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First six pages of script for Stomp: The Monster Hunter


#1

I hope you enjoy the preview for Stomp: The Monster Hunter… Blood & Gore, Book 1
Written by Marc Hulet, Gore design by Carlos Gomez, Upcoming art by Alvaro Jimenez

PAGE 1

Panel 1. An establishing shot of a suburban neighbourhood, with lush, mature trees and shrubs — although it’s late fall so most of the trees are bare. It’s twilight and a light rain is falling.

CAP: A light, cold rain was falling.

CAP: The evening darkness came early that time of year.

CAP: Most families were nestled in for the night. A day of work or of school behind them…

CAP: … And with sweet dreams to look forward to…

Panel 2. We centre on a modest bungalow with a large yard that is littered with trees, bushes and other yard items.

CAP: On one quiet street nestled in a family-friendly neighbourhood, the Thompson’s six-month-old kitten was missing.

Panel 3. A young, attractive MOTHER, in her early 30s, steps out onto the back step and scans the darkened yard. She’s holding a small flashlight in her hand.

MOTHER: Mr. Marshmallow? It’s dinner time! Here kitty, kitty…

Panel 4. The MOTHER takes a step down and off of the back step, looking to further explore the shadows cast by the various bushes and trees lining the yard.

MOTHER: Mr. Marshmallow? Are you out here?

MOTHER (muttering to herself) Where is that darn cat?

PAGE 2

Panel 1. Over the MOTHER’s shoulder we see a group of bushes — both tall and short — near the back corner of the yard. Then from the under one of the bushes:

SOUND F/X: Mew.

Panel 2. The MOTHER flicks on the modest beam from the flashlight and aims it towards the sound.

No Dialogue

Panel 3. The flashlight beam falters… the batteries are dying.

No Dialogue

Panel 4. The MOTHER looks down, exasperated at the flashlight and taps it gently.

SOUNDS F/X (OP): Snap!

Panel 5. The MOTHER’s head whips back towards the sound of a branch snapping, near to where she first heard the “mew.” She’s uneasy.

MOTHER: Mr. Marshmallow?

PAGE 3

Panel 1. The MOTHER hugs herself both from the chill air and from the uneasiness that she feels.

SON (OP): Moooommmy!

Panel 2. Little four-year-old JEREMY emerges from the back door of the home and runs across the yard towards his MOTHER.

MOTHER: You scared me, Jeremy! What are you doing outside without your shoes?

Panel 3. The SON hugs his MOTHER’s leg and buries his face into the soft fabric of her pants.

SON: Daddy said to come find you. We thought you got lost.

SON (con’t): Did you find Mr. Marshmallow?

SOUND F/X (OP): Mew.

Panel 4. The SON spins in the direction of the sound.

SON: Mr. Marshmallow! I’ll get him!

Panel 5. The SON’s foot catches on a twig and he goes flying.

PAGE 4

Panel 1. A full page splash of the SON laying in the wet grass on his stomach, dirt on his chin. His hands partially broke his fall but he’s winded. He’s peering under the bush and is nearly face-to-face with the six-month-old kitten Mr. Marshmallow, who looks wet and cold.

What we also see is a pair of very large combat boots and a partial leg. The rest of GORE is hidden by the large bushes.

No Dialogue

PAGE 5.

Panel 1. The SON scrambles to his feet, shrouded by the bushes.

No Dialogue

Panel 2. GORE’s partially obscured face peers out at the boy.

No Dialogue

Panel 3. GORE holds up a finger to the mouth of his mask.

GORE: Sssshhhhush.

Panel 4. The SON steps back out of the bushes, partially paralyzed by fear.

No Dialogue

Panel 5. The SON wets himself.

No Dialogue

Panel 6. The MOTHER does not notice that her son has wet himself.

MOTHER: Did you find Mr. Marshmallow?

PAGE 6

Panel 1. Then, Mr. Marshmallow emerges from the bushes.

SOUND F/X: Mew.

Panel 2. Mr. Marshmallow rubs up against the MOTHER’s legs, while the SON remains frozen.

MOTHER: There you are, Mr. Marshmallow! Jeremy was so worried about you!

Panel 3. Noticing her SON has not reacted, the MOTHER places her hand on her son’s shoulder.

MOTHER: Jeremy, yo— You’re shaking. What’s wrong, sweetie?

SOUND F/X (OP): CRACK! SNAP!

Panel 4. The MOTHER’s head whips up to see GORE emerge from the bushes with his mace raised.

GORE: Hunh. Tasty treat.

Panel 4 and 5 are joined by a SOUND FX: Thwack!

Panel 5. In a completely shadowed scene, the MOTHER’s prone body lays on the ground at the feet of her SON.

SON: Mommy?


#2

I like it. I’ll suggest removing the full page on page 4. Making it panel 1 on page four and merging page four and five. Dropping the 6th panel on that page to make it 5, as showing him wet himself and then the mother becoming aware are one in the same.

Aside from that. This was a very well written script. I can picture every detail perfectly. The character sketches are outstanding as well.


#3

My only suggestion: drop the Captions on the first page. Use the art to tell that part of the story. From the colours, the way the characters are dressed, the weather indicators, the seasonal indicators, we’ll get all the info in the Captions. Plus, it lets the readers fill in a few details for themselves.

It’s good otherwise. Interested in seeing how it turns out.


#4

I just read it. It’s pretty good. There’s a sense of uncertainty and unease when I was reading it page by page. It’s good!:slight_smile: