millarworld.tv Comics Creators

Looking For Script Feedback


#1

Just finished script 1 of a 3 part mini I’m writing, looking for feedback while I await an artist friend getting the time to illustrate it.


#2

Why don’t you paste the script right into a post here?


#3

I will…


#4

Page 1-6 panels

Panel 1-Jean Gentry’s expensive, but tiny apartment in the un named Big City. We see Jean, curled up on her couch, phone in hand, scrolling through the world of social media. She sighs with resentment, a bottle of wine next to her.

JEAN:
Sigh…

Panels 2, and 3-Smaller panels, with the first having an invitation to Brain Drain, an Arts and Sciences Gala taking place this evening, the text for the car is listed below.

INVITATION TEXT:
Salutations and congratulations on receiving your invitation to BRAIN DRAIN. July, 28, 2019. Pinnacle Tower, Downtown.

Next panel no.3 is of a dress laid out on the couch, not her bed and certainly not hung up. It’s not her style to really care about her appearance, but she was willing to make some compromises for tonight by dressing up, she just hasn’t gotten up the nerve to do so yet.

Panel 4-Back to a normal size panel, She’s reading information on her phone we can see about the Brain Drain. I figure this is an easier way to get some exposition out of the way while still showing her character. The website has a headline that reads:

HEADLINE:
BRAIN DRAIN INVITES THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST TRANSPLANTS IN THE METRO!

We’ll cut off some of the Website Text, but I’ll start to write an article.

WEBSITE TEXT:
Tonight marks the first annual Brain Drain, a Gala organized for talented Transplants from the Arts and Sciences in our fair City. Pieced among them are exhibits, live performances, and awards for the select few allowed. Pinnacle Tower is apropos to host the event, having originally been a pulp publisher in the late 1950s…

Panel 5-Jean getting several texts in a row from her mother, bothering her about getting out and doing more with her life.

MOM TEXT:
Jean, did you read the article I sent you?

MOM TEXT:
I think this event could be the thing you’re looking for, if you want to get out of your job.

MOM TEXT:
Everything looks so fancy, I think you’ll really find yourself there…

Panel 6-Jean groans, throwing her head back on the couch.

JEAN:
Okay, fine, I’ll go, but I’m not gonna like it.

Page 2-6 Panels

Panel 1-Squall Gentry has been sleeping in his car, it’s a new car, but it’s the same old job. He’s been a 4hire driver since following in his sister’s footsteps and moving into the big city. She doesn’t know he’s there and her mother, at Squall’s request, never told Jean, as Squall wanted to prove he could make it on his own.

Panels 2 and 3-Smaller Panels, just like page one, let’s go for the same layout as Page 1, to attempt and show some symmetry between the siblings. His phone is buzzing with a new 4Hire job coming onto the screen. The prompt reads as so:

4HIRE:
Tomassio. 5 Stars. High Tipper. Pick up location 1 block.

No.3, an empty wallet of Squall Gentry, left unfolded on the car seat.

Panel 4-Squall sits up, looking out his window and seeing the man, who looks all too familiar waving at him from the street. It’s a mobster he owes money to from deal gone sour.

SQUALL:
Fuck me.

Panel 5-Squall with his window down, talking to the mobster, who is smiling.

TOMASSIO:
Good morning, Sunshine, hope you weren’t planning on having a snow day.

SQUALL:
In July?

TOMASSIO:
I’m gonna cut to the chase: I need you to do a job for me.

SQUALL:
No more drugs, it’s too risky.

TOMASSIO:
How’s about robbery, that too much?

Panel 6-He’s handing him an invitation to the Brain Drain Gala.

TOMASSIO:
You’ll be working as a waiter, meet your partner there, he’ll give the deets.

