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Grammar Nerds Assemble! I Need Thee!

I’m currently working on an employees annual evaluation, and I have one HELL of a run on sentence that I cannot seem to get correct. Since y’all are some of the most intelligent people I “know”, I’m seeking your help with this one particular sentence:

“She tends to possess a “go with the flow” personality, which, coming from a supervisor point of view, is great to have on the team, but for her own professional development I would like to see her take more ownership of certain things”.

It just LOOKS wrong, with all the commas, etc and I feel like it’s structure needs some help. I’m open to anything, HELP MUH!

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She possesses a laissez-faire/relaxed/go-with-the-flow personality which makes her a welcome addition to team-oriented projects; however, I would like to see more direction and assertiveness when it comes to further professional development.

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You can break it up pretty easily by putting a full stop after “team”, and opening a second sentence with “However,” instead of “but”.

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Hot damn, that’s gold, jerry. GOLD.

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Alternatively:

"She possesses spider-like sensual acuity as a result of a scientific mishap when she was younger which makes her a great team asset; however, as she continues to develop professional I wonder if her general nonchalance and quip-ready nature will hold her back rather than propel her forward.

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I dream that is how the private sector works…I’ve been in government for so long and have grown accustomed to bureau-speak. I feel like that is how Google does their evals…

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All I can say here is, although there is a lot about the public sector that sucks, the private sector really isn’t that much more fun.

Maybe Google is.

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I know you haven’t named the employee directly here but it may not be a good idea to discuss evaluations in an open forum even just for grammar.

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I’d go with a simple solution of

“great to have on the team. For her”

As to public/private sector, I’m not sure there’s that much difference in this respect - HR depts being quite universal and all.

[quote=“JLJL, post:1, topic:9811”]
I feel like it’s structure needs some help.
[/quote]NO APOSTROPHE IN “ITS”!!!

There, I helped. You’re welcome. :slight_smile:

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But there is one in “employee’s” :wink:

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For God’s sake, people! How could it take this long until you pointed out the mistakes in JL’s post?! You’re making us all look bad here!

Just pray that Meadows never sees this thread.

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Interrobang.

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“While her personality fits well within a team structure it would benefit both her and the team to see more ownership and responsibility in certain areas.”

When a sentence does not work, throw it out and write a real sentence. :heart:

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This is honestly the most important piece of writing advice you will ever read.

Scales down to “word” and up to “novel” too :wink:

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