I thereby reviveth the threadth of embarrassing incidents.
Awkward? Just you wait.
We have all done embarassing things. Become the awkward, perhaps rightfully so, center of attention. Said the wrong thing at the right time. Or the other way around. Or both. With and or without pants. @Miqque?
So, the idea is to share stories, our own stories on the awkward, embarrassing and cringeworthy.
I’ll go first. This was originally written in the old thread.
My mates were having a sauna party, and I climbed the stairs to Zebs student pad with a broken heart. There was no need of ringing the doorbell, the gang was just exiting, heading for the basement carrying towels.
“What are you doing here, I thought you were staying with Anna?”
“She broke up with me, just punch me in the face, right?”
Not a second later, I’m flying down a set of stairs with a sore face. Maybe Zeb could see what was coming later this night, and decided to administer justice prematurely by taking my figure of speech as a literal request.
It didn’t hurt as much as having my heart ripped out (on our anniversary), but it hurt.
“I badly need to get drunk!” Said and done, we got down to the basement, we got naked, we got in the sauna, we got shitfaced drunk, I especially. Hours later, I passed out on Zebs floor. When I woke up the morning after, however, I was in Zebs bed and he was on the floor, staring into the ceiling.
“OH, NOW IS THE TIME TO WAKE UP, EH?”, he bellowed.
Zeb lived in a student corridor. He woke up late this night hearing the door creak open and close again. Looking at the empty spot where I had passed out, he was too tired to give two shits about it. Minutes pass, and someone knocks on the door. Getting up to let me in, he instead finds his neighbor, with an estranged look on his face.
“Is it… is it your friend?”
I can only imagine Zebs horror (and facial expressions to go with) as he replied. “What has he done now…?”
Apparently, I had unconsciously wandered off into the corridor and defiled the shared kitchen. Now, I’m not recurring the theme of my last story - I did not piss in their kitchen. Reading between these lines, you probably figured out that this my second story is, fittingly, a story about a number two.
I have been told that the smell alone would’ve woken up the entire corridor, but WAIT - There is more.
So, after having a squat and a press in a bucket (for convenience) in said kitchen, I had wandered into the wrong room and locked myself inside the bathroom, proceeding to continue my nap in there. I had never previously met the guy living there (not the bathroom), and I would rather not imagine his thoughts at this point in the story. I don’t know how he knew Zeb was the guy to go to, but he did. After talking to Zeb, they unlocked the door from the outside using a screwdriver, and got me back to Zebs room. I was responding to stimuli, but only with the word “brorsan” (translates to “bro”), over and over. If you can pass out while being passed out, that’s what I did next, right where I left off.
Zeb proceeded to clean up the mess I had made and when another friend met him in the staircase she froze in the spot, looking at Zeb, who at this point wore nothing but boxer shorts, rubber gloves and a gas mask for odour protection. She said something like “I don’t want to know, but I have a feeling I’ll hear more about this tomorrow”, before leaving him to complete the… uh, dirty work.
When he got back, I had climbed into his bed, and I guess he at this point just wanted to sleep.
When Zeb told me about this after waking up, I felt more embarrassed than I had ever done in my life. I was in bits. Since Zeb had done all the cleaning already and as he wasn’t really mad at me, there was only thing I could do.
I had to go to his neighbor and apologize. Zeb asked me if I wanted him to come too, but I told him that I thought it better if I did it on my own. After knocking on the door next door, I was thinking to myself, “What the hell am I going to say?”
The door opened and the facial expression of the neighbor turned from curious to horrified.
I looked him dead in the eye, smiled and said:
“Hi! My name is And3rs 3spl1ng. Can I use your bathroom?”
He was stunned, then we broke the heavy silence with laughter.
We proceeded to hang out the rest of the day, food and a few beers. It was a good day in that it at least made me forget my broken heart…
I swear it is true, at least as true as memory serves. If you don’t believe it, just let me know. I might have left a few (hrm) unsettling details out of it, for your convenience.