Page 3-6 Panels

Panel 1-Alston Pheltia has been working in Mycology for nearly 10 years, this is his latest and greatest trial and success. He has a table inside of the Pinnacle Tower, on the Ballroom Floor, which was formerly and editorial building in the 1950s, and then 1960s, after that it was an art gallery, and now it’s a museum for history of the building as well as offices for some high end tech companies and Realtors in the major mid town area. He’s here to promote his new Portable X-Ray device, that he Calls the Z Ray, it runs on non-radiation, using a secret he won’t share to paint the perfect picture of the human inside and out. He has a banner above with his name written as well as creator of the Z Ray, so Y Not?, it’s made decent enough for a scientists with very little time for things of that nature, he has a table cloth draping over front of the table, dressed not nearly as smart as he is for this occasion. Suit and tie, with dress shoes, the first time he’s worn so in many many years. Laying across the table are two things to be shown in…

Panel 2 and 3-Smaller panels, let’s follow suit as with pages 1 and 2 and introduce our four protagonists in this manner. The first of smaller panels is the Rat mentioned above. This rat has had to regrow its circulatory system after having it forcibly removed when vomiting during the tests Alston made on it during his Slime Mold Experiment.

No. 3, A Dish with a slime mold in it, seemingly innocuous and harmless, it will, later in the evening become the terror in the tower.

Panel 4-Alston Standing behind his table, showing the Z Ray Tablet to a potential buyer, he’s talking to a couple, holding the Z-Ray up to face and showing the inside of head and brain.

ALSTON:
Viola. The working mind of an out of work scientist, at your eyeballs and rolling into your brains.

MAN:
And we’re not in any danger.

ALTSTON:
The only danger you’re in…

Panel 5-Alston switches the Z-Ray over, showing brain activity from a cat scan next, displaying his brain working in thought. The woman is appalled at seeing the man’s brain, and somewhat scared that she or her husband may not be as intelligent as they believed.

ALSTON:
Is increasing productivity and learning a thing or two.

WOMAN:
How ungainly.

MAN:
We’ll…consider it.

Panel 6-Alston upset, Z-Ray set on his table, he pets his Rat. His rat purrs in happiness at being rubbed the right way. You’d have anxiety also, if you had an entirely new wiring for your brain and body.

ALSTON:
William, tonight is going to be a big night for the both of us.

ALSTON:
One rejection won’t spoil my mood, and don’t let it ruin yours either.

Page 4-6 Panels

Panel 1-Curtis Ragowski, Pen and Science name of CRAG is late as always. He’s a geologist, but he’s no rock, he rolls away from trouble. But, he can’t avoid it today, no, not when his latest discovery of an unknown rock, seemingly from space or Mars had fallen into his lap. He’s standing in a packed Elevator, with several people all around him, A Collapsible table in one hand, along with a bag full of books, and a specialized case to carry his new discovery, The Yetian Crystal. Named for the book he wrote, called The Yetian Passage, for Crag, being in this formerly home of Pulp Prime, the Premier Serialized sci-fi and Fantasy Magazine of the mid 20th century is a dream come true and.

CRAG:
Synchronicity distilled.

Panels 2 and 3- Smaller panels these are, like the 3 pages before it.First up we’re getting a peek inside his bag with a copy of the Yetian Passage in full view for the reader, the cover should Feature a Yeti, more commonly known as big foot walking on top of a hollowed out earth, or another choice would be a Yeti piloting a WWII era fighter plane into a giant hole in the ocean.

No.3, A peek inside the case housing the Yetian Crystal, with a giant rock in the main pocket, tucked away like a bowling ball. Two Bands are housed next to it. He’ll use those later in the series to control his own Golem like monster, but, for now, they’ve been crafted from the stone by him to gift to whoever is smart, or really brave enough to publish his bull shit conspiracies.

Panel 4-Back to Normal size panels. The other people, three or four of them, Crag can’t be sure, don’t have too much of an appetite to digest his bulls shit in one sitting, let alone multiple. They’re bored, rolling eyes and attempting to sway away from his gaze as it and his thoughts wander wondering.

CRAG:
For me, the spiritual heir of pulp to be presenting inside of the tree that grew and chopped up the wood that spun those tales.

