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Asking critique for a Chrononaut short


#1

Hi all,

I intended to write a Chrononaut story for this year contest but the title is not in the list. I would be curious to know what you think of the basic idea (I cannot write it completly since I’m busy on the contest).
This will help me to know if my ideas are attractive or completly repulsive :slight_smile: . Thanks in advance for any critique. Here we go…

Title : “While killing time”

Know the classic “killing your own father before you were born” ?
Well, this is not your father’s paradox. Try instead killing the father of time travelling and imagine the advantage one could take out of it. But if the bad guys thought about it, so did Dr.“I-have-a-IQ-of-240” Corbin and boy was he prepared for this eventuality.

Guys come from the futur to kill Corbin so time-travelling technology will be exclusively in their hands. But they didn’t know that there were 2 Corbin in the same period (the Corbin who was secretly fixing his mistakes with his dad and wife in Millar’s comics).

In short, that second Corbin will save himself from the killers and the story ends with him realizing that he could save his past self because he tried to save his father (the word father appears a lot on purpose), which led him to be present where/when none expected him.

Corbin finally puts an AI he took from the futur to check his history so if “my futur is not what it used to be, my previous self will be warned”.

That’s it, I hope it was attractive and original enough. Thanks for taking time to read.


#2

Hi @Clade,

Thanks for posting this. I think it’s a great idea. When I read Chrononauts I was so focused on their adventure I never even thought of the future repercussions of the invention of time travel so kudos on that.

My only critique is I think it might be a bit adventurous for 5 pages. From what I remember the Chrononauts story last year was an intimate character piece in pretty much one location, a high school prom.

Good luck for this years competition. I’ve reserved Nemesis and Superior at my local library so am going to give them a read next week.

Cheers,
Stuart


#3

Thanks Stuart,

I know it seems to be a lot at once (because of the way I summed it up) but I started immediatly with the action (Corbin being killed=1 page), then the guys in the futur preparing their attack and getting attacked in that futur by Corbin and Danny (2pages). 1 page left for conlusion/explanations.

Good luck for the contest to you too ! :slight_smile: