millarworld.tv Comics Creators

Annual Contest Writers! Post scripts here for peer review


#1

Someone may as well read it, eh?

I did a Hit-Girl script for the talent hunt. I don’t think I wrote a bad one but from seeing what the winning writer posted in the results thread about his artist being a good fit for the story, I’m fairly sure this wasn’t the kind of story they were looking for. Haha…

Anyways, here it is:

Feedback is appreciated, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I also hope me posting this here encourages you to post your own. :smile:

Take it easy!

Tresson.


Can we ask for feedback?
Resources for the Next MillarWorld Annual Talent Search (And Your Future Comics Careers)
American Jesus, Mark of the Beast, Mike Bangert
Looking for a script editor?
#2

I read yours, it was cool


#3

So was yours, so get it posted! :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

Nah, it’s mine


#5

:cry: Bo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o! (Only messing, I understand :smile:)

Someone else better post their script here otherwise I’m declaring myself King of the Millarworld Annual Losers!!


#6

Cool idea for a thread! C’mon everyone stop being so precious with your scripts to characters you don’t own! :smile:

Here’s my writing submission for Chrononauts titled: “Hitching a ride”

Chrononauts: Hitching A Ride-

Eager to see what others think. Feel free to post comments here in this thread or contact me directly. I have no problem discussing in public. Happy reading, thanks for looking!


#7

You can find my Chrononauts script here.

I’m going to add a link to this thread in the other one so that this thread can be used as a resource for other creators.


#9

This is scary :’(
Here it is: Kick-Ass:Frenemies


#10

STRIKE

A short based on characters created by Mark Millar

Script by Todd A. Davis

Final Draft: October 30th, 2015

Page 1 Panel 1
Extreme close, a blur strikes a young man (#1) in the jaw. His eyes are squinted closed. His jaw is cranked hard to one side (with the blur) some spittle is traveling in the same direction.

SFX
FHPAK!

ATTACKER (CAPTION)
I helped heal this world…

Page 1 Panel 2
Medium, a blur strikes another young man (#2) in the gut. He’s wearing a white martial arts uniform and a brown belt. The blow knocked the wind out of him so his eyes are bugged out and his mouth is open like he’s about to vomit.

YOUNG MAN 2
HURNK!*

ATTACKER (CAPTION)
Breathed life into corners that knew only death…

Page 1 Panel 3
Medium Wide, another blur along the floor in a half circle motion as a 3rd young man in the air with a surprised look on his face as he’s just had his legs taken out from under him. He is also wearing a white martial arts uniform and a red belt.

ATTACKER (CAPTION)
Made the city safe for solid citizens…

Page 1 Panel 4
Medium Close, all three young men are recovering from what just happened to them. They are looking into the camera at the attacker who speaks from off panel. #1 (green belt) is trying to put his jaw back in place, #2 is holding his stomach, and #3 just looks exasperated.

ATTACKER (O.P.)
What have we learned?

YOUNG MAN 1
Never let your guard down.

YOIUNG MAN 2
(gasp) Always exhale when striking (gasp) and getting struck.

YOUNG MAN 3
You’re better than us.

Page 2 Panel 1
INT – Ms. Mac’s Studio (florescent lights) – Evening
Slight worms eye view (camera on the floor with the defeated students), it’s revealed that the attacker is a surprisingly fit older woman in a white martial arts uniform. Her hair maybe used to be brunette, but now it’s mostly grey. Think of Hellen Mirren’s character from RED. At one time her belt was black, but now it’s more of a dark grey and heavily frayed. There are 4 white horizontal stripes on each of side of her belt that hangs in front of her. Her sleeves only come down to her mid forearm and her pants stop just below her calves (others come to their wrists and ankles). She stands powerfully above the 3 young men whom are revealed to be her students. The rest of the class is behind her in formation but with surprised looks on their faces.

MS. MAC
Damn right.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
…but that was a long time ago.

MS. MAC
ANY QUESTIONS!?