Panel 5-He takes a deep pretentious breath, closing his eyes and sucking all the air from the elevator. I’m exaggerating, he’s supposed to be acting like a holier than thou prick. No one is listening or cares.

Panel 6-The elevator stops on their floor, Crag is pleased with himself, even if no one else is.

CRAG:
Words cannot describe how a scribe like I feels.

Page 5-4 Panels

Panel 1-The former Editorial Floor of Pulp Prime, where we saw Alston was set up Earlier, now, we’re focusing on Jean again, She’s making her rounds around the circular floor, attempting to find a new job and get her out of her old life as a university research geneticist. Some of the more prominent exhibits that will be involved in the shit storm later that are to be featured in this panel are: Weather bombs, can we sustain the coming rain? A missile shaped device with snow flakes on it. It’s being sold by a weather girl in front of a map, and she’s doing her best to interest people in the device and its potential. Jean is standing in front of the booth, but talking with a professor from a Major, West Coast University. He’s creeping on her, grabbing her arm, Jean is not happy with his gropey, pervert hands.

JEAN: (Narration)
Karloff Locke, Head of Stanford’s Genealogy Lab, a job that I would love to land.

JEAN: (Narration)
He’s a blow hard with bad breath, interested more in the student body than scientific advancements.

JEAN: (Narration)
Hard pass.

Panel 2-The Next Exhibit she’s standing in front of is: Are You Sure It’s Furniture, The Future Must Be Here? It’s home to transforming Furniture, made from a sleek metal than can shape to attune your needs, and padded by the firmest or softest (Depending on preference) padding that senses your tastes and coordinates to them. If you prefer a sofa; boom, a love seat; boom, anything and everything. She’s talking to Mark Peddler, Lobbyist for for Giant Pharma Company, interested in developing further into Genetics, and looking to corner the market on patentable things. Including a spore mold that can cure the common cold, just what Alston has been working on. It’s in this panel what we aren’t shown that’s important for later, (Issue 3), this is where Mark Peddler hands Jean a Syringe with Neem in it, it’s a natural pesticide and what Alston will unknowingly inject himself with, and cause the outbreak of a sentient all-powerful slime mold.

JEAN: (Narration)
Mark Peddler, he works for Hoffman Pharmaceuticals, the leader in Gene Patenting.

JEAN: (Narration)
Some things just aren’t in my ball park.

JEAN: (Narration)
I’d kill to get that job.

Panel 3-Crag is next on her tour, she doesn’t stop, or take note of him, she’s still looking to meet people who can advance her career and not interested in the weird, pretentious man, setting up and odd booth. Crag is behind schedule, with no sign up, and his table just now getting up on two legs to stand.

JEAN: (Narration)
What If I’m not cut out for this?

JEAN: (Narration)
What if I can’t network right, and all this meeting of the who’s who, doesn’t stick?

Panel 4-Jean outside of Alston’s booth, he’s got a bit more of an interested crowd for his Z-Ray now, Jean is off to the side, switching the syringe off panel, she’s looking to see what he’s doing, but she’s really trying to tell if she’s been seen. The Rat, William is looking directly at her, seeing the switch, but the reader doesn’t.

JEAN: (Narration)
What if I can never innovate, merely work?

JEAN: (Narration)
Is that good enough,to be paid to do a job in the field I love?

Page 6-4 Panels

Panel 1-Let’s go ahead and follow the 4 panels a page pattern as set by Jean. I like the idea of linking their motivations with the first 4 pages, then following it up with their first few moments (hour or so) at the Gala being narrated in 4 panel pages, symbolic to the Fantastic Four, which this was originally supposed to be a fan story of. Anyway, enough of me talking, It’s Squall’s turn to tour the floor, he’s dressed as a waiter, has yet to meet his contact from the mob, who was late, whether that’s good or bad is yet to be decided. He’s passing by an exhibit, with a hand full of drinks, the Exhibit is: LSD and the effects on PTSD, does a memory last a second lifetime? There are two shady looking government officials standing behind the table.

