210 replies to this topic

[garjones]

But then once you cop off, you don't just move in together. Presumably you go on dates.

Sure which is why I said 'formal first date'. The 'will we hit it off?' element is far reduced if you are asking a girl to the cinema who you've already played tonsil hockey with 3 days earlier (or on a couple of occassions even slept with).

What I haven't done is gone up to a girl I have found attractive and just asked them out for dinner or a film. It could just be misinformation from watching TV shows but I believe that happens a lot more in the US.

[craggy]

continued from the "What Happened To You Today At Work" thread...

I'm moving department at work, for better hours and what should be a less stressful position. But it means I'm leaving the team I'm currently on, which includes the girl I'm currently, and have been almost continuously crushing on for 2 and a bit years now. Maybe more. Fuck. I doesn't seem like that long. Anyway, we get on really well. But not REALLY well, if ya dig? She went part-time last year to go to college, and it has really difficult for me to not see her as much during the week, but now I've the prospect of not seeing her at all. As it is now we usually get one or two mornings a week where we're both in early and can sit together and have a bit of a chat and a bit of a laugh throughout the day. It might be a sign of me maturing a little, teensy, tiny bit that I even put in for this change of job, as I knew it'd mean this, but it hit me on the way home that there'll be no more of those fun times. Not shitting you guys, it's usually the best few hours of my week. Yesterday we were laughing and joking about things and talking about art and music as the sun came up. Perfect start to the day for me.

[Patrick A]

What I haven't done is gone up to a girl I have found attractive and just asked them out for dinner or a film. It could just be misinformation from watching TV shows but I believe that happens a lot more in the US.

That is interesting. I think it must be cultural. I ask women out to dinner/drinks all the time.

[garjones]

That is interesting. I think it must be cultural. I ask women out to dinner/drinks all the time.

Okay so it wasn't misinformation, good.

Yes it probably is cultural. I can't say it never happens but I don't know of many cases in my peers where someone has asked a girl out on a date in that definition of the term. I remember with my last proper girlfriend before I met my wife we'd had a long chat at a friend's wedding, she emailed me a few times and I could sense an interest. Then I targetted the Christmas party to make my move. It worked but I didn't actually ask her out.

[Christian U]

Interesting tidbit from a schoolbook, no idea if it's actually true: Apparently, there's different cultural hurdles in the US and in the UK where hurdles in dating are concerned. In the US, you get to the kissing part pretty quickly, but it's quite a jump from there to the sex. In the UK, it's more difficult to get to the kissing part, but easier to get to the sex from there. Which is why English women seemed quite slutty to US soldiers during WWII, apparently, because the soldiers came on very heavy (without knowing that's what they were doing) and once they'd been successful with that, the women went all the way pretty quickly, which in turn surprised the US soldiers.

[craggy]

I'll bare that in mind if I'm ever American in WWII. Which, if I become famous one day, someone playing me in a film might be.

[garjones]

Interesting tidbit from a schoolbook, no idea if it's actually true: Apparently, there's different cultural hurdles in the US and in the UK where hurdles in dating are concerned. In the US, you get to the kissing part pretty quickly, but it's quite a jump from there to the sex. In the UK, it's more difficult to get to the kissing part, but easier to get to the sex from there. Which is why English women seemed quite slutty to US soldiers during WWII, apparently, because the soldiers came on very heavy (without knowing that's what they were doing) and once they'd been successful with that, the women went all the way pretty quickly, which in turn surprised the US soldiers.

It's hard to say without experience of both but what I've seen from reading and the like of the US dating thing it does seem more speculative. "I'll give him a go to wine and dine me and see how I like it" and then take it slowly. I think there needs to be quite a level of attraction in the UK before you get to asking someone out. If you did it in the way Patrick says I think you'd be turned down a lot.

I have to say from experience I have only one circumstance where getting from a kiss to sex took any work. She had some 10 week rule, I managed to break it down somewhat but not 100%.

[Steve Sensible]

Remember what President Clinton said, Gar... blowjobs aren't sex.

[garjones]

Remember what President Clinton said, Gar... blowjobs aren't sex.

Hence 'somewhat'.