Page 2 Panel 2
Wide, the young men are helping each other to their feet behind Ms. Mac, while she is bowing to the class in front of her. The class (3 or 4 rows of about half a dozen or so students) is all in white martial arts uniforms.

CLASS
NO MA’AM!!!

Page 2 Panel 3
EXT – Ms. Mac’s Studio – Night
Establishing shot, wide. Cloudy/it’s starting to lightly rain. Deep background: few tall modern structures (see also JJ’s Star Trek), Mid background, modern mag-lev roads with a few very sleek vehicles moving on it (see also Minority Report). Ms. Mac’s School is in a classic store front (historic district?), with her home upstairs. Bottom floor has a glass retail type door (far left), 2 or 3 large glass windows (middle), and a door leading to the stairwell up to her home (far right). On a sign above the school (or painted on the glass) it reads, “Ms. Mac’s Mixed Martial Arts”. Think of the structure the Belcher Family has in Bob’s Burgers, only wider. A modern lamppost illuminates the front of the building and is definitely out of place on this old road. The school is closed and windows are dark. A small group of students carrying gym bags are walking away from the studio and waving with their hands high in the air. Ms. Mac is giving a tired, half-wave back as she unlocks the door to the staircase leading up to her home.

CAPTION
Yonkers, NY

CAPTION
Autumn, 2048

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Someone my age…

Page 3 Panel 1
INT – Ms. Mac’s Home – Night
From the top of the stairs, the interior of the stairwell is all dark and Ms. Mac is silhouetted against the open doorway.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
should wince at the dull pain brought on by…

Page 3 Panel 2
Camera on level with the credenza. Ms. Mac has flicked on the light (SFX?), and put her keys in the decorative bowl on the credenza. Next to the bowl is a stack of mail. On top of an AARP Magazine is an opened letter (Tri folded) from Yonkers Police. All that is visible is the logo and address at the top of the stationary. The caption is close to the letter indicating that she knows the cops are “on to her.”

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
…pressure.

Yonkers Police Detective Division, 104 S Broadway, Yonkers, NY 10701

Page 3 panel 3
Narrow shot of the letter (sideways) in the extreme foreground and the stairs now with Ms. Mac’s uniform on it. Her top is closest to the bottom of the stairs; her pants are closer to the top. Her belt is not seen (NEVER drop your belt on the floor.) All we see of her is her feet at the top of the stairs.

Portion of the letter we can see reads…
…request your help in an ongoing investigation at our offices at 104 South Broadway. At your earliest convenience, please contact the sergeant on duty to make an appointment with one of our detectives for an interview on any of the following dates:…

Page 3 Panel 4
A full shot from behind of Ms. Mac standing in front of her free standing mirror. Her black belt is hanging over one of the tall legs holding the mirror. She’s wearing a black tank top/sports bra (we need to be able to see her back), black short compression shorts (not long spandex bike shorts, but not panties either, more like trunks), and two heavy-duty black knee braces (one on each knee). Her body has multiple slashes and bullet wounds, all scared over. She is rubbing the back of her neck with her left hand, elbow up (pointing at the first caption) in the air. Her right hand is stretching the opposite direction (pointing at the second and third captions) of her left elbow. She has a warm smile on her face.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
But I can’t help but smile a little wider and remember…

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Yes, I thought about settling down…

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
But when the person you want still sees you as a foul-mouthed little girl nearly half his age…

Page 4
This page is 3 columns of 3 panels each. This first column are black and white shots of old Hollywood starlets being charming. The second column is shots of Ms. Mac watching/repeating the lines she hears. The third column is Ms. Mac using the lines she learned from the movies to throw off the cops. The dialogue bubbles from columns 1 and 2 should overlap to show that Ms. Mac is repeating/learning the lines.

Page 4 Panel 1
Rita Hayworth type, flipping the hair.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Well…

RITA (ELECTRIC)
“Who, me?”

Page 4 Panel 2
Ms. Mac wrapped up in a blanket on the couch in the dark watching the movie.

MS. MAC
Who, me?

Page 4 Panel 3
Ms. Mac sitting on a bench in the police station between a biker and a prostitute. She looks very grandmotherly and her eyebrows are raised in surprise as she addresses the desk sergeant.

