This is an interesting story, @Boughey. A very well put together tale to explore some more of Jodie’s mysterious, apparently Messianic qualities. The interaction between Tom and Jodie is also well explored and reasonably balanced. All in all, a nice little character developing tale.
One thing I’d like to point out, though - it seems like you’re packing a whole lot into one single panel. For instance, on Page Two, the first panel has Tom squeezing the dog’s ball (note to self: refrain from childish joke) AND throwing it into the lake. This would require two panels, not one.
Let’s look at the second panel on that page, which is particularly cluttered: “Angel chases after the ball, dives into the lake and swims into the middle of it to retrieve the ball. We need a shot of the dog doing a full circle in the water, as with this motion he gets his leg tangled in a weed under the surface of the water. A possible underwater shot to show the dogs leg caught in the plant would be nice too.”
There’s a lot going on here. Way more than any artist could be expected to contain in a single panel. First, you’ve got the dog chasing after the ball, then we see it diving into the lake, then it’s doing full circle in the water, then the dog’s foot gets tangled. You also ask for an underwater shot. You’d need at least four panels to contain all of this action. Breaking down the action on Page Two, I’d say you’d need at least 8 panels to actually get it all across, which is decidedly overkill.
I like your narrative flow a lot, but I really think you should practice cutting down on your panels. A good exercise for reducing panel number would be to imagine how an artist might illustrate your ideas. You could even try putting pen to paper and sketch out the panel. Artistic talent (or lack thereof) is irrelevant, since you’ll be the only one seeing those sketches. It’s just a storyboard to help you decide whether all your ideas can fit into one panel or not.
Hope you’ll find my review helpful. Good luck! Looking forward to reading more of your work.