8 replies to this topic

[Russell H]

THE THINKING DEAD

PAGE 1:

Page 1, panel 1:
Full width panel. We’re in a deserted city during a zombie apocalypse. It’s early evening; the sun is starting to go down. We see five zombies – zombie 1-4 and Bob. Zombie 1 is eating a woman, zombie 2is lurching, crouched forward, zombie 3 is lurching, leant back, Bob is eating the innards of a screaming, not-yet-dead man, zombie 4 is lurching. Indulge your inner Charlie Adlard/George Romero and go crazy – as much gore as you like, a decent mixture of old/young, black/white, male/female among the zombies/food. Bob was a thirty-something dark-haired guy in a plain t-shirt, loose jeans and Adidas trainers.

Letterer’s note: All zombie dialogue is thought bubbles. Punctuated only as stated. Only humans get to speak.

ZOMBIE 1

Flesh

ZOMBIE 2

Meat

ZOMBIE 3

Hunger

BOB

Eat

BOB’S LUNCH

Aaarrrggghhhh!

ZOMBIE 4

Blood

Page 1, panel 2:
Pull in on 3, Bob and 4. Continued from previous panel.

ZOMBIE 3

Meat

BOB

Flesh

ZOMBIE 4

Hunger

Page 1, panel 3:
Close up on Bob, still eating.

BOB

Eat

Page 1, panel 4:
Bob looks up. A strange look on his face. Consciousness?

BOB

Flesh

Page 1, panel 5:
Bob, eating an arm. His lunch is either dead or passed out.

BOB

Eat... flesh...

PAGE 2

Page 2, panel 1:
Bob has taken a break from eating, and is... thinking?

BOB

Eat... flesh...

BOB (CONTINUED)

Hunger... gone...

Page 2, panel 2:
Bob, now standing up.

BOB

Not...eat... flesh...

BOB (CONTINUED)

Hunger... come... back...

Page 2, panel 3:
Bob lurching. He’s moved on a bit from the previous panel.

BOB

Find new flesh eat

BOB (CONTINUED)

Hunger go away then

Page 2, panel 4:
We’ve moved on a while. It’s getting darker, and we’ve left the city behind. Not quite open countryside, but heading that way. Bob is feeding on a screaming man.

CAPTION:

Soon...

BOB

Meat scream when bite flesh

SCREAMING MAN

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

BOB (CONTINUED)

Does eat flesh hurt meat?

Page 2, panel 5:
Bob, pulling away. A look of revelation on his face. Well, sort of.

BOB

Meat feel pain when eat meat!

Page 2, panel 6:
Night time. Bob approaching another zombie – zombie 5.

CAPTION

Later...

BOB

Like-self! Does like-self feel pain?

ZOMBIE 5

Hunger

PAGE 3

Page 3, panel 1:
Bob biting zombie 5. Zombie 5 doesn’t seem to care.

BOB

Like-self cold! Not hot like scream-meat!

ZOMBIE 5

Blood

Page 3, panel 2:
Bob stumbling on. A rat runs in front of him. Zombie 5 is in the far background, oblivious.

BOB

Need eat hot. Not like-self. Not scream-meat.

Page 3, panel 3:
Bob has now crouched down, and is reaching for the rat.

BOB

Hot meat! Not like-self, not scream! Hunger go now?

Page 3, panel 4:
Bob holding a rat with a big chunk bitten out of it. He’s almost smiling. Well, not really.

BOB

Hunger gone! Like-self can all eat not scream-meat now!

Page 3, panel 5:
Bob approaching another group of zombies. There are 5 of them – zombies 6-10 – but we only see two of them in this panel. Put one in a hospital gown.

BOB

Need tell like-self! Can eat small meat now, not scream-meat!

ZOMBIE 6

Hunger

ZOMBIE 7

Flesh

Page 3, panel 6:
Bob and three other zombies lurching along together.

ZOMBIE 7

Meat

ZOMBIE 8

Feed

BOB

Scream-meat not scream if not eat! Like-self find small meat together!

ZOMBIE 9

Feed

PAGE 4

Page 4, panel 1:
Double wide panel. We see Bob and all five zombies from behind, approaching a farmhouse. The farmhouse has boarded-up windows, but there is some light within. Make zombie number 10 naked.