MS. MAC
Who, me?

Page 4 Panel 4
Lauren Bacall type, addressing a man in a bar.

LAUREN (ELECTRIC)
“Mmm, you’re a handsome devil. What’s your name?”

Page 4 Panel 5
Ms. Mac in bra, panties, and knee braces trying to decide between two very old lady-ish outfits.

MS. MAC
Mmm, you’re a handsome devil. What’s your name?

Page 4 Panel 6
Ms. Mac in an interrogation room. There’s a detective behind/left of her with his sleeves rolled up, hands on hips, badge on belt. She’s addressing the detective sitting to her right (mostly off panel), with her hand on his.

MS. MAC
Mmm, you’re a handsome devil. What’s your name?

Page 4 Panel 7
Veronica Lake type, hand on chest, head tilted back laughing.

VERONICA (ELECTRIC)
“Hahaha!”

Page 4 Panel 8
Ms. Mac in her bra, standing in front of her mirror, with half of her make up on. Lipstick in one hand and mimicking Veronica with her other hand on her chest and laughing.

MS. MAC
Hahaha!

Page 4 Panel 9
Ms. Mac is hooked up to the polygraph, her hand with the monitor on her finger is on her chest while she laughs (laughter screws up the test) at the question she was just asked. The tester behind her, is shrugging and looks bewildered.

MS. MAC
Hahaha!

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
…It’s tough to shake first impressions.

Page 5
Panels 1 and 2 should almost mirror each other with the focal point being the center of the page. Panel 1 shows her leaving the police department, Panel 2 shows her entering the karate school.
Panels 3, 5, and 7 are all the same angle. It’s where new people come into the studio and tell Ms. Mac why they wanna learn martial arts.
Panels 4, 6, and 8 show Ms. Mac teaching, but they are used to punctuate her harsh words to potential customers/students (think Michael Scott on The Office, “Boom, roasted!”).

Page 5 Panel 1
Shot of Ms. Mac walking out of the police department. There are a few bewildered cops on the front stoop (think of the cops in the Batman: TAS title sequence).

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Luckily my instincts are right…

Page 5 Panel 2
Shot of Ms. Mac walking into her karate studio (studio door is closest to the reader).

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
…most of the time.

Page 5 Panel 3
Medium Wide. Foreground left is Ms. Mac, hands on hips. Business Mom is in a dark pant suit, up do, cellphone in hand and another on her waist. The bag on her shoulder could be a large purse or briefcase. The young girl is clearly not happy about being there (pouty/angry). Mom is clearly not into the whole “parenting” thing.

BUSINESS MOM
She’s a bully and I read this article about how Karate can cure “bully syndrome.”

MS. MAC
Know what else’ll cure it? Being a good parent. I’m not your baby sitter. Get out.

Page 5 Panel 4
Medium close, tight on Ms. Mac, portrait. Her arms are folded in front of her as she gives the command. A neat row of clenched fists are extended from panel left in front of her.

MS. MAC
STRIKE.

Page 5 Panel 5
Same angle as Pg5Pnl3, Ms. Mac in same position. The Older Man was probably active 30 years ago. Slight gut, balding, Pittsburgh Steelers t-shirt (#BeSteelMyHeart and the logo).

OLDER MAN
…protect m’self, but Doc said I should try somethin’ “low impact.” I got bad knees, hips, back, ankles, shoulders.

MS. MAC
I’m not your physical therapist. Save your money. Buy a gun.

Page 5 Panel 6
Same as Pg5Pnl4, except there are feet (side kick) instead of fists.

MS. MAC
STRIKE.

Page 5 Panel 7
Same as Pg5Pnl3, Over Protective Dad has a bad comb-over, pocket protector, suspenders, and a fanny pack full of meds. Over Protective Mom looks like she was never taught “how to girl.” Clutching her purse like everyone’s gonna take it from her.

OVER PROTECTIVE MOM
…and all of this is fine, but…we just don’t want him to get hurt.