SQUALL:(Narration)
Wonder if they’d trade a drink for a sample?

Panel 2-The next Exhibit that he’s passing is one entitled: Splice and Dice, rewrite your genes at random. An elderly woman with large muscles, standing 6 foot 4 is at the table, in front of a tall tube like device connected to a computer that you’re supposed to enter to get your atoms randomized. Squall has a few less drinks, has yet to see his sister, nor she him and has yet to get a call from his partner or boss.

SQAULL: (Narration)
Whose got two thumbs and won the genetic lottery; This guy.

SQUALL: (Narration)
Now, he’s calling, when I’m already on the floor and people have seen my face. Shit.

Panel 3-Squall has set his drink down on what he thought was an empty table, but it wasn’t it was Crag’s table. Crag is trying to sell Squall a book, but Squall is absorbed into his phone and doesn’t notice him.

SQUALL:(Narration)
Running late, meet me in the kitchen, I’m the bald dude dressed like a dud.

SQUALL:(Narration)
God I hope he only texts like that.

Panel 4-Squall walking by Alston’s table on his way to the kitchen, Alston is attempting to wave him down and get a drink. Squall doesn’t hear, he’s moving a little quicker now that his tray is nearly empty and he needs to meet up with his partner for this job.

SQUALL:(Narration)
The less people who see your face the better.

Page 7-4 Panels

Panel 1-Alston is standing in front of his table, ready to venture ahead and catch the man with the tray of drinks, as he needs something to take the edge off. The exhibit that can be seen nearest his is: Will your smart house make you dumb? It has a small scale model doll house, lit on fire, with some artsy fartsy fucks playing synth music through drums, slapped by sweaty, unwashed palms.

ALSTON:(Narration)
William can hold down the fort while I find a drink and a possible investor.

ALSTON:(Narration)
I’ll never sell a waiting for the buyer; I have to find them.

Panel 2-Alston is talking to the purveyor of a booth by the name of: Hu Man? What does it mean to be a being that is aware? A professor, a young one at that is at the booth, attempting to sell nothing and buy nothing, offering only words of what is believed to be wisdom.

ALSTON:(Narration)
Customer care is important, but couldn’t care for his complaints of man.

ALSTON:(Narration)
Speaking of perfect design; how little does he know we’re imperfect and that’s what makes us.

Panel 3-He watches Squall head into the kitchen with the Tray of drinks, attempting to get his attention; he does not.

ALSTON:(Narration)
Is this waiter deaf? Won’t he get in trouble for not getting rid of all the champagne?

Panel 4-Alston stops at Crag’s Table, where he just so happened to have four drinks on his table. Alston has one and is talking to Crag. Crag is holding up a copy of the Yetian Passage, thinking he’s made a sale or maybe even a friend. He has neither as of this moment.

ALSTON: (Narration)
Salvation from the woes of my night.

ALSTON: (Narration)
Now, I can drift in and out of conversation, letting the bubbles buzz in my brain.

Page 8-4 Panels

Panel 1-Crag is scanning the crowd, while trying to Show Alston the Yetian Crystal. Alston is drinking his champagne fast as he can, not for a lack of interest in the rock, no, he wants to get back to his table and make a sale of his own, and prepare for his demonstration of the cure for the common cold. Crag wants to know how to sell things, so he’s peeking over at another booth that is very busy called: Vicarious Reality; the next step in living. It’s a VR Booth where one person, most notably a celebrity, musician, or attractive person, in this case it’s a handsome man, it promises to give users the sensations of another life. The handsome man hooked up to the machine, having his brain read by a machine and his experience feed into a visor worn by a woman. It’s one of the more elaborate set ups of the Gala.

CRAG: (Narration)
Observe, what are the others doing to sell their wares?

CRAG:(Narration)
Sex sells, but that check would bounce for me and not in the good way.

Panel 2-Alston is setting his drink down, ready to roll back to his table. Crag is carefully watching a Booth with a band playing out orchestral notes as a regular three piece band called: The Space Between The Notes, What An Ear For Music Can do for you.

