just had so much scope for writing a ‘fun’ story. :grin:


#11

A very well deserved win. I used to struggle when writing dialogue but when you stop focusing on each character’s gender and focus on them as individuals it becomes so much easier. Make them quirky, make them fun, but most importantly, make them relatable in some way. Definitely!


#12

Thanks for this Man.

I´m not ashame to say I´ve stolen the format of your script for mine.

If I get somewhere drinks are on me (And in Argentina…)


#13

@brill87 Thanks for sharing!! I love both versions of the story. It was definitely one of the highlights of the annual for me - and it is helpful to see the evolution of it here.


#14

Yeah, definitely thanks for sharing!

-Shawn