MS. MAC
Why’d you have him?

Page 5 Panel 8
Same as Pg5Pnl4, a neat row of hands in a chopping motion are extended from panel left in front of her at a 45 degree angle.

MS. MAC
STRIKE.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
There’s worse ways to spend retirement.

Page 6 Panel 1
INT – Ms. Mac’s bedroom – Night
Medium close (camera is on level with the bed/her head is out of frame), Ms. Mac is sitting on the edge of her bed. We can see that she is wearing what appears to be a purple and black sequin dress. With the slit in the dress we can see her knee braces as she zips up a pair of standard-issue police boots. On the night stand in the back ground we can see what looks like a framed selfie taken by Kick-Ass with Hit-Girl giving the finger.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
(Yawn) YMCA Water Aerobics.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
I’m a “Justice Enthusiast”

Page 6 Panel 2
Medium close (from her waist to her shoulder), Ms. Mac is standing (profile left) and putting on her open-knuckle gloves. In the background, on the wall is an ‘Instructor Of The Year’ plaque from the WTSDA made out to Mindy McCready.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Ugh, Counting pills.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
I’m a “Crime Fighting-phile”

Page 6 Panel 3
From behind Ms. Mac, all we can see is her shoulders which are covered in a short, open black leather cover with the shoulders capped in purple armor. We can see her stark white hair (wig) is all white with purple underneath.

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
“Vigilantism Bug”

MS. MAC (CAPTION)
Or…(ugh) Knitting.

Page 6 Panel 4
EXT – Street Corner – Night
Bird’s Eye View of a street corner with an ATM and a sports car parked in front of it. One thug is trying to break into the ATM, a second thug is trying to break into the sports car, and another thug is keeping a look-out around the corner. In front of the sports car is a parked sedan.

MS. MAC
Ooh, these are my favorite!

Page 6 Panel 5
From Ms. Mac’s POV. She just landed on the sedan (SFX: WUMP) and startled the three thugs. They’ve spun their heads around and are looking at Ms. Mac with mouths agape.

THUGS
HIT-GIRL?!

MS. MAC (O.P.)
No…

Page 7
Splash. Camera directly behind the middle thug. Ms. Mac is standing powerfully on the white sedan. Her left foot is on the roof and her right foot is on the trunk. Around her waist is a sleeker designed black utility belt. The clasp in the front looks like an “S” where the top loop goes over the top of the belt and the bottom loop similarly goes under the bottom. In addition to the purple hair underneath, her hair also has purple streaks framing her face, kinda like Rogue from X-Men. The dress has a lower neckline displaying her cleavage (see also Helen Mirren). She is holding a grey bo staff (left hand high, right hand low) that runs parallel with her right leg. She’s looking down at her targets, hungry for the violence.

MS. MAC
STRIKE!

END.


#11

So guys, here’s mine.

KICK-ASS: POTATO TRUCK

Script By Paulo Ludwig




#12

Ops, forgot 2 pages



#13

I’ve posted already in the work shopping thread. But here’s the link again. I’m interested in any and all opinions on it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B5YTWZ7aczh8ZzN1OHVPbHI0UW8/view?usp=sharing


#14

Good idea, Tresson! I’ll play along… Here’s my American Jesus entry.


#15

I’ll just put it right here for you guys… let the judgement begin! XD

Hit Girl: Masks

Page One
1/ Mindy Macready just leaving school for the day and bumping into a young blonde-haired boy with a pink t-shirt, jeans, and classic sneakers. Classic bull rush on her way out to put on the costume and get to work. Have her eyes look tired and vaguely annoyed at life.

NO DIALOGUE

2/ Keeping the shot action-oriented, have it be a half-shot of Mindy’s face in the foreground on the left side, still looking like she’s grim and about to shank someone over whatever happened at school, but in the background, have the kid she bumped into on his butt, staring at her, but make it clear that someone who’s used to that.