CRAG: (Narration)
Lyrical…I can win him over with a great verse about my writing.

Panel 3-Alston has left, as Crag is raising a finger, trying to get his attention and pick out a proper passage to read in order to win him over. Jean is talking to someone in front of him another member of another college board perhaps , the gender doesn’t matter.

CRAG:(Narration)
I’ve got it. Chapter 12, The All.

Panel 4-Crag Looking around as Alston is walking back to his table.

CRAG:(Narration)
God Dammit, he didn’t even listen.

CRAG:(Narration)
I guess I’ll just have to register for speaking time, hopefully get to the podium before his pretentious ass.

Page 9-5 Panels

Panel 1-Squall has met up with his Bald Mobster partner on this job, and has, for the better part of the last 5 or so minutes been attempting to reason with him on the fact that this is a suicide mission. The Bald Mobster and Squall are each pushing a tray that appears to be filled with delicacies, like desserts or a giant roast tucked beneath a neat fitting domed lid. You, know what room service trays in movies look like? Yeah, that’s it. Underneath the surface of those, is, in fact guns, bombs, and ammo, enough for five to ten people, but the mob thought that two men needed that much. This was a set up by the mob to kill of those chumps who owe them too much to ever pay off, and to wipe their hands of the murder, it will look like an attempted mass shooting gone awry when the guns jam. Oh, yeah, they’re in the kitchen, getting ready to push their cart out of the kitchen and into the main hall where everyone has gathered.

SQUALL:
I’m telling you, this is stupid.

BALDIE:
What’s stupid is owing money to Tomassio, and this will end that.

SQUALL:
This ain’t a cash out, and that’s what’s not registering with you, Baldie.

Panel 2-Both Baldie and Squall stopped at the door, we can see behind Squall and his sister Jean is just behind it, facing away, looking at the Weather Changing bomb Exhibit. The one with the missile that has snowflakes on it. Just her head needs to be featured.

BALDIE:
No security, you think these egg heads can defend themselves?

SQUALL
Have you been out there? They don’t need security, place is loaded with lethal minds.

Panel 3-Baldie stops to think and has some trouble with it.

SQUALL:
Think about it: we’re the distraction, they’ve got another job planned somewhere else tonight.

Panel 4-Baldie pushing his cart past Squall and out into the main Area, Squall is up in arms about his partner for this evening being so bull headed.

BALDIE:
Just doing my job.

SQUALL:
Argh!

Panel 5-Squall rubbing his temples in frustration as Baldie has exited the kitchen.

SQUALL:
When your gran kids ask you what did you do to prevent a disaster, what will you tell them?

SQUALL:
That I stood in the kitchen and talked to myself.


#5

Page 10-5 Panels

Panel 1-Squall has busted out of the kitchen door, and cut in front of Baldie’s Cart, He’s standing back to back with his sister and neither of them are aware. Some members of the crowd are staring, Squall is attempting to ease their nerves.

SQUALL:
Sorry, folks, the bird’s a little under cooked and we’re gonna get a new one.

BALDIE:
No we ain’t, she’s ready to fly.

Panel 2-Back to Squall and Baldie, with Squall back to back with Jean and not noticing a thing. Baldie’s hand is on the lid of the dinner tray, preparing to let the bird fly as he put it. He can’t do it, as Squall has his hand blocking him from opening it.

BALDIE:
What the hell’re you doing?

SQUALL:
I was about to ask you the same thing.

Panel 3-People are watching and Jean, having heard that voice before turns to see what appears to be her brother, dressed as a waiter, fighting with another waiter over what was advertised as their main course for the evening, but if things went to plan would have become their last supper.

JEAN:
Squall?

Panel 4-Squall peaks over his shoulder, having heard his name said by a familiar voice.

SQUALL:
Jean?

Panel 5-Baldie shoves Squall into his sister when he’s distracted, knocking both of them to the floor.