[Tonycal]

Remember what President Clinton said, Gar... blowjobs aren't sex.

'She was just kissing me on my trousers.'

[stephanie familiar]

I don't think it is. If I'd been dating someone for a few weeks, I'd hopefully be having sex with them by then (and if I wasn't then I would have pretty much given up on them), so if that person went on a date with someone else they certainly wouldn't hear from me again.

is that what it has come to these days? a girl has less than three weeks to sleep with someone before she gets kicked to the curb? maybe i'm old fashioned, but i'd like to know someone for more than a few dates before engaging in something so intimate.

[craggy]

I reckon I could wait more than 3 weeks. If I'd asked her out in the first place though, chances are I'd be ok with us knockin boots pretty much any time from me askin her til...whenever. As Steve says though, if we're dating, haven't slept together yet and she goes out with someone else, I'd probably give up.

Unless she was really hot, or really rich.

I might be kidding there, or I might not. I've not decided yet.

[stephanie familiar]

As Steve says though, if we're dating, haven't slept together yet and she goes out with someone else, I'd probably give up.

isn't that what dating is? i don't know about overseas, but here it is entirely common to see various people in the dating phase. hence why it is called dating, not 'serious monogamous relationship in which seeing others is out of the question.'

[craggy]

heh, I mostly just figure, if she's weighing up her options that much, she's not that into me. I've been attracted to more than one girl at once. Hell, it's 83% of my waking thoughts, but even when I've been somewhat actively pursuing relations with more than one lady at a time, I've never gone on a date with one girl one day, then arranged to date someone else. I tend to wait til things fall apart in their natural course with one girl before asking another out.

edit: besides, if she has options, she's probably not gonna choose me. Historical evidence proves it true.

[stephanie familiar]

heh, I mostly just figure, if she's weighing up her options that much, she's not that into me. I've been attracted to more than one girl at once. Hell, it's 83% of my waking thoughts, but even when I've been somewhat actively pursuing relations with more than one lady at a time, I've never gone on a date with one girl one day, then arranged to date someone else. I tend to wait til things fall apart in their natural course with one girl before asking another out.

it is exactly about weighing options. that is dating. doesn't mean she's not into you, just that she wants to keep her options open. as i'm getting a bit older, i can see the appeal in that. why waste weeks being exclusive with some schmohawk that's never gonna talk to me again the second he finds out i'm not gonna fuck him as soon as he'd like?

edit: besides, if she has options, she's probably not gonna choose me.

so you're saying you'd rather she had no options besides you?

quit being so disparaging about yourself. i don't really know you, but i'm sure you have just as good a shot as anyone when it comes to relationships.

[Youri Zoutman]

I've had one relationship in my almost 27 years, so whatever, I'm between kind of cool with being single and sort of very much not.

[craggy]

so you're saying you'd rather she had no options besides you?

well of course. It'd make it easier for her to see how awesome I am.

[Mike]

I think there needs to be quite a level of attraction in the UK before you get to asking someone out. If you did it in the way Patrick says I think you'd be turned down a lot.

I dunno, my money'd be on it still working for Patrick in the UK.

Now, THERE'S a reality TV series ... we could call it Getting Ayers Rocks Off.

[Robert B]

Interesting tidbit from a schoolbook, no idea if it's actually true: Apparently, there's different cultural hurdles in the US and in the UK where hurdles in dating are concerned. In the US, you get to the kissing part pretty quickly, but it's quite a jump from there to the sex. In the UK, it's more difficult to get to the kissing part, but easier to get to the sex from there. Which is why English women seemed quite slutty to US soldiers during WWII, apparently, because the soldiers came on very heavy (without knowing that's what they were doing) and once they'd been successful with that, the women went all the way pretty quickly, which in turn surprised the US soldiers.

Weird, wonder where that came from. I'm 99% sure that since the age of 17 I haven't kissed a single woman that I haven't slept with also. Getting to first base isn't always easy but I've never encounted any problems with getting from first base to home plate very quickly.

[craggy]

yeah, in my experience, if she'll kiss you, she'll sleep with you. heck, sometimes she won't really kiss you, but she'll still do plenty of other cool stuff with her mouth.