NO DIALOGUE

3/ Keeping with the same sort of shot as before, center of it looking over the Mindy’s shoulder towards the other side of the street, and that he’s not really looking at Mindy, he’s looking at a pair of older kids. Dress them a bit like Jay and Silent Bob, but rougher. Basic bullies. Show Mindy stalk-walking the opposite direction from where these two are leaning against the wall, the ‘Silent Bob’ of the two smoking.

NO DIALOGUE

4/ Still on Mindy’s shoulder as she’s walking away and seeing the blurry forms of the two older boys and the kid in the background. The younger boy has crossed the street, and he’s holding out his hand like he’s offering something up to the older bullies.

5/ Final shot of the page, still on Mindy in the foreground, and make the three boys in the background like shadows, but it’s clear the larger of the two bullies has picked up the smaller form and the intimation that violence his about to happen.

MINDY (Unattached - Place below her): How the fuck does he expect me to pretend I don’t see shit like that every fucking day.

Page Two
1/ The little boy from earlier is sitting at a table in the cafeteria at school, by himself with a little backpack between his legs and wearing a yellow shirt with some flower prints on it. In front of him is a My Little Pony lunchbox. Make it as generic/cheap a lunch as possible. PB&J, some chopped up veggies, and a juice box. Put a bruise on his cheek.

NO DIALOGUE

2/ Mindy sits down across from the boy, sort of slam the tray down on the table. Give her the typical school-made lunch. She has a plain cheeseburger, some fries, an apple, and chocolate milk box. She still looks pissed off about something, and she’s glaring at the girly-dressed boy. Dress her in a hoodie, a pair of loose jeans… very masculine attire by contrast to the boy.

MINDY: So, which one of those dogfuckers gave you that?

3/ Focus shot on the boy’s face. Put some fear and some hesitance in those eyes. Make this kid in this shot seem like everything that Mindy Macready isn’t. But keep him staring dead on like he has a backbone there, like he’s not willing to let her general pissed-off nature dissuade him.

BOY: It doesn’t matter, does it?
MINDY (From Off-Camera): Supppose it doesn’t, but let me explain something to you.

4/ Profile shot on both of the kids, try and accentuate the differences between the two, but also the similiarities. Make the bench tall enough that the boy’s feet dangle and Mindy’s just touching, heels up. Helps to create a better prespective of their age. Have the forms of other kids in the background but make them indistinct, like the viewer’s eyes have focused on the pair and zoned out everyone else.

MINDY: Those two piles of pig shit are pretty much like terrorists. You let them pound on you, you give in to them, and they’re not just beating on you, but everyone else they can get away with. You don’t stop asshats like that by just letting it happen. You hit them, and you hit them, and you hit them until THEY become so afraid of getting hit again, that they’ll piss their pants just thinking about putting a hand on someone like you.

5/ Same shot as before, but both kids are looking down at their food.

MINDY: What. Too much for you, pussy?

Page Three

1/ Returning shot on the boy’s face. Make him look resigned but still don’t take any of the fire out of it, if anything make him look a touch hurt and a little annoyed if at all possible. Put a bit of jam on the cheek under the shiner, and then rubbing under his noise with his forearm.

BOY: How does that make you any different from them?

2/ Back to Mindy, and make her look supremely pissed off about this. Haul off the table and belt the kid one kind of angry. Shift the perspective slightly so that she’s standing, like what the boy said made her get up out of her seat.

MINDY (Unattached Thought): God Damnit you little pussy, you just had to go and say it, didn’t you. The one thing I didn’t want to fucking hear.

MINDY: Oh, you know what? Fuck you. Seriously. Just… Fuck. You.

3/ Mindy with her back to the kid now, walking away from the table, but stopped a couple steps away, head slightly hung, hair obscuring her looks.

MINDY (Unattached Thought): Wait. He had the balls to say it to your face. Just like Big Daddy. Just like Marcus would. They never bullshitted me… and maybe…

MINDY: Be here tomorrow. And wear a hat. Something prissy like the rest of the stuff you wear.

4/ Mindy looking down at a cellphone, this having several names on a call list, but the one that’s highlighted is ‘Marcus Williams’, and her finger thumb is on the dial button.