Page 11-5 Panels

Panel 1-A microphone is on a stage in a part of the room, far off from the exhibits, where some people have gathered at tables to converse and eat. A band was supposed to be playing during this time, but, alas, Alston has commandeered the stage, with his table set up, once more on it. His rat, William, His dish full of Slime Mold, and his magnificent Z-Ray device, all up on stage to upstage the others and keep the lime light burning directly on him.

ALSTON:
If I can just divert your attention away from conversation for but a moment, this will only take a second.

ALSTON:
And not a minute more.

Panel 2-The crowd turns somewhat reluctantly to watch him, and his presentation.

Panel 3-Alston showing the audience the slime mold.

ALSTON:
For the uninitiated: this is slime mold, a garden variety pest to your plants.

Panel 4-Alston showing the Audience William, his pet Rat. William is still in his cage.

ALSTON:
And this: is a pest, but he is not your garden variety one, no, he belongs in a lab.

Panel 5-Alston holding the Z-Ray device up to the cage of William, showing his circulatory system, running at robust speeds.

ALSTON:
Would you believe me if I told you that just, 6 hours ago, William did not have a heart?

Page 12-4 Panels

Panel 1-We’re going back for just this short page, in time, 6 hours prior to events of this moment, as Narrated by Alston. Alston is hard at work in his lab, working with Slime Mold, he was inspired by the Tokyo Rail System Experiment, featured here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZUQQmcR5-g
William has a cold, and he’s injecting the Rat with a syringe filled with some Slime Mold.

ALSTON: (Narration)
William had fallen ill with a cold, and after watching video of the Tokyo Rail System being re written and made much more efficient by Slime Mold.

ALSTON:(Narration)
I was struck with an idea: Let’s see if a small dosage of Slime Mold can have an effect on the circulatory system of a mammal.

Panel 2-William drinking some water from his bottle and feeling better instantly.

ALSTON:(Narration)
It did all right. In mere moments William was no longer sick.

Panel 3-William throwing up a giant ball of nerve endings and green mold, the Z-Ray focused on him showing no nerve endings remaining in his body, as the Mold had purged him of it in moments.

ALSTON:(Narration)
He was looking well, with Virtually no side effects

Panel 4-Slime Mold absorbing the old circulatory system of the Rat Named William Via Habituation.

ALSTON:(Narration)
This is when I noticed, through my Z-Ray Device, that William had…

ALSTON:(Narration)
Developed a mutated form of Angiogenesis which rebuilt his nervous system to be healthier with the aid of Slime Mold.

Page 13-5 Panels

Panel 1-Squall is face to face with his sister, on the floor of the Brain Drain Gala. They share a stare and the same thoughts said aloud.

SQUALL:
What’re you doing here?

JEAN:
What are you doing here?

Panels 2 and 3-Squall and Jean, each in one panel, with their heads upward only.

JEAN:
I’m here to network, I thought you still lived at home.

SQUALL:
I did, but I’m here for work as well…

Panel 4-Squall turning to look at Baldie salivating in the moment before he can pick his weapon of choice from the buffet of bullet bruisers stashed beneath the entree dish.

SQUALL:
Shit!

Panel 5-Squall getting up, and kicking the Baldie asshole in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards.

Page 14-5 Panels

Panel 1-Back on stage, some people have turned to look at the ruckus coming from the back.Alston injecting the syringe with Neem in it, (he thinks it’s slime mold. that Jean switched earlier in the issue, when handed it by Mark Peddler in secret, she had agreed to screw Alston over, as, losing out on Z-Rays were bad enough, now, he was going to lose the patent on curing the common cold, Alston had to go.

ALSTON:
Allow me to formally demonstrate my confidence in Slime Mold as a cure.

ALSTON:
In my hand is a simple sample of Slime Mold.

ALSTON:
Earlier today, I injected myself with the same strain of Cold William was infected with.

Panel 2-Alston Showing the audience via Z-Ray Device that he is sick. His body temperature is high and his heart rate is down some, as well as showing his cells battle off the illness, it doesn’t have to be detailed.

