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THE HAPPIEST DAN ALIVE
PAGE 1
Page 1, panel 1:
A suburban kitchen. Dan (thirtysomething, smart casual, dark hair styled not sculpted) is spooning takeaway curry from a tray onto a plate. He is shouting to someone in another room.
DAN (THINKS)
Emily! Damn it!
DAN
Anna! Just dishing up now!
Page 1, panel 2:
The living room of the same house. A different night. Dan is dressed more casually. He’s holding a landline phone.
DAN (THINKS)
Emily! Damn it!
DAN
Anna! Phone!
Page 1, panel 3:
Dan (similar outfit to panel 1) and his mate Phil (younger, shorter and not as well groomed) stand outside a bar, smoking.
DAN
I don’t get it. I broke up with Emily about, what, fifteen years ago now?
PHIL
Pretty much. You’ve been married to Anna for nine years.
Page 1, panel 4:
Continued from previous. There is a flash from off-panel.
DAN
So why do I keep wanting to call her Emily?
PHIL
Dunno. Another...
Page 1, panel 5:
Phil is frozen. Dan has turned his head toward the off-panel flash.
DANIEL (OFF-PANEL)
I believe I can answer that!
DAN
Huh?
Page 1, panel 6:
Dan shaking hands with Daniel. Daniel is a sci-fi version of Dan – interpret that however you want. Cyberpunk, retro-thirties Flash Gordon, whatever works for you.
DANIEL
Dan, I’m Daniel. I’m you from another universe.
DANIEL (CONTINUED)
I’m also Emily’s husband.
PAGE 2
Page 2, panel 1:
Full-width panel. Daniel is now standing with various other Dans. There’s a seventies smart casual Danny, robot DAN-10, Dan-the-Dog (a dog in clothes), a girly Danielle, a lesbian stereotype Danni, cool black dude black D-Man and ludicrous hipster The Dan-Meister. Assemble them wisely, for they will move around as we go. Put the odd stray Dan in the back of panels to show that they don’t just vanish when they have no dialogue.
DAN-10
Me too!
DANNI
She was my girlfriend!
DANNY
She left me for another woman!
DANIEL
It’s a multiversal echo, you see? You’re getting our stray thoughts.
Page 2, panel 2:
On Dan and Daniel.
DAN
So, you’re all me from other worlds? What are you doing here?
DANIEL
We’re here to find out a universal secret.
Page 2, panel 3:
Daniel has grabbed Dan by his shirt front, and is yelling at him.
DANIEL
HOW DID YOU GET OVER EMILY?
Page 2, panel 4:
Daniel has now let go of Dan, who is straightening out his shirt front. Dan-The-Dog is nearby.
DAN
I dunno. I mean, I guess it helped that she dumped me.
DAN-THE-DOG
Yeah, me too.
Page 2, panel 5:
Continued from previous.
DAN
And she was cheating on me.
DANIEL
So is mine.
PAGE 3
Page 3, panel 1:
Full width panel. The assembled Dans again. Shuffled around a bit, but still all there.
DANIELLE
Emil-Lee made me watch him with other women!
D-MAN
Mine meets guys online for sex.
THE DAN-MEISTER
Mine has been sniffing around other guys, I just know it!
DANIEL
In every universe, she’s broken our hearts. You’re the only Dan who ever got over her.
Page 3, panel 2:
On our Dan.
DAN
Wait. In other universes, I’m a robot? Was Emily a robot too?
Page 3, panel 3:
DAN-10, D-Man, The Dan-Meister and Dan-The-Dog.
DAN-10
Yup. The M-L-E-5000
D-MAN
Mine too.
DAN-THE-DOG
Mine was a bitch. An actual canine, I mean...
THE DAN-MEISTER
Mine too!
Page 3, panel 4:
DAN-10, D- Man and Dan-The Dog all glare at The Dan-Meister. No dialogue.
Page 3, panel 5:
On our Dan. Arms open, heartfelt.
DAN
The thing is... I can’t really help you.
DAN (CONTINUED)
I don’t know how I got over her. Eventually, I just did. Give it time...
PAGE 4
Page 4, panel 1:
Full width panel. The Dans assembled one final time. Everyone is standing slightly apart from The Dan-Meister. They are starting to fade out.
DANNI
Give it time? What?
DANNY
Is that it? I travelled to a parallel universe for THAT?
DANIELLE
That’s rubbish!
D-MAN
Worth a try, I s’pose...
Page 4, panel 2:
Dan and Daniel, the last one to fade.
DAN
Plus, meeting Anna really helped...
DANIEL
Wait! Who’s Anna?
Page 4, panel 3:
Dan and Phil again. Phil is now unfrozen.
PHIL
...pint?
DAN
No, I think I’ll call it a night. Seeya!
Page 4, panel 4:
Back at home. Dan striding purposefully through an open door, holding a big bag of Chinese food. You can tell it’s Chinese food because the artist has drawn something on the bag to make that obvious, like a pagoda or something.
DAN (THINKS)
In a thousand worlds, I’m the only one who found happiness! I’m the only one who got over Emily!
DAN (THINKS-CONTINUED)
Right, let’s see if this had any effect.
Page 4, panel 5:
Continued from previous. Dan is calling to someone off-panel.
DAN (THINKS)
Hannah! Ann! Annie! A/N! Andy!
DAN
DAMN IT!
TITLE BOX
The Happiest Dan Alive
Written by Russell Hillman
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