MINDY (Unattached Thought): Maybe I can use this to get the step-dad to trust me some more. Give me a little more leash… get me the space I need to get back to work…

5/ Shadow profile shot of Mindy holding a phone up to her ear as she’s walking along and away from her forgotten lunch, backpack over one shoulder and keeping the shot still seeming as normal as possible.

MINDY: Marcus, it’s me. I’m not doing the thing, I made you a promise. But I need you to help me with something.

MINDY: Okay, see you after school.

Page Four

1/ Same shot as the previous page, the boy at the lunch table, this time wearing the pink shirt and jeans from the first page, wearing a baseball cap now. The lunchbox is the same, but today’s lunch looks like it’s soup in a thermos and a bag of chips. Mindy is across from him and this time just standing. Again, show a touch of the contrast in how the boy is girly, and Mindy is masculine.

MINDY: Meet me after school at the girl’s bathroom.

2/ Figure that looks a lot like the boy is leaving from school, hat down and shading the figure’s eyes and face, and it’s the same shot as before with how Mindy was walking away from school.

NO DIALOGUE

3/ Bullies confronting the boy-figure now, one of them smoking, the other punching one hand into the other, both with shit-eating grins on their face. They’re standing on each side of an entrance to an alley, like they’re going to guide the victim back there for a bit of a beating.

NO DIALOGUE

4/ Turn the shot as if looking up at both the bullies, one of them holding what looks like a pipe, the other still punching his hands together, the whole concept that the two of them are just going to beat this kid. Give them empty and sadistic smiles, just like they’re getting off on it.

MINDY (unattached thought): Allright you cunts, let’s see how good you can hit.

5/ Both bullies looking down on the boy-character, the pipe back and up looking like it’s got a bit of blood on the edge, while the guy who was punching his fists together has both his hands in the air and is raising his boot up to kick down at the viewer. In the background tinge it blue and red, a cop having rolled up behind them, sirens going hard.

MINDY (Unattached Thought): Fuck, even Dave hits harder than you two.

SFX: Sirens

COP: Freeze! Hands in the air!

MINDY (Unattached Thought): If this was any fucking funnier, I’d put it on Youtube. Surprise, bitches.

6/ The hat tipped up on the boy-figure and it’s Mindy, and in the shot show that there’s a small pin-camera taped under the brim where the bullies couldn’t see it. Make her smirking as she looks up at them both, her hand already on something on the ground like she was pretty much ready to beat these two into a pulp. Her other hand is holding a cell phone, and it has the active call icon on it. A camera feed.

MINDY (Unattached thought): Not Bad. Kicked a little ass, and I think Marcus will trust me. Now maybe I can go back to my real work. Take off this mask and be who I really am.


#16

I read it, and it was a nice and tight little story. I almost felt bad for the dogs. Overall, I liked your use of dialogue, and it flowed fairly well. If anything, I would have wanted a little more background and character descriptions on the people that Hit-Girl was up against.

Seriously, we were competitors… you probably had me edged out. This is only the 3rd complete comic book script I’ve ever written.


#17

I see a lot of mistakes. Hell, The first line is a run-on sentence! This is indeed cringe-worthy, and I really hope to improve by leaps and bounds going into 2016. Thanks for reading. -HazardPay


#18

Here you go, folks. Here’s my submission…

STARLIGHT starring Young Duke McQueen on Tantalus
Script by Mark Millar
Art by ?
5 pages
Final Draft: 19th November 2015

Page One
1/ Tantalus: Beneath the Sea of Karkinos. YOUNG DUKE MCQUEEN has just dived into the sea. The trail of disturbed water follows him down into the deep.
CAPTION : I have seen some stuff. Believe you me.
CAPTION : Like my dad used to say, I’ve seen stuff that would curl your hair.

2/ Duke looks around under the water. Three Charybdis are swimming up behind him.
CAPTION : Think about everything you dreamed about as a child.
CAPTION : Every science fiction film or comic book hero you ever wanted to be.