ALSTON:
In my hand right now, is the same slime Mold from this dish.

ALSTON:
Which, in turn, is the same spore set that cured William, as it will me.

Panel 3-Alston Injects his arm with the Neem Pesticide, mixed with a more aggressive Slime Mold that was mixed and Made by Mark Peddler, to kill Alston.

Panel 4-Alston has removed the syringe and is looking normal.

ALSTON:
Starting to feel better alread—

Panel 5-Alston begins choking, throwing up some small bits of vomit and blood, over himself, and his table, people in the audience are terrified.

Page 15-5 Panels.

Panel 1-Crag asleep with his head down at his table, since no one cared for his book, he drank the champagne that was left by Squall and what wasn’t drank by Alston during his respite there, prior to his performance. There should be a few empty bottles of Champagne on his table, along with a book left open but face down, from when Crag was attempting or thought he could sell the book to Alston.

Panel 2-Entering the scene, locked up in their arms, struggling for Position are Baldie and Squall, who Smash into Crag’s Table, nearly toppling it and his rock.

BALDIE:
Tomassio said you’d chicken out.

SQUALL:
Grow a brain, Baldie, I didn’t chicken out, you shit, I smartened up.

Panel 3-Crag is grumpy when he’s woken up and doesn’t choose to wake up.

CRAG:
Stop this instant, you’re getting blood and sweat all over my work!

Panel 4-Squall head butts Baldie, knocking him back some.

Panel 5-Squall rocks Baldie with a cocked fist, Baldie’s head turns to the side, spitting out blood and teeth.

Page 16-5 Panels

Panel 1-The Syringe with the Neem Pesticide and the modified Slime Mold, made to be more aggressive falls into the Dish with the well behaved Slime Mold.

Panel 2-Alston’s blood vessels, organs, some select organs and placenta are hanging from his mouth. He’s onstage, and his table has been knocked over, William is free of his cage and scurrying away, as are the crowd who were watching. The organs should be caught up in the green mold, with his nerve endings crackling like broken power lines.

Panel 3-Alston finished throwing up his organs, by ending with his heart falling out of his mouth. His skin is pale and he looks, by all accounts to be a dead man.

Panel 4-The slime mold growing and beginning to take in the organs of Alston.

Panel 5-The Slime Mold fully Digesting what was former the heart, guts, and spirit of Alston.

Page 17- 4 Panels

Panel 1-The Slime mold begins extending its circulatory system, sending out spores of red and green vessels of blood, looking to latch on anyone and anything it can.

Panel 2-It finds some tables and faces of people, who scream in terror.

Panel 3-It finds the floor and the ceiling, as well as more men and women are are afraid for their lives.

Panel 4-Finally, it makes contact with a far wall, sticking close and starting to weave a spider-like web of paths for blood and nerve endings to find new homes.

Page 18-4 Panels

Panel 1-Squall and Jean look up at the ceiling a this Green Moldy, pulsating thing begins to pattern itself like a spider across the top of room where everyone has gathered. Most of the attendees being of the Sciences and Arts, those that feel fear don’t flee; and those that don’t feel have enough morbid curiosity to stand and watch.

SQUALL:
What is that thing?

JEAN:
Don’t ask me.

SQUALL:
You’re the geneticist.

JEAN:
I know, but that doesn’t mean I have all the right questions.

Panel 2-Tendril like Vessels shoot from the brain of this spore, as It centers itself in the room, heading for the different tables.

Panel 3-Crag at his table, has his Yetian Crystal hit, it spikes into the air.

CRAG:
Oh, no you don’t.

Panel 4-Crag holding on tight to the Crystal, not wanting to let go, not even for a moment.

CRAG:
Not today, not with my greatest finding.

Page 18-8 Panels

Panel 1-Each panel on this page will feature a different Exhibit being hit by the Slime Mold with a mind of its own. First up in this page, is the Weather bomb from Earlier, at the Table called: Weather bombs, can we sustain the coming rain? Squall should be by this table, with Baldie knocked on his ass in front of him. The Bomb should be in the process of exploding when touched by the Blood Vessel of the Slime Mold Monster.