ZOMBIE 6

Feed

ZOMBIE 7

Blood

ZOMBIE 8

Hunger

BOB

Big place fill scream-meat. Tell scream-meat like-self not eat them now!

ZOMBIE 9

Flesh

ZOMBIE 10

Eat

Page 4, panel 2:
We’re inside the farmhouse, by a boarded up window. One man is aiming a rifle through the window boards. He has a dark crew cut hairstyle and wears a white short-sleeved shirt with a black tie and a “Hi, My Name Is” sticker on his breast pocket with FRANK in big letters. He wears rectangular wire-rimmed glasses. Next to him is a large shaven-headed black man in a check shirt and jeans, loading shells into a shotgun. He is Dale.

FRANK

Here they come!

DALE

Dumb sons of bitches!

Page 4, panel 3:
We’re looking at Bob in a rifle sight, so it’s a round panel (in a black rectangle) with crosshairs drawn on it.

BOB

Need scream head words. Scream-meat need know. Like-self can stop making scream-meat scream!

BOB (SPOKEN)

Unnnnnhhhhh!

Page 4, panel 4:
In silhouette and side on, Bob is falling backwards. The contents of his head are exiting messily from a hole at the rear.

BOB

No! Head words... go...

SFX

BLAM!

Page 4, panel 5:
Dead bob lies dead on the ground. He’s dead, he’s all messed up.

BOB

...

TITLE BOX

The Thinking Dead

Written by Russell Hillman

Art by...

Letters by...

[mattgarvey1981]

sounds cool Russell

[Russell H]

Thanks.

I think it needs a straightforward black & white art style, very much in a Walking Dead vein.

Any interested artists can take it.

[mattgarvey1981]

i dont think four pages is a lot to ask from an artist.
I'm sure you'll find one.

It better be posted on here when you're done!

[Steve Sensible]

I like this a lot. You made me sympathise with Bob in no time and I love his dialogue. Hope you find a worthy artist, Russell.

[Christopher Brodie]

Awesome take on the Zombie genre. Was it predictable? Yes, but enjoyable.

[Shannonh]

The dialog is a little rough. This could be drawn with no dialog from the zombies. should find a way to pull it off by using expressive art.

[Russell H]

The (literally) single-minded dialogue from the other zombies is there as a counterpoint to Bob's developing consciousness/conscience.

[Shannonh]

I get it. I also meant that Bob's dialogue is rough as well. It's a little hard to read.

I'm just saying with a little more facial expression and body language, the dialogue of the zombies, especially Bob, could be reduced. You could show Bob being annoyed by screams and pleased by rat meat without dialogue...although I would imagine a rat would scream to. Just not at the same decibels. And at the end, you could have Bob holding up a small animal carcass as if he were trying to tell the person on the other side of the scope that they now want to eat living people food...Or not. Just my humble opinion.

I like the idea. Just when I thought nothing else could be done with zombies, you proved me wrong.

You really got me thinking about this idea and I wonder if this could be expanded into like a graphic novel? Maybe Bob is leading a revolution to stop eating humans while his nemesis believes animal meat is beneath them. All animals have leaders and followers. You could tap into that with the zombies and have rival factions. Maybe Bob even saves a little human girl or something instead of eating her. That way, we dont have to read Bob's inner monologue. You could use the little girl as a way to discover what is going on in Bob's head. Maybe he saves her from his nemesis which results in a zombie street fight where they eat each other and pull off limbs and heads...very gory scene. Once his nemesis is dead, Bob converts the human eating zombies that are left. Maybe the people on the farm "rescue" the girl during commotion and when she tells them that Bob and his gang are good they think she has gone crazy from her experiences. Bob realizes she is gone and comes after her on the farm. Bob shows up and tries to show them that he eats animals by holding up a carcass. Someone in house is holding girl back with hand over her mouth. She is trying to warn Bob. They shoot Bob. Girl gets away and runs out to Bob. The other zombie with him realize Bob is dead and revert back to their old ways and eat the girl, then everyone in the farm house. We hear screams as we pan out to Bob's body. Zoom in to face. Single bloody tear running out of his eye.

Whether you think my ideas suck or not, I enjoyed your story. I like it when I read something that gets my creative juices flowing. This was one of those moments.