3/ Duke sees ATTALA, bound by rope to a stone statue. Her hair sways back and forth in the water. She is obviously distressed as she holds her breath.
CAPTION : Every adventure you wished you could go on.
CAPTION : I’ve seen it all.

4/ Duke swims towards Attala, with the three Charybdis in pursuit.
CAPTION : I’ve flown over snow whiter than you can imagine–
CAPTION : --walked through alien cities brighter than you’ve ever seen.
CAPTION : But really–

Page Two
1/ Duke comes face to face with Attala.
CAPTION : --I’d trade it all in just to see you again.
CAPTION : I mean here I am, on a planet named Tantalus–

2/ Duke swims down further and starts to try and untie the ropes holding Attala to the statue.
CAPTION : --rescuing Princess Attala in the Charybdis infested Sea of Karkinos–
CAPTION : --all masterminded by an intergalactic tyrant named Typhon.

3/ Charybdis hand grabs Duke’s ankle.
CAPTION : Playing out like every daydream I had as a child.

4/ Duke’s eyes go wide.
CAPTION : But in the midst of this mind-blowing adventure, this amazing fantasy world, all I can think about is you.

Page Three
1/ Duke turns to face the three Charybdis, as they lunge toward him.
CAPTION : The look in your eyes when you told me you were having my child.

2/ Attala’s mouth is open and the last of her air bubbles out.
CAPTION : Equal parts excitement and concern.

3/ Duke, sword drawn, is in the midst of mortal combat with the Charybdis. One already floats dead in the water. Another is missing a leg, blood leaking into the water.
CAPTION : Having no idea how I would take the news.

4/ Attala’s lifeless form has gone limp.
CAPTION : I remember the warm sun on my face as I kneeled on the beach and asked you to marry me.

5/ Duke has dispatched the Charybdis. All three float dead in the water behind him. Looking away from the carnage, Duke’s face shows concern (as he sees the lifeless Attala off panel).
CAPTION : But the sun wasn’t as bright as your smile that day.

Page Four
1/ Duke swims toward the unconscious Attala again.
CAPTION : Have I told you about the first time I ever saw your face?

2/ Face to face, Duke takes Attala’s face in his hands.
CAPTION : Sitting in church, not listening to the fat preacher, when you walked in.

3/ Duke presses his mouth against Attala’s. In a kissing embrace, he breathes the last of his air into her lungs. Small bubbles of air sneak out of the side of their mouths.
CAPTION : That was the first time I ever laid eyes on you.
CAPTION : And no. It wasn’t love at first sight.
CAPTION : I just remember thinking “I really want to be her friend.”
CAPTION : “Anything else would be a bonus.”

Page Five
1/ Attala’s eyes are open again.
CAPTION : I’ve battled tyrants and monsters, to set captives free.

2/ Bubbles of air escape from Duke’s mouth as he swipes with his sword and the ropes holding Attala, releasing her.
CAPTION : I’ve been worshiped by the royalty of ancient civilizations.

3/ Duke’s eyes roll back into his skull as Attala grabs hold of his shirt.
CAPTION : I’ve done literally every single fantastical thing I ever dreamed I could.

4/ Duke’s P.O.V. We can see Attala swimming towards the surface holding on to Duke. This panel is shaded darker than the rest of the story so far.
CAPTION : But all I want right now is to see you smile, touch your skin, hear you laugh.

5/ Duke’s P.O.V. Similar to panel 4, Attala is still holding on to Duke and swimming towards the surface. The panel is getting very dark.
CAPTION : I miss you, Joanne.
CAPTION : But I’ll be home real soon.

6/ The entire panel is black.
CAPTION : I promise.
CAPTION : NOT THE END


#19

Like I said elsewhere, I could be a “sore loser” and trash Mark Millar and such. I won’t do that. Thank you for the opportunity. I’ll try to post here,…after I pick my script out of the “circular file”. : )


#20

At least you’re not feeling regret at having not even tried.


#21

I was brave enough to submit a script I wrote over the Thanksgiving holiday, having only just learned of the competition that week. So I guess I can be brave enough to throw it out there and see what people think.