Panel 2-The Next Panel Features the Exhibit of: Are You Sure It’s Furniture, The Future Must Be Here? Being hit by one of the vessels.

Panel 3-The Table being hit in this one is: LSD and the effects on PTSD, does a memory last a second lifetime?

Panel 4-The table being hit in this one is, Splice and Dice, rewrite your genes at random.

Panel 5-Vicarious Reality is the Table being hit in this one.

Panel 6-Will your smart house make you dumb? Is the table being hit in this panel.

Panel 7-Hu Man? What does it mean to be a being that is aware? Being hit in this panel. The Snobby Professor getting a mouthful of tendrills.

Panel 8-The Space Between The Notes being Hit in this panel, with the instruments being snagged by the vessels.

Page 19-4 Panels

Panel 1-An overhead view of the floor, with everyone in a panic, and the Slime Mold monster hovering above as the Weather bomb is glowing, beginning to release its ice storm across the room.

Panel 2-Blizzard spinning a storm around the around the room, in this panel, Squall is shown being in direct contact with the bomb going off, Squall stepping in front of his sister and taking the full force of the bomb from her, she wasn’t out of danger though, as coming across the room at her, is a wild flying Gene Splicer from Splice and Dice.

SQUALL:
Look Out!

Panel 3-All of the DNA stored in the Gene Splicing Machine hits Jean, covering her in the blood and plasma of other people.

Panel 4-Much bigger, with the greater effect of a small scale mushroom cloud in the room shaking the building to its foundation and whipping up a torrent that all of the exhibits caught by the Slime Mold’s Vessels are caught inside.

Page 20-Full Page

Panel-Everyone at the Gala is caught in a storm, some hanging on for dear Life, Like Crag, who is hanging onto his Yetian Crystal and being pulled into the air, with copies of his books, and pages on the All, the Pagan belief of god featured in his novel, are swept open, showing images of androgynous men and women, dressed in white, with Elf Like Features.

Squall is covered in snow, jean is nearly transparent at the center of the storm, with, what appears to be all exhibits from the party running through her, giving her the ability to alter her DNA with nearly anything she comes into contact with.

The guns are spinning in the circle as well, firing with one attaching to a scientist, who will later in the book become a guy with a gun arm, or a woman, it doesn’t matter much to me the gender of the character.

Baldie is dead, as the concussive force of the blast from the Weather Bomb, then being tossing into the Air shook his heart too much and he croaked.

Mark Peddler got the Neem Syringe through his eye, going in and out one side of his skull. A fitting end for him.

Alston is still on the stage, floating just above it, un moving, with a Z-Ray Device in his clutches during the storm of snow and wind. He’s below the Slime mold’s main body during this scene as well. Alston’s power will be that he can remove his circulatory and Nervous system, regrow it and connect with other beings, cure/harm/scare learn information from them by doing so.

Page 21-5 Panels

Panel 1-Storm dissipating, this top panel shows the snow fall stopping and winds halting. The Hall is trashed. Blood and pieces of tech and people all over the room.

Panel 2-Squall, beneath a pile of Snow. He’s going to appear like a half-human Snow Owl from now on, but let’s save that reveal.

Panel 3-Jean is laying on the ground, appearing to be at peace, her eyes open, she can move but is too shocked to do so.

Panel 4-Crag with the bracelets he carved to sell from the Yetian Crystal at his feet, towering over him is the shadow of the Yetian, the monster created from the storm, and the general magic of the situation.

Panel 5-Alston crouching still, as he was before the storm, Z-Ray Device in hand.

Page 22-2 Panels

Panel 1-Alston Again, Z-Ray Device on, showing that he has no circulatory system, apart from a tiny thread beating out, forming a new heart for him.

Panel 2-Alston, with the Z-Ray Device on him, showing that he now has a fully developed circulatory system, in moments. His eye are open and he’s back from wherever he went.